The One and Only
by bexaday
Summary: Miranda always loved Shepard even when she was meat and tubes, but Miranda thinks she knows Shepard and has got her all figured out, but when she awakens she isn't what she seems and all that research is a waste of time, setting Miranda back to square 1. May change to M for later Chapters.
1. The beginning signs of love

**My One and Only**

**A/N: This is my Interruption of what Miranda would have been feeling if she had romanced with a FemShep and Miranda, like they say if you don't like don't read maybe will be rated M for later chapters and the POV will range from Miranda's to Shepard's and 3****rd**** Person I also thought to start it from the awakening of Shepard in Mass Effect 2, I also used my own ideas on what I think Shepard should look like.**

**Disclaimers: Sadly I don't own Mass Effect but I do own some of the scenes and dialog **

Miranda's POV

She's beautiful.

Shepard was beautiful, the Sole Survivor of Akuze and Mindoir, Saviour of the Citadel and the first Human Spectre was… beautiful I thought as my hands travelled over the comatose form of Shepard, such a fine, smooth skin, it was the colour of strong tea, my hands moved of the scars which coated her well-muscled body, feeling the power behind them sent shivers down my back, professional or not she was powerful, a bloody icon, _the perfect human, _I thought _Just what my father wanted _but Shepard form and stature was tiny and delicate, she could think of no other way to say it, her body was lithe and deadly but standing just under 5 ft 3 she was tiny, but the scars and reputation made her seem taller, she was also younger than me, I thought as the Commander's face carried a youthful appearance that wasn't older than 22. Wilson insisted we left the scars since she was supposed to be restored to her last known state. I had defiantly made sure to grumble and complain before leaving them but now I am glad I left them.

A scar from her deltoid to the bottom of her pectoral caught my attention and entranced by it my fingers brushed over her skin, it intrigued me as I wished. No. I wanted to know the story behind it, hell, I wanted to know about all of them, suddenly all the monitors started beeping, my eyes gazed down on Shepard's body trying to find the reason for the alarming sound, as panic began to rise within me, leaving my hand resting on her arm as I looked round for a suitable answer

"Oh god Miranda, I think she is waking up" I removed my hand as I pulled the blanket up higher around her as to cover her modesty, as possessiveness ran through me, Wilson would not see her naked form, he was bad enough when her watched me, but to watch her was disgusting.

_once a pervert, always a pervert_

Shepard face crunched up in an adorable way- _No Miranda that isn't the time for that right now. _Shepard prepared to open her eyes for the first time in 2 years, she squinted at the harshness of the lights and looked around, I couldn't move, I just stood there rooted to the spot, it wasn't like this was the first time she had woken up but, this time it showed her current state was improving, it made my gut clench knowing that at this rate she would be up and running and I would never be able to see her again, _Lawson get a grip! She will be working with Cerberus and when did you get so selfish? _That's easy, when Shepard got brought in. My mind snapped back to the current situation as Wilson said

"She is responding to outward stimuli" My eyes went wide and I felt my fingertips tingle on where they had touched her skin, my hand awoke Shepard, panic flooded my body, but with a well practise state of mind, my professional side kicked in swallowing up the panic, Shepard eyes must have adjusted to the lighting as they fully opened, the sliver orbs darted round as the struggled to get focused, by God, the sliver orbs glowed and they were pure, I could feel myself drowning in them she wasn't ready to wake up yet, if the monitors where anything to go by

"Quick with the sedative!" I said taking a side glance at Wilson he fumbled with the machine as the pressure got too much, _Damn it! What is taking him so long?! _ Shepard tried to move as her hand went up beside my face , her fingers brushing the side of my face, over my cheek, I want so much to relax into that touch I close my eyes and it took all of my resistance to not lean into that touch, instead I brought the arm down and tried to calm her as Wilson stated in awe

"Stats pushing into the Red zone , brain activity is off the charts" Annoyence swept through me but ignored it as I saw confusion is Shepard's eyes as they began to focus,

"Shepard you need to calm down, everything is fine" I held onto her hand to keep it there

_Oh Miranda you know that's just a lame excuse for wanting to hold her hand _Damn it! Do my thoughts have any restraints?! I look up at Wilson only, to receive a strange look as his eyes flicker from Shepard's form to mine, he squints hard,

"Damn it Wilson hit her with another sedative!" Wilson just stands there barely holding onto the datapad which controls Shepard's medication, and with his mouth slightly agape with glassy eyes, staring off into the distance, My eyebrow twitches as more frantic beeping from monitors blares out alerting another issues,

_Damn it! Does I have to do all the bloody work? Why oh why does the Illusive Man make me work with these Plebeians?! _ I swiftly move towards Wilson pushing him out of the way and use my Omni Tool to administer the sedative again, it seems Shepard's reputation of resisting drugs and medication was not overestimated, I sigh as the beeping begins to slow down, I walk back over to Shepard as her eyes slowly begin to close again as they grow unfocused, I begin to relax again as

"Stats returning to normal, that was close we almost lost her" I don't say anything for a second as as a wave of anger washes over me, I watch the last glimmer of sliver disappear under the Spectre's lids in an attempt to calm myself before putting my cold exterior back on and I rattle out a reply as I look back up at Wilson's shaky form

"I told you the numbers were off, run them again" I turn back to Shepard's form to see the remains of what use to be a smirk,

_Is that even possible that she could have heard that? _ I frown as I try work out the percentage of her actually being able to have heard that I shrug

_No chance, she was already pretty out of it_ I feel Wilson leave as my anger returns as I hovered protectively around Shepard, I can't bear the thought of him examing her, anything that involved even looking at her

_What has gotten into me? _I listen and watch Sheoard a little while longer as her breathing grows deeper and peaceful. I let out a breath I hadn't realised I had been holding in as I pulled up a chair as I was, no. I furious with Wilson as I recalled that he had spaced on me when I needed him most, I will have to alert the Illusive Man of this _error_ he had made. I relaxed into the chair as Shepard's steady breathing soothed my anger, I brushed my hand over my face, I have never felt so stretched and frazzled in a long time, I guess that is because of the demand to get Shepard ready and alive in a short amount of time, my eyes glance over Shepard's almost fully completed form as the only thing that was left was for the scars to heal and the voice box to be repaired

_Then she won't need your help anymore_ my mind whispered, shut up, I don't need this right now. I close my eyes as I remember this isn't the first time Shepard has woken up, I yawn and I feel my mind drift away as I succumb to sleep.


	2. Holding Onto Hope

**Chapter 2: Holding onto Hope**

**A/N: Okay so here is my second chapter, this one will be another Miranda POV and about her discovering her fascination with Shepard that exists through the media. I literally have no idea where I am going with this and only my twin brother is the only one who doesn't think I am crazy so please guys stick with me and thank you for the reviews, since this is my first fanfic of my favourite Mass Effect characters.**

**Oh and before I forget: I don't own Mass Effect but I just have fun messing around with their characters and I want to thank all of you who reviewed my story Micheal 13 , blood colored ink and 17986 also to all those who made it a favourite! Much love for you guys!**

Miranda's POV

_Jeesh, that chair wasn't designed to be slept in_

_But it isn't the first time you've done that is it? _

"Shut up" I murmur to myself as I stand up and stretch out letting all my aching muscles and bones click as the chair somehow made it impossible to find a good way to sleep in it. But I guess this isn't the last time I sleep in that chair, I sleep there because I am over protective…. Yeah that's it

_Now you are just lying to yourself, we all know the real reason is- _No! No, stop right there thoughts! You are going completely off track now, I find her intriguing nothing else, as I get no response, my eyes focus on Shepard, her breathing is soothing to my ears as I feel guilt streak over my conscience, Cerberus rebuilt her, I rebuilt her, what is she going to say? Will she hate me? I hope not. As it is a known fact that Shepard and Cerberus's history is bloody, but right now, I couldn't care less, I just want her to get better, so then I can talk to this symbol of humanity, hell, I want to know her opinion on anything and everything from the Earth to the Reapers, I paused

_You really to stay on track today and not go off into your little fantasy world, remember the faster you do this, the quicker you get to talk to Shepard, _for once we are agreeing on something! Well it was true, today I am repairing Shepard's voice box and recreating her vocal patterns. My feet on the own accord took me through the door heels clicking all the way, which drew the attention of Wilson, I felt distain build up in me, I mean, how could he have just stood there? He did nothing he almost let Shepard die for God's sake! Easy Miranda, just calm down, put on your game face. Wilson turned to face me as I entered the office; I could see the lust in his eyes, he wanted me, but then again who doesn't want me? It isn't like I am not used to the lusty glares from men and the jealous looks from women, but to be honest, I don't give a damn, since this was a man's idea of praising her body with their eyes. Just like father intended me to be his precious little dynasty, my insides twist with rage but I still manage to hold up this façade as I begin to talk to Wilson

"So, did you re-run the figures" I ask him with my hands on my hips as I stare at Wilson, he begins to squirm under my gaze

"Indeed the figures were off Miranda, I can only apologise for this-"Oh no, he did not just try and justify his incompetence! He almost killed Shepard!

"Apologise?! Apologise, you almost caused this whole project to be shut down and all you can do is apologise, Shepard almost lost her life, again because of somebody incompetence!," I say before taking a deep breath so I can continue to rant, I mean I have the right to be angry right? This is my project! And Shepard almost died again! The Illusive Man will be hearing from me about Wilson's _slip up_ "Shepard's life is not expendable, yours is so do not think for a moment I won't hesitate to end it" I walk off to my desk and sit down I take a breath and look back up to Wilson to see he has ashen in colour

_Too damn right he should be scared, next time he will be the one lying dead on a table _

"Just make sure it doesn't happen again" I say as I walk over to my desk and sit down, I don't care about Wilson's response his opinion doesn't matter, my word is final. I look up at Wilson to see him tense, most likely angry

_Good, maybe he will learn his lesson_ and Wilson utters

"At least I don't sleep next to an unconscious being every night" I bristle as he says this, I mean what right does he think he has to talk to me like that? I am only making sure there are no complications or issues within the night

_Yeah, yeah Lawson, you keep telling yourself that and maybe krogans will fly _God damn it! Shut up annoying inner voice! I answer with my best iciest voice

"My interest in Shepard is merely scientific also, where and what I do during the night hours are none of your business, are we clear?" Wilson shakes his head and for once I can't tell if it at me or something on his screen of his computer

"Sure, clear as crystal" You know what I am just going to ignore him now, for my sanity and to make sure I don't throttle him and kill him, a sigh escapes my lips and I rub my forehead with my fingertips as I dive into the archives to dig up some old interviews of Shepard so that the computer can help me to replicate the voice patterns, as I click the first interview it is obviously just after Saren and the Geth as Commander looks calm, controlled, and focused. Oh and by god, when Shepard begins to speak, I find myself enraptured by her voice, it was low, not so low it would be considered manly, but enough to be considered soulful or deep, it also carries a sort of huskiness that could easy identified as sultry but somehow it was commanding and carried authority. Somehow I find myself…aroused at it, the way her words formed and sounded made me feel… I don't know how to describe it… warm, very warm all over I guess was the only way to describe it, I watched more intently on Shepard herself, the way she moved agile and graceful, her sliver eyes glowing in the strange lighting in Zakera Ward, inky black wringlets tied up to one side loosely allowing some to escape,

_Hmmm unusual for a Military protocol, then again Shepard isn't exactly normal, would even be surprised if she somehow charmed her way around that piece of red tape _I smiled I could just picture Shepard doing that, and other things which weren't exactly allowed like- What the hell?! What is wrong with me?! Ugh I seriously need to stop thinking about her like that, I feel heat flood to my cheeks and I duck down to allow my black hair to cover my face, well, my blush to be exact, I listened more carefully and then I realised Shepard was British! Huh, I would have never thought that, I guess I expected her to be American due to the fact they are powerful

_Just like Shepard in all meanings of the word_

_Just stop with all the suggestive comments please? I don't know how much more I can take of this_

_I am just telling you what you are thinking sub-concisely_

"Please be quiet I murmur out loud as if it would quell my inner struggle as I tried to tune back in, I don't know how Shepard does it, every question is answered smoothly and very professionally,

_A quick thinker eh? I wonder what else she is quick with_

_Okay now this is just getting embarrassing so shut up and leave me alone, please just this once _I beg and it quietens even though I know that will not be the last I hear from it, I tune back in at the moment in which Shepard is asked about Akuze and I feel my heart stop as dread begins to form in my stomach, will she hate us for what has happened? Will she hate me for not letting her stay dead? She will defiantly hate me when she finds out about the control chip I tried to plant in her, I was, no I am petrified if she tries to kill us all because of Ceberus, and my body grows tense as the question I feared so much is asked

"Do you hate Cerberus for what they have done to you and to the rest of humanity?" Shepard eyes grow distant and then angry, but as quickly as that anger appeared it disappears and is replaced by clarity, Shepard's delay is driving me crazy! I feel a sweat begin to for in my brow as I wait in suspense as I scan the Spectre's face for any clue, any hint into what she was thinking

"No I do not hate them," She begins slowly before carrying on "It is purely a select few who wish to tarnish humanity by doing wrongdoing" I breathe out the breath I hadn't realised I had been holding, as I pause the video and lean back, wait, when had I been leaning forward? I guess I was listening hard, a feeling of hope ran through me, hope for maybe Shepard will not be judgemental towards us… towards me, with that last thought the computer notifies me of the completion of the scanner, maybe there is still hope for Shepard

_More like for the two of you eh?_

I groan, at that knowing deep down, that it speaks the truth


	3. For the First Time

**Chapter 3: For the First Time**

**A/N: Thank you guys so much! Shout out to Blood colored ink and Miracles79 this chapter is dedicated to you as to is for guys like you who I keep writing for! I still have no idea where I am going with this. I apologise for the grammar and whatnot, it isn't my strong point. To you guys who reviewed this story this morning and afternoon, you guys literally made my day, so this one is for you, much love, bexaday**

Miranda's POV

Shepard is finally complete, and now this is nothing holding her here anymore, well that and what the Illusive Man has planned for her.

_And that means her spending time with you, _my gut clenches in realisation as I begin to take off the operation gown, thanks, petty annoying inner voice

_You know I only tell you the truth _

Yeah, now you can shut up. Well the operation went off without a hitch, and Shepard didn't wake up, which is a bonus since it seems she just doesn't want to stay asleep

_Well she has been asleep for Two years, I think I would want to be awake too _Why won't you stay quiet?! Jeesh leave me alone!

_It is okay to admit that your disappointed she didn't wake up_

_That's not true!_

_Oh don't lie to yourself Miranda, you just wanted to hold her hand again, maybe more…_

_Please be quiet, you are killing me_

_Well it isn't my fault you don't want to see sense_

_You should be quiet now, or I will silence you. PERMINATLY_

_You can't I am you_

_I hate you so much; _I shook my head as I know my interest in Shepard is purely medical

_You can keep telling yourself that, _just stop talking to me, God sake! I need a shower and to sleep in a proper bed, I walk to my room as I feel exhaustion, with that I shed my suit and enter the shower as I can't bear to think of Shepard now, I can't stop thinking about her! It's driving me mad!  
_Mad with love more like _I groan into the shower,

"Shut up already" with that I exit the shower and go to get dressed when I see Jacob just sat on my bed, I feel my chest tighten, I shouldn't have just left like I did after, well… relieving some stress,

_Which Shepard caused you know, and I know you didn't think stop thinking about her all the way through it_,

_I… I _

_Yeah I thought so _

I can't deal with him right now, everything was just so over whelming and stressful and he is just going to add to that, I could just tell by the way his eyes were angry and confused and to be honest, I can't deal with getting a Jacob- related headache right now

"Miranda I-"I better cut him off before he goes into a monologue

"Save it Jacob, I can't really deal with you right now" my heart gave a twinge as Jacob flinched away from me, his eyes focusing on mine as if he was trying to convey his hurt, I can never undo what I did so I might as well hurt him enough so he will leave me alone, I try and gather an icy expression even though I am in my towel and get ready for what Jacob has to say

"Fine, just listen then" Oh boy, here we go, I don't want to hear his emotional crap, I get it enough from random strangers who think they are in love with me. Yeah, Jacob only got a chance because he was there and I needed to relieve some stress. Not because I liked him, just like every other guy who wants to sleep with me, none of them will ever stand a chance, Jacob was just there at the right place and at the right time

_Shepard does though, doesn't she? _Oh my life I thought I told you to shut up?! Damn it. I can never escape you

_Just saying, I bet you would let Shepard touch- _Whoa whoa slow down, I am not even getting into this so for now get in the backseat ad be quiet, zoning back in on Jacob I lean on the wall as I wait for this long wordy speech to happen, as if Jacob takes my stance as a sign of approval he begins to speak

"I can tell you don't care about me anymore-,"

_Not that you ever did_

"But what does Shepard have that I don't? I mean she can't even talk to you and yet everyone can see the way you look at her-" Oh God am I really that obvious?

_Yes, yes you are_

_Be quiet God damn it!_

_Okay! Okay back to being submissive, meek subconscious_

"And no matter what you say Miranda, I it goes way beyond professional interest, I never thought I would lose to women, a woman who can't even talk yet, better yet a corpse!" Jacob through his hands up and walked out, Wow. Not what I was expecting at all, I mean that was really harsh about Shepard, I mean I didn't even know I liked her then, not saying that I like her, because I don't

_You seriously need to either, get laid or face up to your feelings running away isn't going to do you any good_

_You are so blunt, you know that right?_

_Yes and proud of it, and don't deny that you had feelings for Shepard since the very beginning, otherwise you wouldn't have done all that research on her_

_I never had feelings for Shepard I never will! She was my project nothing more!_

_Okaaay but someone's in denial…_

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I mumble as I begin to dress into my night robes as I think over other things Jacob said, I don't look at her differently, do I? I don't think I do, I would look at Jacob in the same way and I only want to make sure that Project Lazarus is successful so why can't I try to help as much as possible? I may get a little… Over protective but I want to make sure she isn't uncomfortable, and that's understandable, right? An audible groan leaves my mouth. Why this be simple? A slight pain begins to form in my head; I knew talking to Jacob would give me a headache. Good thing I am going to sleep and try not to let what Jacob said hang over me, as I activate my Omni Tool to check on Shepard, the camera shows me a perfectly peaceful Shepard sleeping comfortably in the Medical wing, somehow I feel reassured, what an odd feeling, I need to not spend so much time stressing out, it is making my emotional go all haywire

_Or that's what you think_ I cannot be bothered to reply as I am not going to rise to the challenge as I feel my mind drift and sleep overtakes me

This cannot be happening, no, no NO! Not now! I rush to get changed as the alarms feel my ears gunshots and screams are audible through my door, there has been a breach, my breathing gets heavy as I rush out of my room. The emergency lighting is on, damn it! That means no electricity

_Which means no way to contact Shepard, _I hate it when you r right, I look around to see where everybody is and what they are running from just when something grabs my foot, a half of a mech grabs it and I shake it off, as it explodes, I take its fallen pistol I all I can focus on is Shepard, I have to reach her! I have to wake her up! What if she is already dead?! A sense of dread fills me and I have to grab the side as it nearly knocks me off my feet, please say Shepard isn't dead, please. I beg of you God, please don't let her be dead, I run for the nearest terminal, as I round the corner two mechs are there, I don't care I just have to reach Shepard, and they are in my way, my biotics flares and they crumble to the ground. I take their thermal clips and keep on going I try to activate my Omni Tool but it flickers as the power outage is effecting it, Why does this have to happen now?! They only time when I bloody well need the thing and it dies on me! I reach the terminal but it isn't working, there has to be another one, ah yes! There is but it is deeper into D wing and it is crawling with mechs, I bite my lip as I mule of the situation, I can't risk losing Shepard but on the other hand if I save her will she save me? Yes she will what am I on about, she always repays the favour, with that I take off deep into D wing.

So many mechs and I am starting to tire, every terminal I have reached doesn't work and desperation gnaws at me, I have to save her, even if it costs me my life, I can't lose her. I won't lose her. My ankles ache from this boots, even though I love them, probably not the best for running around in

_Defiantly a wardrobe malfunction, but you only wear them because they make your ankles look even greater than they already are_

_Not now for your stupid inputs! _

_Sorry_, Yeah you better be because I cannot afford to be distracted I near another terminal and I expect it to be broken, I am losing hope fast but this one it works, I rush to it and activate it, please be alive Shepard, don't be gone, please, still be there unharmed, tears well up in my eyes as I know I won't be able to deal with this, if she isn't there I don't know what I will do. For the first time I needed someone, for the first time I didn't know what to do without her, then I realised.

It was because I love her.

A/N: **So Guys what did you think? I know it isn't the best chapter but I thought we needed to see Jacob and Miranda's *Brief* relationship, I hope it was okay, because I know I enjoyed writing this one. **


	4. I am Going To Find You

**Chapter 4 **

**I Am Going to Find You, Even If It Kills Me**

**A/N: So Guys, this chapter is going to be much longer than the others, so that I can slightly slow down on the writing, as soon school starts again and this year is my exams so I don't know how quickly I will write or if I will get any time to write at all, but don't worry, there are at least 2 more weeks left so I plan to write as many chapters as possible! This chapter will include the meeting of Miranda and Shepard for the first time (Which I know all of you have been waiting for), so without further ado, let us begin! **

Miranda's POV

I love her? I haven't even met her probably, God, this cannot be happening! Why now? Why her?

_You know why, _But do I? Sure I know her inside out, I have read very report, every medical scan, I know every injury, every decision made on and off the battle, I have even seen every one of her god damn interviews, hell. I even know that she slept with Ashely Williams before Ilos. I still can't believe that to be true, even after her interview with that, that slutty reporter Diana Allers, ugh she makes me sick to the bottom of my stomach. Sometimes I am surprised Shepard didn't just punch her for the questions she asked her, I know I would have. But at the moment my feelings do not matter all that matters is Shepard.

I move my fingers as fast as possible across the keyboard but it still doesn't seem fast enough**, **_move faster God damn it! _Then with the final command into the cameras done it opens upon one of the other medical rooms, I switch the rooms, _come on, come on! Where the hell are you Shepard?! _A small sweat breaks out on my forehead as I keep switching rooms, but in a every room there is no Shepard. Then she is there, looking undisturbed as she was when I last left. Relief floods me and I sigh as I check the room over and over again to make sure there is no threat and thank God nothing has happened to her. With that all I have to do know is wake her up. That's going to be sooo easy, since someone who has been permanently asleep for 2 years is really going to want to wake up, and the worse thing is I can't even reach her so I am going to have to wake her up by yelling at her through the microphone, you can do this Miranda. You have had to do more difficult tasks than wake someone up and with that I activate the microphone with shaky hands and begin to speak

Shepard POV

"Shepard, you need to wake up" I groan, god it feel like I had a fight with a Krogan and he won, no I don't wanna wake up, you can't make me, even though my forehead is crunching up as it gets ready for me to open my eyes. Plus the fact who the hell is waking me up? This is my ship and I am the Commander so who the fuck is trying to wake me up?!

"Shepard please, this facility is under attack I need you to wake up so we can evacuate" wait, I remember that voice, something isn't right. Where is the Normandy- Oh no. I remember, the crash, me hurtling off into space, so why am I here? I guess I can ask the lady talking to me through the microphone when I get up, which has to be now, I groan as my face feel sore and tight and my hand goes to touch it and I find indents

_Facial scarring Shepard whatever happened it gave you facial scarring_

_Like I couldn't have guessed that myself?_

_Sorry, just trying to help you remember what happened… _

_No it is my fault sorry for snapping at you, but aren't you… me?_

_Of course I am! _I shake my head as I sit up and drape my legs over the side

"Finally Shepard, I thought you were never going to wake up" Jeesh did they have that little faith in me? The big Commander Shepard can't even get out of bed? Really? That's just patronising. I go stand up when a pain goes through my side and I wince as my hand goes to clamp down on it, as if that's going to bloody help

_It is all for the reason you are trying to clamp down on the pain mentally and physically, so then you can keep moving_

_What are you my fucking physiologist?_

_No, I am just trying to help…_

_Well don't._

_Jeesh no need to be so Renegade_

_Well I can't help it that I am cranky in the morning _

"Go away I mumble as I stumble towards the locker cabinet, I hear gunfire of the intercom link,

"Are you okay?"

"I am perfectly capable of defending myself don't you worry" fine then, now need to be so cold, I open the cabinet to find my standard N7 armour, huh? That's a bit odd ah well, I am a shoot first ask questions later kinda girl, so let's get going, even with the difficulty of being injured I manage somehow to get my armour on and find a pistol in the cabinet, but no thermal clips. How helpful.

"There are no thermal clips" I think out loud

"This is a medbay, of course there is going to be no clips" I roll my eyes as I limp through the door only to encounter half a mech I smash it over the head disabling it and I take it's thermal clips, and head through to the next room

"Careful! Mechs are closing in on your position" I crouch into cover and it all hits me like a physical force and I mean all of it, the Normandy getting blow up, and me on it. I am dead, I am a nobody, just dead, I can't wrap my head around this, it's too early and I haven't had my cup of tea yet, but still I don't understand,

_What is there not to understand, you died. In an explosion. KIA_

This cannot be happening, no no… I can't deal with this and what about the crew- what about Ashley? Oh Fuck, please tell me she made it. I can't deal with this, my breath starts coming faster and I begin to feel light headed

"Commander take a deep breath, everything is going to be okay, I will explain everything when we meet but for now, I really need you to kill those mechs." I take a few breaths before firing at the mechs as I unleash my anger upon them, I keep running at them, thank the Lord I am a Vanguard. I charge at them first held high as it pluses with biotic power, and I begin it down on the mechs. After that, all that is left are mechanical parts and I go into the rooms and activate a video log, it is about me, it is always about me, and the woman on the video, whoa, who is she? I bet she is the woman talking to me right now; I turn around and find some credit chit. Always good to find some credit chit, no matter the situation. I am about to storm out of there when the logo on the wall catches my eye, I turn to face it fully, I know it, wait, no, it can't be Cerberus, but it is, and that means it is a Cerberus vessel. So, what the hell am I doing on a Cerberus vessel

"Cerberus" I hiss between my teeth, before I pinch the middle of my nose, remember not all of Cerberus is that bad

_You know it is, look what it did on Akuze? You what it has done to you?!_

_Stop it you are just trying to corrupt me! _I shake my head as I head into the hallway just to see a heavy mech kill a load of people, I am about to go fight when her voice chimes in

"You can't help them Shepard"

"They need my help!"

"They are gone Shepard, everybody's life is expendable but yours isn't, so I suggest you keep moving" I feel sadness and pity build up in me as they all beg for me to help them, but I can't! The door is locked

"For fuck sake" I mumble, it is so frustrating! I can never help people when they need me the most, mum and dad, Lucas and Amiee, all gone because I couldn't help them, I feel tears build up in my eyes even though I know I will never shed them again. I keep on going until I reach a group of mech which are waiting for me to shoot them with the grenade launcher which I found a while back, they explode into millions of pieces but sadly it burst a tank and now a stream of fire blocks the path,

"Quick run through it! It won't burn you if you are fast enough!"

"You're crazy I say" I mutter, but I do it anyway, that's when I start to lose radio contact with her

"Shepard I need- Shepard if you can- me get to the shuttles- meet you there-"Then there is a gunshot through our comms link, no I am not gonna let her die on me, she helped me for fucks sake! I open up my Omni Tool and lock onto her last location and I begin to track her down, I have to weave in and out of cover as the closer to her position I get the more mechs there are, how many mechs are there?!

_Too many apparently. _God why won't you just shut the fuck up?! With that I keep going eventually my Omni Tool begins to falter as there must be a power outage here or something. I see something down the corridor through a window which looks remarkably like a human leg I power down there with my biotic charge as I destroy so many mechs I can't keep count. And I reach the doorway, it opens on 5 mechs shooting at someone behind a box, I see a hand with a gun peak out occasionally to shoot blindly at the mechs, I can't stand by and do nothing so I kill them all I see a mass of raven hair poke out as it obscures her face

"I told you I would meet you by the shuttles, Jacob" Okay who the hell is Jacob? I guess that doesn't matter now

"Do I look like Jacob to you?" Her head whips round to look at me, she is stunning, I don't think I have ever seen such a beautiful women before. Her Cobalt blue eyes stare into mine, I remember now she was with me when I woke up, I groan as it pains me to remember I lean into the wall as my hand goes to my head, her eyes fill with concern and she says

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I am okay, I just feel like I got trapped under a charging Krogan" A smile flickers onto her full lips

"Well at least you will live to tell the tale" I smile slightly at this, and then I decide to look at the rest of her face, her cheekbones are pronounced and angular and her skin is so pale and look so smooth, I bet it feels really nice to touch- wait where the hell are my thoughts going to? Stop right there! I don't even know her name and my thoughts just turn dirty, wow, I really need to get my priorities straightened out.

"You look like you need a hand, I only came because I wanted to repay the favour" Her eyes went emotionless and cold as she said

"I didn't need your help" Ouch, talk about icy much?

Miranda's POV

There she was, standing tall in her armour; she was so much… more than I thought she was going to be. Shepard was like a amazon beauty fiery ad fierce but gentle and beautiful at the same time or an exotic wine that I wanted to taste- Okay thoughts you need to stop now. I couldn't take my eyes off her; the sliver eyes glowed with goodness and her body talk about, wow, too bad all that armour was obstructing it….

_You are such a perv_

_Yeah, well it isn't like she is ever going to like me in the same way, I am plain and boring compared to her_

_You know that's not true_

After that Shepard groaned and practically fell into the doorway, I couldn't help but ask

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I am okay, I just feel like I got trapped under a charging Krogan" A smile appeared on my lips before I was able to stop it and I replied

"Well at least you will live to tell the tale" Shepard smiled at that, God I love her smile, even her voice all husky was enough to make me weak at the knees, shame I got shot then in the thigh. No I lie, it was totally worth it.

"You look like you need a hand, I wanted to repay the favour" I do not need to be helped I am perfectly capable of getting to the shuttles without help

_Your just being stubborn now, you know you needed the Commander's help_

_No I don't. I don't need anybody help, that includes yours!_

_Wow someone's techy_

"I didn't need you help" I have to remain professional; I cannot let Shepard know how I feel. Ever. Plus she has Ashley, and she is Military and so they were voted to hottest relationship before Shepard died, I have seen the vids of Shepard when they ask about Ashley; you can see the love pouring out of her for Ashley. My stomach falls to the bottom as I realise, I have no chance.

"I am going to help you no matter what so come on" Shepard comes towards me and helps me to stand up, my thigh is blistering with the incendiary ammo it used, stupid mechs, I clench my teeth together and Shepard looks back at me, with concern, I almost just melted right there under her gaze, it is so soft and comforting. But I can't. I won't.

"Do you need me to carry you?" Shepard asks softly, before taking a step closer, she is closer than I want to be, because I am not sure whether I could control myself otherwise.

"No I am fine, I can walk" I say as I begin to walk about the door, damn it, we are at a medbay and there is not medigel overflowing? God that's stupid, Shepard leads pistol drawn, I try to keep focusing on what is ahead but my gaze seems to end up on Shepard's behind every time. For the tenth time I pull my eyes away for it

_Miranda. Stop being such a prude! It won't hurt to look will it?_

_No… but it will distract me, and I rather not get shot again thank you very much_

As we reach the end of the corridor after taking out some mechs my leg gives out, Shepard whips around to see me on the floor, without a second thought she reaches me and sweeps me up so I am resting in her arms, I feel my face blush as I am closer to Shepard then I ever wanted to be

_Shut up, you want to be closer to her, like skin close_

_Be quiet, please I don't want those thoughts… at least not right now. _I look up at Shepard as she runs to the shuttle bay as the wound on my thigh throbs as I use her to strengthen me, close up I can see the red glow of her biotics under her skin as some healing didn't finish yet, and her neck has so to be the only place that there is no scars, I really want to touch it, No Miranda! Ugh I seriously need to think about other things, better or worse than Shepard. I draw my gun out of its holster but Shepard doesn't seem too bothered by this action, then she stops and looks down at me, the proximity between our lips is not far apart now, and the intensity of her stare make me shiver and blush

"I didn't catch your name" Really at a moment like this she wants to know my name?!

"Is this really the right time?" I say in disbelief, seriously, at a time in which we could die she asks this

"This is a great time to ask, since I am carrying you, and I would like to know the stranger I am carrying" I blush even more but I hide it by using my hair

"It's Miranda, Miranda Lawson" I mumble I look up to a smirk on Shepard's face

"I thought as much, well it is nice to meet you Ms Lawson" She says, but how can she "Thought as much?" that doesn't make sense

_Yes it does but you're not thinking properly, she probably remembers you from when she woke up._ Oh I hadn't thought of that… then a door begins to open behind us to reveal Jacob and Wilson, Wilson tried to kill us all!

"Shepard," Wilson said and Shepard turned around and the surprise registered on Jacob's and Wilson's face "Miranda you're supposed to be-" He didn't have a chance to finish as he died by one of my bullets

"Dead?" Jacob was stunned and when I looked up at Shepard her eyebrows were raised

"Well I wasn't expecting that" Shepard said and without thinking I said

"I am full of surprises" If it is possible her eyebrows went any higher but her eyes became slightly darker, I wonder what that means? Oh shit! I hadn't meant for it to come out like that?!

_Too late now_

_Shut up will you?!_

"Jacob do you have any Medigel?" Shepard asked in a Commanding tone

"Yeah of course Commander" Jacob said before handing it over to her, Shepard tried not to jostle me but it was inevitable and I tensed as it happened, Shepard must have felt me tense as her eyes swivelled back to me, and I saw concern in them, God damn it! Does she have to keeping looking at me! I feel like a school girl every time she does

_What do you have a crush? Or are you just a big bunch of hormones?_

_I am not even going to answer that. _With no more questions Jacob opened up the shuttle and Shepard laid me down and she sat down next to me, as Jacob flew the shuttle I couldn't help but ask Shepard

"Do you hate me?" I blushed after asking her as she began open then medigel packet, but she stilled and looked me in the eye, my heart felt like it was going to explode as she said nothing for a few moments, Oh no please, don't hate me, please.

"Why would I hate you?" She asks with a hint of mirth in her voice as she opens it as she applies some around the wound numbing it with coolness

"This going to hurt a little" She warms me as she removes the bullet with forceps, a little amount of pain was an understatement, I tense as the pain slowly begins to ebb away, I look up at Shepard, as she holds the bullet out for me to see before putting it in the water bucket next to her

"Do I have a reason for hating you?" She asks as she begins to apply medigel to the whole wound, I sigh as it cools and heals the wound completely

"But you hate Cerberus so why-"Shepard cuts me off

"I don't hate you, because you helped me, and because not all of Cerberus is bad, it is only certain individuals who bring it down, bring humanity down" Shepard says as she relaxes in the chair, Jacob walks back in and sits next to me as we now have to question her. Something I am not looking forward to.

**A/N So guys, they have met for the first time! I don't know If I should go off plot line or not what do you think? I hope it was okay, since this one has taken me a while to write, the next update will be tomorrow evening, about 8:30pm UK time, I hope you guys liked it and please, please review! (Sorry to be a bit of a review whore but I want to make it better for you readers!") thanks for reading. Bexaday.**


	5. I Would Do Anything For You

**Chapter 5**

**I Would Do Anything For You**

**A/N: Sorry guys! I totally forgot what time I was updating as my Dad was over and I have had some bad family news so I am trying to write this as quick as possible, and I forgot to say in the last Chapter, I thought it would be better if Shepard saved Miranda, because I thought that would be a better way to show Shepard is Paragon and to start their romance, this one will be a shorter chapter as I really need to finish my coursework! I hope you guys are ready to meet Tali because she will defiantly be making an appearance either in this chapter or the next!– Bexaday**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own anything of Mass Effect **

Shepard's POV

I can't believe that I died.

I mean, I how is that possible, all I remember is me and Ashley, were… getting intimate in my quarters and then BAAM! We were attack, the rest of the details are still a little fuzzy, I mean, I am glad they are because I am not sure whether I can wrap my head round this, in fact it feels like my head is going to explode with all this new knowledge. The attack, the… dying bit, I can't begin to describe how it felt. It was as if somebody had sucked all the warmth out of me, and then they took all the life from me, they drained it from me, and the worst part is nothing there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

_There was nothing YOU could have done. Maybe if Joker hadn't been so stubborn-_

_No Joker was trying to do the right thing no matter what it wasn't his fault for trying to protect the Normandy. _ I stare out into space as I watch planets and stars pass us, the whole reason I joined was to get away from the hustle and bustle of people, and to protect people instead of being powerless and hopeless, just like I was when the slavers came, I did nothing, I feel anger stir within me and my fists clench at my sides. I protect, no I did protect thousands of lives each and every day. Now I have failed them. I died.

_You never failed them Lexi, if anything you did more than most_

_But it still wasn't enough, it will never be enough! _I feel tears well up as I remember my mothers, sisters screams, their deaths haunt me each day. One stray tear treks its way down my face

"Shepard, I am sorry to interrupt you but we need to test you mental health" I turn to face Miranda, I wipe the tear away as I peer at her through the darkness, the only available light shines on me, but it offers no warmth.

_Jeesh Shep, when did you get so morbid?_

_When I flippin' well died_

_Well you're not dead anymore, so live it to the full_

I smile to myself, I know I will pull through, I always do, Jacob sits down next to Miranda, his skin is so dark that I can barely make him out but his brown eyes shine full of adoration and… underline hate? Really? What have I ever done to him? Jacob's gaze flickers to Miranda's and I see longing and then jealously as his eyes flicker back to me, wow this was defiantly not what I expected from him. In fact I didn't expect anything apart from boredom or disappointment. My eyes flicker to Miranda, her raven hair falling effortless around her in that perfect way apart from a few stray pieces which fall just over her eyes, her steely glare didn't let up either when her blue orbs bore into my sliver ones, I couldn't help but notice how fragile she seemed then again I can't talk, I am too short to be complaining, Miranda was at least 5 ft. 7 without her heels on and I was a lowly 5 ft. 3, I smirk at her realising how ridiculous she must have looked being carried in my arms, I catch a faint blush on Miranda cheeks as she looks down at her Omni Tool

_She is so into you it is untrue_

_Shut up! She isn't it isn't my fault that my stares are… intense_

_Yeah because you're totally not doing that on purpose are you?_

_It's the eye colour, it unnerves people_

_Sure you just keep telling yourself that Lexi, and maybe it will come true_

"Miranda really, I am sure the Commander doesn't need this concern right now, she has just woken up after 2 years" Wait what 2 years. I was out for 2 years? Oh god I… I have missed so much, what about Tali, Garrus, Ashley, Joker and Liara? What happened to them? I am owed an explanation!

"Normally we would have done weeks of field testing and analysis, so let's hope this will do" When will I not be treated like a science project?! I think they forget I am human

_Calm down Lexi, deep breaths_

_I do not need you to mummy cuddle me!_

_Just calm down and I won't have to_

_Why can't you just die?!_

_Firstly, because I am you, Secondly, Been there done that and it was horrible, if you don't remember. _I growl lowly so they can't hear it, I run a hand through my hair before smiling, well, something that resembles a smile I hope,

"Well one of you needs to start this analysis because I can't" Why do I always have to break the ice? Sometimes I guess people just need my help to remove their foot from up their butts to begin whatever it they need doing.

"Well," Jacob starts, his voice all deep and thoughtful, jeesh is he trying to be all manly or something? And what the hell is up with the size of his muscles? I bet he does waaay to many squats and push ups, trying to impress. Much? Even though he is the one talking to me, my eyes keep sliding over to Miranda delicate form; just so I can make sure that such an exquisite beauty is really there, the way her cat suit clings to every womanly curve- wait what? Tell me I didn't just think that, please tell me I didn't. I can't. I only just met her. I won't let myself get caught up in another emotional shit storm,

_But she did end up in your arms and let's be honest you liked, even if it was a tiny winy bit_

_I am not saying anything_

_Then it is true_

_No it isn't- Gah! I hate you so much sometimes_

_Awww I love you too! But remember it isn't a crime to look… as long as you're not caught. _Luckily I zone back in as Jacob begins to talk in his attempt to be sexy voice. Ugh, some men make me cringe with their fake machoness "When your regiment went to Akuze you were the only survivor, how did it feel to be so alone?" Akuze, wow… that was a difficult time, one of my lovers had died that day, eaten by a Thresher Maw if I remember correctly. I think Lily was her name, she wasn't my first, but she was my first love, we both knew the risks of either of us dying, but it was her who died. Sometimes I miss her. I can still feel her with me sometimes; I remember the hugs, the kisses and god. I remember the mind blowing sex, but I also remember those tender moments in between, we were both damaged goods and somehow, we clung to each other, I think that's why I love Ashley. Her awkwardness with words but finding ease when speaking poetry, her sassy nature and tomboyish outlook, also the strange catholic side of her that rejected loving me at first. But then again, it was so worth the chase and wait. I stare back at Jacob as he sits patiently, awaiting my answer, my eyes slide over to Miranda, and I see a flicker of concern, no matter how fleeting it was I saw it, I don't want to remember anymore, it is too painful

"It is okay Shepard we won't judge you for whatever you say" Miranda says, I nod as I look back out of the window, then I remember

_Flash back_

"_Thresher Maws! Fall back" I see them, they are huge, and they rip into the ground so hard that it makes the earth shake, gunfire everywhere, my heart is racing as the Thresher is heading right this way. Shit. I turn and I run flanked by my squad, but it isn't fast enough, Lily on one side and Markus on the other through my comms link I hear. _

"_Go on Lexi, I love you" No. she can't just leave me like that, I grab her arm as she tries to push me further ahead,_

"_I can't leave you here, you know I can't" I tell her but my voice is already trembling, I look into her eyes and I see tears in them_

"_Go" I nod as I feel my world come crashing down on me, she will survive, she has to, I push myself even faster as I hear the thresher gaining on us, then I hear it, a scream, a women's scream, but I can't turn around, no matter how much I want to, I can't even see where I am going, all I can see, all I can think about is that scream and who or what caused it, but, the instinct to keep running is too strong, tears drop from my eyes, then when I think I am out of range, I stop and pant, I turn around only to see a thresher towering over me, I can't outrun it, so I just stand there as it comes down, missing me by mere meters but one of its prongs pierces my suit and through my side as it drags me, down with it and the ground swallows me up as I pass out from the pain._

_I wake up, and the pain is so intense I cry out, I lift my head up to see a relatively undamaged suit, but my body says otherwise, the suit is what is holding my together, I gently rest my head back down and I see a familiar red suit, please, it can't be, this isn't right, I don't want to see this, my gut feels like it has dropped into the earth and tears drain from my eyes, with my body screaming in agony and protest I manage to crawl over to her, everybody part screaming, a layer of sweat covers my bloodied suit as I crawl over, I reach it. There is only half a suit there and all the blood has drained from it into the ground making it all spongy and sticky, I pull her into my lap , I am numb, and with numb hands and fingers I manage to remove her helmet, her face is the same, but the once happy eyes are now dull and lifeless, and then the same sadness, anger, despair wells up within me, just like it did for my family, but all I can do is scream out her name over and over again as I sob, clutching her upper body into my blood stained suit._

I blink and I am back in the room with an rather agitated looking Jacob whilst Miranda looks the same as she did before I spaced out, as I am about to open my mouth Jacob stands up

"See? I told she would say nothing! She doesn't care Miranda! About our mission or anything else!" Miranda says nothing and she just keeps looking at me with those blue orbs softening slightly, I blink when I realise I am crying silently, I wipe my eyes as Miranda reactivates her Omni Tool

"Sorry I spaced out for a second back there" I say but my voice wavers slightly, I clear my throat, God I am such a baby, I need to be strong, I can't show weakness.

_Sometimes we all need a good cry Lexi_

_But people __**need **__me to be strong, everybody needs me to be strong_

_But sometimes your biggest weakness can be your biggest strength. _I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and hold my emotions in check before saying,

"What happened on Akuze was tragic, I have never seen so many dead bodies in one place, it should have ever happened and being the only survivor was… difficult as I was the one who had to retell the tale and me only, I wish something positive could have come from it, I did what I had to do to survive and I did not enjoy that one bit" I say as I watch Miranda as I try to gauge her reaction

_If she has any emotions at all that is_

_Shut up back there!_

_Okay, shutting up. _ Jacob comes back and sits back down with sadness in his eyes and defeat. Wait, is that defeat I see in his eyes? I guess he has given up trying to be a dick then, doesn't mean he isn't still going to be an annoying prick though does it?

"Sorry Commander, I wasn't trying to seem like I was judging you, it is an impressive feat that you survived, despite the odds" Jacob, says, my eyebrows, which I seem to have no control over shoot into my hairline,

"Okay good, now let's try something a little more recent" Miranda starts before Jacob cuts in

"On Virmire, you left Kaiden to die, everyone knows of your romantic feelings towards Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, was that the reason?" Miranda did not just ask me that? I would have never pegged her as one to think that I would sacrifice Kaiden **Just** because of my feelings towards Ashley?! I see her in a different light now.

"What I had to do, wasn't easy, Kaiden was a good marine, and an even better friend, you don't meet many Brits along the way, I left him behind because I knew he could get it done, I still miss him," I pause, as I think about what Kaiden said to me

_(Flashback to Virmire)_

"_Go get the Chief, you love her, even if she isn't willing now she will be"_

"_Kaiden I-"_

"_Go, Shepard, it has been good serving with you"_

"_And you Kaiden" A single tear leaked from my eye as his comm went silent and offline as I went to go get Ashley_

"Kaiden was the one who told me to go after Ashley, she was unhappy to say the least. They were both skilled and if I could have saved both of them I would have, no matter the relationship I had with them" I said eyeing Miranda, she looked at the floor of the shuttle, obviously there was something very interesting there

_Yeah, I hope you feel bad_

_Oh come on, she was just curious_

_Oh "She was curious" my arse, she was just being a nosey bitch, that's what_

_Now who's being bitchy?_

_Fine, you're right. _I smile to myself, god sometimes I love my other me. Miranda looks up to have me still looking at her

"Nobody was judging you decision Commander, it was a difficult one at best" with that she presses a few things on her Omni Tool before turning it off,

"Look Shepard, I wasn't questioning your motives on Virmire, I just wanted to know how deep your feelings went for Ms. Williams" I look up at her and give her and my right eyebrow raises; I don't know how deep did they go? Hmm…

Miranda's POV

This was the make or break moment, to find out if I had a chance, I pray I get the answer I want

"I would do absolutely anything for her, I love her"

My heart begins to break and shatter into pieces, before tears can well up in my eyes, I put up a cold façade to shut my feelings out, to shut out other people's thoughts and opinions.

I didn't even stand a chance.

**A/N: Aww poor Miri! Well guys I am so sorry it has taken me this long, but I hope to get another update out soon! Tell about your thoughts and feelings about this chapter, oh and before I forget, Shepard nickname is Lexi, short for Alexandra. Please review!**


	6. I Will Always Be Here For You Shepard

**Chapter 6**

**I Will Always Be Here For You Shepard**

**A/N: Hi guys! I know I only just updated this morning but I thought I would give you guys another update, this is for you guys who have been reviewing since the beginning and those who are just joining us, Especially Blood Colored Ink who has been my constant source of wisdom and help throughout my story! **

**Discalimer: I do not own Mass Effect**

Miranda's POV

I never stood a chance, I can't believe I even thought that I did, I just want someone to take care of me for a change, is that so much to ask for?

_Obviously it was, Ashley stands in your way_

_Yeah I know that already! I mean Ashley has… is so much more than me, they probably have so much more in common, like they are both Marines, they trained in the same place, hell they even served on the same ship!_

_But Ashley isn't here right now, and you are serving with her on the ship_

_I know I am serving under her in-_

_Aha! So you admit you want to be serviced by her, particularly underneath her?!_

_I didn't mean it like that! I meant in… in rank and-_

_Yeah yeah you just keep saying that but it doesn't mean it is true_

_Please be quiet I don't want you to corrupt me!_

_Darling you are already corrupt_

_Hey, you know what I think I am sick of hearing me own voice, so shut up backseat driver!_

_Jeesh don't shoot the messenger of truth_

_I don't want to know the truth_

_That's a very naïve outlook on life and-_

_Shut up back there, you're giving me a migraine!_ I sigh and rub my temples as a dull pain begins to form, damn Shepard and all those annoying things that come with her, like the feelings, the witty comments, the looks-

_So basically, correct me if I am wrong. Just about everything about Shepard you hate? _

_I, well… it's ah because…uh you see… Now you've got me all confused!_

_Exactly. You know there is nothing wrong with trying to be her friend_

_Yes there is! Because I will embarrass myself or take it too far and plus she can never, ever know how I feel about her_

_What do you hate her or do you love her? You've gotten me all confused now!_ Ugh sometimes I hate my inner me, I stretch back from the desk I am currently sat at, as we wait for Shepard to be done talking to the Illusive Man about Freedom's Progress, I look up at Jacob who is looking at something on his Omni Tool, his brow crunched up in concentration, sometimes, I wonder what I saw in him

_What you saw was what he was packing_

_Okay that's just disgusting_

_You know it's the truth._

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I groan into my hands as I face palm

"Having an argument with yourself again Miranda?" Jacob says making me look up at him, god why is he still trying to be mysterious macho man? What doesn't he understand? I am not interested in him; he was just a good lay, a way to let off some steam. The end.

"Jacob, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything to me" I snap at him, as the warm loving Miranda retreats away and bring out the Ice Queen, I didn't mean to snap at him but he is the closest person right now. Unlucky for him, his eyes narrow as he tries to out stare me, I feel my gaze getting colder and colder. Jacob abruptly stands up and walks to my desk, I lean back and recline my chair and cross my legs with my hands resting on the side linked together, I have more power of him and he knows it. Whilst he hates it, I relish in it.

"You always get this way when you don't get something you want, this time you are just gonna have to sit back, because, listen to me and listen to me good, Shepard," Jacob pauses, and looks into my eyes with his darkening orbs, my gut begins to twist as he spits out the last of the sentence "Will never be yours, she isn't a prize you win in a raffle, she is a real person, with real feelings, and our mission is more important than what Miranda can and can't have, so I suggest you give up"… Does he really want to go there, anger flood through my every vein, How **dare** he suggest that I think of Shepard as some… some prize to be won? Some cattle to place bets on? Shepard means more to me than to think of her like that!

"I suggest you lower your voice Jacob, as I won't hesitate to rip it out, as for the Commander , she is higher in rank than us both and as such I respect her and will defend her even if you resent her for whatever petty reason you deem to be worthy" I say before turning back to my computer, before Jacob can utter another word the door emits a very angry and upset looking Shepard, she barely glances up at us as she carries on her journey to the ship,

"Let's go save this colony" Shepard voice is monotone and lifeless, it makes my heart bleed in concern I get up to follow her as does Jacob as we follow behind Joker who managed to limp after Shepard at a slower pace. Apart of me wants him to slow down and the other wants him to speed up, this inner conflict is killing me, I can't deal with it and so, I push it all away, all the emotions, all that stress it is causing. The whole lot. As we enter CIC Shepard takes in the new Normandy with eager eyes, I can't help but watch her, she is like a child, amazed by everything, it makes me smile and I want to go hug her- Whoa, I thought I blocked all those thoughts and feelings? I push them away harder this time, maybe the will just bugger off

_No we won't!_

_Seriously? Not. Funny_

_It was worth a try_

What is with it and my inner me being such an arse?! Shepard has a ghost of a smile decorating her lips- wait why am I looking at her lips

_Because they are full and luscious and you wanna kiss them_

_No I don't_

_Yes you do!_

_Be quiet_

_I am always right. _We walk throughout the ship following Shepard as she takes in the sites of the upgraded Normandy, she says nothing but he face says it all, I guess the memories come rushing back when you see your ship again.

"Shepard ETA in an half an hour"

"Okay thanks Joker" Shepard straightens up and Jacob goes off to the Armoury and I head towards the lift with Shepard in tow, strange, why is she walking behind me? I pause and wait for her to catch up and I fall in sync next to her and she flashes me a weak smile, Jeesh why does she have to do that? I don't like this feeling that makes my knees go weak and my breathing erratic, I try not to breathe too loudly next to her as her presence is enough to make my pulse jump- why am I still having these thoughts? Damn it, can't I have a single piece of rest without letting her enter my thoughts?

_Nothing can block the path of true love_

_Seriously what is with you and backseat driving?_

_Sorry shutting up. _I sigh as we enter the elevator, Shepard thankfully denied talking to Kelly Chambers, I can't help but think slapper every time I see her, and even then she was trying to draw Shepard in with her slutty charms,

_Overprotective, much?_

_Well it isn't my fault Kelly is a slag_

_Oh come off it that is just plain old bitchiness Ms Lawson. _I can't help it if Kelly is rather… flirtatious, as the lift doors close, a comfortable silence falls between us, Shepard slumps into the side of the elevator and she looks drained, what's wrong with her? Shepard must have seen the alarm in my eyes

"Don't worry I just need a good cup of tea" Shepard says, I feel my face frown, Shepard drinks tea? That's an odd quirk for her

_You can't learn everything from a datapad_

"I could never function very well without it, do you know whether they have good tea here?" She smiles; Shepard just smiled at me, again! I try to hold myself together as I try to stamp out these feelings, and Ice Queen erupts as my saviour

"Shepard if you are looking for a friend in me, you are surely mistaken" Shepard frowns before shrugging and leaving the elevator, I follow suit as I try not to look at her behind too much, I can't help it but that armour is makes it so full and… and I want to grope it and spank it- Wow I really need to get laid or something , I feel my cheeks heat up, and I stumble on some invisible bump before recovering and making my way to the Mess deck to get my tea…

As I walk over there I draw the eyes of a few crewmembers, not that I care, I don't care who looks at me

_Unless it is Shepard. _ You know what I am just going to ignore you now, I focus back on the tea maker and Shepard is there nursing a cup of what I can guess is tea, and she is watching me. I can't handle it as her gaze is always, so intense, I see her eyes dart all over me and I feel my body heat up and a red flush is showing in my cheeks, I know it, my body is betraying me. Again. I reach there only to end up brushing shoulders with her as I begin to make my tea, every time I come in contact with her shoulder I feel like her touch is burned into my skin, screw the suit, it feels like it is like she is branding me with her touch. Shepard just keeps looking ahead. As I add the water with shaky hands when she says

"You don't have to be so cold you know, sometimes it is okay to let people in," Shepard pauses to take a sip of her tea "That person I saw on the shuttle was the nicest person since I woke up and she was who I needed right at that vulnerable moment of confusion" Did Shepard just emit she was vulnerable?! Another thing I had never expected the Commander to do. Do I really know her at all?

"This is the only person I know how to be, showing a weakness just gives people ammunition for people to use against me" Shepard finishes her tea as I stir in the milk of mine

"Start learning Lawson, because that person had a chance to be great, my father taught me that sometimes your biggest weakness is our biggest strength," Shepard said before standing up from leaning against the counter "Oh and by the way Lawson, nice recovery" Damn it! I thought nobody had seen that! With that she looks over her shoulder and winks, what the hell is that supposed to mean? And then she sashays off swing her hips, will I think she was, more than usual I would guess, then I realise my mouth is hanging open, I blink a few times to make sure I defiantly just saw that and I close my mouth, and I take my tea into my office and slump down on my bed and out my tea on the bedside table before taking my heels off and flopping back down. What is Shepard doing to me

_God is a cruel, cruel man Lawson_

_Tell me about it._

The Colony of Freedom's Progress was empty as we predicted and we encountered nothing until we ran into some quarians, such a difficult race, well difficult for Cerberus anyway, I swear we cause more problems we give answers and solutions and then a smaller quarian pushed her way forward

Shepard POV

Tali was right in front of me, my little sister, well adopted sister,

"Tali!" I say, I can't hold back the excitement from my voice, she looks at me, and I mean really looks at me, through her visor I can see her eyes widen and she turns guarded, I frown, this wasn't the reception I was hoping for,

"Shepard? How the hell…" Doesn't she know? I guess I am technically dead to the Alliance, to every one really. But I still expect a hug or something! Then I look into her eyes, my stomach drops and I can see the change in her, what my death caused. I affect her life as well as the rest of my crews including my death,

"What? Did you think I was just gonna ditch you like that? Unfortunately Cerberus has other plans for me" I say and I see Miranda stiffen slightly, doesn't she know I notice everything

_I would say she is still freaked out at your stunt in the Mess Hall. _I smile at that thought her expression was priceless so I have been told

"You're with Cerberus? I thought you were better than that Lexi" How can she think that I would betray the Alliance like that? I had no choice!

"Do you think I would be with Cerberus if I had a choice? Do think I planned on dying on you, not just you but Ashley and Liara?" I whisper as I feel the threat of tears return, but I force them back, I see through Tali visor confusion and sadness

"No! You would never do that!" Well at least she knows I didn't die on purpose

"I thought we were family Tali," I say as I brush past her to go find Veetor, I feel betrayed, how can family have so little faith? I wondered what having a family would be like and now I know, full of hatred and back stabbing. I guess I didn't miss out on much.

We find Veetor, cooped up and injured, he tells us about the Collectors, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach, I couldn't save them, that was my only job and I have failed

_There are still countless others left depending on you Shepard. _I know, and they shall never have to be scared because I will try and stop them if I can. Tali shows up and asks for Veetor

"Take him, he is injured he needs help" Miranda tries to say something which I overrule her

"Decision is final" I say looking at Miranda who has just retreated into herself again, I am starting to hate that she does that, it makes her seem that she has no emotions, but I can feel them, just under the surface

"Thank you Lexi, I am glad you are still in charge" I nod before walking out Tali grabs my arm

"Can we talk?" I look up at Miranda and Jacob and Jacob nods before saluting, Jeesh does he have to keep doing that, it makes me feel like I am still in the Alliance, Miranda just walks off, I try to stop my gaze from falling lower and lower down her form. I pull my eyes up to Tali's face

"If you have got something to say I would say it now Tali, I have a galaxy to save" I say putting my hand through my unruly locks and she rubs my arm in a affectionate gesture

"Lexi, I… Keelah, can you turn down the stare a bit? It is making me nervous" I soften my gaze at her request, sometimes I don't realize I am doing it.

"Lexi, it has been two years, can you blame me for being hesitant, and you would have yelled at me if I had been careless enough not to even be wary of you, I still don't understand why you are with Cerberus, they are no good, but I trust you, I have always trusted you" I just nod and smile as I think of all the times, we practiced identifying our squad and picking out a imposter. Good times, I have to ask her about Ashley

"Do you know anything about Ashley? Anything at all?" I say raising my gaze to reach hers she shakes her head

"We all fell apart without you Shepard, we were you're squad, you're crew and you were the glue that held us together" We stand there in silence for a few minutes before she hugs me

"Join my crew Tali, I need a familiar face" I croak out as I tighten my hold on her slightly taller body

"I can't Shepard, I have my own mission, my own squad" I could have really done with my sister there but I guess fate has other plans for us

"But I would do anything else for you Shepard, anything" tear clog up my eyes as she releases me from the hug I smile before backing away

"Thanks Tali, I will email you soon" I say as I go back up to the Normandy, sometimes I wish my old crew could be back together, they were my family, if not slightly dysfunctional, I smile at this, but I have a new squad now, Manly Jacob and Ice Queen Miranda and others I have yet to get, I groan, why can't they come to me for a change?

**A/N: So guys what did you think?, I know this is put on late but I really wanted to get this finished as I won't have any spare time tomorrow as I am away from my computer (sad times) so you guys will have to wait until Wednesday, please read and review, it means a lot to me! Love bexaday**


	7. Recruiting Kasumi Goto

**Chapter 7**

**Recruiting Kasumi Goto**

**A/N: Sorry guys it has been a while since I updated, sorry for the delay, it shouldn't happen again, so that is why this chapter is very long, I just want to thank all of you guys who are subscribing and favoriting this story and thanks to all you reviewers, it would be nice to have some more reviews though… so please keep reviewing!**

Miranda's POV

I can't believe she brushed off my opinion just like that for Tali's needs she knows; we could have used that information

_But, you didn't try and overrule her or stop her_

_Yes I did but she stopped me!_

_But that has never stopped you before_

I can't deal with you right now! I groan as I lean back into the shuttle after all this was our first time at working as a unit, me and Shepard yes….. Jacob… not so much.

_You're just saying that, you want her all alone so you have your wicked way with her _

_No Jacob just didn't work well with us_

_Okay then, _Shepard is up front sat with Jacob and they are talking in low voices, I hated it when people don't tell me things, especially if it concerning this mission. I let out a frustrated sigh, I lean my head back so it is pressed against the cool metal of the shuttle, I hear the soft dainty steps of Shepard, for someone is so much armour, she doesn't make that much noise, the steps grow louder and I look up and see Shepard walk in who looks more rested than ever, I guess seeing someone close to her, that excepted that she is alive again and doesn't hate her does that to a person. Then it dawns on me, I have condemned her to a life of hate, working for Cerberus and not telling her close ones she is alive is defiantly going to cause some agro between her friends,

_You never intended that to happen, it just a part of the ripple of her resurrection_

_But it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty_

_You did the right thing. _I feel sick, I never wanted this to happen to her, I just wanted her to return to the person she once was, but I have tarnished her reputation by rebuilding her, I feel like I am going to be sick. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I know it is Shepard's; firstly, nobody would dare to touch me like she does

_And what way does she touch you? hmm filling all of your wildest fantasies?_

_Please stop, I don't want this corruption!_

_As I have already told you, you are corrupt; I am you so these are your wanton thoughts_

_Please stop with the backseat driving, I actually want to not have a constant blush around her because of the dirty thoughts you pump into my head._

_Okay being quiet. _I breathe out, where was I? Oh the list, secondly, nobody sends heat to my nether regions apart from her,

"Are you okay? You look rather pale" Her hand moves from shoulder to my forehead she, bends down slightly so our eyes are level, I can't look at her as I don't think I could control myself, I wish she would stop touching me, I can't think straight

_Or cleanly it seems. _

"Shut up" I murmur and I open my eyes I look at Shepard who's eyes are softening into pools of liquid mercury and are light and have a tint of mirth,

"Arguing with yourself is never a good idea Lawson" her voice sends my into full shakes, no matter how hard I push those feelings away, damn it! I hate feelings, they make everything… complicated. I sigh and I find myself, much to my surprise, leaning into the touch, my eyes go back to Shepard's they go wide for a second, and I tense up, I have overstep a boundary, I knew this would happen! Damn it! I should be on my knees apologizing, just as I open my mouth to rush an apology, then her eyes go soft and caring and she smiles, not one of those clever smirks or a general smile she uses, but a smile that touches her eyes. I have never seen such a gorgeous site, her inky wringlets still tied up but a most of it is falling out and her face is relaxed and caring, her smile lights up her entire face, I would do anything to make her smile again just so I can fascinated about how such a powerful women can be so sensitive at the same time,

"It's been a long, tiring day hasn't it? Draining really I think" Her voice is soft and soothing, I can see how people trust her so much, I don't think I have wanted her as much as I do now, but instead of the insatiable burn it becomes a glowing flame, she removes my hand as I nodded, she stands up and sits next to me and I cannot help but lean on her a bit, I can't stop these feelings, so I guess I am going to have to relish in every small opportunity of alone time I get with her

_That's the way to go! You have to fight for what you want Miranda. _I don't have the energy to responded, I see a ghost of a smile trace her lips and she turns to face me slightly and I lean more heavily on her, despite all the alarm bells going off in my head, I just don't care anymore, well, I do just not right now, and Shepard would stop me, wouldn't she? I look back at her, my mind is starting to clear, I should have never done this, I sit up, Shepard only stares at me, I can feel her stare burning into the side of my face, I feel her gaze drop, my hand goes to touch my cheek, normal temperature, huh not what I expected

_What did you expected to have your cheek singed off_

_Well… yeah…_

_If I could eyeroll I would. _I sit up straight in the shuttle until we get back; I can't allow myself to under her spell again,

_Yeah because Shepard is really a witch, and is swooping down upon you and getting into your head_

_I just mean that her charms are very alluring, ugh… why are you so annoying?_

_Alluring eh? _

_Oh shut up, you know what I meant. _Shepard says nothing all the way back and the only thing that can be heard is hum of the shuttle as it begins to dock, as soon as it docks I have to leave and I bolt from my seat as fast as I can without breaking my heels as I just couldn't handle the silence, it was screaming the truth and being that close to Shepard was enough to make me want to jump and her an take her on the floor of the shuttle, but I had to sit there with my muscles al taunt just in case my muscles decided it would be a good idea to touch Shepard, which it totally wouldn't be. In fact, it would be god damn awful, but no matter how fast I bolted from my seat Shepard grabbed my wrist in her iron grip, I could feel all her muscles lightly flexing and I almost became a pool of hormones right there and then,

"Are you okay, Lawson? You are acting rather odd" I can't deal with this contact right now, it is burning me, I wrench my wrist firm her grip and I slip back into my mask as if it was my second skin and Ice Queen Miranda takes my place,

"I don't need your concern Commander, so I suggest you don't ever touch me again" I say coolly,

_God you are such a… a_

_Bitch? You can say it you know, everybody else already does_

_I wasn't going to say that, I would have said… cold person. _

Yeah I believe that when krogans fly, I wince at my words but I don't even the Commander time to respond as I leave. Abruptly I should add, I march my way to the elevator before Shepard can get there I am on my way to my office, I don't stop to talk to anyone once I walk out of the elevator and anyone who looks at me gets an icy glare courtesy of their current Ice Queen, me. God I am such a bitch, why would someone such as Shepard have an interest in me?

_Because you show her that softer side of yourself to her. _ I groan as I walk into my office and just face plant into the awaiting bed. Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered restoring Shepard all she has done is confuse me and ruin my consciences innocence,

_Okay that was such a crap lie even a Jacob could have told the difference and he is one evolutionary step above ape_

_Just shut up._

Shepard POV

What is Miranda fucking problem? I was being nice, she looked pale and tied and I could help but comfort her, she cries out neglect and sadness and that's why I put up with her so much

_And because you like to stare at her arse_

_Excuse me? _

_Don't try and cover it up, I see what you see!_

_I… well… Be quiet. _I sigh and put a hand through my hair as the decontamination begins, after it is over I enter CIC in my uniform, this one, though I unstitched the Cerberus logos from it, I just can't wear the logo, it feels like I am betraying the Alliance more than I already am.

_What would Ashley say? _Oh god Ashley, every time I think about her I want to throw up with anxiety, sigh with love, and pull my hair out in frustration, there is no way to contact her, no email or messaging, it's like she is hiding from me,

_Maybe she already knows and she doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore_

_Don't say things like that! She loves me! _ I growl as I begin my journey to my terminal, when I am stopped my Kelly Chambers, the flirtatious red head of the ship, which I have been trying to desperately trying to avoid,

"Commander, are you okay? I heard that Tali was there" I smile wearily at her, I can't really deal with this, her right now

"I don't really want to talk about it right now Kelly, it has been a long day" Kelly smiles before nodding her head and walking off, I sigh before looking at the dossiers the Illusive Man sent me

"Hmm. The Convict, The Thief, The Warlord, Archangel, and The Scientist…" I mutter to myself, how the hell am I supposed to choose which one to get first? I think that the Thief will be the easiest to get so let's go for that one

"Joker set the co-ordinates for the Citadel" I say

"Aye- Aye ma'am ETA in 3 hours" I smile, even after all these years he still calls me ma'am, god he makes me feel old sometimes

"Thanks Joker" I go up into my room via the elevator before stumbling through my room as the fatigue of today's mission falls on me and crash out on my bed.

"Shepard, arrival into the Citadel is 45 minutes" I hear, as I try to lift my eyelids

"Huh?" I say in a groggy voice, ugh, sleeping between missions is never a good idea

"We are arriving in the Citadel in 45 minutes" I sit up and stretch and swing my legs over the side

"Thanks EDI"

"Logging you out Shepard" Sometimes I swear she sounds like she has some emotions, like just know she sounded pleased

_You're going crazy Shepard in your old age_

_Hey! I am not that old_

_Yeah because 23 is young_

_Considering what I have been through yes it is_

I get up and shower as I try not to think of a particular operative who is a few decks below me

_That's not the only place you want her "below" you_

_Please stop those thoughts, I don't want them, nor do I need them, I have Ashley_

_But Ashley isn't here right now. _I am going to be the bigger person and I am not going to argue you with you anymore I get out of the shower, leaving a steam cloud behind me as I rush to be ready, I suit up as I try not to think about _her. _

_You are thinking about her_

_God shut up! Can't you leave me to my thoughts for once?!_

_I am your thoughts. _ I sigh, as I tie my hair up, it isn't even like I can avoid her we are on a ship for God's sake! And it is like she is trying to draw my eye with that suit which looks like it has been sprayed painted on. I swear she is doing it on purpose, you know what? I am going down to see her. I walk out of the room and head into the elevator and begin the descent to Observation Deck, God I need a drink, preferably an Irish tea, with lots of whiskey. In my armour I make too much noise, then again when I walk anyway I make little to no noise, but you can hear the thumps of my armour as I walk into the Mess hall and fixed myself a cup of tea and I search the cupboards for the whiskey, which I knew every ship should have for medical purposes, numbing the pain for them, numbing emotions for me

_Is that really wise?_

_Shut up you don't control me!_

_Just saying_

_Well don't_

I search every God damn cupboard, and there is none, not a drop, I look over to the cook

"Gardner, where is the whiskey?" I say impatiently and I can see everybody tense

"Miranda removed it, she said there was no need for alcohol on this vessel, as she said you don't need any temptations" What that… that bitch! Ugh, I work every day to save the Galaxy and I am not allowed a fucking drink? God what an arrogant bitch!

"Thank you Gardner, but just to clear the air I am no alcoholic" I say calmly, Gardner gives me a reassuring look which almost made all the anger and fight within me disappears, but not all of it

"We don't think you are a drunk, you save the galaxy every day so why shouldn't you have a drink?" I nod my head in appreciation, before storming into Miranda's office, my heart is thumping loudly and fast as I enter, then I see Miranda asleep, well crashed out on the bed and all the fight, just leaves me, and I smile at her as she is curled up, and looks adorable, I try to be as quiet as possible as I walk towards the bed and stand so I am overlooking her face, without thinking I stroke her cheek, Miranda sighs in contempment and pushes into my hand, my thumb brushes over her cheek and her eyes flutter slightly before she rolls over which makes me smile

"EDI can you wake her up when I leave please?"

"Of course Shepard logging you out" I walk out with what I know is a proper smile, I drain my tea and walk back into the Mess Hall to see all eyes on me, all of them wide eyed and whispering begins

"What?" Everybody turns back to what they were doing before, I shrug my shoulders, they didn't see anything so why should I be bothered? And I didn't do anything so I haven't done anything wrong.

_Remember you can't just do that Shepard, there has to be boundaries_

_I know, I don't know what's happening to me… _I growl lowly so nobody can hear it as I go to put my cup into the sink, even Gardner was giving me a weird look, I just ignore them, there is no point me asking because he probably wouldn't even tell me.

I go up to CIC and wait for Miranda and Jacob, they are along shortly after we dock, Miranda looking pristine as always, this time I manage to keep my eyes at the professional level

_Remember don't get caught looking_

_This isn't a game you know!_

_It isn't? _I roll my eyes as we go through the Citadel with little to no trouble, then I hear something calling my name, I walk over to it, it was an advertising banner with an hooded face on it, not the most stealthiest way to meet the Master Thief

"Shepard speaks the password to receive a free gift" I smirk at this as it was in the dossier

"Silence is golden" I say, in the corner of my eye I see Miranda eye roll as my eye flicker all around the ward

"Did you sleep well Lawson?" I say whilst looking at her, her cheeks go read and she begins to stammer

Miranda POV

How could she know about that? I thought I had imagined somebody coming in, maybe not, I blush and I lean my head forward to hide my blush from Shepard, she knew how to get under my skin and under rip off my mask, god it is so frustrating! I take a deep breath and lift my gaze to Shepard's no matter how shaky I fell inside, I don't let it show

"I slept well, thank you for your concern" I say to her with an icy glare, I see a smirk coat Shepard lips, normally this would make me weak kneed but right now I just want to slap her. The Commander just talks and jokes with Kasumi, as we find out she has already loaded her stuff aboard the Normandy, I thought we had better security than that, then again she is a Master Thief

_You could get her to spy on Shepard for you!_

_Okay I am not going to sink that low_

_It was just a suggestion_

_Well don't suggest. _I shake my head as we head back to the Normandy, the Commander cannot be here any longer otherwise someone will recognize her, we had enough trouble in the scanner, thanks to Bailey it wasn't too bad and nobody stopped her, so this is the life I have condemned her to, secrecy and pretending to be dead,

_Hey it isn't so bad is it? I mean at least she won't have cameras and reporters stopping her in the streets_

_That is true I guess. _ I sigh as we make our way back to the ship being trailed by someone invisible isn't exactly on the top of my list of things to do, that's when Shepard turns around to look at me

"Oh, Miranda, I was wondering, if you could collect these ingredients for Gardner, unless you want to be eating mystery meat forever I would suggest getting it" What the hell! Does she think I am courier? I do not do her errands like some kind of servant!

_Calm down Miranda_

_I will not calm down, I am no lackey!  
_

_This, Miranda is what we call a stepping stone towards being friends_

_Whatever. _I keep a emotionless face and of course because or her charms she just draws me in with her eyes and I can't say no

"Of course Shepard" Shepard lets rip one of those smiles that nearly make me melt

_I think those smiles are just for you ya know?_

_Now who is seeing things? _ I nod my head,

"Do you need anyone to go with you? Just in case?" Okay this is just getting offensive

_That you doofus, was a sign of concern, a.k.a AFECTION! That's a good thing!_

"That won't be necessary, you've seen me in a fight, and I am sure I can handle anything that is thrown at me" I say letting a small smile take hold of my lips, Shepard's eyes dart to my lips and then back to my eyes, I knew that would happen

_She was checking you out!_

_She was looking at me lips, not checking me out_

_Remember a stepping stone_

_Maybe you do make some sense, no matter how little that may be_

_Finally you listen for once! And I thought you were stupid! _I roll my eyes and walk away from Shepard, I lazily raise my hand above my shoulder as a form of goodbye, even though I still feel her eyes on me and it sends shivers through me as I walk into the crowd.

Shepard's POV

Damn it! That woman is so distracting! I try, I really do try to keep being professional, but I am failing epically. I shake my head and walk away only to be stopped by a slightly taller body, Kasumi smirks at me and waves a hand into the air between us,

"Phew that was steamy Shep, I was trying not to look, I think I signed my retinas" Kasumi said

"I don't know what you are talking about" I mumble, I thought it wasn't obvious! Because I am not hiding anything? Because I have nothing to hide

"Oh come ON! Really Shep, I have only been here like, five minutes and I can see how much you two are drooling over each other please just-" I don't want to hear it, I can't , it will mean things are changing and I don't want things to change, hell! I hardly know the women

_Then try getting to know her, instead of staring at her trying to figure her out!_

_No! Otherwise it could go all wrong and then it would be awkward_

_You are such a pussy, you know that?_

_Excuse me?_

_Yeah you heard me, you're a pussy_

_If you were real, I would have throttled you_

_But you can't because I am not real, so deal with it!  
_I groan as I push the giggling Master Thief forward and we walk back towards the ship discussing everything non Miranda related and the coming mission and what I can do for her

"I need Keji's graybox"

"That can be done" I say because I can tell by her eyes he is, I mean he _was,_ someone special to her, I would do anything to get to see Ashley again

"Really no question or allegations'?" I look at her eyes under her hood, they are wide and in disbelief, I shrug

"Does there have to be? I know that feeling Kasumi, I have lost people and if I could have something of theirs I damn well would" I say as we walk, almost at the ship

"Well at least, I know we have reached an understanding Shep" I smile at the quickly adopted nickname, the airlock opens and we go through decontamination and as we walk to the elevator Kasumi says

"Oh I have something for you to wear to Hock's Party; it is already in your quarters" Okay, this sneaky sneaky stuff isn't unwanted but it is a tad creepy

"K, you are gonna to have to let me do my own things, I don't want to become soft, with all the extra attention" Kasumi laughs and takes the elevator down, I wait for the elevator to come back up, thank the gods that Kelly isn't there, I don't think I could deal with getting molested by her eyes again, I shiver in memory, the elevator arrives and I take the quick ride up to my quarters, and as Kasumi said, it is there, in a neat bundle on my bed, I quickly strip and shower,

"Operative Lawson has arrived back on board, she has informed me she has brought the supplies you asked for" Always can count on Lawson getting the job done

_Technically, you are her project and she hasn't done you yet has she?_

_Okay that was way out of line!_

_Well it is true_

_Oh My God! Images!_

_Your welcome. _ I try to shake the images of me and Miranda having sex in her office as I respond to what EDI has said

"Thanks EDI, could you ask Joker to set a course for Hock's party?"

"Of course Shepard, logging you out" I get dressed, okay what does Kasumi expect me to do in this dress, seduce him?

_Worth a try_

_No, just no. _There is everything here, jewellery, make up, and heels, I have missed a good pair of heels, despite what everyone thinks, I love to go out clubbing, or use to. I grimace; Ashley was the last person I went dancing with

_God Ashley this, Ashley that, get a fucking life!_

_Oh that's rich! I love her, of course I am going to be thinking about her!_

_Well then you obviously don't love her that much if your eyes keep drifting to Miranda's arse! _I rub my temples and breathe out slowly and try to calm my aggravating inner voice, when I start doing my hair

Miranda POV

Shepard could have easily done that, ah well, I have done it now, ignoring everyone, I begin head down to my office when I walk into something invisible, the cloak drops to reveal Kasumi,

"What is it Kasumi? I am a very busy woman" Kasumi just smirks and mutter something under her breath too quick for me to catch

"I have heard from the crew what a brilliant tactician you are, so I was wondering if you could stay on comms and video with me, so we don't die, not that I doubt the commander's abilities"

_Hmm this could be interesting_

"Yeah sure, tell EDI and she will send it through to my computer" I say, this will be interesting, I have never seen Shepard from a first person perspective, I mean sure I had seen security footage, but that can't really compare to this, I can write a report to the Illusive Man about Shepard's combat skills

"Thanks Miranda" Kasumi says and she darts off to her room, I reckon we will be there shortly so I walk into my office to write a report of Shepard's mental state, boring and time consuming and if it helps me to not to delve into my feelings for Shepard then I will do it.

I stretch up clicking my back, and I take my report and begin to head up to CIC to give it to Kelly, when outside the elevator I hear voices, and as the elevator opens I see four pairs of eyes, they belong to Kelly, Doctor Chakwas, Joker and Kasumi

"What are you doing Lawson, we are all waiting to see Shepard in a dress"

"Well I only came to give this to Kelly" I say as I step out of the elevator and hand it to her, I walk down the steps and begin looking at the extranet on it, when the elevator doors open and I hear a load of gasps

"Damn it Shepard, it is a shame you aren't straight, you would have made a lot of men happy" I hear Joker say

"Thanks Joker, but trust me this isn't the first time I have worn a dress, Chakwas knows that don't you Doc?"

"Yes but that doesn't stop you looking even more gorgeous every time" Chakwas says with a motherly affection

"Jeesh Shep, I knew you be a stunner but wow, Shep, wow" Kasumi says

"Er" Kelly says, finally curiosity overrules me and I look up, and now I wish I hadn't, she is sexy, the dress is skin tight revealing that taunt stomach and the black really insinuates her figure, curvy hips and her cleavage, is amazing, I try to tear my eyes away from it and with an effort I look at her face and I see a slight highlighting on her cheeks and a black eyeliner that makes her eyes mysterious and sexy, her hair is so long, I still don't know how long her hair really is, as it is curled up behind her with some falling to the side of her face whilst the rest is pulled into a high bun and some strands are falling out in perfect wringlets.

_Are you just going to keep looking at her cleavage or are you going to say something? _

_Err_

_A bit star struck hm? Remember the universe isn't within her bosoms_

_Right, the mission_

_Dear God this is just painful. _ It is safe to say she is the sexiest women I have ever seen. Like EVER. I can't stop staring as I make my way forward and towards her,

"Shepard you look…" I can't even think of an adjective good enough to finish it I raise my eyes to Shepard's and it fills me with lust, I can feel the need to pant like a bitch in heat, I have never been more turned on than now, the sexual tension is thick I the air

"Okay let's get going Shepard, you will be back on board before you know it" Kasumi says pushing Shepard out of the door, for the best it seems as the tension disappears as quickly as it appeared. I just end up staring at an empty air lock, the others walk off, then I realise my mouth was open, please tell me it was closed at some point before Shepard arrival

_Nope you had it gaping all throughout_

_Couldn't you have said something? _I growl and I take the elevator back down to my room, I need a cold shower and fast.

**A/N: So guys what did you think? I know this chapter was long, but do not worry! The next update should be really soon, tell me what you thought, please review and favourite, any criticism good or bad is welcomed!**


	8. The Mission Without Miri

**Chapter 8**

**That Mission Without Miri**

**A/N: Hey guys, I know it hasn't been very long but I thought I would do another one as my last update took forever to finish! Sadly, I only had 2 reviews… But I am going to keep writing, it would be really nice to get more reviews, so please review! Tomorrow, I am going to the Paralympics so no update tomorrow but please feel free to PM, I will available to message all day. So without any further notice here it is! – B**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Mass effect, and I am defiantly sure the creators would not be happy with me for messing them around and doing the right thing with them **

Miranda's POV

Shepard and Kasumi have been gone for a few hours now, and I am already getting fidgety, I should be there! At Shepard's side! We work so well together, what if she gets hurt? I will never forgive myself

_Okay now, you are starting to sound like a nagging fish wife,_

_I can't help it, she is my friend_

_Friend? You can barely utter 2 words to her without turning into a bunch of hormones?!_

_Yeah well… Don't judge me!_

"Right Shepard now you go cut the power, follow the power lines, I have sent a sensor to your Omni- Tool" Kasumi voice blares into my ears and the video camera switches on, and there she is, in that dress,

_Really? Get a grip!_

_I can't help she looks so….._

_Desirable? Delicious? To name a few which are swirling around your head, preferably the less x rated ones._

_I do not have x rated thoughts! You planted them there!_

_No you are just lying to yourself, literally_

_I cannot deal with you_

_Hunny, that's because you are a handful_

_Really? _

_Well you have more than a handful, if you know what I mean_

_I think I am going to be sick_

_Your welcome. _I can do nothing but just gape at her, she is so… beautiful, more than I could have ever imagined, I mean sure it was obvious she was pretty, but to scrub up so well is just amazing

_Dressed to impress,eh?_

_For Hock or for me, because I swear, if it is for Hock and I am going to castrate him_

_Wow, your possessive_

_Well, she is my Commander and as her XO I have to prevent and protect her against her from… undesirables_

_So basically, you want her all to yourself?_

_No… I.. it is my job-_

_It may be your job to protect her, but isn't to ogle at her at every given moment_

…_. You should be quiet now. _Kasumi cam follows Shepard's movements around the party, Shepard seems to glide around, she moves with such grace and agility that I can barely believe she is actually walking, my eyes narrow, is it me or is Kasumi's eyes riveted on Shepard's assets, mainly her arse I might add, she cannot be serious, Shepard isn't available, and she defiantly will not get a glance in edgeways as soon as she becomes free.

_And you will?_

_I never said I would!_

_But you defiantly implied that you would_

_Just… ugh! Be quiet, you are so fucking annoying!_

…_You swore at me… _

_Yes because you are driving me crazy_

…

Yeah Now you are speechless, anyway I keep watching, I stay silent, and just…watch, I can't work out if this all a set up and the crew are just organizing this to annoy me, as there doesn't seem to be any fighting needed or anything involving tactics, I sigh and begin to relax in my chair as Shepard is finding DNA in Hock's bedroom, after that they go to enter the vault when Kasumi stops Shepard and indicates at the statue of Saren

"Go suit up I will be over there, by the entrance" Shepard nods and begins to strip, my heart begins to race, I can't watch this, Then I see the first shot of scarred shoulder and I turn off the computer screen, as small sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I find myself breathing heavy and laboured

_God you are such a wimp_

_I don't want to see more than I am meant to see_

_You are missing out on a perfectly good show right there all because of you being a prude? Jeesh, you are such a wimp some times_

_It is just immoral and it isn't like I don't want to see it-_

_So you __**do **__want to see it?_

_Well I… It's just…_

_You are such a pervert you know that?_

_What you're the one who was telling me to look_

_I never "told" you to do anything, I just merely suggest_

_Ugh please, do not suggest anything. _I groan and rub my temples, this conflict within me disgust me and, dare I say, excites me, just a tad though.

_Told you, that you wanted to see Shepard glorious naked-_

_Shut up, shut up!_ "Please leave me alone" I murmur and lean back in the chair, I hadn't realised how long I had been leant forward in the chair, I sigh and when I think it is safe I will, turn the computer screen back on, well maybe when my heart stops racing too. After a few minutes of trying to keep a blank mind and not about the image of Shepard taking her clothes off, now there's a an image, maybe she would do that for me one day….

_Okay now, how is acting like horny bitch?_

_Shut up! Can I not think about anything without you making a flipping comment?! You pain in the arse I wish I could destroy you, God you actually make my existence painful._

_Sorry, I will shut up now. _Ha! Maybe you will be quiet now? Well anyway back to the important matter of timing when to turn on y computer again, it has been well over 10 minutes so I guess it should be fine

"Miranda really, I could use your help right now, that is, if you are done arguing with yourself?" I hear Kasumi say over the link and I hear gunshots being fired and just like that I zone back in and turn on the computer screen, my eyes dart all over the screen. Merc and mechs everywhere

"Kasumi through a stun grenade, Shepard roll to your left" I see Shepard's eyes widen suddenly as Kasumi camera follows Shepard as they are in cover

"Miranda? Well at least I know we have a helping hand" Shepard says as she smiles before peering over once, her body glowing blue as it waits for the release of energy

"K, what I need you to do is you see those barrels over to the right of you?"

"Yeah I do Shep, tell me what you need me to do"

"I need you to blow them up as I run for the big mech and," Shepard says as she holsters her pistol and brings out a fist which is being circled and coated in biotic energy

"Shepard!" I yell through the microphone, is she crazy? That could kill her!

_What? Are you her mother now?_

_No I am just concerned, I do not want to have to start the Lazurus Prodject again!_

"Yes Lawson?" The Commander says after wincing at the loudness of my shout, I sigh in defeat, she would do it even if I didn't want her to

"Nothing, just… be careful" I say, my eyes glued to the screen see flashes a quick smile at me, the kind of smile which is reassuring, but that doesn't stop my overwhelming concern

"Always am Lawson, you better be waiting for me when I get back" Okay did I hear that correctly? And what the hell does that mean? God I swear this woman makes more questions than she gives answers! Before I even have time to open my mouth the Commander is storming at this mech, screaming with her right fist burning with biotics as she unleashes a charge forward and all that can be seen of her is a blue streak in the air as she closes in, Kasumi turns to shoot at the barrels and an explosion happens disorientating the mercs and mechs, Kasumi looks back in time to see Shepard's fist going through the centre of the Heavy Mech and it dies right there, but the Commander doesn't stop there, she takes out the other Vanguards before taking cover, leaving a pile of bodies in her wake. I don't know about Kasumi but I am in shock ,that was absolutely incredible as well as stupid and extremely dangerous, is she trying to give me a heart attack?

_Maybe, you never know with Shepard, she does like to make things boom_

_That's the big understatement in the galaxy_

_Tell me about it. _I shake my head and say nothing as Kasumi makes her way to Shepard, considering all the other hostiles are dead she slowly makes her way to Shepard, my eyes widen in disbelief, there isn't a scratch on her, not a hair out of place

"You look surprise to see me K"

"Well you did just punch a hole through a Heavy Mech, not many people live through that or have their hand in tact too" Kasumi says

"Well I am the Commander Shepard, I am full of amazingness" I roll my eyes, she is such an arse sometimes, but it did nothing to stop the smile that ended up on my lips

"Okay Shep, but I am not going to bow down and kiss your feet, being amazing will only get you so far" Kasumi says as they make it out to the landing pad, only to be attack by Hock in a well armoured helicopter

"Oh shit" Is all Shepard says before diving into cover with Kasumi following her, Kasumi just rips the rocket launcher off Shepard's back and shoots at the helicopter, the helicopter's shield's drop and Kasumi makes a run at the plane before planting a sticky bomb or C4, I can't really tell the difference, Shepard makes her way up to the landing pad, I sigh it is over. But then Hock manages to fire a few bullets, and they are all hit their target, which is Shepard. My heart stops as I see blood spurt out from her suit and she recoils from the momentum behind the bullets, before falling to her knees, Kasumi rushes to Shepard's side

"That fucking hurt" The Commander says before coughing up something that resembles blood, no this cannot be happening! This is why I always go with her on missions! And the one time I don't she gets injured!

_Calm down they are in the shuttle _

_Calm down? You want me to calm down?! I cannot let her die now! Not when I haven't told her about me, not before I got a chance. _I stand up and run my hands through my hair and I make my way to CIC, the elevator ride is incredibly slow, damn it! Why can't this thing go quicker!? I snarl to myself in frustration as the doors open I ignore everyone and I make my way to the airlock,

"EDI can you alert Dr. Chakwas that Shepard is in dire need of medical attention and to be ready for Shepard soon"

"Of course Miranda, Dr. Chakwas says she is ready" I just nod my head and prowl outside and when it finally opens, I look at Shepard, blood is dripping from her suit and her face is pale and she is leaning on Kasumi for support, I rush to her and take up the other side of Shepard, and carry her through CIC, every member of the crew stops and gets out of our way and as we enter the elevator, I look down on Shepard's face and a faint smile takes place and her eyes are starting to dull, I cannot lose her now, not when she is so close to being mine,

"I never thought you would repay the favour Lawson, now we are even" her eyes close and my heart tightens and I feel a slight blush on my cheeks but that doesn't matter right now, Shepard is all that matters

"Save your strength Lexi" I whisper in her ear, and I stroke her unruly hair and she leans back slightly leaning more on me than Kasumi and I continue to stroke her hair as her face relaxes slightly and a sensuous sigh escapes her lips. I look across to Kasumi and she has a smirk on her face and she looks at the door of the elevator, it opens and I pull my hand away from Shepard's hair and help haul her into the med bay, jeesh, Shepard's armour is so heavy. Dr. Chakwas rushes to Shepard and you can see the love and adoration fuelled with motherly concern, Dr. Chakwas looks at me and says

"Put her on the table we have to get the bullets out" I nod and me and Kasumi lay her down and Kasumi walks out, I don't want to leave but I know I have to, I shift from foot to foot, Dr Chakwas , who, was perched over Shepard undoing her armour, looks at me and smiles

"Do you want to stay? I could need an extra pair of hands"

"I should probably go, let you do your job properly" I sigh and run a hand through my hair

_What the hell are you doing?_

_I can't be here!_

_But you want her, so why don't you help her_

_Right now she needs Chakwas to help her not me_

I walk over and squeeze her hand and with that I walk out and straight to my office, and I try not to think about Shepard's wounded body or the fact, if she doesn't pull out of this, then I have no idea what I am going to do. I sit at my desk and put my head in my hands and I sigh, then I lean back and turn on the computer and begin to write a report of the success of their mission even if Shepard could die. But at least this will occupy me for a few hours.

A few hours later and I stretch up and then I hear the door hiss open I look towards the entrance to see _her. _Shepard looks the same as she did before she left, but looking a little stiffer in her movements. My heart leaps for joy

"Miranda, I am surprised you weren't waiting for me outside" Her voice still husky and unbelievably sexy and I fling myself at her and pull her into a tight hug, much to my surprise and hers, first she doesn't react then her arms rise up and grasp me tightly, I sigh as I am so close now that I can smell her scent of wood smoke and cinnamon, I relax into her

"Next time don't go charging off you arse" I feel her smile in my hair and she says

"Careful Lawson, people might think you care" I break away from her before lightly tapping her arm

"Stop being such an arse Lexi" I say as I look at her, I feel like if I take my eyes off her she will disappear.

"Seriously though, don't ever scare me like that again, promise me you will take me on every mission, I can't have you dying under my watch" I say whilst looking into her eyes, they glow and swirl with mirth before changing state from solid to liquid, they scream out the promise

"I promise Miranda, that I will take you everywhere I go and on every mission, until this is over" Shepard says as she takes my hand and squeezes it lightly, her touch sends electrical currents through me and sends a rush of blood to my cheeks and I look away and let my hair drop into my face, my eyes flicker back to Shepard's face and she is frowning

"Don't hide from me, you don't have to" Shepard said as her hand weaves through my hair to cup my cheek and it sends a rush of warmth to my nether regions. I close my eyes as her thumb brushes my cheek, it is so gentle that it makes me want to cry. I had been so close to losing her.

"Just try not to die okay?" I say and a tear drops from my eye and slowly descends my cheek, Shepard wiped it away and as I look up at her I see her nod. Oh god, I have over stepped a boundary that should have never happened. I am supposed to be monitoring her and looking after her, not chasing her and falling for her!

_So you are falling for her? You finally admit it?_

_Yes, I am falling for her, hard._

I step away from her and clear my throat,

"I think it is time you leave, you have things to do" Shepard frowns more and her eyes burn into mine with questions and confusion, they grow so intense that I have to look away, then she turns and slowly begins to walk away

"Okay then, Miranda I will see you around" her hips swaying in her wake, for a women clad in standard Cerberus overalls she walks with grace and seems to be fully confident in her sexuality

_Not far from you then, is she?_

_Well I was built for that, remember perfect human being_

_Yeah but she wasn't designed to be perfect she just is. _My eyes riveted on her backside until the door slides shut, and I sigh and lean back into the desk and a hand covers my eyes, I can feel a headache growing

_Just tell her already, it will make your life so much easier_

_But she has Ashley and I have no one_

_Then aren't you tired of being lonely?_

_Yes but, Shepard has someone, maybe I am meant to be lonely, it seems everything I have is always unavailable or untouchable, _

_But Shepard is here and well within reach. _

_I know. _I can't have her, so why do I keep trying?

**A/N: So guys this chapter was one of my favs to write, I hope it is good for guys as good as it was for me to write, please review and I apologise for the spelling mistakes.**


	9. We're Smiling But We're Close To Tears

**Chapter 9**

**We're Smiling But We're Are Close To Tears**

**A/N: Okay guys this chapter, in my opinion, is going to be the best and probably the most awaited of them all. Get ready for some tears and I can bet you can all guess why, I skipped the first lot of the recruitment missions but don' worry all the characters will be in the story at some point, thank you for all the lovely reviews! I hadn't realised how well this story is doing until today so, thank you to all you followers and reviewers, it means a lot to me. To BCI who is waiting patiently for this chapter, I hope you like it because I know this is going to be difficult to write, because it is for you guys I try to publish every day and the pressure is extreme so I apologise for when my writing is crap. So without further ado, here it is – B**

Shepard's POV

This mission is turning out to be less work than I thought it was going to be, but it isn't the same without Miranda constant input and snappy remarks, or her questioning my decisions

_So basically, you just want a petty excuse to go talk to her_

_Well yeah_

_How pathetic can you get? _I shake my head as I sit in my quarters gluing together a model ship as I normally mule over today's events of the mission at hand, but today my thoughts turn to Miranda

_Yeah because you totally only think about her now_

_Shut up! I never ask for your bloody opinion! _I close my eyes as I try to block out my inner voice and turn my thoughts back to Miranda and the new crew, Garrus re-joined my crew and I am so glad to have a familiar face with me, he is like the older brother I never had but I did want to have, I smile sadly, I was the eldest out of three, and I am the only one left. I always end up alone no matter how hard I try; maybe that's what I have in common with Miri, maybe that's why I feel so drawn to her

_You can keep telling yourself that, but we know that's no true_

_I…I_

_It is because you love her_

_No I don't!_

_Look at the way you act around her, always checking to see if she is okay, always asking for her opinion, always taking her on missions, always wanting her to be herself and not that icy mask she puts on, always making time for her, always allowing your eyes to drift over to her, always wanting her to be happy. Lexi, you try to keep kidding yourself but it was always about her._

I hadn't thought of it like that, my hand stills. I haven't always been like that had I? I mean, sure I don't want her to be so sad all the time, because I see a really beautiful person underneath all those icy walls she puts up. And now she is just retreating further and further away from us. From me. Sadness spreads through me, ever since that time in her office when she hugged me and shed a tear, I don't think I have seen a more vulnerable person, and I couldn't help but feel this, this attraction, this pull towards someone, it wasn't even that strong to Ashley, or maybe it has been so long that I just don't remember. I sigh and lean back, is it possible to fall for two completely different people at the same time

_I guess so because you have. _I put down the tweezers and rest my head in my hands, why oh why is this happening? I feel like I am grasping at straws and being a rookie all over again, and every time I think of Miri I feel like I am betraying Ash, this is so frustrating and daunting, I feel like I am losing my edge and this time, I am not sure if I can pick myself back up. I feel a tear run down on my cheek, as I hear the door open revealing a certain lovable thief,

"Hey Shep, are you ready-" Kasumi begins before she sees my face as I lift it up to look at her, I quickly wipe away the tear etching its way onto my cheek, her eyes soften and she comes towards me and drapes an arm around me

"Oh Shep, just tell her how you feel and-"

"But I have no idea how I feel!," I yell at her and stand up pushing Kasumi's arm off me "Half the time I feel like I am betraying Ashley, but then again," I scoff and throw my hands up "I have no way of contacting her, and I feel all alone and annoyed and frustrated, I just don't know how I am supposed to feel anymore, one moment I have to be strong for my crew, the next I am being told what to do and I have no say in it," I sigh as my voice becomes low and I feel drained and sad all over again, it is like Akuze all over again "I just don't know what to do anymore, I have no control over my life anymore" I sigh as I lean on the table with my hands either side of the model.

"Shepard, if it makes you feel better, you can come to my room later and we can drink away our worries" I smile as I try to choke back tears, she always knows how to pick me up and make everything seem better

"Thanks K" Kasumi's smile lights up her face and she brings me into a hug and just holds me for a while, my arms wrap round her, in such a short space of time, I never thought I could have made such a good friend that can read me so well, then again I guess that is because she just wants to pick my pockets, as that is the nature of this thief.

"Anytime Lexi" I smile, only her and Garrus use it, and that 2 times Miranda used it, but I don't want to think of the XO a few levels below me,

"You used my first name" Kasumi pulls back with a worried look in her eyes

"Is that okay? I can still call you Shep if that is more comfortable-" I laugh at her and tugs her back into a fierce hug

"No it nice that you use it, it makes me feel like we more like friends than team mates" Kasumi pulls back and with that mischievous smile she begins to leave

"See you later then Lexi? My room 1800 hours sharp" I laugh at her mickey take voice of what is supposed to be me

"Aye Aye Sir" I say and give a mock salute as she exits and her laughter fills my quarters, Kasumi is the only one who can pick me up like that and after that I prepare for landing at the Horizon Colony

"Shepard arrival to the Horizon Colony is 10 minutes" EDI says as I fix my hair and begin to make my way to the elevator and take the ride down to the air lock

"Thanks EDI, can you tell Miranda and Garrus to suit up and meet me in 2 minutes sharp at the air lock?"

"Of course Commander, logging you out" I nod my head as the door opens and the new glisten coat of red strip which, has been newly re painted and cleaned by myself, catches the light as I slowly make my way there, Miranda is already there and my gut clenches subconsciously as every time I see her it is like I am seeing her for the first time all over again, the glossy black hair that tumbles past her shoulder, the beautiful carved face with cerulean blue eyes, the pale unblemished skin and that amazing figure, not forgetting my favourite assets of hers, her arse, it is deliciously round and squeezable as well as boobs that seem to be huge.

_Wow, that was some serious ogling right there_

_Shut up, I know you like it too_

_What happened to "I feel like I am betraying Ash?"_

_I don't want to think about her right now_

"Miranda, how are you?" I ask her softly as I stand opposite her against the adjacent wall, her eyes flicker to mine for the briefest second, yup, she is still closed off and professional

"I am good Commander, how are you?" Wow, I didn't expect _that. _In fact I expected a snarky remark

"Good as one can get building ship replica's" I say and I see a small smile appear, she is about to reply when Garrus walks over, he is so tall that I have to crane my neck up to look at him, literally

"Garrus are you done powering your ugly face?" I joke to him; I see his mandibles twitch in amusement

"Sorry I had to add a bit of blusher, you know what I mean?" I try to keep the straightest face possible to reply

"I have no idea? What about you Miranda?" I look over to her, okay, I lie I stare at her intently awaiting her response a blush coats her cheeks, god she looks gorgeous when she blushes- okay where the hell are these thoughts coming from?

_Me, sometimes I just like to surprise you_

_Well don't!_

_Okay, Okay, no need to be miserable. _

"Commander can we concentrate on the mission please?" Ouch, I defiantly took it too far; jeesh being around her is like stepping on egg shells. Well I guess she is right as we enter the shuttles and I pray whatever Mordin did worked, because I really don't want to die again.

Damn it! I couldn't save the colony! We were too slow!, I run a hand through my hair as I try not to think about how much husk skin flakes I have in my hair, we watch the Collector ship power off into the distance, at least we got them to leave, and now we have more of an understanding of what is going on.

"They got what they came for Shepard, most of the colonists were on board" Damn it! Another one gone because I was too slow!

_It isn't your fault Shepard. _It damn well feels like it when that same mechanic runs out and has a go at me

"No don't let them leave; they have half the colony in there!" I feel my heart grow heavy and I look towards the ground as I tell him

"I am sorry there was nothing more we could have done, we did everything we could" I feel a hand on my shoulder and I know it is Garrus

"You could have done nothing else Shepard" I flash him a small smile

"You look familiar, you're not a part of the Alliance are you?" the mechanic says as I open my mouth to say something instead another all too familiar voice says

"Commander Alexandra Shepard, Saviour of the Citadel, First and Only Human Spectre, you are in the presence of a God" Ashley, I can't believe it, she is here, right in front of me, and I can see her, and by God I realise how much I missed her, Sexy as always as she holds herself with that Williams pride, and she looks the same as she did two years ago

"Ash" I manage to sob out as I rush to meet her, she holds me and pulls me in for a kiss, her lips are simply like coming home and are much better than my memory could ever capture, my hands have to touch her, just to make sure she is really here. I open my eyes and I see her eyes flickering to something over my shoulder and her kiss changes to dominating and possessive and her touch moves to those places best kept for private times, I watch her eyes as the brown orbs move over something in the background, before she frowns and pulls away abruptly.

"Please tell me it isn't true" I frown, I don't understand, her moods are confusing me, I thought she would be happy to see me

"I don't understand what-"

"Are you working for Cerberus?" I feel my gut hit the floor, I know how she feels about them, shit, she knows I have more reason for hating them more than most.

"Chief, it isn't as simple as that, they rebuilt me, and they are helping me with the Reapers, something the Alliance never believed or did-"

"So you are? God Shepard I thought you were better than that, hell, I knew it but, I just didn't want to believe it" I feel anger stir within me

"Not everything is so black and white Ash, you know that better than that" her posture changes as she moves further away from me

"Only you made me see the greys Shepard and when you god damn died everything went back to black and white" Ouch, I wince,

"Do you think I wanted to die? To leave so much behind, the crew, us? I thought I had everything, and I was so happy Ash, do you really think I wanted to leave that? I was never more afraid of losing someone so important to me" I plead, it is like she doesn't see what I have had to sacrifice to be where I am now, and I didn't sacrifice all of it willingly, especially us. I raise my hand to her cheek, but she pushes away my hand, and fear and rejection settles in my heart and, it's breaking it apart.

"I don't know Shepard, because I don't know who you are anymore, nor do I want to" tears clog my throat, I don't want us to break up not like this

"Ashley I love you!" I shout and I through my hands up and one hand ends up in my hair as a tear escapes my eye

"If you loved me you wouldn't have died, and you wouldn't be working for Cerberus" her voice is so so cold. Maybe she is right, I don't know her anymore

"I had no choice! I-" I say as I take a step towards her she jabs her index finger into my chest I look into her eyes, searching for love, for anything that will show me the Ashley I once knew, and as my stomach hits the floor, I can't find her, she is lost to me.

"I bet Cerberus has you wrapped around their finger! I wouldn't be surprised if they planted a control chip in your head Lexi, because I don't know who you are anymore!" out of the corner of my eye I see Miranda wince, Ashley must have noticed too as she storms over to her and yells in her face

"What did you do to her?! You sick barstards! I bet you-"I don't give her time to finish as I drag her back and push her away from Miranda as I stand in front of Miranda, protecting her from Ashley rant

"They SAVED me Ash, that's what they did, when everyone gave up Miranda saved me" I feel Miranda hand lightly resting on my upper arm, if Ashley noticed she doesn't say anything

"It doesn't matter Shepard because I have found someone else, better than you were and HE won't die on me" Wait what? No, this cannot be happening! I can't lose her, I came back for her, and now she is going to leave me? The world falls away from me as that thought consumes me, I fall to my knees and I sit down right in front of her

"I never really cared about you Shepard, you were just a convenient toy to have" Ashley begins to walk off leaving me staring at her retreating form

"I thought you loved me" I say and you can hear the sadness pour out of my voice

"I never did Shepard, you are nothing to me, not anymore, so move on, because I have" with that she just leaves us, leaves me, I just feel numb, I feel like I should be crying or something, but I just feel… empty, like she ripped something away from me and now there is nothing there, my heart should be hurting but I can't even feel that, I can feel someone calling me but I can't respond, I am numb to it all, the mission, everything, I feel myself being lifted up and carried back into the shuttle and back into the Normandy.

I sit in my quarters, and I just stare at the walls and clock, still no feelings, maybe I am dead, because that's how I feel as it approaches 1800 hours I start to make my way down to the Information deck into the elevator and to Kasumi's room, everyone on the ship is quiet and doesn't bother me, at least my crew respect my privacy, as I enter Kasumi's room she flings herself at me

"I heard what happened, Lexi I am so so sorry" I hug her tightly as I feel something and it burns through my heart and breaks it, along with sadness and depression, it is so heavy that I can't help but just cry into Kasumi's shoulder, so this is what heartbreak feels like.

"Shhh it is okay Lexi, let it out" I cannot stop sobbing into her shoulder, I really did love her, with every fibre of my being and when I come back and I try to talk to her she just does that and breaks my heart, no shatters my heart into a million pieces

"I thought she loved me" I manage to sob out as Kasumi sits us down and pulls away from me and takes out some whiskey and hands me the bottle as I just want to forget, I don't even bother with a glass tumbler I just take it straight from the bottle and I let silent tears roll down my face, the alcohol makes my lips my tingle, I touch my lips to find them still swollen from Ashley's kiss, my heart shatters even more and tears smart in my eyes and I take another swig, and I wait for the effects to kick in, I feel them numbing buzz of alcohol in my veins. The best thing about being around Kasumi is that, you don't have to say anything, after about 6 drinks on her behalf she passes out, I am still going, I can't seem to keep the buzz, I guess that will be down to some stupid Cybernetics. I put Kasumi on the bed and whisper

"Thank you" I leave allowing the master thief to sleep when I go past Miranda's room, and without thinking I walk in to see a distressed looking Mir sat there hand in hair as she leans on her computer table and brow crunched in confusion, her eyes flicker to me and she sits back automatically and she comes to meet me at the door

"Shepard are you okay?" I just stare at her, how can she think I am okay? Really, right now I could really do with just forgetting, as she comes closer her nose scrunches up adorably and she stops a couple of steps short

"Have you been drinking?" I say and push past her and I sit down on her couch before putting my head in my hands and leaning forward

"Yes Kasumi thought I might need something to take the edge off" Miranda sits next to me on the love seat and she rests her hand on my knee and squeeze which offers comfort and reassurance

"It will get better Shepard" How can see say that? How can she know that?

"It just hurts so damn much" I choke out and she pulls me into a hug, I am still not use to her hugging me, they are so full of warmth, unlike her icy demeanour and I love them, she hugs me tightly, and then she pulls back slightly and I look up, her eyes flicker to my lips, and then she leans in and I feel those perfect lips mould around mine, I lean into it before I know what I am doing. Wait what the hell am I doing?! What is she thinking?! I break away from her and stand up. What the hell is going on with me?

**A/N : Bet you guys weren't expecting that! Anyways, I hope you guys like this one! Even though it wasn't funny I thought this is a KEY moment in the story, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing this one! Please review and the next update will be out soon as possible! (Maybe Friday or tomorrow) love bexaday**


	10. I Don't Know How To Feel About You Anymo

**Chapter 10**

**I Don't Know How To Feel About You Anymore**

**A/N: Hey guys this is the next update but sadly, I only got three reviews, not my best lot, but I shall keep writing, this one is going to be emotional and less funny, sorry but this needs to be serious. – B**

Miranda's POV

I don't know why she is shocked; I thought I made my intentions clear, like really clear.

"What the hell doing you think you are doing Miranda?" Shepard demands, oh no, what the hell have I done. I should have waited until she was over Ashley, damn it! I can never control myself when it really matters,

"I thought that's what you wanted" I say to her and her posture grows aggressive and she backs away from me.

"I don't want it right now" I can't help but feel guilty and I feel shameful at the rising hope in me,

_Well at least you know that she does want it_

_Really? Not the right time_

"So you do want it then?" I blurt out, I feel my eyes widen and Shepard just stares, and it is the most intense stare I have yet to experience as it burns through my soul. I cannot look away no matter how hard I try, then her eyes grow stormy as she closes the distance between us until our bodies are nearly pressed together, but this isn't an intimate caress it is full of rage and hate, her aura frightens me a little but I don't back down

"How dare you. How fucking dare you. You have no right, none" Shepard says in an eerily calm tone which radiates anger and makes a shiver go down my spine, even though I have to look down at her nothing would have changed if I had been a giant, she makes me feel like I am two feet tall. Then I can feel the Ice Queen burst out as I put up my walls, my defences to shield myself from her.

"I was simply stating –" I began

"Well don't state!," Shepard began as she threw her hands up and I recoiled slightly at the interruption as Shepard never interrupted me. Not even when she was furious, either that are she wouldn't _dare _to. I feel my temper spike as I try to clamp down on it, it just races higher "You know what happened on Horizon for fuck sake! You were bloody there! So why the fucking hell do you think I need your pity?"

"I thought you understood what I wanted!" I yell at her, I know the crew in the Mess Hall can probably hear us, but I don't care now I just need to let it out

"What you wanted?" Shepard sates in bewilderment before scoffing "Just because you are an Icy bitch doesn't mean you get everything you want"

"Who the hell do you think you are? Just because you are the "Oh so great Commander Shepard" doesn't mean you can make snap judgement on everyone you meet!" I yell back at her

"I never judge you since the day we met, even when you acted like a total bitch towards me, I treated you differently because I saw that you were lonely and now I know why," Shepard pauses before sneering at me "Because you are a selfish bitch who only cares about herself!" Before I can stop myself my retort comes sailing back

"Well that's a little harsh since you LET your family die didn't you? You just sat there and-" An object comes whizzing past my head so fast I can even tell what it is, I look back to Shepard and her whole body is glowing blue, the vanguards chest is heaving and I can see the tremor's going through her body

"I couldn't save them, I was too weak, there was nothing I could have done!" she yells back before her fists curl at her sides, this is getting way too far out of control, but I am beyond the point of caring, I just want to hurt her.

"Don't lie Shepard you are happy that they are dead, just like Akuze, you just wanted the fame and the glory-" A blood curdling scream tears itself from Shepard lips and her eyes focus on me as she Charges at me, I quickly erect a barrier with my hands but she is so strong that she breaks through and she collides with me with such a force that I can feel my bones in my hand begin to snap, agonizing pain shoots through my receptors and I clutch my hand, and in defence I send a warp her way and it sends her colliding with the door as she head butts the frame the door, the door opens before Shepard has time to recover and she staggers out, I begin to follow. I am not leaving this fight unfinished. I storm to the doorway of my office to follow her when Shepard regains her footing and she looks up at me and I can see a large purple bruise swelling on her cheek, making her left eye into a slit

"You have no idea what I went through Operative Lawson, and to suggest that I only did it for the fame doesn't only tarnish my name but the name of those who died, I stand up as the only survivor and each day I remember what happened to them and in their honour I try to live a better life" Shepard says pointing her finger at me before storming off to the elevator, I fall back into the doorway and I lean my head back onto the cool metal, before I take a proper look into the corridor only to see nearly the entire crew stood there with wide eyes and open mouths. I feel the beginning of tears in my eyes and I push off from the wall and back into my office, I walk on unsteady legs into the bedroom and collapse onto the bed. I feel so guilty, if I hadn't tried to kiss her, then things would have been so different, with my right hand I run my hand through my hair before gripping my hair in my fist, whilst the other hand remains on my lap as it is the one I hurt in the fight with Shepard and it is starting to swell, I sigh, it is defiantly broken, I pushed her too far, I shouldn't have used her family against her, I mean at least she had a family, I had a barstad of a father and that's all

_Yes but you didn't have to watch them die at the hands of Batarian slavers_

_True but my father chases around Ori which is bad as well_

_But I defiantly think Shepard has more issues than you do, and that's saying a lot_

_I do not have issues_

_Having a Physcotic dad who grew you from his and random DNA, which, he deemed to be perfect and then created you and gave you the perfect upbringing but still, he created you at twin, which you then STOLE and now you try your hardest to hide her from him. Yeah because those aren't obviously issues._

_Shut up, I just wanted to hurt Shepard as much as she hurt me_

_What when she rejected you? How immature can you get?_

_Well I am not going to talk to her or apologise for my actions_

_Once again proving how immature you are_

I feel tears pool into my eyes and it is getting harder and harder not to let them fall, I blink furiously a few times and they disappear, and I just sit there in some kinda of warped limbo, I want to go apologise and tell her I am sorry about the kiss, the fight, everything,

_You are so not sorry about the kiss_

_Shut up! _I groan and I feel a tear leak from my eye and I watch it drop onto the steel bottom of the floor. I feel like swooning at the kiss, crying at us fighting, and screaming in frustration, she wants me and I want her, so what is stopping her from taking what I am willingly giving to her? I growl as I remember what Ashley said to her, I don't know anyone who could have been so cold and hateful, I just wanted to shoot her right then, and she had no right on saying that to Shepard. I never _ever _want to see Shepard that broken ever again, unconsciously I clench my injured hand and pain shoots through me and I breathe in quickly. I might as well go see Dr Chakwas, I stand up and I hold my head up high as I walk through the mess hall, I don't care if they stare at me, at least I am brave enough to stand up to her

_Or stupid enough, depending on who you ask. _I am ignoring you, I did the right thing, sometimes people need a little push in the right direction

_I don't think you warp caused a "little push" more like, threw her off her feet and made her head butt the door. Yes because that was totally a little push._

_You know what? I am just going to block you out. _ I reach the medbay with no one stopping me, either they are too busy gaping at my hand or looking on in awe that I took on the Commander in combat.

_Do you really think you could best the Commander in combat?_

_Well I just did_

_She wasn't trying, and you know that, she didn't really want to hurt you_

_Of course, that explains why she broke my hand_

_Shepard could have done a lot worse. _The medbay door opens and Dr Chakwas turns around and I walk towards her clutching my wrist, her eyes flicker down to it and she frowns,

"Let's see how bad the damage is then" Chakwas says as she indicates to the bed next to her and I sit on it and she takes my hand gently and probes lightly

"I saw what happened" Chakwas states and I look away from her, as I feel the guilt circulate through me

"You shouldn't have said anything about her family, you didn't see the state she was in when she was found, and as for Akuze, that was just offensive Miranda" Chakwas stated, I can't bring myself to look at her, I know it was wrong and I wish I had never had said anything

"I wish I had never said anything, damn it. I should have never have kissed her" I say thinking out loud, Chakwas hand stills, and she turns my head with her hand and looks into my eyes, her green eyes are wide

"You kissed her?" Chakwas says, her voice mimics my surprise, I sigh, I just keep my mouth shut can I?

"Yes" I say and I can hear the defeat in my voice, I might as well tell her everything

"Now that explains a lot" Chakwas says, I frown, what could she possibly mean? Before I answer Garrus comes storming in

"Miranda what the hell where you thinking? Shepard was already fragile and now you've sent her over the edge-"Chakwas silences him before turning back to me. Kindness is bright in her eyes as she smiles at me

"Miranda did not know the extent of her… mental health it isn't anything to worry about I assure you Garrus, just keep an eye on her, if you can't send that pesky thief, I believe she is on good terms with the Commander" Chakwas tells Garrus as she puts medigel on my wound and I sigh as then swelling starts to recede

"I would send Kasumi, but it seems she is too intoxicated to even speak let alone spy" Chakwas sigh and her brow narrows in what I can only guess as frustration

"EDI, can you update me on the Commander's whereabouts and what her current stats are please?" The glowing blue orb of EDI illuminates

"Shepard is currently in the docking bay, it would seem she is reliving some stress through exercise with Jack, her brain scan indicates high stress and anger but it is slowly elevating"

"Thank you EDI that will be all" Chakwas says before setting the bones in my hand

"Now don't go doing things with that hand Ms Lawson, give it a day before you start shooting again" A day? Shepard might need me?!

_I don't think she will want your help anymore. All things considering._

I slowly begin to sit up when Garrus walks out and Shepard enters, she looks sweaty and her exercise gear clings to all her assets, I try to avert my eyes but I can't, I look up to her face and the swelling has increased and the bruising has gone greeny purple and her eye is almost invisible, even so her eyes meet mine and I can see the storm still going strongly, and then I am locked in her gaze unable to look away, I feel like I am drowning in her tirade of emotions, the room goes silent, after a few minutes her gaze weakens and I bolt like a frightened animal and I get up and I begin to walk away, after a few steps I hear and I stop in mid step

"Shepard! Every time I turn around for 5 seconds you have gotten yourself a new injury!" Chakwas exclaims,

"This one wasn't through the casual means though doc" I tense up at this and I just leave and give my thanks to Chakwas, who is currently sorting out the swelling on Shepard's face. I walk about the ship before ending back up in my quarters, there is nothing I can do now, I have ruined any chance of us having a relationship. With that thought I lie down on my bed and try not to think of Shepard as I drift off to sleep.

A few hours later I wake as my terminal is bleeping, I groan as my hand is sore Then I remember why, damn Shepard for being so strong and dam me for being a bitch. I slide off the bed and sit in my chair as I use my right hand to turn on my terminal and I see a message not addressed to me, but it defiantly came from Shepard terminal so that means I have to view it before it actually gets sent

_To: Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams_

_From: Commander Alexandra Shepard_

_Fuck you_

_Yours sincerely_

_S_

Well, at least Shepard is honest about how she feels.

**A/N: So guys there is chapter 10! Just to make sure you all know that Shepard and Ashley are not getting back together and this is where the story will go on and off plot so stick with me, I am sorry this one to a long time to publish and I have no idea when the next one will be, so please review! Thanks for reading - B**


	11. I Can't Avoid You Forever, But I Can Try

**Chapter 11**

**I Can't Avoid You Forever, But I Can Try**

**A/N: Okay guys, here is the next instalment of this messed up story, I hope you are enjoying it and I don't want to sound winey, but guys you need to review more! Anyways I hope you guys know that when Shepard is in trouble, she goes to see her favourite Asari, that's right! Liara T'Soni, but don't worry no romance between them two, just our main characters. Oh! And thank you all that have reviewed and favourited this story, it means A LOT to me . And I hope the email cleared up that Shepard and Ashley will not be getting back together, and I do actually like Ashley, she was my ME romance choice and then I saw Miranda and was like… WOW. Which I think is understandable, without any further ado here it is.**

Shepard's POV

I cannot believe she fucking said that, of all the people that could have said it! Fucking bitch, argh. I storm into the elevator and head straight for the Engineering Deck, I storm down there with quick strides, I can feel the anger boiling in my blood, she had no fucking right, not because she was right, hell no, she was so wrong but because she is always on my case to be my best, to be the best for fucking humanity**, **well, why can't she do it is looking fucking perfect enough to do my job!

_She is too… icy for that don't you think?_

_More like fucking emotionless. _I growl as my feet hit the stairs leading down into Jack's little cubby-hole

_Now you know that isn't true, she has shown __you __her softer side, you know she is just scared; you're the only one how makes her act like that, it must be very scary having someone that can take off that mask. You'd be scared too. _

"Shut up" I snarl and I punch a panel on the ship and by fist creates a dent in it. Thank the gods I near the engineer's, otherwise Miranda would have my hide.

_Miranda, Miranda, Miranda! For a woman you hate you seem to think about her an awful amount._

_She is my fucking XO_

"Jesus Shepard! Don't fucking do that!" Jack states, the tattooed biotic states as she appears beside me, I grab her around the throat and close my fist around and haul her up onto the wall, and I let out a sound that is close to a snarl as the anger overrides my actions, I just don't care anymore

"Don't you fucking dare tell me what to say! This is my fucking ship with my fucking rules!" I yell into her face, her amber eyes widen with a barely concealed fright and they only make contact with mine for a second before darting away as she struggles in my grip

"What the fuck pissed you off so bad?" Jack manages to get out as she struggles in my hold, that sentence takes all the fight out of me, and I relax my stance and I loosen my grip and slowly put her back on her feet and release her, I back away from her and sit in one of her dark corners with my elbows resting on my knees as I am lent against the wall and I raise my hand up so it rests lightly in my loose wringlets.

"Sorry Jack, I know it is no bloody excuse but Miri just pissed me off. Big time." I say somehow managing to keep my voice strong and hard, as Jack recovers from her coughing fit, jeesh I guess I was holding her very tightly

"To fucking Shepard, I don't want to die a shitty death, and that Cerberus fucking Cheerleader, I thought you guys were bumming each other? What did she fucking say?" Jack says, her cussing beats mine, I have never known anybody to use so many swear words in a sentence. As she sits opposite me, letting the red lights illuminate her tattoos.

"Jack if I am gonna tell you, you gotta promise not to breathe a fucking word, or I. Will. End. You. okay?" I see a smile grace Jacks lips as she looks at something in the distance

"Sure Shepard as long as you blast me out the air lock, now tell me already!" I want to laugh at her impatience, but the moment is too important

"She said all the things I have done. Akuze, Mindoir etc., was all for my personal gain and that I only did it for the fame and I thought she-" Jack is on her feet and her biotics are pulsing with raw power, Subject Zero is a good and well placed nickname for her

"That fucking Bitch! I will rip her new one that little" I stand up and I place my hand wearily on her shoulder, but she doesn't shake it off.

"Jack-"

"I know, I know! You have stopped me from doing it, Damn you Shepard!" Jack says as she kicks a box harder than I would have thought possible from the skinny biotic, and then she throws her hands up. Breathing hard she slowly relaxes and neither of us say anything for a while and then she looks up at me

"Although" I begin and then I stop, is it wrong for me to hate her, but to have enjoyed the kiss? It just felt so… good and right, we fitted together so well, even thinking about it now makes me want to moan, I lick my lips, god, I can still fucking taste her, it makes me hate her and love her at the same time, her taste is so intoxicating, I cannot help but lick my lips again. I want more but I cannot stand to see her right now, I zone back in on my surroundings and Jack is staring at me with a new found interesting, then her eyes go wide. Oh shit, I shouldn't have done that, I clamp my hands over my mouth and Jack's laugh feels the air

"You didn't! Did you?" She knows the answer, I can feel myself blushing and I pry my hands away from my mouth

"Well it isn't what you think!" I groan before Jack laughs again and I face palm, because there is nothing else I could do to redeem myself

"You fucking kissed the Ice Queen! I am surprised you haven't got blisters for her icy lips!" Jack just laugh and I huff and I fold my arms and look away whilst I wish for my blush to disappear, when I hear footsteps on the stairs, to be more precise, I hear high heels, I straighten out my uniform and Jack just looks over at me, with a weird glance

"Not a fucking word, okay Jack?" I fix her one of my stares and she just nods as the Ice Queen makes her entrance, head held high, but you can see tear tracks down her face and her eyes are full of regret

"Commander, The Illusive Man has informed me of some ship upgrades, I would suggest docking into The Citadel-"God, I cannot take her condescending tone!

"Thank you Ms Lawson" I say, I will not allow personal hatred to pour into our… I don't know what to eve call it/ Relationship? Friendship? I think I will call it our Allegiance because it just hurts too much to call it more than that. After shooting Jack a knowing gaze, I follow her up the stairs I silence, we don't talk at all, which is fine by me as I am trying not to stare, after that kiss it is like my hormones are on their own planet, please don't tell me I am going to be like a raving lust monster every time I am around her! God it makes me hate her so much, her ass is just swaying in my face, does she have to tease me so much! God I fucking hate her! It sways with her every step and I can't stop staring,

_Don't crash now; it will be an obvious indicator that you are staring_

_Shut up, I am trying to keep focused_

_On what? Her ass? Or where you are going? _I groan and I rub my head, Miranda turns around at my groan and I close my eyes and lean on the wall as the day's events are taking their toll on me,

"Shepard? What's wrong?" Miranda says as she walks over to me, Oh jeesh, I can literally feel myself growing hotter and hotter, I bite my lip to suppress a moan escaping my mouth, because if I didn't it could get. Very awkward. Miranda puts her hand to my forehead and it is somewhat cooling, this doesn't mean I hate her any less though, she is just taking me down, brick by brick.

"Just a headache I guess" I mutter and she tilts my head up so I am looking into her eyes, their cerulean blue is so hypnotising, I just keep staring then, I pull my eyes down her face and onto those lips, so soft and plump, I can see the light coating of lip gloss on them and I cannot help but feel this urge to kiss her, my heart is racing and my palms have a light sheen of sweat on them, I look back up to her eyes and they are fixated on my own lips, I feel anger go through me. She was never sorry, she never in bloody cared how deep she hurt me, she just wants… _This. _Whatever this is.

"I…I have somewhere to be Lawson" I say as I pull away from her personal space, she nods her head and I walk off with her in tow, we reach the elevator and enter, I feel dread pass through me as the lust monster returns as we are stuck in a slow moving lift. For a few minutes. Alone. I am going straight to my quarters at have a seriously cold shower because god knows I need one. The ride is silent and every so often I feel Miranda's gaze on me, as she gets off on CIC, I zoom up to my quarters, I strip off and enter the shower and turn the water to freezing cold, no matter how sick I get it will be worth it to keep me level headed around Miranda. God, I hate her, she had no right to say those things about me! Or my dead family for that matter of fact! I feel anger burn though my veins, I seriously do not want to punch another wall anytime soon so I just crick my neck from side to side and roll my shoulders, I push my emotions to one side, and I get out of the shower and get changed into a fresh uniform. I am brushing my hair when I hear Joker say

"Commander, it is Liara on the line for you" Liara?! I didn't think she was available for me to hire her for my crew, let alone talk too!

"Patch her through Joker, I could do with a friendly voice" I say with a smile I cannot wait to see Liara.

**A/N: So there we have it guys! I hope the little tense scene was enough for you guys! The rating will soon go up so be prepared for that, also I have decided to come on and off of plot just so we can see all the best parts of there relationship blossom ad grow! Don't worry the next chapter should be done by tomrow, no guarantee on the time though, so please review, thanks - Bexaday**


	12. Gimme Gimme, Always Gets

**Chapter 12**

**Gimme Gimme, Always Gets**

**A/N: Okay guys here we go, straight after chapter 11 here is 12 but before I let you read it I would like to thank all those reviewing, it means a lot and I have a lot to write in little time so I apologise now for the spelling mistakes. Jack will hold a slight grudge against Shepard but Jack understands betrayal so that's why she didn't attacking Shepard though she could of. This chapter will be the Lair of The Shadow Broker DLC. Oh and before I forget, which I always do**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, just like I forgot to mention in all my other chapters. Sorry Bioware**

Shepard's POV

Finally I get to see a friendly face

"Patching her through to you Commander" Joker's voice rings through my quarters and a projection of my favourite Asari pixelates, Gosh she hasn't changed at all, even though she is only 108 or is it 107? I ponder silently as I observe her, her figure is still curvaceous and womanly and you can see that she stills has that wonder of a child. I smile at her as she smiles at me

"Lexi! I was hoping this was the right line!"

"It is amazing to see you too, Liara!" I exclaimer, I so wish I could hug her right now

"By the Goddess Lexi! I still can't over the fact you are alive! That's not a bad thing though! I am glad Cerberus fulfilled their promise-" I cut Liara off, what the hell does she mean?

"What are you on about Liara?" Liara's brow scrunches up before she answers wearily and cautiously

"They didn't tell you?" I am starting to get a little frustrated now, can she just bloody tell me already?  
"I am guessing you weren't expecting that, so can you just tell me please?" I say with the largest amount of calm and control I can muster.

"I was the one who recovered your body, I gave you to Cerberus. They said they could bring you back! And I couldn't lose you again without knowing if you could be brought back! It was all I could do to-"

I silence Liara as I let that thought circulate around my head. Well if Liara did bring me back she was doing it for the entire galaxy and her, they do need me and if I am going to be honest, I am glad they brought me back

"It is fine Liara! Stop stressing!" I say to her as she is starting to look a bit fluster and is flailing around, after I say that she calms down a bit,, well enough to look at me in the eye

"But it is with Cerberus and I thought-"

"No no I don't hate all of them, just the ones who get in my way, plus the fact I should be thanking you, because you were the one who helped me come back to life and not everyone gets two shots at life, so. Thank you" I say Liara just looks a bit shocked with her mouth slightly agape, I can still manage to surprise her even after all these years, this thought makes me smirk lightly and then she straightens out her figure hugging dress before clearing her throat.

"Well that's good then" Liara says. I laugh at her response, oh god she makes me laugh so much and lightens my mood so easily! I clutch my sides as they begin to hurt, my eyes are watering slightly

"What? Have I misunderstood something, Shepard!" Liara wines out my name and I can't help but laugh even more

"Nothing, nothing. You just always make me laugh!," I say as my laughs become chuckles as they slowly die down "Is it okay if I make a pit stop on Illium?" I say and her smile widens and she clasp her hands together and I am positive that if she wasn't wearing a dress she would be jumping up and down.

"Of course I will meet you in the docking bay!"

"Okay I will be there in a few hours, be safe Liara" I smile one last time before Liara responds

"You to Commander" the transmission cuts out and I shake my head, she still calls me Commander after all these years,

"EDI, can you tell Joker to set a course for Illium as soon as possible?" I say as the blue orb appears

"Of course, Mr Monroe tells me that it has been set, ETA 3 hours" I nod before resting on my bed slightly and I let out a sigh, as I let the emotional waterfall drop onto me, and it is just so bloody tiring, the anger, the hate, sadness, angst and god knows what else. I turn my head to the side on the pillow and close my eyes, I might as well try to get some shut eye, this is if the nightmares leave me alone, which I very much doubt, but I don't care I just want to leave it all, the Miranda drama and the mission behind. I settle down and let my mind drift.

I wake up in a sweat my mind alert and I am breathing heavy

"EDI status report" I say automatically as my eyes scan the cabin, damn it can these nightmares not leave me alone for a few hours? At least this time it was the Thresher Maws, they… dragged me under but this time I see what happened to my body, I shiver at the thought, it is an experience I never want to repeat

"The Cabin is empty Shepard, I suggest you go see Dr Chakwas" I can't let the doc know that I am suffering again, she already has so much on her plate with dealing with the crap food Gardner keeps serving people and the constant wounds my crew gets, I swear they are magnets for the bullets, I shake my head and take in a shaky breath as I try to stop my racing heart, I swing my legs over the side and stand up

"Shepard ETA 30 minutes to Illium" I smile, soon I get to see Liara

"Thanks Joker" I stretch up before entering the shower, the water hits me and I slowly begin to calm down, I feel the tension on my shoulders lessen a little, I get out and slowly get changed before putting on my armour and walking out, I don't need or want anyone there for this talk I am going to have with Liara. I enter the elevator with a smile on my face. I send the elevator before the doors open on CIC to reveal the tattooed biotic she storms in and stands next to me and as soon as the doors close, I feel her fist connect with my cheek, the same one as Miranda hit and I feels shooting pain as more bruises blossom,

"That's payback for the strangling Shepard, you didn't think you would get fucking away with it do you?" I look over to her to see her smiling and I know there is a smile on my face, I wish more people were like Jack, the eye for an eye kind of person

"Not for a second Jack, not for a second" I say to her, strangely I am not angry with her, in fact, I think I might of needed that

_Really? So abuse is you form of clearing your head, wow. That's a bit fucked up_

_It helps me to clear my head, don't judge me, me!_

_Oh god, you just reminded me, I am embarrassed for you. _

"Thanks for adding to my set of bruises Jack, thanks for being so blunt, at least you can say you punched the Commander and survived" I say to her and she just rolls her eyes and smirks

"Yeah because you are such a fucking badass"

"You know it's true, don't deny it" I tease her

"Shame you act like such a pussy around Miranda then" Jack says as the doors open on the Observation Deck, my mouth is agape; I can't believe she just said that! I mean I haven't even thought about her this morning

"I do not!" I exclaim as Jack laughter carriers into the mess hall where it abruptly stops, I frown as Jack has just stopped in the middle of the hallway, I push past her to see what is going on and I see Miranda sat there at the table nursing a hot cup of tea, then all the emotions just come tumbling back the anger and hate overrule any other feeling and I storm pass Jack and just ignore Miranda as I get my tea and sit in the seat furthest away from her, which so happens to be on the other side of the mess hall. I see Miranda's eyes solely focused on her mug, nobody sits at her table and I feel pity and concern go through me; I go to stand up when I feel a lithe hand on my arm I look down to see nothing, Kasumi. I smile and look up at her, her cloak comes off and she sits down next to me

"Don't Shep, after all she has done, she doesn't deserve your forgiveness" I open my mouth I protest

"Shepard the Cheerleader ain't worth shit" Jack says as she sits opposite me, then Garrus sits next to Jack, I send him a understanding look, but he just stares back with an icy look, I huff, I don't forgive her but I just want her to have some company, even if she is a bitch sometimes, but she is hurting and-

_Get a fucking grip Shepard!_ _Remember what she said to you? She is just using you and you know it, just like Ashley did. _I wince at her name, it still manages to make me sad and I feel a tear build in my eye, I wish it could have been more civil, just… different. Maybe not so raw or hateful, but I don't regret that email, she fucking deserved that. I drain the tea out of my mug before getting up and going to the sink, I can feel Miranda's eyes on me, but the anger spikes and it takes all my control not to break the cup, my hands shake and I walk out quickly and get the elevator and I exit on CIC

"Shepard we have arrived" I rush to the air lock and I exit only to see my favourite Asari waiting for me, standing tall and proud, or it would seem if you couldn't see her hopping foot to foot, I laugh at her nervous trait and she turns around and the biggest smile I have ever seen appears on her face I rush over to her

"Liara!" I yell in joy as I rush through the crowd to meet her, her arms are outstretch and I jump into them, she has gotten taller, my head tucks underneath her chin now, she laughs and tightens me in her hug, I don't think I was even this happy to see Tali

"Lexi, I have missed you so much" Liara says as she gives me one last squeeze before leaning back to get a better look at me, her eyes immediately go to the bruise

"By the Goddess Shepard it seems you cannot go on without having some kind of injury" Liara scorns playfully before grasping my head lightly and tilting it side to side, I roll my eyes, but the grin on my face gives it away

"Yes mum, sorry mum" I say and she just laughs and indicates to the pathway and I follow as she leads me up to her office and we enter, her office looks out onto Illium and I look out at the hubbub of it all as we sit down

"So Shepard how did you get those bruises?" Liara askes seriously, I sigh and look straight though her light blue

"Which ones, the first set or second?" Liara eyes squint on my bruises before answering

"Both" I sigh

"The first are from Miranda and the-"Liara grows tense in her chair

"Miranda? I assume we are talking about Ms Lawson?" I nod my head and she stands up and leans on the railing and she is shaking slightly, I can't tell if it is out of anger or sorrow. Liara was always a bit odd when it came to emotions

"It wasn't all her fault Liara, she-"I started

"Don't make excuses for her Shepard!" Liara yells I go and stand next to her and I place my hand on her back and rub it affectionately, Liara pushes me off and begins to pace in her frustration, she didn't offended me, I understand that she feels somewhat reasonable for my wellbeing,

"Why did she do that Shepard? She seemed like a reasonable women, clean cut and professional-" I interrupt her I hate interrupting her but I have to, I can't let her think it was all Miranda's fault

"She is but, I don't know it is a long story" I say as I lean back on the balcony with my elbows supporting all my weight, after a while Liara retakes her spot next to me, I look up at her and I find her eyes fixated on me and she squeezes my wrists affectionately.

"I am willing to listen if you are willing to tell me" I nod and I clear my throat as I begin.

Miranda's POV

The canteen has never been so quiet, and I know it is because of me but I cannot bring myself to move from this chair, the tea in front of me has long since gone cold, I just feel so sad and drained, when she walked in and out of the canteen without even looking at me, just made something in me…. I don't know, die, I think is the right word.

_God your mood is so depressing, it is depressing me_

_You __**ARE **__me. _

I just let my fingers gently rest on the top of my mug and I let my index fingers slowly stroke my mug, the feeling that I am not wanted grows as I am alerted that Shepard has left, with no crew. Without me, I feel my brows furrow to hold back the awaiting tears, she knows how I worry, but then again what does she care? I practically threw away our friendship when I said those things, what the fuck possessed me to say them?!

_You are jealous of her, and the fact you wanted to hurt her_

_I really do not want you bloody input right now. _I can feel people's eyes on me, I can hear them whispering about mine and Shepard's argument, about the bets they probably lost on when we going to get together, I thought that maybe, just maybe, that if the damn crew could see it, then maybe Shepard could have bloody seen it. Damn it! I should have waited, but I just couldn't keep my fucking emotions in check! Urgh! Things could have been so different id I could have kept my hormones in check. Sadness passes through me as there is no chance for us now. I sigh and I stand up and somebody walks into me and knocks me over and I see one of the engineering crew, they really should have chosen a better moment than that

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing? You should be looking where you are going!" I yell at the person, as my cold tea is starring to seep into my uniform, I look into the eye of this crewmember and he is shaking,

"Sorry Operative Lawson I-"That does it for me I am sick of people apologising for the incompetent mistakes! Why they just get it right first time?!

"I don't want any of your bullshit excuses!" I yell at the shaking form of the man in front of me and I chuck my mug over at the sink and it breaks, sending parts of my crematic mug flying, I storm off to my office and I unzip my suit and I begin to was the stain out, I know there is a quicker way, but I need a better distraction one that isn't reports or something about Shepard, I scrub harder and harder, but the stain is stubborn, I guess it is just like love, it takes forever to move, that means it will take forever for Shepard to go, I wish I had done it differently, all of it! I wish I had never read anything about her! Or even taken on this project! Tears sting my eyes and I break down and the tears flow so freely and I cannot help but just sob. Shepard will never be mine, everybody hates me, and that's all her fault, Shepard makes me do the most stupidest things! I throw my suit into the laundry shoot and I just sit there clutching my legs to my chest crying my heart out, as it just keeps bleeding, not just for Shepard but for everything, Orianna, my life in general.

I have no idea how long I sat there, I don't even know how long ago my figure racking sobs turned into little hiccups, I stand up on shaky legs and I enter the shower and I clean up and I put on my mask better than I ever have, I walk out of my office, picking up some reports on the way only to find Jack stood there laughing, my stomach drops, please tell me she hasn't been there for the entire time

"Seriously how fucking pathetic can you get? Crying in your office about poor little you"

"Leave me alone Jack, I have nothing to say to you" I say with as much calm as I can muster as I feel anger rapidly approaching, but I keep the mask firmly in place

"What are you going to be a fucking Cheerleader ad bring out your offensive tools and destroy like you did with Shepard?"

"Do bloody well go there! That convocation wasn't between you and me it was-"

"Yeah, yeah, but I don't give a fuck. You didn't see what you did to her Cheerleader"

"And you did? I very much doubt she went to the crazed biotic for comfort" I retort knowing it will only anger the biotic, the anger is heaving in my veins

"You weren't the one who got strangled by her, at first I thought she was crazy not letting me go after you for what you said," Jack began "But know I realise she was preventing me from seeing you as the pitiful bitch you really are"

"Don't you fucking go there Jack, remember you will never be anything but nothing even your nickname is "Subject Zero" it means you will amount to nothing because you are nothing!" I yell to her and her bitoics flare as she gets in my face I lean straight back into her, her finger pressing into my chest

"It was your fucking people who made me nothing! You ruined me! Just like you are ruining Shepard!" She shoved me away and I pinned her with my biotics and I was stopping her counter-reacting with mine, I didn't say anything as I just wanted to end her life right there, I walked towards her as I increased the pressure of my hold around her neck. Only when I felt two pairs of arms lift me back into the wall did notice we had attracted the entire crew, the arms held me down and made my arms unusable, I struggled against them when I heard Garrus say

"Just go Miranda, nobody wants you here or another fight for that matter" They stand me up and I begin to walk back to my office as Jack shouts

"You will only ever be half the women Shepard, you will always be a cold hearted bitch, nobody fucking wants you here Miranda, so why do you just leave!" I feel my insides turn inside out. You know what? I might just do that! I storm into my room and I begin to pack my things and I activate my computer and begin to make the necessary procedures so I can leave, then they will have no more fighting and Shepard will have peace in her crew.

Shepard's POV

Thank you Liara for listening I am glad I have you to talk to" I say with a smile as I begin to stand up and Liara follows me with a smile of understanding on her face,

"Anytime Shepard. Just tell her Shepard, I am sure she is sick of waiting for you" I smile, it wasn't that I wasn't aware of this; I just need to let my other wounds close first. That has to be my favourite thing about Liara, she seems to be able to heal wounds and help me understand my own problems. We walk back to the ship and Liara pulls me into a hug before whispering

"Thank you for this Shepard, it meant a lot to me"

2You spent most of the time trying to dissect my every thought, but I guess it helped me too"

"Anytime Shepard, don't be afraid to call me"

"I won't Liara" I say as I let go of her and just before I enter decontamination I see Miranda going through the air lock, I look at her face, it is flushed from crying and it takes all the anger out of me, Miranda tries to tear away from me, she has a bag with her

"Miranda!" I shout as I grab her hand and pull her over so I can talk to her, what the hell could be wrong

"Just leave me alone Shepard, I know you hate me, but please don't torment me further" I frown as she shakes off my grip

"What the hell are you on about Miranda? I don't hate you!" I say to her and she just laughs, then her eyes meet mine and I can she is broken and it I just can't hate her anymore, I cannot see her like this

"Don't lie Shepard!" She says to me as she takes off to the main lobby at a fast pace, and I am literally running to keep up

"Stop! I don't understand!" I say and she turns around in a flurry and I can see fresh tears pouring down her face, I lean forward to wipe them off but she pushes my hand away

"I know about your chat with Jack, in fact it seems Shepard you don't give a shit at all! None of you want me there, so I am leaving!" Miranda practically yells

"So what if I talk to Jack? She is my crew just like you and I care for all my crew!" I yell back, feeling frustration poke at me

"Yes, ugh, I should have never said those things! I wish I had never said anything!" Miranda says as she throws her hands up and starts to walk away but I drag her back with my hand,

"But your wrong not everyone hates you!" I shout at her

"Like who?," Miranda scoffs "Well it can't be you because I am such a bitch, why would anyone like me?" I start to feel the confession building

"I..I" I try to say it, but it is like my mouth won't work

"That's what I thought, nobody wants me there, so I am going to leave, you can find yourself a new XO"

"You can't leave!," I half beg and half roar as she turns around before stopping a few steps, but not turning round

"Why, are you going to stop me?" It is now or never

"Because I love you!" I yell out, Miranda turns back around with wide eyes, and I await her response.

**A/N: Sorry guys to leave it on a cliffhanger, but I hoped you liked this one! I am the writer and I can't wait for the next chapter, so guys please review, thank you - Bexaday**


	13. Your Worth Fighting For

**Chapter 13**

**You Are Worth Fighting For**

**A/N: Sorry guys for this chapter being so late and leaving you all hanging and waiting for more, shout out to KasumiCain, who was worried that I would stop writing this story! But don't you all worry I will keep going until I can't find anything else to write about. Thank you to all my reviewers and followers, it mean so much to me a specai thank you to KasumiCain for giving me a kick up the backside so I would write more, so here we go! – Bexaday**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect**

Miranda's POV

My whole world has been turned upside down. I don't even think I heard her correctly, what could have changed her mind? So, many questions are swirling around my brain too fast for me to register, I drop my bag and turn to face Shepard. Her hands are hanging loosely at her sides in a hopeless fashion her stature is open and honest and she is just stood there, looking at me, her sliver eyes burning with the same intensity as that statement,

"Well, Miri I-" Shepard's cheeks are covered in her cute little blush that I adore so much, I have to hear her say it again, it doesn't seem real to me, nothing does right now. Apart from Shepard

"Say it again" I say but it comes out as a whisper as my emotions overrule every rule, every guideline I put in place to stop myself from getting hurt. Desperation makes my gut clench painfully and it makes my body shake in anticipation, I look in her eyes as she just stands there and I wait for her to reject me,

"Miri, I love you" The words leave her mouth as simple as they did the first time, my heart wrenches and I feel a tirade of emotions swamps me. Love, desperation. Need, who knows what else because there as so many and they all don't register, those three words make my heart sing and tears pour down my face, the Ice Queen has long since packed her bags and left and all that is left is me, the one who does care about people and crew, the one with emotions. I take a few shaky steps towards Shepard and even though it is only seconds it feels like forever until I reach her, and when I do I take a few shaky breaths, to be this closer to her and not have to pretend anymore that there something isn't there, when it obviously is. To just be me for a change. I am so close can smell her, the scent of wood smoke and cinnamon clouding my smell, filling my every sense with herself, I look down into her eyes and they are like soft mercury and instead of burning holes in me they warm me from head to toe, her black wringlets which have come loose and hang to the side of her face and the strange lighting of Illium illuminates her entire being, she is my angel and my saviour. Shepard's hands comes up to cup the left side of my face and her thumb caresses my cheek and I lean into the caress as her touch is so soft and tender that it makes my eyes start a new wave of tears, I sigh as one of my hands goes up and rests lightly on her wrists whilst the other rests lightly on her chest.

"I love you" Shepard says once more before bringing me to meet her lips, the kiss soft and gentle and full lips gently rest on mine, it lasts little more than a few seconds but that was all that was necessary before she pulls away slightly, but I pull her back and meet her lips again, this time for a more heated embrace, her lips mould perfectly around mine Shepard's hand travels from my face to my hair and it enters my hair and gently caresses my scalp, I moan into her touch as it sends heat straight to my core, I feel her teeth nibble lightly on my lower lip and I let out a primal groan, I can feel Shepard's smile on my lips as she pulls away before it gets too heavy, enough to leave me hot and bothered, but not enough to satisfy me fully. God I hope she kisses me like that again. Shepard's hand slowly untangles from my hair and it travels down my arm to my hand where she entwines our fingers together, I look down and for once in a very, very long time I actually feel properly happy

_You deserve it, you have been chewed up and spat out way too many times, let's just hope she is as skilled with her lips as she is in bed_

_Oh God! Why do you have to go on and ruin my moment of bliss?_

_Oh come on! I know you were thinking about it!_

_Whatever_

_Someone's in denial._

_Shut up. _

I shake my head at my inner ramblings, before Shepard's tugging hand tells me we are going back to the ship, oh crap, what about Jack? I was on Cloud nine before reality crashed down upon me. Shepard has no clue, I guess all good things must come to an end. I sigh and I slide my hand out of Shepard's, she looks back at me with slight confusion, her eyes searching mine for the answers, they go from soft and gentle to hard as rocks,

"Jack" Shepard says that one name and it drips with venom, I am torn as a part of me feels glad that my… wait. What the hell do I call her? Is she my girlfriend? Friend with Benefits? Ugh I shall have to talk with Shepard about that later, anyway, I feel glad that she is going to stick up for me, the other feels ashamed and guilty because if I hadn't been such a bitch in the first place and said all those things to her, I was so childish and spiteful, I have no idea what came over me

_Don't lie_

_I am not!_

_Yes you are! You said those things because you __**fear **__rejection from her or anything like it because you don't want to be all alone_

_I could have anyone I wanted to _

_But not all of them are as smart as you or can keep up with you, not one of them can help you conceive a child. None of them have beaten the impossible, None of them are Shepard. _I grab Shepard's arm to halt her search for Jack

"Shepard, don't! –"I began

"I am not having her disrespect you or anyone else, it is out of order and-"Shepard was looking at the floor, I know she is just being protective, but I cannot have her going and hurting people just because I got what I deserved

"Shepard I deserved what she said," Shepard opens her mouth to interrupt when I raise my eyebrow and her mouth closes " It was wrong of me, I should have never of said those terrible, wait, that's the wrong word, I cannot even begin to tell you how wrong it was of me to say those things, the worst part is I knew better than to kiss you then but I bloody did it anyway, because I am selfish, so if you are going to yell at anyone, yell at me, not Jack" I say, Shepard is quite for a few moments and her eyes are focused on the ground, I smile lightly and I squeeze her hand lightly in a comforting way, her eyes flicker back up to mine

"Okay,-" she begins, but I can hear the "but" coming "but she has to be punished for speaking to a member of my crew like that, in fact I need to speak to the entire crew for not assisting sooner" Shepard said as she walked away, damn, she is sexy when she is angry, I hang back a bit just to watch her strut off towards the ship, and damn.

_Well at least you can stare and be allowed to now_

_Wait. What I wasn't-_

_Oh Shut up, don't lie, I know you where admiring that fine piece of toned ass, remember your eyes are my eyes. _

"Miri, are you coming?" Shepard's voice snaps me back to reality and I shake my head before focusing on the Commander, a small smile graces her lips as her head is twisted round to see me, I blush and I practically have to run to keep up with her as we reboard the ship

Shepard's POV

Finally, thanks to Liara, my old wounds have fully healed, it not all my issues are resolved, well the ones which are resolvable and I can finally move on to better times. I can finally let go of mine and Ashley's messy, if not bitchy break up.

_And move in on Miranda like a heat seeking missile no less_

_Er…_

_Yeah that's what I thought, you are just a big old lust monster, and let's be honest Miri's calves in heels are fucking sexy._

_Can you just stop talking?_

_Such a prude. _I enter the ship with Miri at my side, I set her one last glance, a glance from the real me and not the Commander Shepard persona I have, as the air lock opens I am greeted by none other than Jacob and Kasumi, I look to Kasumi, who just tilts her head and I see her eyes flicker from me to Miranda before a devious smirk plays on her lips, Jacob salutes and keeps a straight face

"Commander you arrived just in time, Jack has taken to trashing the mess hall" I need no further explanation, anger shoots through me I storm into the elevator with Miri and Kasumi hot on my trail, I begin to shed off my armour, than the Gods for big elevators otherwise this would be near impossible, I look to Kasumi, who stands there amused

"Kasumi, once I have this off can you put it in my quarters; something tells me this fight with Jack shall have the need to be as light as possible"

"Of course Shep," I throw her my first gauntlet which is quickly followed by my other one and shoulder pads, I struggle with the top pin on my neck which releases the chest plate when I feel another pair of hands working on my armour, I turn my head around to see Miri's pale fingers releasing the pin and I pull it over my head, which makes my Cerberus uniform ride up exposing my midriff, I look over at Miranda and she is blushing hard and trying not to stare as her eyes are staing at, what must be, a very interesting piece of the elevator flooring, I try not to smirk and I move my eyes quickly to Kasumi and she is holding in her laughter,

"Miranda, if you wanted me to get unchanged faster than all you had to do was ask" I say and she blushes even harder before she looks at me and I can see something in those eyes that sends heat to my core

"Oh I can make you get changed faster than that Shepard" I smile at her, the smile I only use for her before turning my attention back to my leg pauldrons I wrench them off just in time as the lift chimes and the doors open to reveal broken plates and a static air which indicates the use of biotics, I clamp down on my anger as I need to be the Commander, not a pissed off women, I take my boots off and cautiously tip toe into the Mess hall to see Jack fighting with other Cerberus personal, I feel that well practised Commanding Officer role take over and I walk straight over to Jack where she is strangling Gardner, everybody visibly relaxes as they see me, that doesn't stop Jack though, I just stare at her until her amber eyes meet mine and I see the hurt and anger swirling in them

"Put him down Jack" I state calmly, I want this to be done with as little as much violence than it needs to be done with. No matter how angry I am right now, it isn't worth the loss of a life.

"Fuck you Shepard, you don't really think Miranda honestly cares about you, I bet she will use you, like she has done to everyone else, just like Ashley-" my blood boils first with protectiveness then secondly with the mention of her name, despite everything, I know that what Ashley is doing is blocking me out, to block her own pain.

"You have no right to mention her name, to dirty it with whatever you are doing right now, and as for Miranda, what I told you Jack-" I say as I take a step forward, I can see the biotics arm shaking and I bring my arm down on hers so it is gently forcing her to put him down, " That was private, I didn't not expect you Jack to make a spectacle of yourself on my vessel, on my crew and you broke that trust we had" Jack has put Gardner down and released him, the rest of the observing crew take him to the medbay as he is coughing and choking on the new abundance of air, Mine and Jack's eyes lock and I see her lock out my words

"You know fuck all about me Shepard! Cerberus did this to me!" Jack says and her biotics flare and she sends out endless shockwaves sending me and the crew flying backwards, I was standing the closest so I get the strongest part of it but I didn't hit anything that would leave any permanent damage, but Miranda wasn't so lucky,I look around in time to see her knocked off her feet and she goes fyling back, my gut clenches and her body comes in contact with a sharp metal chair leg and all I see is her eyes open wide and a silent scream leaves her mouth, I look down to the leg protruding from her right side and the growing red patch, I feel something inside of me snap and my eyes look back to Jack who is too busy staring at Miranda to notice my anger filled charge and I pin her to the table,

"Look what your fucking arrogance has done, just because Cerberus fucked you up, get over it, is it worth killing someone over it? Your shitty incompetence has injured the entire crew and me, get the fuck out of my sight, that is more than you fucking deserve right now but I cannot stand to look at your face right now , so get the fuck out of this Mess Hall and back to your little hole in engineering" I say as I storm off to Miranda, no no no! Please be alright! My stomach lurches, I can't lose her, please I only just got her, I rush over and I snap off the chair leg which jostles the wound slightly, my throat clogs with tears and an emotion fills me which is indescribable, it is like I am suffocating, but I know there is so much air to breathe, but somehow I cannot reach it, I take her hand hold it tightly as she mumbles out

"This bloody hurts" I stroke her hair away from her face and gently pull her towards me so she is leaning on me

"I know baby, I know" I say as I pick her up bridal style and she muffles her cries in my t shirt and her hand ball up in it, I know if I look down I will just feel my heart break, I never want to see her in so much pain, I take her into the medbay, and Dr Chakwas sees me carrying her and I lay her down on her side, Chakwas rushes over, a sense of desperation and anger fills me

"How did this happen?" Chawkas says and I just look at her

"Jack" Chakwas asked no questions, but nods her head before examining the wound for a few more seconds,

"I need for you to pull it out Shepard, she is losing too much blood and I need to stem the bleeding and for that to happen I need you to pull it out." I nod, I grimace, I know this will hurt her so much, I and I don't want to hurt her anymore, her hand finds mine for a brief second and she squeezes it faintly, giving me reassurance, funny surely it should be there other way round?

"Just do it" Miranda says weakly, I am surprised how much blood she has lost and how weak she sounds, I nod and squeeze her hand back before taking a deep breath and placing both on the blood cover pole,

"3, 2, 1" I say before I yank it out, nothing has ever disturbed me as much as the feeling of bone and flesh being pulled, I will never be able to erase the images of Miranda trying not to spasm on the table but I see tears leave her eyes and she gasps loudly

"I am sorry" I say, finally all of it is out and Miranda relaxes slightly, I stroke her forehead slightly and she relaxes a little bit more, I don't want to look away from her, it feels like if I do, I am going to lose someone else I care about but I have to as Chakwas has given her another look over, she has stopped and she places a hand on my shoulder, it is bad and I can feel it in my gut, I look up to Chakwas and her face is pale

"The pole has punctured her lung, we have to operate"

**A/N: Sorry guys, I was so tired last night when writing this that I forgot to put this in, so that's the end of chapter 13 and I am sorry it is rather short the next one will be longer, so thank you for reading and please review!**


	14. Please Don't Leave Me

**Chapter 14**

**Please Don't Leave Me**

**A/N: So guys, most people might say use Medigel, but the wound is so bad that wound cannot be healed with just medigel, so Chakwas is going to have to use her insane skills: P Shepard will not actually take part in the operation and don't worry, a suitable punishment shall be administered to Jack, just you wait – Bexaday**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect that honour goes to Bioware**

Shepard's POV

Jack is going to pay for this, my blood is boiling and all I can do is pace around outside, waiting for Chakwas to finish with Miranda, I know Chakwas will do everything in her power to make sure she is okay, but I can't help worrying that it isn't enough, that somehow she isn't going to be alright

_You know she will be fine, Chakwas will do everything possible_

_But it feels like I should do more, or something_

All I can do is pace back and forth in front of the door, I have no idea how long I have been waiting outside, but it feels like I am wearing a hole through the deck, then I feel a lithe hand on my arm, I turn to look up to shout at whoever who stopped my pacing, but I see the covered eyes of the master thief, I force the corners of my mouth up into something which I hopes resembles a smile

"Hey K" I say, as I sit down on the small bench outside the medbay, and my knee just keeps bouncing up and down, I look across the medbay. I even managed to move all the chairs and tables back to their places and I spent over an hours doing that and still, I am waiting for Chakwas to come out and tell me the news, not even a few hours ago Mordin came down and rushed into the medbay. And still I am waiting. K forces her hand down on my knee to stop it bouncing,

"Everything is going to fine Shepard, calm down" I just look at her, and I feel tears start to clog up my throat and I feel like I can tell her anything

"I only just got her, K, I don't want to lose her" I say and I can hear my voice begin to break and Kasumi just pulls me into a one armed hug and I let myself, but I won't cry, we just sit like that for who knows how long, I pull away from Kasumi, and I stand up and begin to walk towards the elevator as the anger returns and so help me if I don't kill Jack

"Where are you going Shep?"

"To sort out the wheat from the chaff" I slam the button for the Engineering Deck, I wait as the fury builds up in my veins and I click my jaw as I the door opens I storm down the stairs and I see the red light illuminating her little hovel, then the light is cute off by a thin body that could only belong to the biotic, I snarl at her as she begins to talk

"Shepard I-" I didn't even give her time to finish as my fist connected with her face and she staggers back and I just advance on her, she fucking deserves it! I growl at her and my fist launches back into her nose and I hear a crack

"Fucking hell Shepard!" I don't stop and my boot connects with her stomach and she double overs, I push her back against the wall and hold her there by securing my forearm under her chin forcing her to look at me.

"What you did today, endangered the entire crew, most importantly, you almost made me lose someone so fucking important to me, I will not lose someone I care about again" I say to her as I stare into her eyes and I see fright in them, she is scared of me and she has every right to be

_Shepard you know this is wrong_

_But she has done so much wrong to the people around me, and this time I am strong enough to avenge them_

_But it won't solve anything. _

"Fuck!" I yell as I pull my arm away from her throat, which lets her fall to her hands and knees, coughing  
"Shepard it isn't what you think, the implants are malfunctioning I didn't mean to injure anybody especially the Fucking Cheerleader" Jack says holding a hand out, and I go to knock her hand away when she looks up at me, she is scared, and this time it is not because of me, but because of what will happen to her, It takes every ounce of my control to grasp her hand and pull her up to her feet, somehow I feel, sympathetic, she wants me to understand, just like I did when I was explaining what happened on Akuze, or when I need someone to help me get over what happened on Mindoir. But don't get me wrong, I will still punish her

"Next stop you are getting off and you will not return, do you understand me? I don't want to hear a thing out of you, not about the implants not even your sorry ass apologies" I say letting raw emotion colour my voice, Jack's amber eyes grow weary and sad and she nods as I grasp her hand and pick her up and put her on the bed before getting the medigel out the first aid kit which is under the bed, which was put there by myself when I found out Jack was going to stay down here. I tenderly place it on her face and the swelling and nose begins to repair and then I slowly put it on her cheeks to stop the bruising, I hand her the kit, she still says nothing and averts my gaze, I get up after giving her back the kit and begin to walk away when she says

"Thank you, I mean you don't have to do this, seems the great Commander lives up to her reputation" I stop and slowly turn back to stare at the tattooed biotic

"And what is my reputation?"

"Always giving those who don't deserve it a second chance" I give her a sad smile

"Everybody deserves it, it just depends on the person giving it" I say as I walk out and take the elevator to CIC, I plan to get Jack off this ship as soon as possible, with or without those new implants,

_Come on now, you know you are going to give them to her_

_No I am not!_

_Lexi, she cannot be allowed to be a danger to anybody else_

_She can find her own way to get those implants; perhaps they have them on Omega_

I really couldn't care less about what Jack does once she is off my ship, that's her own business. I stop at the world map as I open it to find the little icon which will indicate Omega, God even the icon looks like a shit hole, I feel a hand tap my shoulder, I turn my head and I am greeted by that overly flirtatious redhead, Kelly Chambers

"Hello Kelly, something you need?" I say with a smile as I try to plot the quickest course there.

"Commander, I was wondering how Operative Lawson is doing" My hand stills, and I feel the anger beginning to return, I still can see Miranda's wide eyes in pain as I pulled out the metal pole, I shiver at the thought

"Last time I checked in she was still in the operation" I say in a neutral voice, I don't want to go public yet with… whatever we were and I am sure Miri would have the same approach

"I am sorry Commander, I know you two were… close" Okay, what the hell?! Is she insinuating something?

_You are just getting paranoid in your old age Lexi_

I take a breath, I don't want to alert her, even if she is head psych, even though Miri is mine, I cannot have her observing me more closely, I mean, it already seems like she wants to get into my pants, so I think one less reason may be a good idea

"We are friends, nothing more" I say and carry on feigning interest in the Galaxy Map,

"Commander" I see Kelly salute out of the corner of my eye and I nod to dismiss her, I plot the course and I feel the gentle hum of the Normandy's new upgrades taking effect, I go over to my terminal and I begin to look through my emails and then I see it

_Message received: March 18__th_

_To: Commander Alexandra Shepard_

_From: Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams_

_Shepard,_

_I don't understand why you are sending my petty emails, I guess that's because you didn't have the guts to tell me face to face. But I know that's because you didn't want to break your "Commander Cool". I would be lying if I said I was sorry for what I said, but I am not. _

_Williams_

My blood begins to boil and I clench my jaw, why the fuck is she sending me an email, I sent mine because I wanted to convey how I felt by her actions, and she has the bloody mind to send me that. God, I need to punch something

_Or, a really, REALLY strong drink_

_This isn't the time for your suggestions, bloody backseat driver!_

_Sorry, just trying to help_

_Well don't_

I push myself away from the terminal and storm towards the elevator with blood pounding in my ears when I hear the synthesized voice of EDI

"Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you" God am I not allowed one fucking moment to myself around here? I turn and storm into the debriefing room and slam my fist down on the button to activate the hologram, I step onto the lowered table and a picture of the Illusive Man appears, I clamp down on my anger, I have to try and be polite to this chain smoker, even if he is a nob,

"Shepard" He says after taking a long drag from his cigarette, god that habit is disgusting

"Illusive Man" I say in a monotone voice

"I am calling after the events which have occurred between you, Ms Lawson and Subject Zero," My blood begins to boil again and I look away from him

"What of it?"

"What do you plan to do?" Seriously? After him telling me what to do and practically getting me to wipe his backside, NOW, he thinks it is a good idea for me to take charge? I seethe and I breathe heavy

"Miranda is currently unavailable as you know," I say giving him time to acknowledge this, I look to his freaky eyes and he inclines his head and I carry on "I have decided to remove Jack from my crew, it is one thing to argue, but another to hurt, even if it was unintentionally" I say, he just leans forward and his eyes seem to swirl with some kind of tech, seriously, I reckon he is AI, nobody has eyes like that, I haven't even seen contacts like that

"Is it wise to remove such a powerful ally?" I gape at him, has he seriously just asked me that? His right hand could have died! And yet he is only worried about if I lose a powerful ally? This time my lid pops

"You would let Miranda DIE, over some powerful and dangerous ally? What kind of sick fuck are you? She has all the qualities and more, not every life is expendable! Especially isn't your motto about preserving human life?!"I yell at him, how dare he? How fucking dare he, suggest that her life is expendable? Miri has worked so hard to help Cerberus, even if I don't know the whole story, but even when I first met her I could see in her eyes that shining adoration, but thinking about it now, she doesn't seem that enthused by it anymore.

"An ally Shepard is an ally, and you need as many as you can get right now, so I wouldn't be throwing the accusations around. But yes her life is expendable, they all are apart from yours, people need **you, **nobody else, but you to complete this mission because you know about the Reapers, you even have the cipher in your head. People want you because you know" I shake my head in disgust,

"I would never have made it through it all if not for my team, they got me through it all, in my eyes every life we lost on the Normandy was terrible, no matter how meanwhile their role was, they all helped me, I savoured their company and made friends. That's what humanity is about" I say I let disgust and anger colour my words. The Illusive Man leans back and I can feel his gaze burning into me, he says nothing for a few minutes

"You are truly are an symbol of humanity Shepard, You are perfect" I scoff

"There is no way I am perfect, everyone has their faults" I say as I let my glare burn through him and into the planet behind him

"Anyway, the reason for this call is there has been a distress signal, sent from another Colony called Poseidon not too far from the Batarian attack on Mindoir, I hope you check it out" No, I will not go back there, not yet, I can still see them implanting those, chips into their skulls, I can still hear the screams, my mothers, my sisters echoing in my eyes, I can smell the blood on the grass where me and my sister use to play. And by the Gods I can still remember that moment when they killed my father and crawling up to him, I shook him and called his name, but I got no response, I rolled him over and I saw an eyeless corpse with a bullet hole in his forehead. I shiver; I nod at the Illusive Man and look at the floor

"Don't disappoint me Shepard" The transmission ends and I am shaking, still wrapped up in the memories of it all, when Joker's voice interrupts my thoughts

"Shepard we ETA to Omega in 40 minutes" I take a deep breath and I try to find that inner control and peace which helps to keep me grounded, when I find it I grasp it and hold on tight, I walk out on less than shaky feet and go straight up to my quarters, I find my armour neatly laid out on my bed, I slowly put it on before exiting my room and entering the Observation Deck I rush to the medbay, God I hope she is alright, I don't know what to do if she isn't. She can't leave me when I only just got her. The Medbay doors are open and I rush in and I see a unconscious Miranda strewn out on the table, looking peaceful and breathing lightly, relief floods me and I sag into the doorframe, I look over her form and see a tired looking Dr Chakwas, I smile at her and rush over to her and give her a bone crushing hug

"Thank you Doc, thank you so much" I say through my tears I pull away to see her smile and then she pulls away from me and sits down in her chair

"The damage was worse than I had initially thought, the pole pierced her lung and fractured her ribs, which we knew, but what we didn't know that it had pierced the bottom of the heart" What? How is that even possible? I begin to panic and I rush over to her and look over her body once more with a critical eye

"How is that even possible? It wasn't that thick nor did she get hit with enough force for that to happen" I gush, Chakwas places her hand on my back in a motherly gesture and I look back up to her

"Don't worry none of the damage was permanent myself and Mordin made sure of that" I smile, and I feel the subtle jolt of the Normandy docking, I spring up alert

"Doc I have to see one of my crew off, they shall not be staying here but alert me if anything changes about her condition" Chakwas nods and I rush off to the elevator and hit the button to take me to CIC, I rush over to the airlock and I await for Jack to show, within 5 minutes she arrives with her head hanging low, I am the only crew member to see her off, no matter what she has done I still count her as an acquaintance if anything, and at a push a friend. Jack reaches me and our eyes lock, I take her arm and guide her out of the ship, we reach the strange place known as Omega and I know this isn't the first time it has happened to Jack, but this time I cannot bring myself to be spiteful or rude I turn to face her and she says

"I guess this is goodbye" I say to her and she meets my eyes

"Shit, you sound like a pussy Shepard" I have to laugh at this, even though I know this is her way of saying goodbye and sorry, I smile at her, and reply

"Too bad you sound like an utter twat then isn't it?" I say in response, we both laugh, and then I just look at her, her tattoo's glow in the musky light of Omega and I know they each tell a story, a story now I won't get to hear down to her own shitty decisions mind you, but somehow I am going to miss her, he just understood me, we have both been through so much, and so we both identified that and took strength from each other knowing that. Even though she defiantly doesn't deserve it, I pull her into a hug

"Be careful now, I can't always be there to pick up your skinny ass" I say to her, I feel her smile against my head

"I will try not to get my ass shot off within the first few minutes"

"Well at least I know you will try" I pull away from Jack and pull her arm out and open up her Omni Tool and enter some credits into it

"What are you doing?" she says as she watches me transfer thousands of credits into her account

"Getting you started, Just try not to spend it in the first 5 minutes or on the first lap dancer okay" I say before closing my Omni Tool, I can't just leave her with nothing. I know better than to do that to anyone

"You really are so fucking wet you know that Shepard?" Jack says with a smile on her face I take her hand in mine before giving it a squeeze, Jack pushes me towards the ship and yells

"Go on you've got the fucking galaxy to save!" I laugh and re-enter the ship as we the Normandy exits the docking bay and enters orbit again,

"Lexi, I was wondering where the hell you were" I turn around and there Miranda is, with her hands on her hips and not a hair out of place and still looking gorgeous as possible, I suck in air as relief floods me and I feel such much love and joy erupt from inside of me, I rush to her and pull her into a hug and I breathe in her scent of chocolate and chilli, her arms wrap around me and she tucks me underneath her chin.

"Missed you" is all I manage to choke out as I cling to her for dear life; her arms tighten slightly and see takes in a deep breath and sighs in contentment

"I missed you too"

**A/N: There we have it guys! I hope you enjoyed it because I defiantly enjoyed writing it! So please review and thank you to all that do, - Bexaday**


	15. Why Are You Doing This To Me?

**Chapter 15**

**Why Are You Doing This To Me?**

**A/N: So Guys, I am sorry this is so late, but here it is and just to inform you I have D of E Expedition so there will be no update for a few days, I know, it saddens me too! **** Thank you to all those who reviewed or are following, it makes me really, really happy! And shout out to KasumiCain, without your concern, I wouldn't be writing this incredibly long chapter– Bexaday**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, if I did then things would have turned out very differently!**

Shepard's POV

I just hold her, like she is the most fragile thing in the world, because right now, so many things are going through my head, the mission the Illusive Man has sent us on. The fact that it is at my home, I thought I could leave that life behind, obviously not. The fact that she almost died and now she is fine, if not a little sore.

_You know you are still hugging her_

Oh. I pulled my arms back, and I started to blush, I take a step back and I cleared my throat out and cast my eyes downwards, and try not to stand awkwardly

_Aw, is the ickle Commander feeling awkward?_

_No it's just I have an image to uphold_

_Yeah because that totally explains it_

_Shut up! _I blush harder and I hear a soft musical laughter and I look up to see her laughing with her hands on her stomach, she steps a step closer and pulls me back into a tight hug

"Oh Lexi" then she releases me and steps back and that's when I notice the crew looking on at us

"Aw Commander who knew you could be caring" Joker says from the cockpit which is just behind us, I turn around and put on my most threatening tone

"One more word Joker, one more word" I say in warning, but to be honest, I am just scared that people will find out, hell, I am scared about the Illusive Man finding out the most. What if he takes her off the ship? I couldn't deal with that if he did. I have lost too much. Joker's face pales slightly

"Aye Aye Commander" I stifled a laugh before looking back at Miri, she just winks at me and walks away whilst swaying her hips, knowing she will captivate my eyes and have them locked on her backside

_Wow, you are such a pervert._

_Shut up, if you are me, then you are looking too._

I shook my head and turned around and went back to my terminal on CIC only to see a mission request sent from the Illusive Man

_To: Commander Shepard_

_From: The Illusive Man_

_Shepard,_

_The Colony, Poseidon has just gone silent, we think it is the Collectors but there is no guarantee that it is them but is more than likely to be them, I know your history on Mindoir and we hope you will use your knowledge of the planet to your advantage, I also hope your decision on Jack's departure is the right one. You cannot afford to make many mistakes Shepard_

_Illusive Man_

"Use it my knowledge to my advantage" What the fuck? I think it is my decision whether I go or not? Does my mental health not count for shit anymore?! I snarl and shut down my terminal and push off my desk and storm over to the Galaxy Map and growl at EDI

"EDI, where are we on path too?" I say as I curl my fingers around the bar in front of me and lean forward keeping my body tense, because if I am honest I am sure I will hit something if I don't

"Commander, we are on route to Mindoir, ETA is 5 hours" The ledge in front of me groans in protest as I grip it as tight as possible as my anger and power swells to my fists, I take deep breath as anger fills me, I feel a hand resting hesitantly on my shoulder

"Shepard, are you okay?" Kelly says, I feel my muscles quiver over my body and I have the overwhelming urge to lash out at her, but I keep my emotions in check

"Kelly, just… leave me alone" I say as I tear away from her and into the elevator where I slam my fists into the button for my Cabin and as it opens I storm into my room and rip off my armour as I enter. Nearly breaking it in the process, but I really don't give a shit anymore, I walk straight over to the bed and rip it all off, but damn it I still cannot reach the top pin, I begin to grasp at it with sweaty fingers and that's when the growls start leaving my mouth

"Why won't you fucking be easier to fucking dislodge you piece of shit!" I yell as I begin to just try to rip it off, when I feel a cool pair of hands on my back and I stop moving, it could only be one person

"Lexi, what's wrong?" Miri says as she unplugs the pin, but even she cannot calm me and I snap at her and I storm off away from her, I don't look at her as I just leave her stood there I enter the elevator and push the buttons for the Observation Deck, I don't even wait for her, I can't be near her, I will just hurt her more, but I can't stop these emotions, they come with the thoughts of Mindoir and all the death. It's either I am angry or, or… I don't know. I have never experienced the other one because there was never any need for me to. I pace the elevator, why does this go so slowly? I snarl like a caged animal, I need a drink, the doors open and I go to Kasumi's room, I don't even bother talking to Kasumi and I just pour myself a drink of Krogan Liquor, I down it and I keep drinking until I cannot think any more about the death, about my dead family, about everything.

Miranda's POV

Something is wrong, Shepard would never snap at me, at least I don't think she would, since she is completely different to how I thought she would be. She is kind and thoughtful, and always acts fairly. Better than I ever imagined in fact. I just stand there gaping at her ashened face; I had heard she had spoken to the Illusive Man, but what could he have said that could have been that bad? What is he making her do? I walk over to her terminal and access her emails with the override code. A rush of guilt goes through me, I hate doing this but I can't get through to her, in fact she didn't even notice me when she came through her office, I search her email and that's when I find it.

He is sending her to Mindoir, why the bloody hell would he do that? He knows her history there, it left her like a train wreck in fact she avoids even talking about it. I walked straight into the elevator; I am have to speak to the Illusive Man,

"EDI call the Illusive Man tell him I need to talk to him about the mission on Mindoir"

"Of course Miranda" the elevator goes slowly, and it seems like an age before the doors open on CIC, as soon as the chimer goes off I storm out and enter the Debriefing Room and press the button on the table and it lowers and I stand on it and the image of the Illusive Man came into focus and he looked the same always, sat stationary on that stupid chair, I feel my anger boil over

"Miranda?" The Illusive Man says as if there isn't anything wrong

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" I state calmly, I want to be as calm as possible

"I have done nothing wrong, I sent Shepard on a mission is she isn't strong enough to do this I expect you to" The Illusive Man said as he knocked off the end of his cigarette into the ash tray. He didn't really just say that did he?! This is Shepard's mission not mine! What is he trying to prove with Shepard? That she is only human or the fact she can be defeated by her past.

"This is Shepard's mission not mine and you just ruin the little mental health she has started recovering after her death! And not to add to the fact the nightmares she suffers from every night! What you have done is foolish sir, and I disagree with it" I say to him, I don't drop his gaze; I want to let him know that I mean every word I say. His eyes harden over

"I didn't ask for a report on her, I asked for her to be mentally capable of this mission, nor did I ask for your opinion so keep it to yourself, I hope that your interest doesn't reach further than professional interest" Inside I am freezing up in panic but I keep my exterior cool and collected

"Of course not, she is my friend and Commander and I am supposed to be looking out for her" He cannot know about me and Shepard and whatever we are, he would surely remove me from the ship and I don't think I could have dealt with it.

"Good, than I can expect you to insure she is fit for this mission" I just nod and the projection of him disappears, the anger in me wants to explode but I just lock it away and save it for the battlefield, I go down to the Observation Deck as I just have a feeling Shepard will be with the Master Thief, I walk with purpose to her room, and I walk in to see Shepard at the bar and a very worried Kasumi sat on the sofa looking at Shepard worryingly, I look back to Shepard and as I take a step in the room when Shepard's head just snaps up and looks at me, her eyes are unfocused, if I didn't believe it before I defiantly believe it now. She has been drinking and by the smell of it some kind of alien liqueur.

"Shepard you need to stop drinking, right now" I say to her in a strict tone

"What? So you and the Illusive Man can use me as your little puppet" She blurts out as she staggers off her stall to stand just in front of the stall she was just sat on, she is drunk and this is drunk talk, so I won't have a go at her, she is just trying not to face reality of what is going to happen.

"Shep it is time you left, getting drunk really isn't going to help you solve your problems" Kasumi says and Shepard swings her body round and stares at Kasumi

"And how would you know that? You only lost Keji, I lost everyone I ever knew then I died! You think you have issues? Well think again K, mine are bigger, worse and nastier than yours!" Shepard says as she throws her hands up, thank god the cybernetics will drain the alcohol from her system in a few hours, I just hope she will be sober enough for the mission. I look to Kasumi and I see the hurt on her face, her eyes flicker to mine and an air of understanding flickers between us two, I let her know that she is just lashing out because of what is going to happen and she lets me know that Shepard has drunken enough to kill a Krogan. Oh shit. I look back to Shepard's still ashen face and I cannot help but feel pity towards her. I begin to walk towards her when she halts me with her hand

"I am fine, I can walk by myself" Shepard begins to walk, if somewhat unsteadily on her feet, I roll my eyes at her stubbornness

"Shepard, the ladies bathroom is to your immediate left, Shepard practically falls into the bathroom and throws herself into one of the cubicles, and I manage to keep up with her because even when she is drunk she moves incredibly fast. Somehow without breaking my ankle I manage to squeeze into the same cubical as her and hold her hair back just before she throws up in the toilet, and by god it stinks and after a few minutes it just goes into dry heaving and I can't help but feel sorry for her no matter what, I rub her back soothingly. I sit down next to her and that's when I see the tears in her eyes and they are falling steadily she doesn't say anything as she leans on me and I put my arms around her and pull her into my lap, it doesn't matter the fact we are in the middle of a bathroom, all that matters is that she is willing to show her weaknesses around me, to just be herself, I just hold as she cries silently

"I just wanted to forget, just for once." My heart breaks as she manages to choke out, and the worse bit is there is nothing I can do, I can't bring her family back, I can't even help her to forget, all I can do is nothing.

_You can comfort her, just like you are doing now. Sometimes that is enough._

I hope you are right. We must have sat there for a while, as the redness has long since gone from Lexi's eyes and she isn't crying but she just look so hallowed and sad.

"Hey" I say to her and she looks up at me and I see it in her eyes, the unwillingness, no matter how much I fixed her on the outside, she is still broken on the inside.

"Hey Miri" Shepard says, her British accent clipping the words in the most sexiest way, but we need to get up and she really needs to freshen up before the mission, I know she will need it, because I most defiantly need to.

"We really need to get up" I say to her and she just groans and I cannot help but smile and her complaints, she is kind of adorable when she is annoyed.

"Really? I don't wanna get up" Lexi wines and I cannot contain the laugh that escapes my mouth as I push her off me and stand up and stretch up before offering my hand to Lexi and she takes it and stands up and almost falls over but instead she knocks me into the sideboard of the cubical and she is on top of me, I blink a few times, I cannot helped but be turned on, Shepard looks up at me and a smirk curls on her lip, almost all the traces of the broken women are gone now, but I know deep inside she is hurting, but she has to be strong for the crew and to be a good Commander.

"Commander, ETA on Mindoir is 2 hours" Shepard's face grow haunted again and before she can slip completely I put my hand on her cheek, her eyes refocus on me and the grow soft

"Don't slip away from me, you can do this Lexi" I say as I brush my thumb against her cheek and she closes her eyes and leans into the touch before resting her hand over mine which is currently resting on her face. Lexi's face grows calm and peaceful. It takes a while for her to respond but I stand there patiently. Lexi nods and her face pales even more

"I am just so scared, this is the first time I have been back since, well since…. The slavers and-" I cut her off by shushing her and I place my other hand on her face on the opposite cheek and pull her towards me and so our bodies are touching.

"I will be with you every step of the way, so will Garrus and Kasumi, we will be there to help you, I will be there to help you" I say before placing a kiss on her forehead. I look back and Lexi's have become solid again and she is in control all over again

"Thank you" Shepard says before giving my wrists a squeeze and a dazzling smile, the kind of one which leaves me breathless, before she leaves the cubical. It is time for us to get ready for what is ahead

Shepard's POV

I never thought I would come back here, and here I am in the shuttle, waiting to be dropped back to **this **planet. I can't even remember what Mindoir looks like

_You know that's a lie. You can remember every detail, you just don't want to_

_You know how much this planet has destroyed me, what will coming back here prove?_

_It will prove to the Illusive Man that you are stronger than you look and you are worthy of the title "Commander". Remember he is an asshole._

I feel a hand enter mine and I zone back into the shuttle and look to my right and I see Miri sat there with a smile on her face, I squeeze her hand lightly, before removing it from mine, I just don't want the crew to know about us, they can't. Who knows what the Illusive Man would do. I look away from her and look to the Master Thief sat opposite me and she smiles at me and I cannot help but smile back, I look over to Garrus and just like a brother he is, he nods his head before going back to cleaning his Viper rifle. The shuttle lands softly and the door slides open and I am back here for the first time in 15 years.

Miranda's POV

Mindoir was not at all what I expected it to be, the sun was a faint orange and casted a soft yellow glow and the ground was slightly moist and had some green patches, but like all the colonies we had visited it was deserted, and this made the colony eerie, I look back at Shepard who was still standing in the doorway of the shuttle, frozen to it with a grim expression and she looked so pale, all the colour had drained out of her face. My heart split in two, she was in so, much pain, it must be agony.

"Shepard" I say to her and her gaze snaps to mine and I see her starting to break all over again. She gives me a weak smile and she walks out of the shuttle, her feet remembering the ground. A smile appears on her face, a real one and she just stands there and bounces on the soles of her feet,

"The ground is the same" She whispers. Before Kasumi clears her throat and she sends an apologetic towards Kasumi before turning back to the colony, her Commanding face is back on and I know that she has zoned into the mission no matter how unpleasant, my heart swells with pride as I know she is being strong for herself and all of us. I cannot think how difficult that must be, having to put on a face and persona just to keep good crew morale. Thinking about it now Shepard is like the glue keeping us together. We gather in front of her

"Right, Garrus I need you to cover point, even though this is the furthest part away from where the Collector Swarm hit. Kasumi I want you to be on the radar and keep close, we have no idea of what we could be encountering, Miranda; you're up front with me" Shepard says before we all nod and take the positions asked, we walk cautiously and silently. I can practically feel the tension radiating from her, and I just want to take her hand in mine, to do anything that will elevate the tension from her, but I can't I have to keep focused on what is going on ahead.

We keep on going and there is nothing here, just like expected, we were too late to try and stop the Collectors from taking some of the colony, Shepard's face is a wall of stone and it portrays nothing and if I am honest it scares me. It is like nobody is there and her eyes reveal nothing, she is totally a blank canvas. This part of the Colony is clear and that's when Garrus calls to the Normandy about dropping the Mako, Shepard turns around with a childish grin on her face,

"We are going in the Mako?" Shepard says with barely contained excitement in her voice and I cannot help but smile as her childishness is infectious, damn it, I thought I was going to be able to keep up the cold calculating face, but just gets under it and rips it off with her childishness.

"Yes Shepard we are" Garrus sighs and his face turns to one of dread, I can't help but laugh at him and Kasumi just starts laughing whilst Garrus' expression just grows more frightened

"You won't be saying that once you've been in the Mako with her, it is about the only thing I am scared of" Me and Kasumi just laugh harder and there are tears in my eyes and my sides are starting to hurt, my laughter slowly turns into giggles, before turning to look back at Shepard, who is crouched over a plant, it is a beautiful rouge red and it has a black centre, her fingers slightly stroke the tip of it and they turn a startling sunshine yellow and a small blue tear forms in the centre of the flower and drops onto Shepard's finger, Shepard brings it to her face with a slightly mournful expression on her face and she puts her finger in her mouth and sucks the small drop and she closes her eyes and a tear falls down her cheek, I put my hand on her back and she looks up at me startled and she grows tense, I slowly run my fingers on the exposed bit of her neck and her posture grows more relaxed and she leans on my leg slightly,

"My sister use to collect these when my mum was sick, she said the nectar was magical" Shepard said in an emotionless tone, my irritation flared she was using the same tricks on me that I use on her. And no way is she getting away with it.

"Lexi, don't do that" I said as she stood up, she stands up with such grace and poise that it shouldn't be possible, she frowns and looks at me

"Do what Miranda?" Shepard says in that monotone voice that replicates mine almost exactly

"Don't fold yourself away like that, talk to me" I say as I place my hands on her armored gauntlets, Shepard won't look at me

"Talking about them won't bring them back" Lexi says and her voice trembles, I feel such a compulsion to gather her up in my arms and just hold her, she never deserved this, I wish I could change that, it kills me that I can't

"But it is the first step to healing the wound properly" I say softly but she just shakes me off, like I am nothing and storms off towards Garrus. I am about to reply when the Mako comes thundering down out of the sky and makes the ground shake slightly, I stagger slightly and by the time I have recovered, Shepard is propped up in the front of it as Garrus and Kasumi enters it. Shepard's gaze reaches mine and her eyes go hard

"My sister was 7 years old when they killed her, no healing can stop that from bleeding" Her sister was seven? I didn't know that, if I had, then maybe-

_You weren't to know the report gave no specifics_

_But if I did I would have said it differently_

_She needed to hear it. No matter how it came out_

Shepard climbs into the Mako and I rush over and pull myself up and into the Mako, the inside is covered with harnesses secured to the wall, Kasumi is on the machine gun and Garrus is at the back, no doubt checking the callibrations on the Pulse Rifle which is secured to the front of the Mako, and there is nothing for me to do apart from to strap into the wall, I hate not having something to do, and feeling helpless, so I just sit there glumly. Nobody even takes notice of me, I look to Shepard and she is checking all the switches and she has her communications headset on, I turn to look at the Master Thief and she is doing the same as Shepard, in fact they are all checking their systems. Then Shepard begins to talk

"EDI can you hear us?"

"Of course Commander"

"Garrus?"

"Receiving you loud and clear"

"Kasumi?"

"Yes Shep, I hear you"

"Miranda?" Her voice colours with some emotion on my name and I cannot help but smile slightly and I look to her and I activate my Omni Tool and the comms link is established

"Of course Commander" Shepard nods her head and we take off at an alarming pace, I grip my seat

_Garrus was bloody right_

_Shut up! I need to focus on not being sick and you're not helping_

We must have hit every bump and pebble possible and still we see no one, but then the Mako begins to slow down, I look to Shepard but I can't see her face

"That looks like-"Kasumi begins

"A massive statue" Garrus finishes, Shepard frantically attacks her buckles in an attempt to rip them off she staggers out of her seat and opens the hatch and I catch her saying in a rushed voice

"It can't be, we haven't driven this far north, we can't have" she begins to climb the ladder, I have to follow her, I have a sick feeling in my stomach that something isn't right.

"Shepard stop!" I yell as I fiddle with the buckles, it takes a few moments but then I manage to take them off and I make it out of the hatch in record time and that's when my eyes catch the statue, it is huge and it looks like Shepard, well a younger version of her, clearly in her N7 armour, but there is no mistaking it to be her. I look down the statue and I see the smaller form of Shepard on her knees with her arms open wide looking up at the statue. My gut twists horribly and I begin to run to meet her.

Shepard's POV

I didn't think we drove this far north, I thought I had been careful enough and I had hoped I would have missed it, but I had to go here, the fucking Illusive Man made me come here and now I can see it all,

_(The attack on Mindoir)_

"_Hurry up Lexi! I want to get some more flowers for mumma!" Rae yells back at me and I have to push past all the branches to catch up with her, thank the lords her legs aren't long because I would have never have reached her otherwise, I scoop her up into my arms, she is already almost as tall as me and I am 12, but she is still as light as a feather._

"_Come on you little monster! If we pick anymore there won't be enough to grow back!" I say as I put her on my back into a piggyback. We reach the house and I put her back down and she rushes to mumma, who is outside gardening, she looks up and her inky curls all over the place and her green eyes meet mine, and a breath taking smile reaches her lips._

"_Mumma, Mumma! I got the flowers!" Rae yells and rushes to my mum who picks her up and twirls her round before hugging her_

"_Thank you sweetie, can you go put them in the fridge, we will have them with our tea" Rae face scrunches up as she says_

"_But they are for your magic medicine Mumma!" Mumma laughs and kisses her forehead before cupping her face as Rae tries to stand still, I am still walking back carrying all the herbs and wild vegetables I managed to find, which is really heavy_

"_Well then, we will all have a little bit of magic in us then, won't we my little pixie" Mumma says and then she runs off inside and I walk up to her and she pulls me into a hug_

"_Hello my little butterfly, how was today?" I breathe in her floral scent and relax into the hug_

"_Long, I found all I could. But I got it done eventually" I say as I lean back and she plants a kiss on my forehead_

"_Go on my little butterfly, spread you're wings and fly"_

So many memories lie here and they all comeback in a rush I put my hands into the earth and I tighten them into fists and all I can do is look up at the monument of me. I don't deserve this, I didn't save this colony, all I could do was hide, well try not to get caught. The scar on my arm twinges in remembrance as that was when the Alliance intercepted them from placing the tracking dart into my head, instead the needle carved itself a path on my skin and leaked all the contents of it into the cut staining it a red colour. Leaving a gaping red arc etched into my forearm. Even where my knees are used to be my mum's vegetable garden, she always said the soil around here was good. I close my eyes and I let out a scream, I cannot take this anymore, it feels like my heart is going to concave under all the pressure of the past and future, Then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I hear laboured breathing, and Miranda's face comes into view, but I am not looking at her. Not really, my mind is stuck in the memories of them all Dad, Mumma and Rae. I see a grotesque figure limp into view, it is a Batarian

"Alexandra Shepard, would have been no 1246 and would have been a good slave too," The Batarian coughs, he comes closer and I see the burn marks on his face, wait, I know him, I stare harder and I stand "Is this how you greet your slave maker, you should remember me, after all you did give me this scar" He says as he indicates to the burns which shine in the sun when he turns his head

_(Flash back)  
"Next, aw look, a little colonist girl, these are my favourites, they are always the screamers" The Batarian says, fear has paralyzed me, but I don't care anymore, they took away my family, they forced me to watch there execution and I want revenge, I have to strike when the time is right, I managed to set off the emergency beacon before they captured me. I am push forward and I fall to my knees_

"_Get up, you human scum" they spit at me and I stand, up, I put on my mask of calm as they pick me up and slam me on the table, I can hear the screams of others next to me about the slaver tracker they put into your skulls without any sedative, someone holds me down and they turn my head and I feel a needle beginning to pierce my skin, I struggle under then needle,_

"_Hold her down properly, you little bitch stop moving" He says impatiently, then the doors are flung open and their attention snaps to the Alliance pouring through the door, I smash my forearm up knocking the Batarian restraining me off me but the other one goes to swipe at me with the needle and it cuts deep through my flesh and I can feel the tracker dissolving into my bloodstream, I scream and clutch my forearm before rolling off the table and out of the way of him lunging at me. I grab the closest thing to me and bring it down on his head and the smell of burning flesh fills my nose and I bolt out of there._

"You tried to put the tracker in me" I say in disbelief, why the hell is he here? This makes no sense! Ugh, I am starting to get a headache, I looking into one of his many eyes and he just smiles, he begins to glow blue and he activates the mechs and mercs rush out from behind the pillar, I run as fast as possible to the little bit of wall there is on my far left with Miranda in tow.

"I will take you as a slave Shepard, even if it is the last thing I do!" He yells, I hear the Mako guns going off and I turn around the corner to see dozens and dozens of mercs and mechs. Hopelessness fills me, there are too many of them and I do not nearly have enough thermal clips as I make everyone one of my rounds count. For everyone I kill two more reappear,

"You should have heard your Mother's and Father's screams, it was pitiful, they had no pride and I shot them one by one and I laughed as they bled out and begged for death" He killed my parents? How fucking dare he! I will end him, even if it ends me, my blood boils and it sings for vengeance and the anger that roars it head is mightier than any lion

"Oh and your sister, we tossed her round like a rag doll, using her, how do you feel about that?" No, not Rae. She was so innocent, she never wanted to hurt anyone, the scar is burning under my skin and I take out a few more with my sub machine gun and I don't stop until it is empty, the red mist not clearing an inch in that time. Blood coats my armor as it sprays off the enemy's bodies at my feet, merc grow closer and closer to the wall, and me and Miranda barely are holding them off, mechs erect barriers and shields for themselves and they fire at from all angles, all I can hear is gunfire, I look over at the Mako and it is just about holding up, Kasumi is doing a 360 degree shot and I can see heads exploding into balls of blood on impact with the bullets, whilst Garrus charges the Pulse rife and it explodes in a ball of white light as it disintegrates hundreds of merc and mech and cuts a solid line through them all, but more and more keep filling it up, I peak out around the corner, I will keep fighting. I have to reach him, I have to be the one to kill him, I unstrap my grenade launcher and fire four rounds into the air and I can hear the booms and the cries of dead men. I smile and I lean out and fire at closest group of mercs with my predator pistol, headshooting them all the gore splats up and down on me, they are getting way too close to the wall now, and I pull back into cover

"Garrus come in, this is the Commander" I yell over the screams of the dying and explosions of destroyed mecs

"We are receiving you Commander" Garrus's voice beams out in my ear, and I sigh in relief, at least they aren't dead yet. I look down the line at the most recent pulse rifle blast and I see that the merc are starting to thin out, I can use this as a advantage,

"Garrus I need you to do that again only more to," I pause to take a look and to shoot a few more,and there screams erupt from their mouths "to the left"

"Just say when Commander" Finally I can give my family the justice they deserve,

"Now" The hum of the Pulse rifle grows and I just turn to look at Miri and she is almost out of clips too.I activate my biotics and I pour a every bit of myself into it like never before and I let it fill me and consume me, I cannot see any other way out, there is only one way to end this, and it his now

Miranda's POV

Shepard leans back against the wall, resistance is futile, there are too many of them and the Mako is too far to run, we would be shot to pieces, I am nearly out of ammo and I turn to look at Shepard her biotics glowing in a way I had never seen before, the static it is producing is unlike anything I have ever seen before, better than Jack's ever could have been. I put a hand on her arm

"Lexi don't do this-" Her hand covers mine and she pulls me in for a kiss, her lips are desperate and the clasp mine and I am more than happy to lean into it, are mouths move together and it becomes deeper and I cannot help but feel like this is a kiss goodbye, her hands drop her gun and she rips mine out of my hands and she drags me in for a full kiss, her hands tangled in my hair and on my upper back, I feel a tear leak from my eye.

"I have to," Lexi says as she breaks away from me, I just breathe in her wood smoke scent and nod, I know what she has to do, for her herself and her family and it breaks my heart that there is no other way, her comms link opens and she says

"Now Garrus" and I hear the charge of the Pulse Rifle and I say to her before it get too late,

"I love you Lexi" I say and I stroke her face and I close my eyes as her biotics are too painful to look at now, I hear the sound of the Pulse Rifle exploding in energy and the bright light brightens my eyes even from behind my eyelids, her hand strokes my cheek, then it's gone as quickly as it came.

"I love you too" Lexi says, before releasing me entirely and she takes a deep breath and with that she charges round the corner and I cannot even see her she is a blur of blue as she runs down the middle of where the pulse rifle just cleared out and the enemy's start closing back in around her, drawing all the enemy gunfire, I cannot tear myself away from her as I can just about make out her fist raised and pulsing even more and then I hear her scream in vengeance and my heart seizes and then the scene explodes it a cloud of blue, it is so strong that it knocks me off my feet and I knock my head on something sharp and the world fades to the darkness

As I come to, I see the Master Thief above me and I see the familiar lighting of the medbay, I squint as everything comes back into focus, I frown and I feel a faint throbbing in my head, I groan and then it all comes whirling back and hits me like a hammer. The Colony. The batartian and fight. Her charging off into him, I have to find Chakwas, Myeyes scan the room and I find her beside me and I grasp her wrists, I have to know, I look into Chakwas' eyes as I feel my gut twist

"Where is she?" I say and my voice comes out all croaky and hoarse

"We couldn't find a trace of her; in fact there was nothing left apart from you"

**A/N: (Ducking to dodge bullets) Sorry guys for leaving it on a cliff-hanger, but I have to go on my D of E so you are going to all have to wait until Tuesday at least okay? And boy phew, this was a long one, as KasumiCain predicted, but I hope that will tie you guys over until the next update, so thank you guys for reading and please review- Bexaday **


	16. Where The Hell Are You Shepard?

**Chapter 16**

**Where The Hell Are You Shepard?**

**A/N: I'm back guys! And I got out remarkably unscathed so I decided to write this one today and give y'all a treat XD! So I have been thinking on how I am going to write this, but don't worry Shepard isn't dead and that all you need to know for now, and thank you to all who review and read my story it is great that you read it and I thank you for it, even more for those who review so here we go! – Bexaday**

Miranda's POV

Is that even possible?

Can she even just… _disappear _like that?

_Well obviously she can, otherwise she would be here_

_I don't have time to deal with you_

_I am merely stating the obvious_

_Well go shove it, I don't care right now, all that matter is Shepard_

I can't move, I cast my eyes downward to my wound caused by Jack, I hear a sob emit from the master thief and I look up and I can see the tear tracks making their paths down her face. I try to sit up. I have to find her. I _need _to find her. I sit up and I only wince as my wound twinges a little and then the emotional storm hits me straight in the chest and it is like she has died all over again, it is like drowning, and I am sinking quickly, I get up as I try to keep a lid on it all as I charge to my office on shaky legs, as the emotions threaten to make me collapse as my grasp on this world slips without Shepard, I just about manage to lock the door behind me as I enter before my legs give out and I sink down against the door and I curl up against the door and just let the tears fall.

I could have stopped her, I should have, I knew what she was doing and I didn't even think to try and stop her, I just stood there and watch her kill herself or worse, my body heaves as I let a sob escape my lips. I could have done something, _anything _and maybe, just maybe she would have still been here.

_Don't lie to yourself, you wouldn't have stopped her, you saw the desire for vengeance in her eyes, she need this_

_But she didn't have to die did she?_

_Anything has a price Miranda; you know that better than most._

Shepard's POV

I had never felt so powerful in my life, not even when I was given the title of Spectre, mumma was right about the pockets of element zero on Mindoir; well at least that explains the lack of biotic power here. I hear the super sonic boom of the Pulse Rifle and I charge round the corner, I can feel myself pushing my biotics further than ever before, but I don't stop, I can see him in the crowd as the blue hum of his biotics bashes into mine, already fighting before my fist collides with his face, his blood is singing for me to rip it out of him and I am more than happy to oblige

_Remember, Vengeance tempered with mercy._

I could not give a monkey's uncle right now, as I keep on charging as enemies begin to enclose around me, the first man to attack me gets disintegrated by the sheer amount of force my biotics are creating I laugh hysterically before charging on. I have a direct line to him now, there is nothing going to stop me.

Another few steps and I will obliterate him, I let out a war cry which makes my enemies cringe and, wait what is he doing, he is stood there and he is holding something, it looks like a warp, I don't think I can stop this one like I did with Miranda's. But I cannot stop moving now, I can't even slow down,

_At least you will go out with a bang, and with getting revenge for your family_

I keep going, I have to do this, he doesn't even move as I swing my fist forward and it ends up in the sphere and I feel the planet beneath my feet shift and then air seems to swell with the currents on the underside of the planet and the air is all gone for a few seconds and I can't breathe, then the air seems to implode with energy and before it can drag me forward it explodes, balancing it out and I tense every muscle possible to stop me from falling to my knees at the sheer force of the blast, the planet's surface caves in under my feet, and before I know it I am falling, no, I am plummeting into darkness and all that Echoes is the Batarian's laughter, I look up and all I see it the hundreds of mercs and mechs waiting to crush me to death at the bottom of this abyss.

Miranda's POV

I have no idea how long I have been sat here for curled up on the hard metallic floor, I have to get up, I have to find her, I might as well start looking for her now. I have shed enough tears and wasted enough time just sitting here. I force myself to stand, stretching out my body from that cramped position I was in, I got into the bathroom before fixing my hair and make- up; I cannot let the crew know I have been crying, in Shepard's absence I am the one in charge.

"Operative Lawson, the Illusive Man requests your presence" For once in my life I am going to say no to him, he made me lose Shepard on this god damn planet just for the sake of finding out about another colony, because he apparently has humanities best interest at heart. What a load of bullshit, he doesn't care what it takes to make the ends meet, he just wants them to meet. This time and probably every other time he has asked me to do something he has asked me to sacrifice something of importance to him, well this time I won't give it to him, if he thinks he can blackmail me by using Orianna, he can shove it up his arse. I can protect her from my father.

"Well EDI alert him that I am currently engaged in something of greater importance, and if he wishes my attention he shall have to send me an email" I say as I look for the dossier I got on Mindoir before going there, maybe it will give me some clue to where Shepard is, but I cannot help this feeling in my gut that she is in danger. I must act quickly; I quickly walk across the hall to Kasumi's quarter. The door slides open and my eyes search the room for the Master Thief. I take a cautious step inside the room and that's when I find her reading a book that Shepard found on Ilium, it was a novel by an ancient author William Shakespeare "Romeo and Juliet". I took another step when she looked up and I could see the pain she was in and a web of sorrow ensnared me

"Kasumi I –" I begin when she cuts me off with the tilt of her head, as I swear I saw a tear down her hooded face, well that is the only part of her face I can actually see with her hood up. I focus my eyes

"I am sorry Miranda, you have more of a reason to be upset than I do" Kasumi said as she turned her head back to me and she smiled weakly, I walk to her sofa before taking a seat there

"You have just as much right as me Kasumi, she was your friend" I say softly as she joins me on the opposite edge of the sofa.

"Your connection was greater and ran deeper than anything I have ever seen, you must be so sad" I adjust my position on the sofa as Kasumi stands up and pours me a drink of water and hands it to me and I nod in thanks and take it with a trembling hand, I lift it to my lips, taking my time to answer Kasumi, I don't know how much to tell her

"We were… close but I need to find her, she was my project and I intend on keeping her safe" I say as I stare off into the port window and watch the tiny little planet that took Shepard and hides her from me.

"Why do you do that?" Kasumi says with an exasperated voice, I look up as my eyebrows raise in disbelief and surprise, what does she mean?

"What do I do?" I say, I am generally surprised by her confronting me.

"You become so cold and closed off, sometimes I wonder how Shepard manages to get under your skin so much, she seems to make you alive and happy" Kasumi says, I freeze up temporally, I guess we never did hide it from Kasumi, well I did, but I am sure the Commander defiantly confided something's in her, she is just filling in the blanks.

"She isn't like anyone I have ever met" Is all I manage to say, in fact it is all I can think to say right now, in my peripheral vision I see her nod and I turn my head towards her

"That is very true Shep is unlike anyone I have ever met, life suddenly everything is a lot less black and white, but merely shades of grey" Kasumi says, what she says is so very true, and it surprises me she knows Lexi so well, then again being on a ship all day means you have to talk to someone, even if Garrus is like her brother, she prefers Kasumi, and I can see why she never judges you she always listens to what you have to say and she always has some interesting observation to make.

"I was wondering if you had heard Shepard mention anything about Mindoir before she left" I say and I look back to Kasumi and her brow is scrunched up in thought, after a few moments of me fidgeting around on the sofa she looks back up at me

"Nope I can't think of anything" I sigh, we need a starting point,

"You could start on the planet surface" Kasumi suggests, that is a good place to start, I nod at her and she stands up and follows me out, we take the elevator ride to CIC in silence, the entire crew is quiet in respect for Shepard, who, is either missing of KIA. God, KIA, it makes me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach and I cannot help but feel if we have less and less time to save Lexi.

"EDI, could you call up Grunt and Mordin, we are going to search the surface" I say their own skills shall be needed, Mordin's intelligence and intuition. Grunt's knack for hitting or breaking things and finding his "Battle Master" as he called Shepard, and me and Kasumi are here as we knew her best.

The shuttle down is quiet apart from the hum of the engine, we all knew what we are looking for, Shepard, may that be corpse or barely alive. I hate thinking of her as a corpse, it made my gut twist and my heart tear slightly, and with a heart as scarred as mine, I knew it would never recover from her loss.

Shepard's POV

Ugh, my _head. _It is throbbing, but not as nearly as much as the bone – crushing weight of dead bodies, I try to make my way up but there are so many limbs and mechanical parts in the way it makes every move twice the effort. I start to sweat under the exertion of it, after a few minutes I breach the surface and I take in a deep breath of air, the air taste foul and damp, and I cannot help but cough at the chemical fumes.

"Ah so you are alive then, I thought the bodies may have killed you" I try to turn around but half of my torso is still held onto by dead bodies, I wiggle my way free and my heart begins to pound as panic seeps into my brain,

"Shepard you are a hero to me! You let all your family die, so you could play the innocent slaver girl, you are almost as bad as me" I turn around as the anger settles into my aching body, I turn around but I cannot see him,

"Come and find me Commander, I am waiting" Then I realise, this is a game, his game and he is the rule maker and I am the pawn that is toyed with throughout this game. I force myself to calm down, and look around, I look up and I see ceiling a good two hundred feet above me and I can see glowing blue pieces of rock. _Element Zero. _I think, that would explain why mumma would never allow us to use our biotics, because it was cause this. Whatever this was, but it looks like I am underneath the crust of the earth, I just hope the others can find me. Oh shit, Miri. I just left her up there; I shouldn't have been so selfish! I snarl at my own stupidity before angrily checking my suit and weapons. Great, I have one pistol with four thermal clips, an empty grenade launcher and my suit power is on full with half shields. Well it could be worse,

_No it fucking couldn't be, you are trapped under the crust of a planet, with little to no weaponry and god knows what enemies are down here_

_You got me there._

I sigh and check for a communication for any sign that I could contact them; my scanner shows negative for any communication, great, just fucking great.

Miranda's POV

Back on this dusty planet again, back to the same spot of the statue but something is wrong, the air is still charged, like something is going to happen and the smell of biotics is unmistakable. The strangest part is there is not a body of anyone from the battle here anymore, not a gun, they have vanished without a trace, and leaving us without a lead. Frustration grows within me and just before I am about to what feels like pull my hair out, Kasumi touches me on the shoulder and I whirl round

"What?" I say impatiently and all she does is point, my eyes follow her finger and there is a flower, one with a black centre and dark red petals, I rush over to it and I can feel something in me stirring, power. It has to be, this overwhelming urge to release biotics is almost overwhelming when an alien hand touches my shoulder

"Releasing biotic energy could cause an explosion of some kind, but what is producing this power and energy, hmm," Mordin takes in a deep breath and rests his hand under his chin "Perhaps this flower, no something that small cannot produce such a great force of energy, physically impossible, maybe the ground hmm, plausible" Mordin stops, I slowly edge away from him allowing him time to think instead I feel drawn to the flower, I remember what Shepard did, she ate the liquid produced by it, I reach my hand out and stroke the velvet petals and they turn yellow, I am about to pull my hand away when a small blue droplet lands on my finger, it doesn't burn me, in fact it empowers me and suddenly eating it seems like a wondrous idea, I stick my finger in my mouth, then I know what it is, I didn't even think it came in liquid form.

It is Element Zero, that's what caused the explosion, so where the hell is Lexi?

**A/N: Phew, guys I am so tired after writing this one, there is so much to remember and get right now, I hope that the way Shepard is alive hasn't disappointed, I am sorry if it has but it will be explained more in later chapters. Please review and thank for the on-going support - Bexaday**


	17. Time Is Running Out

**Chapter 17**

**Time Is Running Out**

**A/N: Okay here it is guys! The next latest update, it took me a while to think about this one so sorry for the delay, I also would like to thank all new and old reviewers who take the time to tell me what they think of the story. It helps me to help your reading experience. – Bexaday**

**Disclaimer: Sorry Bioware for forgetting to put this on all of the chapters, I don't do it on purpose, but my head is just bursting with so many ideas I just have to write them down! I don't own Mass Effect sadly; if I did I would be rich.**

Shepard's POV

All I can do is look around for some kind of exit, I activate my head torch, I hope I get out of here soon, the torch is a bugger to keep alight, it just drains my suits power so quickly, I try not to think about the countless amount if bodies underneath me and bring my arm up activating y Omni Tool; it's warm orange glow lighting up this cavern. Even now my Omni Tool is faded and barely working, after a few minutes of playing around with it trying to get it to work, I need some kinda of map, anything to help me really.

_If you can't get any signal for comms links, how the hell are you going to get signal for maps?_

_Oh shut up! I need to try something!_

And as predicted, no maps with that my Omni Tool cuts out completely and I am left with the faint glow of my head torch, I cast my eyes over the side of the cavern, there has to be a side passage or something. I turn my body around and try to ignore the crunches of rigamortous bodies beneath my feet. Then in the corner of my eye I see a small passage, my torch just catches the curved wall, and a feeling of hope wells up inside of me

_Look around for other options first, remember your training_

I force myself to calm down and I search around for other exits, I walk to the other side of the room, trying not to fall over on the uneven floor, my body screams in agony as I move, the bodies must have caused some damage. And boy, am I gonna feel that in the morning, I let my fingertips brush over the sidewalls and I find it unexpectedly smooth and I can feel the power of the element zero radiating through my fingertips, I guess there is only one way out of here and I am going to have to take it. It is his game, not mine. I walk out through the side passage only to fall over at the sudden drop, I manage to catch myself and forward roll, but not without the cracking of my shoulder and agony races through my veins, I muffle a groan and I go to clutch it and I lean into the wall, I can smell the metallic smell of Zero combined with the earthy underground abyss. I have to keep walking and every step jilts my shoulder and I want to scream, thank god I have my suit on since it will help to keep the swelling down, I keep walking, I have no idea where I am going, I just hope it takes me out of here

Miranda's POV

We have been searching for hours, trying to come up with the most strangest of solutions because there is normal way to explain what happened, I run my forehead, I look to Kasumi, who was looking so determined when we started now looks like her head is about to explode, Grunt is well, grunting and Mordin and Garrus are looking at the planet layout,

"Where is Battle Master?" Grunt muttered, Kasumi sighs and I then my headset activates, god, I really don't want to talk to anyone right now. All I want to do is find Shepard. I need her. Time is running out, I can feel it in my gut.

"Operative Lawson, The Illusive Man requires to speak to you urgently" I feel a spike of annoyance go through me.

"I have told you EDI. I will not and cannot talk to him. Shepard is my number one priority and he knows that" I say trying as hard as possible to keep my voice level

"Of course Ms Lawson, alerting the Illusive Man now" I nod my head and I zone back in to look at the crew and I see Garrus mandibles twitching, Mordin staring intently at me, making me shift uncomfortably, Kasumi just smiles and looks away and Grunt just looks into the distance.

"What? Sometimes he needs to be taking down a peg or two" I say letting irritation colour my voice, I suddenly feel so tired, I change my posture so it is more comfortable and I let out a sigh and thread my hands through my hair when I feel a heavy claw on my shoulder

"Don't worry, Shepard is a strong squishy, she will be fine, after all she is my battle master" I cannot help but smile up at Grunt, I nod my head before looking across the horizon, then something catches my eye, something glinting in the ground.

"Wait what is that?" I say and then everybody rushes over to see what I am pointing at, hope wells up inside me and I rush over to it, as I get closer and I see it is the steel funnel of a gun, I squint and I cross my arms before I feel Kasumi shoulder brush mine as we both inspect it.

"What is it Miranda?" Kasumi says

"I think it is a tip of a gun" I say cautiously when Mordin's white lab coat catches the sun as he stands there also scrutinizes the gun tip

"Why is it there? Could it be a cave in hm? No it doesn't have a proper cause, not without an explosion of some kind a trigger maybe-"Grunt pushes pass Mordin

"You talk too much Salarian, actually do something" Grunt mutters and he gets a firm hold on the tip and yanks it, before I can stop him too. I only have enough time to push me and Kasumi back. The floor crumbles around it, revealing a hole, which means it is hollow, which means Shepard could be down there. A woft of metallic stench of Ee- Zo, Then it all makes sense

"A pocket of Element Zero right here? Not a coincidence, cannot be, Batarian must have known about it. If Shepard is stuck down there too long her body could react to the Ee-Zo and potentially-"I cut him off, I don't want to hear what he has to say, I won't let that happen, I _can't. _This mission needs her. I need her.

"We won't let it come to that!" I say and I activate my Omni Tool and comms headset

"EDI I need to get caverns and passageway maps for this planet" I say somehow not letting my voice tremble under the possibilities,

"Of Course Operative, sending them to your Omni Tool now" With that I open them, I find our position on it before Kasumi walks over with the others following suit

"Right, we need to get Shepard out there as quick as possible so I suggest we go to all the possible exits," I turn to Garrus "Mr Vakarian could you please get the supplies we need until sundown, we can't stay out here at night"

"Why not? Shepard used to live out here and-"Kasumi begins and I feel the same pang of annoyance I felt earlier

"Well, I see no properly functioning housing, and we need our rest, unless you are preparing to overrule my command Kasumi?" I say, I cannot have people questioning me now. I am in command now that Shepard is… absent.

"Of course Miranda" Kasumi says through gritted teeth.

Shepard's POV

I have no idea have far I have been walking before or how long, time has lost its value and I am starting to get weary, my whole body aches and my shoulder is so swollen I can barely move it, my face is scratched up from all the times I have fallen over some rock. I hear the soft taping noise of my boots hitting the rock floor, then it changes into a soft thud thud of mud, I pause my movements and even with my body screaming I bend down and touch the ground, soft and slightly damp, it can only be mud but we cannot be near the surface, I would be able to smell it, then as I stand back up I am unbalanced and I fall back and instead of hitting the rock wall I fall into a tiny passageway and land sprawled out, I groan as pain goes through my head, I wish I had picked up some medigel from those dead bodies, in fact I wish I had picked up a lot of things from them, weaponry, ammo, medigel and how knows what else, I force myself to sit up. The head torch catches some strange flooring, I walk over it and I cannot help but stand up and I walk over it and my boots make no sound, I scrunch up my brow and I sigh, wait, I can't. I try again and again but I can't what the hell is going on? Panic goes through me, what is happening,?! I can't have lost my voice!

_It could be something to do with that Batarian, remember this is his playground_

I then still myself and take a breath even if I can't hear it, I know I took it, I follow this path, because to be honest I have no idea where I am, it takes me round the corner, and I see a small figure in the corner, it looks somewhat familiar. I begin to walk cautiously towards it, now that I am closer I can see that the person is female and is dressed in ripped clothing, her hair is in matted ringlets and I can't even guess the colour, I reach out my hand and the person slowly begins to turn around, her grey eyes dull and lifeless, and her face is all scratched up. The rest of her body is ruined and covered in bruises and gashes which have long since stopped bleeding. My heart plummets, I know who she is. This isn't possible, it can't be, I saw her die, please no

"You left me Lexi" The voice is hoarse and holds nothing of the pure innocence I once knew, the world comes crashing down on me and my heart is so heavy that it forces me to my knees

"Rae" is all I manage to say, before the tears clog my throat,

"You think you had it bad? Being the last survivor was bad, but being used and touched and you," Rae came close to my face and I could see the anger pouring from her soul, my throat is like sandpaper and I cannot say anything, "You just sat there and watched it happen, you left us to die!" Rae yells into my face and I cannot help want to curl into a ball, I did try to get them, but they stopped me, they died because of me, because I was weak

_You weren't weak, you were 10 years old_

_But I should have done something!_

_Yes but remember she is dead, this is just a apportion_

It doesn't matter how many times I hear that, I cannot help but just stare at her,

"I am so fucking sorry Rae I tired as hard as possible-" I begin

"Bullshit! You never tried, I called out for you when I needed you, and you turned your back on me, on Mumma!" Rae says, and I just wince and whimper and I fall back as she advances on me, I curl up into the rock face to find some protection from her, I lift my hand up to protect myself when she knocks it away

"And you are still weak just like that time 13 years ago, you disgust me!" I look up at her face and I see it contorted with rage and twisted with years of fury. I should have reached her in time, I wish I could have saved her. I close my eyes and I wait for the strike to hit. Nothing happens, I open my eyes and she is gone, vanished, I frown and I look around the entire corridor, there is no one, I look at my feet and I see a pile of some glowing dust, I go to touch it when I feel the power rradiating out of it, and suddenly, it seems like a really good idea to touch it, I rest my hand in it and I feel the power go through me.

_What are you doing?! _

_Wha?-_

I blink a few times and I remove my hand as quick as possible, whatever that stuff is, it is dangerous, I stand up and move away from it. Whatever that is, it created the apparition of Rae, note to self, stay away from it, I keep walking and the agony returns, but this time in my mind and body as all I can see is Rae's enraged form cursing me at what I did.

Miranda's POV

(Next day on the shuttle ride down to Mindoir)

It has been two days since Lexi when missing, and the crew as already falling apart, me and Kasumi were arguing more and more, Garrus grew so agitated that he didn't talk to anyone and Grunt, well was being Grunt. I sighed in misery, I could never run my own crew, I have no idea how Lexi does this.

"Operative Lawson, I am alert you that Shepard's signal was located for a second before we lost contact again" I feel my heart soar up as I open up my Omni Tool as EDI shows me where it was, I zoom in and she is underground and walking closer to the surface

"She is alive! I knew it!" Kasumi says and I just ignore her. It seems every little thing she does irritates me, they wouldn't have even started looking for Shepard if it wasn't for me.

"EDI I need you to send my all the passageway plans to mine and Mordin's Omni Tool" I say as I wait to receive the information

"I cannot find any floor plans, but I have found the exits to the passageways" it uploads, and it seems that everything is more in our favour now

"Everyone station yourself outside an exit and all we have to do is wait" Keep on going Shepard we will find you.

Shepard's POV

Apparition after apparition of people I know, and I so tired, I just want this to end, I have been walking for hours, maybe days, I am starving and dehydrated and I have no idea where I am going, but I cannot bring myself to keep walking, I won't give up that easily, no matter how many apparitions I have of Miri or K coming to save me, I cannot trust anyone and the muted noise drives me crazy, I cannot hear anything, I can feel eyes upon my back and eveytime I turn around there is no one there, Then I feel the ground change, I turn my rapidly dying torch to the ground, we are back I a large cavern, different from the first one, I throw myself behind a slab of rock and stand poised, ready for the attack

"Finally! I never thought you would make it!" The Batarian, I begin to seethe and I take out my pistol

"Batarian!" I scream out, I pray this isn't an apparition, because I don't want to waste my bullets in a vision, because I want the real thing to _die. _I peer round the corner when I feel the bullet graze my temple, a fleeting pain goes through me

"Are you losing your edge Shepard?" He laughs, sending another bolt of pain through me. I turn round and fire a bullet into the darkness, I must have clipped him as I hear him swearing

"That's only a fraction of the pain you caused me, Batarian" I say to him as I climb over the rock so I am more level with him, my shoulder screaming in pain. I pause and stare into the darkness, and wait for him to move, I can smell his fear and it makes the Renegade within my laugh and call for his blood even more. I look down at my feet in an attempt to get a better grip on my emotions, to keep them in check, when I notice on the rock there is a smear of fresh blood, which can only be his, I smile

_I have got you now. _I begin to track his blood, I can smell his fear, he thought that putting me through that would break me, and it has but I am running on adrenaline and I hope I don't run out anytime soon, I don't want to be stuck here. I sneak for a few more minutes when I see his limping form going towards a lit exit. No he will not escape, the last thing he will see is my face. I sprint from the rock and gain height and distance, I manage to keep up with him, I can hear his rattling breaths and it spurs me on further, ignoring all injury I jump, and I feel like I am soaring all over again, this is my revenge for me and my family, I want him to feel the pain my family did when they died by his hand, I zero in on him and land right on his back just before the exit. He lets out a yelp and I hear a crack of bones as my armour crushes him, I flatten him with his back to me and my body straddling him and legs pining his arms, I lean down and whisper into his ear

"Did you really think you could escape me? I want you dead," I say as I force my gun to his head " And you will die by my hand" I say as I turn him over so I can look into his frightened eyes, my gun in the middle of his head, finger on the trigger

"You killed so many people that day, and some of those people were my family" I say as I watch him whimper and squirm underneath me, I smile a predatory grin and he tries to shrink away from me, I will not let him escape this time

"And you killed them, well you pissed me off. I am the wrong bitch to fuck with" I say and before he has time to respond I pull the trigger and it echoes throughout the cavern, his brain and blood coat my face in new red paint and I laugh as a sense of closure fills me, I close my eyes and smile, finally. Finally they are avenged. Then that when I hear it, a faint rumbling, I frown and strain my hearing, then the ground starts to shake.

Oh Shit a Cave In.

Miranda's POV

All we can do is wait, when I feel the ground begin to shake, I put my arms out to steady myself, I can hear rocks falling and panic fills me, Lexi is still in there, I try towards the entrance but the quake is so strong I can barely stand on my feet.

"Lexi!" I yell out , I have to get to her, I need her to be alive.

Because if she isn't then, well. I don't know what I will do

Shepard's POV

I am so fucking tired, I can barely run anymore and I have been running for how knows how long, trying to out run the Cave In, my shoulders is burning and feels like it is tearing apart, my body feels like it has been through a blender. But the only thing that keeps me going is knowing there has to be an exit out these tunnels. There's got to be. My feet keep pounding on the ground, when suddenly it starts to go back uphill, which means there has to be coming to an ending soon, this renews my energy and I keep pushing and all I can hear is the rumbling of rock behind me, I turn back and I see someone in front of the rubble, my heart stops when I see blue eyes

"Shepard help me!" I stop all thought leaving me and I stop running and I go to take her hand and she disappears, she as an apparition, and I fell for it, I try to start running again when I trip on some rock and I get sucked up into the Cave In, I can see nothing and I feel a blinding pain and then I black out.

Miranda's POV

The quake has stopped, and I stand back up and I rush towards the now blocked entrance. A feeling of hopelessness goes through me, she would have never made it out in time, she has to be dead, tears fill my eyes. And I begin to sob into my hands, she can't be gone, not like that, not when we haven't even finished our mission. Not before I got to know her. I begin to dry heave on the side. After I am done I look back up at the cave entrance with hate, wait, what's that? I look again and I see something metallic catching the light, I rush over and I scrape off some dirt of it and it is that grey colour that Lexi has. My heart soars and rockets

"Lexi?! Is that you?!" I yell as I begin to pull away at the rock and bit by bit I can see her arm

"Garrus! I have found her!" I scream into my comms device

"I am coming!" Garrus yells and I radio Kasumi

"Shepard, I found her!" I exclaim and all I hear is a sob of relief and I know she is going to be here soon. I keep pulling at the rock but I can't move it

"Shepard it is okay we have got you!" I shout when I feel a strong pair of arms help me to push the boulder aside and Shepard body just falls to the ground, Garrus manages to catch her before she hits the ground by her shoulder and her eyes burst open and she screams in pain and Garrus almost drops her in surprise, I manage to catch her and when I look at her face, I can see the bruises coating her and the scratches all over her face, her eyes and body is contorted in pain, I bring out the medigel when she tenses up

"Leave me alone evil apparition!" Shepard says in a weak voice and she fails out of my grip and onto the floor, and crawls away. What is wrong with her? What happened to her?

"Excessive exposure to Element Zero can cause apparitions amongst other things" Mordin says with a mournful tone, and a wave of sorrow goes through me,

"Lexi" I say her name but her eyes are skating around dangerously and I can tell she is delirious

"Alexandra Shepard" I say with more force and she looks at me and her eyes widen, I hold my breath and wait for her response. Then she relaxes slightly and her eyes go like mercury and then I know she is with us

"Miri" Shepard says softly, before her eyes roll back into her head and she begins to fit, I rush over and hold her down and Morin takes the other side

"We need to get her on the shuttle back to the ship. Now!" I shout and the others rush off ahead and prep the shuttle as me, Mordin and Garrus carry her back, I feel so scared right now it is unbelievable, I just tighten my grip on her and pray for the best.

We begin to carry her back and she still hasn't stopped fitting, I watch her face and it is so pale

"Hurry!" I say and we increase our pace, we reach the shuttle and we lay her down on the table and the fitting begins to stop but blood trickles from her mouth and I hold her hand tightly, she can't die here, I won't let her. My heart is tearing apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I hear Garrus talking to Chakwas but nothing matter anymore apart from Lexi, it is amazing the fact I get to see her again, she went through all that, she cannot die. I just hold her hand tighter and the fitting subsides and she is so still. It can't be right, not here, not now. We have docked and Chakwas rushes in

"There is no time to rush her to the medbay, it has to be done now, Miranda I suggest you let go of her hand, Mordin I need you to tell me the extent of the damage" I try so very hard to pry my fingers from her hand, and it feels like if I let her go, then I will let my grip on reality go, but somehow I manage to and I take a few steps back

"A dislocated right shoulder with a broken collarbone and humerus, also both ankles are broken she also has serious internally damage" Chakwas nods her head and she has some trouble removing Lexi's armour, I begin to help her and it comes off quickly, I had almost forgotten what she looked like under all that armour, you can see her dislocated shoulder and all the other broken bones, I want to help, I know I can but I am too close, Chakwas begins to apply steady amounts of medigel to smaller cut and bruises, and I can tell they are just the beginning on the damage caused. I go to the wall and activate the brain scanner and look at her brain patterns. My stomach drops

She is in a coma.

**A/N: So they we have it guys! They found each other again YAY! But same about the coma… don't worry about her not coming out of it she will in the next chapter, oh and be prepared for Jack in the coming chapters. Thank you for reading and please review! **** - Bexaday**


	18. Here We Go Again

**Chapter 18**

**Here We Go Again**

**A/N: Okay guys, I am not one to normally complain, but one review? Really? Out all of you who ACTUALLY read this, one review. Thank you to the person who did review. But please guys, I need you to tell me what to improve, may that be typos or whatever. But enough of the negative, I am going to be writing a Dragon Age Fanfic, Female Mahariel and Lelianna, so check in a few days for that. Also I will be publishing as much as possible as I am away on D of E this weekend again.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect**

Shepard's POV

Ugh, I feel awful. That bloody cave in. Wait. Then how the hell am I still alive? I try to move my arms but I can't, oh god, oh god! I can't be dead again can I? I want to scream out but I can't even control my own voice, I try to scream so hard but nothing, no movement; it feels so strange, I know my limbs are there but I can't move or do anything with them. Wait, what is that? I can slowly hear sound coming back to me.

"She can't be in a coma, the mission needs her!" I hear Miranda shout and under her icy voice I can hear her voice wavering, I try to speak but I can't, god this is so frustrating, I want. No. I need to hold her and tell her I am okay, because if I weren't, then wouldn't I know?

_You didn't know you were dead_

_But I knew I was dying_

I hear the squeak of a chair next to me and a hand soft hand takes mine, and it's touch is unmistakeable, I try so hard to squeeze her fingers, or do something to let her know I am still here.

"There is nothing we can do but hope she wakes up" Chakwas says in a heavy voice and I hear her footsteps fade away but Miri just stays there stroking my hand.

Miranda's POV

I can't let her slip away from me. Not now.

Chakwas has done everything in her power and Lexi will survive, she has to. I hold her hand and I grip it tightly, to let her know I am here. I slowly play with her fingers, they are so small, so fragile compared to the tough exterior Lexi displays, her fingers fit mine so perfectly, they are small and dexterous and I hope that once this is over, we can find peace together. I rest my elbow on the side of the bed and I place my hand in my hair. I sigh as I let the emotions of today just roll on me, I am so tired**, **I don't know if I can deal with this. I should just move to another mission, I am too close to the mission and the Illusive Man knows this.

_Don't even think about the Illusive Man_

I just look at Lexi's face, it is calm and angelic, so different to the stone faced Commander the rest for the crew is used to seeing. I look further down and my eyes meet thick white bandage, I shiver as she is living proof that the past always comes back to bite you on the ass. The hiss of the medbay door interrupts my thoughts, I turn around to see Garrus, and his facial expression is only what can be guessed as depressed.

"Miranda I, I don't know what to say." I turn around completely and I stand up letting go of Lexi's hand

"I don't expect you to say anything Garrus" I say, letting my voice and persona become professional again

"You two were close, but I never understood why you went to all that trouble of finding her and paying attention to her, but now I know why" Garrus said as he walks towards Lexi and I move out of his way, as my heart clenches at his words

"What do you know Garrus?" I say as I lean back onto Chakwas's desk and try to look as casual as possible, and I look at him

"You loved her," I try not to let a blush creep up on my cheeks as I feel the heat rising on my neck, and I look away as Garrus strokes her arm in a brotherly gesture, my stomach tightens, I can feel a "but" coming along "But then why the hell did you let her go on theses missions? Surely you must have known-"

"I never knew, I never got the mission file, that was always Shepard's job, not mine" I say in a cold voice, if I had known I would have never let her go on them, it affects her too much and I hate seeing her all destroyed, it tears me apart inside.

"But you must have known! You were her OX for god's sake!" Garrus says as he walks away from Shepard's comatosed form, I can feel my anger rising to meet his, but I bite it back, I have to be professional

"Contradictory to belief, I only report to the Illusive Man about Shepard" I say making my voice go below Artic temperatures, maybe this will make him leave me alone, I look into his eyes, but all I find is anger

"But you are the Illusive Man's right hand! Unless you are trying to get rid of Shepard and make this your own mission!" Garrus yells, and my anger boils over

"How dare you?! Shepard means so much to me and you reckon I would throw all that away just to take control on a mission on which Shepard has more experience and knowledge than I will ever have; just for power?" I yell back at him, I cannot believe he would say that, without realising it my posture is now leaning forward and standing high and staring at Garrus. Before Garrus can form a reply, Chakwas walks in

"Will you to stop it, the Commander needs as little stress as possible, and you two are not helping, be quiet or get out of my medbay" Chakwas says calmly and even though it is said without a hint of anger, you can practically feel the words dripping with threats, even I am slightly shocked. The room is quiet for a few minutes and you can hear Lexi's heart rate monitor increasing. My eyes flicker over to her. I cannot believe the Illusive Man did this to her, it is time for me and him to talk. I storm out of the medbay, leaving Garrus far behind and I stomp my way to the elevator using my anger to power my stride, he caused this to happen to Lexi, if he had insistent she would be fine and we would be on another mission, but no, instead she is lying on a medical bed in a coma! I started questioning my beliefs about Cerberus when Lexi joined but now, if they want to put, what is supposed to be an exemplar piece of humanity, through so much trauma they cannot even cope then how the hell is humanity to survive? My anger boils over and I cannot contain it, I have to hit something, anything. I punch the button for the CIC deck way too hard and my biotics flare up and the entire elevator shakes, the lighting flickers as my biotics tamper with the controls, I snarl and the doors open and I charge into the Debriefing Room

"Joker patch me through to the Illusive Man" I snarl at Joker through the comms, I get know reply but the comms link activates and I step onto the platform and he appears

"Miranda" the Illusive Man says after taking a drag on his cigarette, that is all he has to say to me? After everything, that is all he has to say?

"Why the fucking hell did you send Shepard into that?! You knew what was there! What was going to happen didn't you? Just like you knew about Ashley on Horizon!" I yell at him, I don't care anymore; I cannot let him take advantage over Lexi. Lexi is too important to me and to this mission.

"Shepard knew the risks when I gave her the mission"

"You didn't even give her a chance to say no! You already set a course there!" I yell at him, he is such a asshole, I couldn't care less if he stops protecting Orianna, but I can't let him do this

"Shepard should be professional to rise above her personal experiences, just like we all have Miranda, unless you are questioning her professionalism?" he asks, no he is trying to turn it back on me and I cannot let him do that

"I never did, but you are letting your ideals get in the way of humanities advancement" I state, the Illusive Man, leans forward in his chair

_Good, he deserves this. After all the blackmail he has done to you, he deserves this_

"Are you saying that I don't care about our advancement in the galaxy?" He asks

"No I am saying that everything, isn't as black and white and some of the things you have done is so wrong, it makes me question if you every really did care about anything apart from your own gain" I say to him, I want him to feel at least the tiniest bit of anger I am

"I think you have been around Shepard far too long, I am taking you off this mission, you are getting too close, don't think I haven't been watching the two of you" What? We haven't done anything, well at least not on the ship. Does this mean he was watching us in the bathroom? I am truly disgusted; I won't let him take me away from her. I can't let her have to go through that again, I can't let myself go, she needs me as much as I need her

"You can't do that, I am needed here and you know that, just like you know that Shepard will want to talk to you once she wakes up" I say letting a smirk grace my lips as he leans back into his chair letting the darkness cover his face

"You won't let that happen, I am still protecting your sister you know, I could alert your father anytime" he threatens and I feel a cold sweat begin on my neck, I can arrange something

"You wouldn't do that, otherwise certain things would find their way onto the Extranet" I bluff, I hope he falls for it, I don't let any emotions show on my face and I just stare at him,

"What happened to you Miranda? I thought you believed in Cerberus ideals" I smile

"I did, until you gave me the Lazarus Project and I saw through the lies and I found the truth" I say and he cocks his head to the side and his brows furrow

"What was the truth that you supposedly found?" I try not to let that stab at my growing agitation as his eyes begin to wander over my form, I want to be sick at this but I try not to throw up and attempt to answer him

"Cerberus does its best but a thousand good deeds is soon forgotten by one bad deed" I say and I turn off the comms and step back and lean against the wall and sigh as the coldness of the metal soothes my heated emotions, then I feel my stomach lurch and I run out of the Debriefing Room and into the elevator, it lurches again and I don't think I am going to make it, all I can see is the Illusive Man's eyes travelling over my body, eyeing it with lust, the elevator opens and I burst into the toilets and I throw up, well dry heave since I haven't eaten any lunch. God, I hate what my father has done for me, he has condemned me to a life of men eyeing me as an object of sex and I _detest _it. For all the women who want to be an object of lust they can take it from me, I don't want it. Maybe that's all that Lexi is interested in me for, the sex appeal and that's all

_Don't be so stupid, you __know__ that she likes you so why all the sudden doubts?_

The bloody Illusive Man that's what! I let a tear fall from my eye

"Miranda? Is that you? Are you okay?" Kasumi says as she comes towards me and helps me to stand up, even though I don't need it, I let her; I just need someone else to take the burden for a few minutes.

"I am fine Kasumi, just tired" I say and I can hear the weariness in my voice as I steady myself on my feet, when I have an idea.

"Kasumi, your good at getting rid of unwanted things aren't you?" I say to her and I see her eyebrow quirk upwards in an inquisitive way

"And what if I did? What can I dispose of for you?" I smile as we begin to walk towards my office

"A few unwanted eyes Kasumi" I say and she just laughs and her hand holds onto my shoulder for balance

"Easier said than done, just give me a few days" I nod and I go to enter my office when she stops me with a sentence I never thought I would hear from her

"Thank you. For never giving up on Lexi, it means a lot and shows that under all that icy coldness there is a nice person, it is just a shame it took so long to emerge" I feel like I should be smiling at her statement but then again being offended, I frown and turn around and look at her, Kasumi just rolls her eyes and with an audible huff she walks into my office and goes straight into the back and sits on the sofa's, and in the typical Kasumi fashion she puts her feet up and I rest on the opposite sofa

"I am not sure I understand you" I say letting confusion colour my voice

"When I first met you, you were so cold and now because of Lexi," Her voice trembles a little and my heart tears slightly, I know how she feels, we have no idea if Lexi is going to wake up, she clears her throat and carries on "You are so much more pleasant to be around" I smile and for some strange reason I take her hand and squeeze it, I look at Kasumi's face, she is surprised as I am.

"I know she is a great friend of yours Kasumi, I am glad she has friends like you" I say and I release her hand, she laughs before smiling at me

"You should see how different you are, it is a bit scary seeing two Miranda's though, I wonder sometimes whether you have another you locked away somewhere" Kasumi whispers, I tense, because she doesn't know how true that actually is, she just isn't locked up and she is my sister. I don't say anything and I just look away

"But you should see how different Shepard is now, eveytime you enter a room, her eyes are on you and the way she looks at you, it is like you are the pinnacle of her universe, when she almost lost you she went down and beat the crap out of Jack. You mean so much to her. She becomes so much more relaxed and calm and happy," Kasumi pauses to let it all sink in, I feel my throat close up, I never knew I meant so much to her and I look at my hands "Don't ever let that go, it is the most important thing and can change everything" I smile and look back up at Kasumi's dark eyes which glitter like cat's eyes.

"Thank you Kasumi" is all I manage to choke out, before she nods and leaves me to my thoughts, I just get up and get showered and get into bed and hope and pray she will wake up, maybe then I can tell how much she means to me, which right now, is more than anything that has ever been or ever will be.

Shepard's POV

It could have been hours or even days and I wouldn't know it, so many people have visited me mainly Kasumi though, and I keep trying to break this barrier that is stopping me and I am chipping away at it, it is slowly crumbling, I heard the argument between Miri and Garrus, why do they always fight?! I swear they cannot have one civialiesed conversation. I wish I could sigh right now, but I still can't move! I wish I could tap my fingers or even move my toes but I can't even do that! Instead I just let my mind drift and I am sucked back into memories

_(Back on Mindoir, before the attack, Lexi aged 9)_

"_Mumma! Look what I found!" I shout in joy and she comes rushing over, her hair rustling lightly in the soft breeze and the sun dances across her mocha skin. Mumma bend down next to me and is crouched over as I hand her the piece of strange looking glass, her fingers glide over it and I stand there waiting for the praise, but her brow scrunches up_

"_Alexandra, I want you to put this back where you found it" Mumma says sternly and I feel the disappointment well up in my chest_

"_Why? It is so pretty!" I whine at her and she takes my head between her hands and looks into my eyes with her green ones  
"Sometimes we have to give back things that we love, other times we have be stronger than we are and resist the temptation even when it gets too great. Other times, we have to fight for ourselves or because we are needed to do something by others" Mumma says and I stand there transfixed by her eyes_

"_Okay Mumma, I will put it back, because I need to do this" I say and I run off and place it back to where I found it, before running back to Mumma she smiles at me and scoops me up into her arms and I squeal in delight, and I rest against her, letting myself hear her heartbeat as the afternoon sun glazes my skin_

"_You were always such a clever little butterfly, I love you" I smile and I look once more up at my Mumma's face before nuzzling into her arms_

"_I love you too Mumma" _

_(End of flashback)_

I miss her so much, but I have someone else I need to come back for and not only her the rest of the galaxy waiting on me, I smash everything I can into the wall and it starts to crumble, I begin to feel my body again, a sense of joy runs through me and I hit the wall again and again until it is gone. The I open my eyes and take a deep breath, it feels like it has been years since I took a breath, pain goes through my shoulder and ribs as I take in another ratting breath.

"Good to see you again Commander" EDI chimes in and her blue hologram appears in the corner, I smile, finally I am back, then I frown, but what the hell is the time?

"It's good to be awake to EDI, can you tell me what the time is?" I say as I begin to slowly discharge myself, I wince slightly

"It is 4:45 in the morning Commander, I would advise waiting for Dr Chakwas, she has been notified you are awake and will be arriving in 2 seconds" I nod and sit back down and the doors burst open to a wide eyed Chakwas, I smile at her appearance of an dishevelled old women but she comes charging at me and hugs me

"Commander, I never thought I was going to see you again!" I smile even though my ribs ache slightly

"It is good to see you to Doc" Chakwas quickly discharges me and I go straight to Miri's room, I take a deep breath and try not to limp, I override the locks and enter, for some reason I feel nervous, I walk straight to the bed and I look over at her and she looks so peaceful. I smile and I shake her shoulder ever so slightly, her eyes snap open and she grabs my hand, I feel a bolt of warmth go through me

"Miri, calm down it is me" I say as I watch her dilated pupils shrink as she sits up and then reality hits her and then her face grows happy and she beings to cry and she pulls me on to her before sobbing into my hair, I can smell her smooth chocolate smell and her body moulds to mine and I sigh, I never thought I would have this again.

"I thought I had lost you" She sobs as she holds me tighter I don't care about my ribs anymore, I am just glad I get to see her again

"You never lost me"

**A/N: So there we have it! Isn't that so cute! I just love them so much! Don't worry Jack will be in the next chapter, so please review and thank you for reading **


	19. What The Hell Happened To You, Jack?

**Chapter 19**

**What Happened to You Jack?**

**A/N: So guys, he we go again, as I promised, this is the return of Subject Zero with all her glory, Also I would like to thank those who reviewed, shout out to KasumiCain who suggested a part of this, I wish she would write her own stuff so then I can praise and give ideas to her as well, please keep reviewing guys. I hate hassling you guys for it but I have to. So here we go! This will probably be my last chapter before D of E, but don't worry I am already writing the second one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, nor will I ever **** So for now this is all I have got **

Miranda's POV

I thought I had lost her, and now she is there in front of me, with the shame expression she had the first time we met. I don't even have time to think, I have to make sure this is real, that she is really in front of me. I pull her into a tight hug, I feel her wince a little but she just pulls me tighter against her. Tears leak down my cheeks, I breathe in deeply smelling that wood smoke and cinnamon I finally begin to relax, better than I had all day in fact, Her hair is slightly damp from the wash Dr Chakwas gave her and I entangle my fingers in it, her hard muscular body pressing into mine and warmth spreads from her arcing into me, I manage to get my voice working again

"I thought I had lost you" I feel her smile in my hair and she tightens her grip around me

"You never lost me" I don't think Lexi will ever understand how much it meant to me, my heart swells with love, the fact I can hold her again is all that matters, the last time I held her she was broken and unconscious, she yelled at me, I defiantly know she was suffering from hysteria, but it doesn't stop me from hurting. Hurting from the fact I never want to see her so distraught ever again. Lexi pulls away slightly and she rests her forehead against mine, and I stare into her sliver orbs which begin to smoulder into mine, then her lips touch mine, I almost moan at the contact, her lips are so soft and warm and I can in bloody taste her, fucking hell, her lips pull back away from mine and I growl in protest as I miss the familiar heat of them against my own and I go back up to meet hers again, I feel her smile against my lips and she brings them back with force, my own lips devouring hers, I feel her teeth nibble on my lower lip and I moan and I fist my hand in her hair and I try to bring her closer than she already is, she shifts around so she is lying in between my legs, I nibble on her lower lip and she moans, which sends a new wave of heat to my core and makes it pulse, her tongue grazes over my lower lip, asking for access and I am more than happy to oblige, I raise my legs and they clamp over her back, if she was in pain she didn't wince or complain, my other hand is making it's way to the hem of her shirt, then I feel a hand on my nipple and I moan loudly, fucking hell, it has never felt this good, I let my eyes roll back into my head, as her finger teases it and it hardens under her touch, the lust is rolling in waves to my core and it is starting to get unbearable, I peel her shirt off and I almost feel like complaining at the loss of her lips on mine, but they return and they are so hard on my own, demanding my attention and her tongue fights with mine for dominance. I want this so badly, I push her up and I as she knees between my legs I catch a glimpse of a long line of dark purple bruises, the fractures and I look back to her shoulder and I can see the red angry scar from when Chakwas had to do surgery.

Any lust I had just vanishes and I pull myself from underneath her and she just frowns, I put my hand over the bruises lightly and I can feel the fractures, I see the muscles on Lexi's body wince and convulse slightly, I lean back onto the bed and I she lies next to me, I turn so I am facing her, I focus my eyes on her face, my eyes trail of the angelic angled cheek bones and delicately carved features, she closes her eyes and I see her relax next to me, she looks so young and calm, my heart lets out a squeeze of sympathy as no one this young should suffer so much, I mean, I am 27 but still, then she interrupts my thoughts as she turns her head towards me and her smouldering eyes stare at me, damn it! I am blushing again! Why does she such an effect on me? I won't look at her face but I let my eyes travel slowly down her shirtless form, I place my hand on her palm and I slowly drag them up her arm until I reach the scar she got on Mindoir, I follow it round and I let my fingernails skate over her skin, I feel her muscles quiver under my nails and I smile, I keep going up her arm and I can feel the little scars that has been left behind by some kind of shrapnel grenade. My hand keeps going and I focus on her skin but I can feel Lexi's stare on me and it travels all over me making me feel hot but I don't stop, my hand has snaked onto her stomach and I can feel her abs quiver under my hand, then I pause before going back up slightly and I let my hand sit on the swollen ribs, Lexi's tense under my hand, I sit up so I can get a proper look at them, to see if I can do anything to ease her pain,

"Does it hurt?" I say in a soft voice as I pull my eyes away from her purple rib fractures and to her eyes, I can see the hurt in them.

"Yes" Lexi says in a strained whisper, like it is difficult for her to admit it, she looks away from me and towards the ground.

"Hey, look at me," I say as I cup her cheek and her eyes flash as they lock onto mine, "It is okay to say your hurting Lexi, you don't have to be the Commander all the time, you can be Lexi too" I say as I stroke her cheek slowly and I feel her cheek move into a small smile

"Thank you" Lexi says in a strained voice, I frown then I look at her eyes again, and I see they are watery and my gut clenches,

"Nobody has ever said that to me, nobody ever understood that I am two people, instead of the invincible Commander, I am a person too" Lexi says as she winces as she sits up opposite me. I smile as I get up and I look around the room for the first aid kit,

"What are you looking for?" Lexi says as she leans back so she is resting on her palms, in an attempt to lessen the pain I guess. I find it in time and I walk back to her. I reach her and I put the first aid kit down beside her on the bed and I fish the medigel out and crouch down

"You don't have to do that, I can do it myself-"I cut her off

"Let me do this Lexi please, I cannot see you get hurt again because of me" I say as I open the medigel and as I am about to apply it her hand grips my wrist, causing my eyes to dart up to hers, they are full of confusion

"What do you mean?" I sigh and I try to apply the medigel and she keeps my wrist locked there,

"Lexi I just don't want to see you get hurt, okay?" I say letting the impatience show, and I know my accent gets stronger but I couldn't care less, she needs this medigel to be applied, maybe in the morning it will be fine. Lexi slowly releases my wrist and I slowly apply it and I can feel her body relax and she lets out a sigh and I look up at her and her head has rolled back, I finish doing her ribs and the swelling is already starting to go down, good, at least she won't be in anymore pain.

" Is that better?" I say to her as I look up at her and she has a dreamy expression and I let out a little laugh as she nods. I stand back up and I apply some to her shoulder and the red scar begins to fade until it leaves a white scar. I pack away the medigel and I go to wash my hands, when I see my computer screen flashing, I frown and I exit the room and I open the email

_To: Miranda Lawson_

_From: Unknown Sender_

_Ms Lawson_

_I am writing to inform you that your father has an idea where Oriana is and I would advise starting to arrange for her to be moved. _

_From your friend_

_Niket_

I freeze up, No, no the Illusive Man wouldn't do that, would he?

_Of course he would he is a arsehole, and you went against his orders, you knew the consequences_

Why, oh why does something bad have to happen when something else is going good in my life, I sigh and my hand goes to rest in my hair pushing it back, until I feel hands on my shoulders and a body quickly to follow her hands, but now isn't the time, I have to begin preparing where I am going to move her. I shake off Lexi and walk away from her and I being to pace. This cannot be happening, I thought the Illusive Man would never do this, obviously I was wrong.

_It is a warning, to stay away from Shepard; you know that you can't do that_

_I have to try for Orianna's sake_

_No you don't, you have moved her before, so why not again?_

Then Lexi's hand removes me from my thoughts

"Hey what is wrong?" Lexi asks her voice is soft and it rings in my ears, I don't answer her, in fact I just need to focus on protecting Orianna, she cannot know who I am and she can definatly not fall into enemy hands,

_What if she does? What you father gets there first?_

_Don't think like that! You are smarter than you think!_

_I cannot lose her, I have had do give up and lose a lot of things to get where I am right now_

_But aren't you tired of giving things up for others? Maybe it is time you do what you want to do_

_That isn't an option! _

I growl and dig my nails into my scalp, as I turn back around to pace I am stopped by firm lithe body, a hand rest on my shoulder stopping me from moving any further forward, I look down slightly and I see the hardness in Shepard's eyes, and the she has flipped the switch back to Commander mode, I cannot help but feel a little disappointed, that was our time and bloody Niket had to ruin it.

"What's wrong?" Lexi says in a calm tone as she looks me in the eye, I can see the defences she has put up and I just want to tear them down all over again

"It is going to take a while to explain and I don't-"She cuts me off

"I am not going anywhere" Lexi says as she sits down on the sofa I have in my room and curls up on it, looking totally adorable as she stares at me.

_Snap out of it Miranda!_

I blink rapidly and I sit on the opposite sofa, I ring my hands together, where do I start? There is so much to tell

"Well, I guess it is only fair I have spent two years getting to know you" I give her a wistful smile and she uncurls and leans forward and takes my hands in hers

"I am not going anywhere" Lexi says softly, how can she be so damn patient?! Ugh it annoys me sometimes,

_Now you are just saying things to stall, spit it out already!  
_I take in a deep breath and I begin to tell her my story.

Shepard's POV

I hold her hands tightly as she begins to tell me her story,

"My father, was, is, a man of business and I am a part of some _contract. _He had me genetically engineered out of the best genes money could buy, my looks, my intelligence, everything was somebody else's. He once told me I was engineered for greatness," Miranda lets out a bitter laugh and I squeeze her hands tightly, I don't want to see her suffer, but she has to tell me, and it is the only way I will understand what is wrong "He made me his _dynasty _his final success, but I was… faulty, I always rebelled against him, he never let me have friends, he never allowed me to date people, he said it would tarnish me, but that's when I found out, he had made another child, Oriana," Miri says her name so quietly I can barely hear her say it, this man is horrific, what kind of man would do that to his own child? "SO I took her, I was defending her, I couldn't let her grow up like I did, so I ran away and I knew my father did business with Cerberus so I went to them and I have been with them ever since" Miranda finishes, I move to the sofa next to her and she leans on me, thank god she applied the medigel otherwise I would be in so much pain, well the physical pain but the mental pain doesn't stop the feeling of suffocating, the feeling I will never get to see the sun again, and now the pain of not being able to protect Miri from her father, and it makes me furious! Anger pumps in my veins, it explains so much now, the coldness and calculating and cautiousness before taking a step, it is all because of that man. I growl so low I hope that Miri won't hear it but she does

"What's wrong? Aren't I then one who is supposed to be getting upset?" Miri says, I cannot sit down anymore it is almost too much to bare, I have to elevate this anger. I lean against the window and I stare out into space,

"I can't take it, knowing that someone is going to hurt you like that, I should be able to protect you, for fuck sake!" I yell and I slam my fists into the hull and I stand there breathing heavy letting my shoulders rise and fall as I breathe, my hands are still curled up and they are resting in the slight dents I made, I try to calm myself as I begin to talk

"I shouldn't get so angry, but I can't help but want to protect you against eveything, I just," I pause and I turn around letting one of my hands fall to my side and the other rests on my forehead as I lean back against the wall and let my head tilt back against it. I cannot help but feel so protective over her! It is like a primal force inside of me to protect her. I just cannot lose anyone again without me at least putting up a fight. "I just cannot lose you" I whisper out and I sigh, why is this always so hard for me to say? I should go, I am sure we will be busy tomorrow, I clear my throat and I look at the ground

"I should go, we are going to have a busy day tomorrow and-" I begin

"Stay with me" my head snaps up to her and my eyes meet hers, she knows I can't it would be wrong, but then again, how many nights will we get like this where we can both just… be, and enjoy one another's company? Not many I am guessing.

"I... You know I can't Miri, what would the crew think?" I say, I know it is weak, but I don't have any other reasons. Miri comes close to me and she rests her hand on my cheek and I lean into her touch as I feel the familiar shoots of lighting cascading up my arm.

"Please stay with me, I" Miri voice falters "I only just got you back and I need… I need you, more than you know" Miri says and a surge of heat goes to my core, I simply nod and she takes my hand and takes me back towards the bed before stopping just in front of her wardrobe, I frown when she pulls out some running shorts and a vest top, I arch an eyebrow at her

"Did you want to pick the most revealing clothing or what?" I say letting a smirk grace my lips, Miri's cheeks suddenly go very red

"No! It was the only spare clothing I had and" I am too busy trying not to cause myself too much pain by laughing; she is so cute and adorable sometimes!

"Okay! Okay! Stop, it is fine" I say as I manage to stop laughing so much and I dart into the shower , but before I close the door I wink at her

"No peeking now Ms Lawson" I say letting my accent take full hold and I close it letting my last sight be of her gaping like a fish. I get changed as fast as possible and I open the door to see Miri sat there, obviously waiting for me.

Miranda's POV

My head snaps to the sound of the bathroom door opening and I just gape, she fills out the clothing better than I ever could have, her muscles flexing at the slightest movements and her chest, whilst as not as big as mine, maybe half a cup smaller fill it out, no matter how muscular she is, it can never take away how gorgeous she is or the fact she is so sexy.

"Have you been awaiting me, Ms Lawson?" Lexi says wiggling her eyebrows, letting her English accent grow stronger and I cannot help but let out a shudder, it sounds so sexy, a smile forms on her lips, she knows what effect it has on me and almost all the anger from earlier has disappeared, I didn't think it would make her so angry, but when she said she couldn't lose me, I knew that was difficult for her but, I never knew I meant so much to her.

"Maybe I have, what are you going to do if I have?" I say arching an eyebrow as she climbs into bed beside me and turns to face me

"This" Lexi says as she pokes my side and I let out a yelp and she keeps poking me and I can't help but laugh

"Stop, stop Lexi, stop!" I say as tears stream from my eyes, and then it lessens and she is straddling me and has my hands pinned above my head, she brings her mouth close to my ear and whispers

"Do I hear defeat?" I shudder and she pulls back enough to kiss me again, fuck, I cannot get enough of that taste, I moan and she releases my hands allowing them to wonder all over her, I squeeze her breast and she breaks away and let out a sensuous moan, damn it I am going to need new underwear at this rate

"Stop Miri" Lexi says in a heavy breath and I pull back, I understand, but that doesn't mean I want it to stop either

"I don't want it to be like this, I want it to be special" Lexi says as she kisses my lips once more before sliding off of me and leaning against me, I yawn and tiredness replaces lust and I nod once before turning the light off. Lexi snuggles into me and I just smile and she curls away from me and I pull her towards me from the middle and I feel her hand take mine and we fall asleep.

Shepard's POV

_Miranda no! I scream out as I watch her fall into the rubble, I try to reach her but I am too slow, then I hear another scream and I turn around I see Rae being tossed around by other men, _

"_Lexi!" Rae screams and I try to run forward but I can't instead I shoot at them, but instead I accidently hit Rae and I run towards her,_

"_Rae" I sob as I hold her in my arms as her blood leaks over me_

"_You killed me, you left me to die" Rae says as it is spreading so fast now, I shake my head letting my tears spray everywhere_

"_No it wasn't like that, I wasn't strong enough" I say in sob_

"_You let us all die" I look up and my gut clenches and I see my mother, father, Kaiden, my crew from Akuze_

"_No I didn't I" I begin when I look up and I see a Thresher Maw coming down on me and I cannot move as it devours me_

I scream and I sit up, and a hand ups my cheek and I flinch away from it as all I can do is see the Thresher Maw, I put my hand on my face and I feel tears on my cheeks and the hand returns to my cheek

"Lexi it is okay, it was only a dream" A voice says I turn look at them and I see Miri and she is sat up beside me and is looking at me with an increasing worried look, then I see the flashes of her falling into the rubble

"I felt so real" I murmur and Miri just pulls me into her and just holds me

"I was just a dream, it is okay I am here" Miri's voice soothes my frazzled nerves and I begin to calm down again Miri guides us back to the bed and I feel my eyelids growing heavy again and sleep takes over, all bad dreams adverted for the rest of the night

Miranda's POV

"Ms Lawson, we are to be arriving on Ilium in 2 hours"

I grumble and I move my hand to the other side of the bed and I feel nothing there apart from emptiness, my eyes snap open and I search the room. My gut clenches, Lexi wouldn't leave me like that, would she? I am pretty sure it wasn't a onetime deal.

Then the doors open revealing an Alexandra Shepard, in her uniform, carrying what seems to be two cups of tea, she walks with such grace and fluidity, it just shouldn't be possible, I can't imagine how she does it, then as I finish gawking at her she enters my bedroom and I see a smile graces her lips as she sees me awake

"Hey sleepyhead" Lexi says and I cannot help but smile as she hands me a cup of tea, I sit up and she sits on the end of the bed facing me, I take a big gulp of tea

"Hey yourself, I was worried when I couldn't find you" I mumble and I stare into the golden liquid of my tea

"I had to get up EDI forced me, I would have been more than happy to have stayed there all day, but I had to plan what we are doing today" Lexi says as she stares at me as she takes a dainty sip

"And what are we doing today Commander?" I say letting the word "Commander" roll off my tongue, Lexi eyes flash and smoulder for a moment and she puts down her tea and lets her hand rest on the covers, where my thigh is, and she leans in close, setting off waves of lust

"I can think of plenty of things to do Ms Lawson" Lexi whispers huskily and I cannot help but let out a small moan

"But they are not on today's agenda, this is" what a bloody tease! I will get her back eventually!

"Bloody tease" I mutter as she gives me a pad which has footage of someone who looks very familiar, I frown slightly,

"Is this?" I begin

"Yes and I know where she is, she is in a bad way we need to help her" Lexi pleads, I still haven't forgotten what happened between us, and I don't think I ever will, I just have to avoid her

"Okay then but I don't like it" I say, there isn't much more I can say really, her word is law, no matter my opinion

"I need to help her, I am strong enough now, and she needs our help" Lexi says

"Good, I shall see you in CIC in 20 minutes, Oh and" Lexi says before pulling me into a heated kiss but before I even have to time to register it she has pulled away and is leaving the room, I shake my head. Such a tease

Shepard's POV

I was wondering what happened to Jack, I had hoped she would have stayed out of trouble, but even that seems to be too much ask from Subject Zero. I don't know how I feel about her, on one hand I hate her and the other she is my friend, I lead us through the complex known as Ilium with Kasumi, Garrus and Miri trailing behind me, we enter Dark Star Lounge and I search for the one who sent me this, then I see the turian I am looking for, I walk towards him and he begins to back away, I begin to run and he can't escape me, I pin him against the wall, even though he is taller than me

"Where is she?" I ask as he fidgets under my forearm which is pressing into his abdominal area, he had better ask me, I have a short fuse and I don't know how much longer I can be asked to deal with him

"I will ask one more time, where is she?" I say and I put my pistol on his genitals, and he stills under me, this one gets them talking every time

"The Blood Pack took her; they said she hadn't paid them back or something" I groan

"Jack, why do I bother?" I say under my breath, I sigh and I take my arm off his chest, he relaxes, but just as a reminder I let of a round into his foot, he howls and goes down

"Next time I ask, I want an answer first time" I say, thank god I am a Spectre otherwise that could get awkward, I walk away I know exactly where we have to go, I turn and walk away, as the blood lust begins to call me.

We take a shuttle to the apartment complex which is supposed to be the hidden "hideout" of the Blood Pack, it isn't very wide but it has enough apartments to house the entire Alliance, I sigh and turn around to face them

"Right as we enter the buildings I want use to stick together, it is too big for us to risk getting lost in, oh and one last thing, kill as many Blood Pack members as possible" I say and I hear Garrus let out something like a whoop, K joins in with Garrus and Miri just rolls her eyes and tries not to laugh, we enter the building, and I walk to the Asari receptionist who looks at me with wide eyes

"Hello, I was wondering if I could book a room for…. 5?" I say, I know she has hit some kind of switch to alert them of who I am and they know I am here to collect.

"Um sure, just wait a second" I nod and I hold up fingers and begin to count down. 3. 2. 1. We are swarmed by Blood Pack members

"Shepard! We knew you would come, but not with so much company!" A Krogan yells out at me, he must be the new leader, but to be honest I really don't care, I just need to get Jack

"Well by now you probably know I travel with such fine company" I say indicating to the others they all walk forward, as all guns follow them across the room

"But I am missing one of my crew a certain biotic of sorts" I say leaning on the desk, I would rather negotiate even if I want to kill something

"Oh? A biotic say, I know of one, a woman, but she means a lot to us and only a good trade will suffice" The Krogan says as he leans forward, his breath stinks of brandy from the night before and it makes me want to pass out

"Well maybe I can buy you a few drinks or something, would that suffice?" I say and he leans in closer

"Maybe a trade for you for her?" he offers, maybe this is the best way to go, my gut is telling them it well be okay in the end so why not? I look over at my crew, Kasumi's face is blank and Garrus merely looks amused but Miri looks like she is going to kill me, I turn back to the Krogan

"Can I talk with my crew so they can make the necessary adjustments?" I say and he nods, I turn back to my crew and the gun crosshairs move away from us, Miranda grabs my armour and hiss in my ear

"What the hell are you playing at Shepard?!" I wince at her tone

"I am doing what is easiest" I say simply, it isn't like this is the first time I have done something like this, and Garrus knows it,

"Maybe the easiest way to get yourself killed!" Miri hisses again, I look back into her eyes and I place her hand in mine and she relaxes a bit

"I will be fine, I know what I am doing" I say and she holds my gaze and her cerulean eyes stare into my sliver ones, they dart around trying to figure my reasoning behind it all,

"Jeesh will you to get a room?" Kasumi mutters and I cannot help but turn back to the master thief

"Oh you know you love it" I say whilst with holding my laughter and Kasumi rolls her eyes and I move to stand beside Miri and I entwine her fingers with my own

"Right Garrus, I need you to get to a rooftop and scope out any other tango's," Garrus nods and I turn to Kasumi "I need you to hack into the security comms and find out where Jack is, get to her and then contact me because no doubt this isn't going to go as smoothly as I hoped for, they are a mercenary band after all, Miri I need you to go with Kasumi, don't worry I will be fine" I say and they all walk me back in and that's when the cuff me and dog collar me

"Maybe you will last longer than the Biotic did!" The Krogan laughs but before I can even question him I feel a shock go through me and I fall over as it causes me to spasm in pain, they carry me out of the room and they inject me with some kind of sedative, but I fight against it, I keep fighting it as I feel them take off my armour and I cannot even stop them, then I hear the hum of electricity and the pain shoots all over me and it doesn't stop, I cry out and my biotics let out a flare

"She isn't as strong as the other bitch, but she will do" another Krogan voice says and the volts get increased and I fade in and out of unconsciousness

Miranda's POV

Why did she go with them? And without a fight of all things, I raise my gun as soon as Shepard leaves the room and I shoot that Krogan in the head, watching as the blood splat all over the wall behind him, the receptionist screams as all hell lets loose, bullets begin to fly everywhere and I hear the cries of every merc I kill and it feels me up and I ride on its tide of power, I let my biotic wrap tear apart a group of merc not even leaving behind a smear of blood, I turn from group of mercs to the next. Over comms I hear the repercussion of Garrus' sniper rifle

"Garrus! How is it going?" I yell over gunfire, as I enter cover behind an over turned table,

"Good I can see Shepard from here!" Garrus yells back, I turn to Kasumi and she is busy hacking away at the security systems, then the power goes out and I hope that will at least help Shepard

Shepard POV's

The electricity has stopped and the constraints that were holding me, let me drop to my knees, I blink a few times to help my vision re focus

"Shit she is out!" Someone yells, I manage to find me pistol and I pick it up and the room becomes clear again, my comms activates and Miranda is on the line

"Shepard! Are you bloody there?" I smile at this I am about to respond when I look up and there is a Krogan stood over me and he picks me up and shoves me against the wall, I hear the plaster begin to break,

"You thought you could escape didn't you?" He says I struggle in his grasp but I manage to kick out into his groin and he doubles over, I take a step back and I jam my elbow into a exposed patch in his armour and he falls over completely onto his knees, I bring my knee up and it slams into his face, I wince as I can feel the bruise already forming, he flips back and falls spread eagle on the ground, I step on his chest as he groans and I place a singular bullet into his head, his blood staining the carpet, I smile and I turn back to my armour and I put it on and it starts to release medigel and I sigh as it lessens the pain. I run out of the room and take a left, it is silent as I travel down the corridor, I take cautious steps and then I hear it, a groaning noise, I burst into the room and I as my eyes adjust I can see a skinny woman covered in tattoos chained to the wall, she head raises to mine and at first I think it is swollen, but it isn't.

Because where the implants would be, there are two massive lumps on her head, and they are a horrible grey colour, the colour of the Element Zero. There is no mistaking those amber eyes.

It is Jack, what the fuck have they done to you?

**A/N: So there we have it guys! I am sorry I have to leave this on a cliff hanger but I like to leave you in suspense: p. I will be away all weekend but by no means that doesn't mean you cannot review! So please review and thanks for reading!**_  
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	20. This Cannot Be Happening

**Chapter 20**

**This Cannot Be Happening**

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's has been so long since I have written a chapter for this story and I am glad that KasumiCain reviewed it because that to me was an incentive to keep writing, so here it is and I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect**

Shepard's POV

My mouth just hangs open at the state of her, I holster my gun and I try not to be sick because those lumps on her head must be agony, I walk towards her and her eyes follow me and I see the electrical cuffs burning into her skin, hell, I can smell her flesh cooking, I walk back to the wall and I find the release switch and I press it and she falls over, she is so tired that she can't even catch herself and she just hits the ground, I rush over to her and I kneel down and I pick her up from her armpits and she lets out a groan, well at least you are alive. I turn her so she is on her back and I rest her head in my lap

"Shit Shep, I didn't think it would be your ugly face would be the last I see" I smile at her voice as my heart clenches at how broken and weak it sounds, I bring out the medigel I carry with me and I begin to apply it to her wrists, she relaxes slightly

"My face won't be your last if I have anything to do about it" I say, I have to get her out of here even after what she did, she deserves better than this

"Shit you sound like a pussy" Jack manages to say before coughing and it racks her body and it convulses and her hand goes to cover her mouth, I hold her in place and I can't help but feel protective, I have to get her out of here, her hand pulls away from her mouth and blood covers it

"What the fuck? Shit oh shit" Jack begins and my gut drops, what did they do to her? Chakwas has to be ready; I activate my comms link and link to Chakwas line

"I need you to be ready Doc, Jack needs surgery pronto, inform Mordin that we need to make Jack's new implants which are on the upgrade station" I say

"Of course Commander, I shall be ready" turn off my comms link and I look back down at Jack who seems to be spacing out, I try to avoid staring at the grey lumps on his head, I grab her hand

"Just hold on Jack" I say as I pick her up and carry her bridal style, her hands link weakly round my neck and her head rests on my shoulder and I activate my comms link

"Garrus I need you to cover me, I have Jack but I am unable to use a firearm" I say as I maneuver us out of the room

"Of course Shepard, I am watching you now" I hear as another round goes off

"Miranda, I am on the upper levels and I am coming down in the elevator, I need you to cover me when I exit" I say as I run down the hall, as Jack stays eerily quiet, I am trying so hard not to jostle her too much, I feel a bead of sweat trickle down my head, as my arms are starting to get tired,

"Of course Shepard, I am waiting on the right of the elevator" I smile at her voice, but I am worried, I can hear the war raging on through the floor, I enter the elevator and I give it a jolt by straining against the weight in my arms and I send a pulse through my Omni Tool and into the elevator and it starts moving but not without a groan and a slight jolt and I stumble, falling into the back into the wall, a slight pain goes through my shoulder and it starts to give out, I feel it starting to get damaged again.

"Sorry" a small weak voice comes from Jack, she is weaker than she is letting on and she is getting weaker by the minute, I look down at her and her amber eyes are slowly getting lifeless, it is like it is slowly being drained from her

"We will talk when you are better, so save your strength, I want to kick your arse at cards again" I say and a small smile graces her lips

"You cheated" I just let out a small laugh before going silent again

"Let's just hope you can prove that Jack" I say and the elevator doors open, and the sound of bullets hitting metal ring in my ears,

"Shepard over here!" a voice cries out and my eyes flicker over to Miri, she looks as pristine as ever

_Now isn't the time you pervert_

I run over to her as she is holding up behind an overturned desk, bullets whizz past us and her eyes look over Jack

Miranda's POV

My god, what have they done to her? It looks like her amps have exploded. My eyes go wide and I look back up to Lexi's face, there is a slight bruise forming on the side of her head but I can imagine there are plenty of other injuries I can't see. Her eyes are full of sorrow and worry as Jack rests in her arms and I cannot help but feel slightly jealous, she isn't her girlfriend, she is mine

_What's wrong with you? She is nearly dead and you are getting jealous? That's just disgusting_

I slither of guilt goes through me and I cast my eyes back to the battle, I pull out of cover as I shoot at a mercs head poking out from his cover and his head explodes spraying blood everywhere, I duck back into cover and turn to Lexi

"I will cover and then you make a break for the door, Kasumi is waiting with a shuttle going back to the Normandy" Lexi smiles at me and I feel like all the air in my lungs has been sucked out

"You always think of everything" Lexi says as moves to get ready to run to the door, I shake my head and I re focus back to the battle,

"Garrus, I need you to come back to the shuttle ASAP" I say as I shoot at a few more mercs and throw a warp at a charging Krogan

"Coming back Miranda" Garrus replies and I turn back to look at Shepard, her eyes meet mine

"In five seconds" I yell back to her and, I begin to count down in my head,

"NOW!" I yell and she bolts I try to cover her as best as possible but at that moment they all surge forward and I can only stop so many bullets with a barrier, I can see a few bullets stabbing into Lexi's armour, my stomach drops and I all I can do is watch, she runs out of the door and I see Kasumi open the door and she throws herself and Jack in and it is now or never I bolt of the door and I don't stop as adrenaline courses through my veins I erect one last barrier before exiting the building I run into the chair and Shepard yells

"GO, GO, GO!" and the shuttle sky rockets into space, I lurch forward just as I get my belt on, my eyes go straight to Lexi and she is shaking Jack lifeless form

"Jack?! Jack are you still with me?! Stay with me Jack!"

Shepard's POV

God I can't lose her like this, please Jack hold on.

"Jack?! Jack are you still with me?! Stay with me Jack!" I yell as I shake her and I try wake her, she has to stay awake, otherwise I don't know what I am going to do, I activate my comms link and link up to Mordin and Chakwas

"Are you ready? We will be there in 5 minutes, Mordin how are those implants coming along?" I say as I try to reach the compartment on the wall as I frantically look for more medigel, I have to find it, to ease her pain, I have to do something! I can't just sit here being helpless!

"We are ready and waiting Shepard, the implants are ready for use Commander"

My hands are shaking so much I can't even open the compartment, when a delicate hand opens it for me and I look up to see Miri face and I guess my emotions are all over it, but I cannot help it, I can't let her go without a fight

"It will be okay, just calm down" Miri says and I take a deep breath before nodding and she hands me the medigel, I take it from her and open it and apply to her wrists and ankles again and it heals completely, there is nothing else I can do, Jack will just have to wait for Chakwas. I feel a hand sneak into mine and I look back up to Miri and she gives me a reassuring smile, she knows I can't let Jack die, she knows my history and that's why I love her so much

_You love her?_

I think I do, she means too much to me for me just to simply like her, I entwine her fingers with mine and look back to Jack, ready to help at a sudden change in her.

The shuttle has landed in the docking bay and as soon as the door opens I let go of Miri's hand and I unbuckle as urgency go through me, I need to get her to Chakwas right now, I scoop up Jack and she lets out a groan

"Just hold on Jack, just hold on" I whisper as I carry her even though my shoulder is in such agony, but that doesn't matter all that matters is that Jack stays alive, I run to the medbay, whispering comfort to her, even though it doesn't mean anything and she probably can't hear me, but something inside of me just can't let her go. The medbay doors open and Chakwas is stood waiting hovering over a bed whilst Mordin is setting up monitors, I rush and place her down gently on the table, Chakwas blanches in colour and her mouth becomes set in a grim line

"What did they do to her?" Chakwas asks me in a hollow voice, before I have time to answer Mordin speaks

"An electrical current of some kind has been passed through her causing the amps to rupture, surgery is needed" I nod and Chakwas goes to get the surgical equipment and I hook her up to the machines, her eyes flutter open as I enter a line into her veins,

"What is going on? Why can't I use my biotics?" A weak voice comes out of her mouth and I stop her as my heart goes out to her, she hates being vulnerable and confused, but she needs my help to help her get better

"We need to help you get better Jack" Is all I manage to choke out as I inject morphine into the line and she falls unconscious, I turn to Chakwas as she wipes iodine over jack's head

"We need to get these out as soon and as quick as possible" I nod and I take off my chest plate and I replace it with a operation gown, I am going to help in this operation, I have had to sew up soldiers and remove shrapnel from legs on the front lines more time than I can count so this should be little difference.

"I believe she has liquid element zero trapped in the amps and it has leaked and formed these lumps, I believe we should drain them by using a line or bursting them in one go" Mordin says as he prods them slightly, I nod I begin to set up a drainage station, before pausing

"But what about the amp itself, surely that has to be removed and replaced" I say with a frown on my face, Mordin, cocks his head to the side

"Yes… that can be done after drainage; after all they are broken so they should be of no harm to her whatsoever" I nod and I take the sharp needle and go to the first lump and a deep breath before looking up at Chakwas, she nods at me and I pierce it and I begin to suck up the grey substance that can only be a combination of blood and element zero, I empty and refill the needle at least 8 times into a bucket, Mordin started draining the other lump soon after I started and they are both empty and some colour has returned to her face which is a good sign. Her status are good and improving, I wipe my head as sweat begins to form, I turn back around to get a scalpel when the gunshot wounds from earlier begin to pain me, I let out a grunt and Chakwas grasps my shoulder

"Shepard, are you okay?" I nod and I turn around to get the pincers when her hand stops me "My god Shepard you're bleeding! Why didn't you say something?!" Chakwas exclaims and I forcefully turn back round to meet her eyes

"Because this is more important compared to a tiny gunshot wound" I say as I begin to cut along the empty sack which used to contain the blood and element zero combination and I open it up and I wistfully insert the pincers and gently remove the broken implant, I take it out with ease and when I hold it up to the light I can see it has been burnt to a crisp, sick barstad's they almost killed her. I throw that in the bucket and I begin to cut the other one as Mordin replaces the implant with a new one, I remove them both and I remove my gown and hang it up, ready for decontamination, I sit down in one of the medbay beds and Chakwas comes over

"If I had known you were that good, I would have you as my trainee" Chakwas says and I laugh  
"But I am more likely to get an injury than to help fix them" I point out, because it is true

"Very true, you saved her life, you know" Chakwas says in a motherly voice as she gets out the tweezers and I remove my top and lean forward, giving myself more time to think on how to answer this

"I was only doing what a good Commander should" I say and I wince as she begins to pluck the bullets imbedded in my flesh and into a little dish beside her

"You are more than just a good Commander, you are the best, you command respect without even trying, and you are a friend to all whose you meet, you have touched so many lives even if it was just a handshake, you change that person, you make them better" Chakwas states and I roll my eyes and let her pull the final bullets out just when she starts applying the medigel

"How long do you reckon Doc?" I say trying not to let worry colour my voice

"Give her time to rest, I am sure you are the first person she wants to see" I nod I pick up my chest plate and I walk to the doorway before leaning on it and turning my head back slightly and saying

"But that is the problem; there is only one me and a massive galaxy to save"

**A/N: So there you have it! Jack is safe. Yay! Thank you for reading it so please review! - Bexaday**


	21. Why Do This Now?

**Chapter 21**

**Why Do This Now? **

**A/N: Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! So guys I thought I would be really nice and do this update on my birthday! So here we have it**

Shepard's POV

Why did I not try to convince Jack to like Miri? This could have all been avoided if I had tried harder-

_Don't be stupid, you did what was best for the team, Jack is a crazy bitch and was bound to piss off someone soon enough, it just so happened to be Miri_

_I just wish I had done something different _

_No point on dwelling on the past now_

I shake my head as I walk towards the elevator, I just want to sleep and right now I need to be on my own, I walk into the elevator and I don't encounter anyone, which is good considering that I feel as if I am going to snap at someone any second, I walk to the very back of the elevator and press my head into the cold metal of the elevator, I sigh as it numbs my growing headache, I slump slightly trying not to jostle my newly healed wounds, I don't want Chakwas breathing down my neck again for it. I smile as that thought lightens my mood when EDI speaks

"Shepard the Illusive Man wishes to speak to you" I groan, why now? Of all times? I would be happy enough if I never had to speak to him again, after making me go back to Mindoir I do not think I can control myself if he mentions something about it

"Fine EDI, patch him through to the Debriefing Room, I will be there shortly" I sigh as I lean back and press the button for CIC and I just stand there waiting, no, dreading what is going to happen in the Debriefing Room, the door binges before opening to reveal a way- too-perky- for- my- taste Kelly Chambers, she turns to look at me and her eyes light up with that 100 watt smile she is giving me, gosh it is almost blinding

"Hello Commander, I heard about your operation on Jack, I didn't know you knew so much about medicine and being a doctor" Kelly exclaims and I just smile painfully as all I can see are her teeth, jeesh does she uses teeth bleach? God, it is making my head pound, I need a fast getaway

"Yes well we all have hidden talents Miss Chambers, all from experience in the past" I say giving a tight smile before starting to walk towards the Debriefing Room when she begins to speak again

"Talking of the past, I was wondering whether you would like some therapy into your childhood-"I cut her off there

"I require no therapy and my past isn't your concern Ms Chambers" I say, how dare she? She knows nothing of what I went through! The loss of the people I needed the most and there was nothing I could do!

_But it is the past now and there is nothing you can do to change that_

_I know that, but it doesn't stop the hurt_

I feel a slither of guilt as Kelly casts her eyes downwards and her cheeks flush slightly and she brings her arm across her body and rubs her upper arm, oh jeesh I didn't mean to offended her

"I didn't mean to impose on you Shepard, I just wanted to help" Kelly says and I sigh

"Sorry Kelly, I am just having a long day, I am sorry to have taken it out on you, but I am fine Kelly really," I say and I rest my hand on her arm and she looks back up at me and I give her a soft smile "I am fine"

_Well that was such a lie_

_Well I don't want a physiologist on my back, I don't like having my brain picked open_

Kelly nods and I nod back before slowly making my way through the hallway to the Debriefing Room, God, I really don't want to do this, so let's get this over with, with a sharp intake of breath I enter the room and open up the link as the table descends and I stand on the hologram plate, slowly an image of the Illusive Man takes place and I feel anger and bile rise up through me

"It is good to see you Commander" What is his problem? Did he just forget that I was in a coma? Did he forget I almost _died _trying to get the Intel _he _wanted and I feel myself snap

"So this is how you are going to do this? Just forget and carry on as if nothing bad had happened?" I say with astonishment

"There is no point worrying on what went wrong, we have to keep looking forward Shepard" I scoff

"You almost got me killed! You sent me on a mission knowing exactly what I was going to find!" I yell and by god he doesn't even move! He just sits there smoking and he takes a drag before replying

"You killed yourself, you let your emotions get the better of you and because of that you almost let your crew fall apart, that shows weakness" My eyes go wide and I point my finger at him

"Don't you fucking dare talk to me about bad leadership! You allow Cerberus to constantly fuck up in your so called "research" which sets humanity back years and earns us disrespect all over the galaxy, the one thing I have been constantly trying to bloody achieve! You're a terrorist organization for fuck's sake!" I rant at him

"Cerberus is there to help the advancement of humans within the galaxy so what if a few have to suffer for our advancement? We will become stronger than you know, but you, you allow yourself constantly to be ruled by your emotions, on Horizon it was Ashley, on Mindoir it was your childhood and now it is my own Cerberus Agent, you just keep taking what isn't yours, you just keep pushing! And so I wanted to push you, and maybe push some more until you broke, I wanted to see how far the great Commander Shepard has fallen from her high and mighty perch, well you are weak! Just like the rest of us!" The Illusive Man roars, but no fucking way am I back down now, he just used Miri against me and that is one step too far

"Don't you dare use my past against me! Don't you dare use Miranda against me! Yeah sure I let my emotions loose but that is what makes me, me. In fact without emotions we wouldn't even be humans, it is strength and a weakness, you just have to wield it properly, if you cannot see that then you are truly lost, as for Miranda. She is better than you will ever know and what goes on between me and Miranda is none of your business!" I yell back, he has risen from his chair and his posture is aggressive

"You're wrong, EVERYTHING on that ship is my business, she can never love you, see just brought you back just so she could use you, so Cerberus could use you and then once we have the necessary information you would just be another failed experiment."

"You are lying she wouldn't do that to me, and when this is over don't even hesitate to start running because I am hunting for your head, and I won't stop until you are no longer a threat" I state calmly as I stand still staring him in the eyes, my blood pumping dangerously hot, we keep our eyes locked and he sits down watching me with a carefully regarded expression

"Then you will stay away from her, otherwise someone is going to get hurt, I will not start a war about it with you, and if you want the continued aid of Cerberus, I suggest you be civil towards me" He says and I shrug while answering

"In every battle, there are always casualties, and I am always there to patch them back up, but she deserves to be free" I say and the connection cuts out, and tiredness hits me and I slump slightly as I stagger out of the room, letting my feet drag on the floor, thank god nobody is bothering me as I take the elevator ride up to my quarters and I just stand there slumped into one of the walls as I wait, which seems like forever, for the doors to open. They open and I have to force myself off the wall and I enter my quarters, I can't even be bothered to take off my clothes as I make a beeline for the bed, I fall on top of the bed and I manage to crawl under the covers as it starts to go black, I remember

"EDI wake me up when Jack is awake or if she wants to speak to me" I mummer, I hear some kind of response but I am too far gone to even care.

Miranda's POV

Shepard bolted from the shuttle with Jack in her arms like she really cared, and since entering the med bay over 5 hours ago I haven't seen her, but I have a bad feeling in my gut that the Illusive Man will want to speak with her and I cannot help but let my gut twist and flip at that thought, I frown slightly and I walk out of my office and into the mess hall where I go to get myself a cup of tea, I smile as I think about the cup of tea Shepard brought to me this morning, sometimes she is so adorable

_Oh God, this is so mushy, I think I am going to be sick_

_Shut up, you were the one who forced us together_

I keep going and I reach the kettle which has just boiled and I pour in some water when I see in the corner of my eye the Master Thief sat with her feet on the table reading a book, I roll my eyes, surely she has something better to do right now? I add the milk and sugar before turning round and sitting opposite Kasumi, her eyes flicker to mine and she carefully closes the old book

"Hey Miranda, how's it going?" I smile at her casualness, but then that crushing feeling of something bad is going to happen returns and I cup my tea firmly as I rub my thumb over the handle

"I don't know, I have this feeling that something bad is going to happen and I don't know what it is, but I have a feeling it involves Lexi" I say frowning as I look at my mug in my hands

"Well last I heard she had been summoned by TIM" I frown as I give her a puzzled look she sighs "TIM? The Illusive Man? God Miranda, for all those smarts, you not any good at anagrams" Kasumi says rolling her eyes, I fold my arms defensively

"And I have never heard anybody say that" I say as I stare at her, she looks to the floor and murmurs

"Yeah, well it will catch on" I let out a short laugh before getting up

"Whatever you say Kasumi" I walk over to the sink and I place my cup in it before returning to my office, I sit down at my desk and I can see I have a new private email, I frown as the sinking feeling grows stronger in my gut

_To: Miss Lawson_

_From: Niket_

_Dear Miranda,_

_You need to move Oriana now! Your father has sent Eclipse mercs after her and they are planning to get he soon, the latest I heard was in 3 days' time so you have a pretty big time frame in which to act,_

_Only trying to help_

_Niket_

This cannot be happening, as my breathing hitches as I begin to hyperventilate, not many people knew about Oriana, only Shepard, Niket and the Illusive Man, so who told my father, if my gut could sink any further south it would have. It was the Illusive Man, I knew he would sell me out! Damn it! What did Shepard say that could make him want to do that? What am I going to do? I don't have any more safe houses to send her to!

_Calm down Miranda, everything will be alright, phone around in the morning arrange something and then talk to Shepard, she always knows what to do_

I take a deep breath and yes you were right, I need to plan this out in the morning, somehow I will makes sure she stays safe.

Shepard's POV

(In the middle of the night)

_I looked around but I couldn't see anything, in fact all I could see was a tint candle I was holding,_

"_Miri?" I called out, but my voice just rebounded back to me, I frowned and I touched the wall in front of me, it was clammy but cold, like… like a dead body, I gulp and I brought my candle closer only to see a stack of bodies, and when I looked closer at whom I had touched it was my father, his eyes had been pecked out and blood was still dripping from the bullet in his head, I clamped my hand over my mouth and staggered back into another pile only to see Rue's tiny pale face rotting away, I took a deep breath, try and stay calm I said to myself_

"_Stay calm, this isn't real, this can't be real" I say in a trembling voice, I look down at the candle and it is nearly burnt out _

"_Oh this is real" a voice says, and a shiver goes down my back as I turn around only to see Miranda, her body has been cleaved in half and she can just about see me as her mangled form pokes out near the bottom_

"_No, no Miri" I sob out as I fall forward onto my knees, that's when I feel something grab me I turn around and I see a hand trying to grab my arm, I back away when lots of hands start trying to grab me, I begin to fight against them but there are too many, they keep pulling at my hair and my body, grazing and scratching me, I pull too hard on one stack and they all fall onto of me and I feel myself drowning under their weight I try to fight against them but it is pointless, I try to scream but I can't there is no air in my lungs_

"_Join us Alexandra, join us"_

I scream so loudly as I sit up right before letting my body rack heavy sobs

"It was just a dream, just a nightmare" I repeat to myself over and over, there is no way I am going back to sleep now, I am too worked up

"Commander, I am about to notify Operative Lawson of what has just happened-" I am still breathing heavy and my uniform sticks to me like a second skin, ugh, that's just gross

"No it is fine, really, I am fine, I just need… a hot drink" I say and EDI logs out, I sigh as I rub my face in my still shaking hand before standing on wobbly legs, I manage to have a quick shower before getting changed into my actual pyjama's which is little more than an oversized t shirt and some really short shorts, and I look at the clock, it is 3:00 in the morning, hopefully I won't wake anyone, I take the elevator down to the Observation Deck and I walk through to the Mess Hall, but not before I stop at the medbay and I poke my head in to see Jack, she has now got some more colour in her face and the swelling and bruising is starting to fade, I smile before coming back out of the medbay and I boil the kettle, I lean back on the side and I place my head in my hands, My mind just keeps seeing all those bodies, the weight of all those dead bodies on me, n not being able to escape it.

_It was just a dream, well nightmare_

_I know but it doesn't stop the fact it felt so real_

I sigh as I just stand there in the corner bit as I turn back to the newly boiled kettle and I pour myself a cup of tea. As I am adding the milk I see Miri in some yoga pants and an oversized t shirt, with the most gorgeous bedhead I have ever seen, she tries to smooth out her hair and she squints at the light, I almost end up laughing but, she just looks so beautiful, I don't want to ruin this moment, I try to quietly sip my hot tea as Miri's eyes adjust to the lighting, her eyes travel over the mess hall and my heart begins to pound, knowing that it will only be a few seconds until she sees me, then her eyes meet mine and she smiles but not before her eyes travel over my body, fuck I can feel them roaming on me.

"Hey" I say as I look at her from the rim of my cup and she pads over, letting her long legs take perfected strides, my body begins to tingle as she slowly makes her way over

"Hey, are you okay?" Miri says as she reaches me and cups my cheek and looks into my eyes with worry that makes me want just melt, I turn away from her and I put my tea down and busy my hands with make her a cup of tea, I don't want to burden her with my troubles, she has enough to worry about without me making it more difficult,

"Yeah" I say as I slowly stir in the hot water and add the milk, I add some sugar before handing it to her, I avoid looking into her eyes as I go to pick up my mug she takes another step closer and her hands go to my face, she tilts my face up towards her, her left hand goes over the dark circles under my eyes

"You've got dark circles under your eyes, and your eyes are red, what happened?" I say nothing as I try to shrug her off but she stays put

"I…It doesn't matter, we have better things to be worrying about and-"I begin as I look around on the floor

"Did you have another nightmare?" Miri askes softly and I feel like collapsing all over again

"It was so, so bad Miri, I thought I was dying all over again" I choke out in a haunted voice as I can still see Rue and my Dad, stuck in those piles, the hands grabbing at me, everything, she pulls me into a tight hug and I can smell her as a tear escapes my eye

"You can tell me these things Lexi, don't hide away from me" Miri murmurs into my hair as she weaves her fingers through my hair, I sigh as I begin to relax as she holds me, she knows what I need,

"I love you Miri so much" I say and she pulls back enough so I can look into her eyes, she cups my cheek and wipes away my tear

"I love you too" Miri says as she presses her lips to mine, and I can taste her and fucking hell, she tastes so good, her hands begin to travel over me and wherever they have been it leaves a burning sensation behind, her mouth becomes urgent against mine and I moan into the kiss and she licks my lower lip, asking for access and I give it to her and her tongue battles with mine for dominance and she moans as our tastes combine, I smile and I let her win as she lifts me up and places me on the counter and heat goes straight to my groin , I groan and my hands knot in her hair and I bring her closer to me and I lock my legs around her, I can feel her hand travelling up my thigh whilst the other makes its way under my bed shirt, I break free from our kiss for a breather and she takes the advantage and she begins to suck and kiss the skin on my collarbone and neck, I moan as she marks me, I can't wait no longer and I pull her lips back to mine and I crash them against mine, her hand has finally reached my left breast and I moan into her mouth and she smiles and breaks away from me and says

"Do you like that?" I moan a yes and I kiss her neck sucking hard on it causing my own marks to rise on her skin, then her fingers slowly rub my nibble and it hardens under her touch as it sends an overload to my core, without thinking I start to grind into her stomach and she moans so loudly it makes me come to my senses as I break away from her lips

"Not here Miri, not right now" I say and she sighs,

"I know I wanted to keep going too, but it isn't the right time" I say and she leans forward she kisses my jawline and it takes all my willpower not to react

"You seemed pretty up for it, if not more, I wasn't the one grinding" She whispers into my ear and it sends goosebumps over my skin as her accent is such a turn on for me but especially now as it gets stronger

"Trust me I really want it, seriously" I say to her as I lean into shoulder and I turn my head to the side so I am looking at her neck I lean up a bit and I can't help but say

"You should try being my pants, they are ruined and soaking, I hope you are happy" I smile as I feel her tense as she groans

"Why would you tease me like that?" I laugh as she leans forward more letting more of her body press into me, she is almost flush against me and everywhere her body is touching me is burning

"Because I can, I am the Commander and I can do things like that, my ship," I whisper before I kiss her lips once more, before she can deepen the kiss "My rules" I smile and she just stares at me and I can see the lust in her eyes, and her eyes are dark with lust, which just reignites my own, I try not to squirm under her gaze, the need to touch myself has never been so great

"Of course Commander" Miri says letting her tongue and accent roll over the word and I shiver and I push her away from me and I slide off the counter and take a sip of my now cold tea, I frown

"My tea is cold" I say as I stare at it with anger and a soft laughter fills the mess hall, I look over to see Miri laughing at me

"Seriously?" I pour mine down the drain but not before giving her a quick wink

"I take my tea drinking very seriously Ms Lawson" I say as my voice lowers and it becomes really husky and her eyes glint as I steal her cup and drain it, I put the cup down on the side and I lick my lips slowly as I look at Miri, her eyes are glues to my lips and I think she is starting to pant slightly, I bite my lip as I hold in a laugh, she eyes refocus on mine, I arch an eyebrow

"Why do you do these things to me?" Miri says and I try even harder to keep a straight face, I am going slower than I ever thought I would with her, I don't know why, but she is different from the rest.

"I don't know what you mean, Miri" I say as I leave the Mess Hall and begin to make my way towards the elevator, when I feel Miri's hand clasp my forearm and I turn my head to look at her

Miranda's POV

I don't want her to go, we hardly ever get these moments to ourselves and I want to spend mine with her, even if it is sleeping in the same bed with her, even if we aren't sleeping with each other, despite the fact I want her so badly, but she stops every time, and it is frustrating but I kind of understand, she doesn't want it to be something unimportant, she wants it to be something special

"Please, stay the night, just don't leave me" I beg, I feel blood rush to my face, I don't want to have to ask her every time I just want her to go into my quarters, she turns to look at me and her eyes are smouldering again and she smiles

"Yeah sure Miri" I smile and she takes my hand in hers and entwines our fingers and we walk but to my quarters and we walk straight to the bed, she lets go of my hand so we can get into the bed, my heart begins to swell with a feeling I cannot describe, but whatever it is, it feels great, just the sight of her in my bed is enough, she really loves me, I just wish she wasn't plagued by the nightmares, I crawl in next to her and she snuggles into me and I just smile as I wrap my arms around her and as soon as I begin to drift I hear her murmur

"Love you"

Shepard's POV

"Commander, Jack is requesting that you talk to her, she woke up only a 20 minutes ago" My eyes snap open then they relax, I close then again and my face scrunches up slightly before I stretch out legs, then I hear a giggle and I open one eye and I see Miri sat on the bed next to me just watching me with this dreamy expression on her face and a good feeling travels through me and a smile falls on my lips

"What is so funny?" I say with my voice coated thickly in sleep

"You, you look like a cross between a cat and a little kid" I smirk as I stretch out my back and my brow scrunches

"Well I am only 23, I am practically a teenager, as for the cat reference, it is too early for me to give a quick witty response" I say as my brain slowly begins to wake up and she pulls me on top of her and I let out a yelp in surprise as I straddle her

"Hmm I could get use to this in the morning" I say as I lean in and her lips meet mine eagerly, I take control of the kiss, making it slow, before it becomes too much and she grasps my arse and I give in and it becomes animalistic, I let out a small growl as she shifts slightly under me

"Commander, may I remind you again that Jack is awaiting your arrival" I groan and shoot her an apologetic look before running off to my room when she stops me at the door

"You had better make up for this" She says and I turn around and give her a lusty glare and wink and her mouth gapes slightly

_Oh come, stop teasing her and fuck her already!_

_I will, just not right now_

"I will" I say before running out of her office and into the elevator, I rush to press the button for my quarters

"Come on" I moan and eventually the doors open and I rush out and have a two minute shower and I rush down to the elevator whilst doing my hair, the elevator pings and opens and I rush to the medbay, the doors open and there she is slouching against her bed, and for the first time since I first saw her she looks well,

"Jack" I breathe out and I rush over to her and her amber eyes brighten up

"Shepard! Took your fucking time getting down here!" I laugh at her; it is so nice to have her back. I guess I missed her

"It isn't my fault I am not good in the mornings" I say brushing it off ad she just laughs, before her eyes turn serious again

"Doc tells me you are the one to thank for saving my shitty life, so thank you, for everything" I smile as I pull up a chair

"Jack, I am the one who kicked you off the ship so it is my fault what happened to you" I say, she winces as she goes to touch her head

"That, was al because I was poking around to found out about my parents, so I talked to a few brokers," I grin as I shake my head "and a damn turian told me it was none of my business to be looking around, so he hired the Blood Pack, but I didn't go down without a fight though, but they got me in the end." Jack said before going quiet I really want to put my arm around her or something but I know Jack isn't that kind of person

"I never thought I was going to leave, but then you came, a fucking light in the darkness, and trust me it was pretty shitty darkness too, but you saved a worthless piece of shit like me, man I wish I could have done the same thing, but I damn well known I wouldn't have, even after everything I did, you still saved my ass. Shit Shepard that takes a real hero"

**A/N: So there we have it guys! Sorry I didn't get all of the conversation in with Jack but do not worry that shall be up soon so please review and thank you for reading**


	22. We Can Save Her Together

**Chapter 22**

**We Can Save Her Together**

**A/N: Hey there guys! I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write this, but I have been preparing for my german writing exam, but do not fear! It is over now! So here we go! Oh and I have no idea when this story will stop but I am going to lay it to rest soon, But I won't change it to complete YET. Due to the fact I will keep adding to this story, for my favourite romance in the ME series.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect **

Shepard's POV

I blush, Jack is always brutally honest, but I am not a hero

_Oh shut up, you know you are, you have saved the galaxy_

_I guess so_

_Gosh you are so frustrating, you know that right?_

I just look at Jack, and she has this look in her eye, which I can only identify as adoration, I try to look comfortable as I shift my feet and I look back at Jack's amber eyes

"Thanks Jack, I never thought you gave a fuck about me but I guess you are getting soft" I say letting her know that I do understand but I know Jack just isn't one to get all sentimental or emotional, in fact I am not sure of what I would do if she did.

"I know I shouldn't give a shit but damn," Jack says as she goes to touch the bandages on her head and she winces as she lightly runs her fingers over it, thank god Chakwas isn't around she would have Jack's hide for that, Her eyes grow a little unfocused as she looks away, I cannot help but lightly rest my hand on her forearm and her eyes go back to mine,

"Sorry I drifted off" Jack says and a tinge of pink colours her cheeks, I smile

"Jack, it is over now, trust me I know how hard it can be to bounce back from but I am here to help you" I say and she smirks and I can see all those walls go back up, damn it! I wish she would let me in!  
_You cannot talk, you have only just started letting Miri in and she is your girlfriend_

_So? I want to help her, just like everyone else in my crew_

_Even if that makes you a hyporcrite?_

"Thanks for the offer Shepard, but I am fine, all that matters is you saved me" Jack said as she blushed and looked away from me. I know she will never take up my offer but that is just Jack. But I am going to have to clear up the issue between her and Miri, because I am not putting up with that again

"Of course Jack, but," I say and I tighten my grasp on her arm and her eyes flicker back up to mine and they flash dangerously, she won't hurt anyone again, she won't hurt Miri again

"You will not ever hurt another member of the crew, not in anger, not in hatred. Not ever, I don't care if it was your implants that were causing it," I say as I hold my hand up to stop her from interrupting me "But you shall never ever injure her again, do you understand me? You don't go talk to her, you don't even look at her, she is… important to me and I expect you to treat everyone with respect, are we clear?" I say and her eyes grow sharp and they narrow on my hand which is still clutched round her arm

"Yeah sure Shepard. Just don't expect me to play nice with the Cheerleader if she talks to me" Jack says and I nod and remove my hand away and she sits down, I can feel the anger stirring in my hands as they begin to shake, Jack sighs and brushes her hand across her face and I frown as I stand more comfortably I sigh

"Jack, I am sorry I should have done more to help you, hell I could have done so many different things but I thought it was for the best, but obviously it wasn't the right decision-"

"Shepard, cut the bullshit. I know that your fucking the Cheerleader, and to be honest, I don't give a shit, but for fuck's sake be careful around her" I smile and I just cannot be angry at her, in fact it seems that she is just worried about me, and somehow I am just a little comforted at that. I sit down next to Jack and she doesn't look at me as I rest my hand on her knee

"Don't worry about me Jack, I can handle myself, but it is nice to know that you care" I say and she looks up at me with her amber eyes smouldering and she flashes me a weak smile and I pull her into a hug, I don't care how hard she pretends to be, she is still human and she needs this, whatever this is. Jack tenses up at first before she relaxes slightly in my arms and she leans into it. We must have sat there for a few minutes

"Commander, Operative Lawson is requesting your presence is her office to determine our next flight course" I sigh and I can feel my brow scrunch in worry, I know she wants to go after her sister and I don't want her to lose her, I know how important family is, hell I know that better than most considering what happened to mine, I stand up and Jack smirks, I quirk an eyebrow at her

"What?"

"She got you on fucking command; next she will be teaching you how to heel!" Jack laughs, and a spike of annoyance goes through me,

_You are going to have to get used to quips like that if you don't want to smash her lights in_

_I know but it doesn't stop me getting angry_

_You should have better control_

_Jack should keep her remarks to herself_

_You're the Commander_

_And you're a backseat driver_

_I am you._

_Why, oh WHY do I have to get an annoying bitch of a conscience? _

_Ouch what a low blow_

I take a controlled breath and I walk out still hearing Jack's laughter as I exit the medbay, I am going to kick her arse at cards on purpose now, no matter how crippled she may be

_Now we are attacking cripples, how the mighty have fallen_

_Shut up_

I walk straight into Miri's office and she is on comms link with and she is typing furiously at her computer, her brow is scrunched up in concentration

"I asked for an armed escort, to, from and during that time is that so hard to ask for?" Miri's accent getting heavy throughout their conversation as it radiated annoyance, I shivered at her accent as it sent heat through me, something about her made me act like a teenager all over again, I lean against the wall and I cross my arms as I watch her work, I can hear a response to her statement but not clear enough to make out words, her face takes on a more pleasing look

"Thank you Mr. Erlich it has been a pleasure doing business with you" Miri says as she shut off the comms link and she goes back to typing, she hasn't noticed me yet, but I know what she is going to ask me and I already knew it was a yes in my heart

"EDI set us in to dock at Illium will you?" As if on cue the blue orb appears

"Of course Commander, ETA 2 hours" I nod as she disappears, Miri's eyes latch onto mine and they soften almost automatically, she logs out of her computer

"Lexi" Miri breathes as she stands up, I walk past her and into her room and I stand looking out into the space, I hear the clicking of her high heels on the metallic surface of the floor and she leans on the adjacent wall from me and says nothing but I can feel her gaze travel over me, lingering on my face, we must have stood there for ages before she says something

"I didn't have to convince you, in fact I never said anything but you knew," She says as she walks over to me and she place her hand on my chin and tilts my head towards her and she brushes my cheek as her eyes melt into mine "You always knew I would ask" she says so softly I barely catch them, I smile at her and I cover her hand with mine

"I never want you to lose your family like I did" I say softly as I kiss her palm in an innocent gesture

"But the crew-" Miri begins and I cut her off

"The crew are my family, but being able to turn to someone and say "dad" or "sister" is something I never got to say enough of, knowing someone who has the same blood as you, someone that shares that deeper link on what made you, you can only made at birth, I cannot allow you to lose that," I say as I think of Rue and all of those times when I felt whole, but when I think of it now I just feel empty and I feel a single tear leak from my eye "Not like I did"

Miranda's POV

"Not like I did" I watch the tear roll down Lexi's face and I cannot help but feel the over-whelming urge to just hug away all her fears, after all she has lost and she still wants to help, I saw what being on Mindoir did to her and it broke my heart for me to see that happen again, I think that is why she said those things to Jack, not that I don't mind her getting possessive, I find it a turn on that she wants to protect me. I wish I had met her earlier in life, she would have stopped so much happening to me, she would have found an long term way of keeping Oriana hidden from my father and the Illusive Man. Lexi missed out on so much, and sometimes it seems like to me, I am the only thing keeping her going, the fact she is willing to help me save her without asking questions makes me love her so much, it wouldn't have even mattered if I had told her nothing about her, she would have helped me.

"I can't let me Father take her, she has everything, a family that love and support her and-"Lexi cuts me off with her lips as the press on mine ever so slightly and I lean into her kiss as she slowly pulls away and I feel like moaning at the loss of her contact, it seems recently the sexual tension between the two of us is getting more and more and I am sure it is going to explode.

"We. Will. Save. Her" Lexi says as she kisses and bites my neck between words and I just moan and try not to let my legs give out as waves of lust pour between my legs and I try to ignore the aching throb between my legs, my breathing is so heavy it is like I am panting. Oh, God I don't know how much longer I can keep resisting her,

"Lexi, please…shit… I can't, can't think w-when you're doing that" I manage to moan out and she stops and pulls away

"Okay but we will save her, no matter what, I should go, I need to prepare and suit up" Lexi says as she gives me a lop sided smile and she runs out of the room leaving me unsatisfied and trying to ignore the throbbing between my legs.

Great.

Shepard's POV

_Why do you keep teasing her?_

_Oh shush you, I know you like teasing her too_

I smile as I run into the elevator and I go up to my quarter's and I begin to suit up as I finish putting on the cuirass of my armour, the doors open to reveal a very twitchy Turian.

"Garrus? What's wrong?" I say as I watch him take a few cautious steps in and his mandibles twitch adorably

"Shepard, I was wondering if we could take shore leave, it has been intense and some of the crew are growing restless and-"

"Take all the time you need Garrus, I have a more delicate mission to take care of on Ilium" I say and Garrus relaxes slightly

"Thank you Shepard, but, if I may ask, does it involve Operative Lawson?" I narrow my eyes at him, how could he have known? It isn't like I leave open the mission dossiers on my terminal,

"Yes it does Garrus, what does it matter?" I say cautiously, he and Miri never got along, I don't know whether that because she is Cerberus or what, it just seemed like a hate relationship.

"She is dangerous Commander, I have noticed how close you two are getting and from what Kasumi keep's saying…" Garrus drifts off and I frown, what the hell has K been saying?! Sometimes I want to strangulate that woman! I sigh and as I open my mouth to answer Joker says

"Sorry Commander, but we are arriving on Ilium in 30 minutes"

"Thank Joker"

"Aye Aye Commander" the room goes silent and Garrus shifts awkwardly, and I cannot help but say

"Can't you at least try and be friendly with her? Please, I need her in my life and I need you too" I plead and Garrus sighs in defeat

"Fine Shepard, I will try, you know something when you were injured, she had this look in her eye, like you her only grip on reality, it was… different to anything I had ever seen, just be careful" I nod at Garrus as relief floods through me and he walks out of my room.

Now all I have to do is concentrate on this mission, it is so delicate but even if the slightest thing goes wrong, it could break Miri, and I cannot see her broken.

I can't see her lose Oriana to her Father.

As we docked into Illium I try to ease the tension from Miri but she is so focused on finding her, she has made all the arrangements and everything she has done has led to this moment and it all has to be perfect and happen without a hitch, thank God that nobody else is with us in the shuttle because if they were I wouldn't be able to stop myself from holding her, I pull her into my lap hoping that my touch will relax her but she stays stiff, I tighten my arms around her

"Hey, we will get her back Miri" I say softly into the cat suit clad upper back of Miri and she relaxes slightly and leans back a little

"How can you promise that? You have never met my Father, he thinks of everything and I am supposed to be able to do that as well, because I am perfect and I am just a tool" Miri exclaims as she stands up, she turns round to face me and I can feel anger stir within me, I hate her father, he made her feel like this, I just don't understand why you would to that to your own flesh and blood

"No don't think like that! You are a human being, not somebodies tool, yeah sure your father gave you these gifts, but it is what you are doing with them that makes it you" I say to her as I stand up and I cup her face and I just stand there staring into her cobalt eyes which just tell me she is so broken inside, and that makes my blood boil

"We will get her back, even if it means I have to kill hundreds of mercs to get there, okay?" I say to her and she nods as a few rogue tears escape her eyes, I wipe them away with my thumb and she relaxes completely into me and I pull her in for a hug

Miranda's POV

I feel like I am going to shatter into a thousand pieces, Lexi just tells me the truth and I cannot help but let a few tears force themselves down my face, I couldn't stop them, I just want to make sure she is safe from that _man, _I cannot allow him to ruin her life as well. Lexi face shines with sympathy and she pulls me into her arms and holds me so tightly and it is like she is the only thing holding me together, but I need to find her, and Lexi understands that I need to save her. I relax into her arms and she just gently strokes my hair and hums. I close my eyes and sigh as I feel myself beginning to repair with the calm serenity that is Lexi, she manages somehow to bring out such peace within me and help me with problems that I wouldn't have even thought possible even a year ago, but she manages to just… be there and with an answer or solution. I take a in a deep breath and let Lexi fill my senses with her wood smoky smell with a tang of cinnamon and I can finally feel myself becoming less frazzled and angry, I feel ready for this. I can feel the shutter bay door opening and Lexi slowly withdraws her arms and she looks up at me and I can see the understanding in her eyes

"Let's go save your sister" Lexi says and all I can do is nod as she enters the streets of Illium, it truly does amaze me how she manages to fit in with the crowd but look so separate as well as her armour shines as the lights of Illium make her glow and she turns to look into the crowd her eyes scanning for any danger, I can't help but smile at her overprotectiveness as her posture is slightly relaxed but I know underneath it all she is ready for anything to happen, I take a deep breath and I take a step out of the doorway and Lexi falls in beside me, well more like behind me, then I stop walking and turn around to Lexi, who just looks at my face with a quirked eyebrow

"What? I thought this was your mission Miri" Lexi says, don't get me wrong but I have led a team of people before but that was a group of people who were less skilled than me, never an equal or higher, and Lexi is my superior in both experience and rank

_That's not the only thing she is superior than you in_

_Oh god, why can't you go away?_

_Because I am you and you love you_

I shake my head; bad, bad thoughts go away! I keep walking and all I can think about is if I have done enough to make sure she is safe, my father would go at great lengths to obtain my sister, I just don't want to think how far that actually is. All I can think of is if Niket will keep to his word because I have a feeling that I have missed something, something so minuscule but important and I can't think of what it could be! I snarl as a woman bumps into and she frantically hurries away and I continue to power on into Eternity longue, I have to know from one of my best contacts on Illium what on hell is going on. I inhale sharply as I can see Lanteia sat there waiting for me to arrive, I stop abruptly and I stagger slightly as Lexi knocks into me, Lexi's hand on my waist steadies me and I look down into her guarded expression and it softens slightly and she slides her hand over my waist to my hand and I try my best not to shiver under her touch, as she takes my hand and interlaces our fingers

"You can do this, everything is fine and just remember, I believe in you" Lexi says, she always knows what to say, I give her a tight smile before squeezing her hand

"Thank you" Lexi nods and she releases her hand after one final squeeze and her expression becomes more of the Commander by every passing second. We walk over to Lanteia and my heart is pounding with every step. What if she isn't okay? What if Father got there first? Lanteia stands up and I can tell by her face, something is wrong

"Ms Lawson, I'm glad you showed up, there has been a complication" My stomach drops and I struggle to keep my face neutral

"What has happened, is Oriana all right?!" I exclaim letting some emotion colour my voice as I try to resist the urge to throttle the information out of her with my biotics, I can see out of the corner of my eye Lexi move into a more tactical position if this turns ugly

"She is fine, but… the man you listed Niket? As you're your trusted source he said that your father has sent some Eclipse mercs to make a sweep" My fists clench as anger pours through me

"He also suggested that they may be looking for you personally, and he has offered to escort Oriana's family to the terminal instead" I relax slightly as the anger begins to evaporate, Niket always knew what do to, before I have time to answer Lexi speaks first

"You never mentioned anything about Niket" Lexi says in an indifferent tone. I should have told her about Niket, but I was too busy trying to arrange everything to even speak to her

"Niket and I go way back" I say as I turn slightly to look at Lexi, her face reveals nothing

"And what can you tell us about the mercs" Lexi says, she always was one of caution before action, and this is a delicate situation so I guess I understand but god damn it! There isn't any time for her to start second guessing me

"I have confirmed they are Eclipse and they are working for the organization Ms Lawson informed us about, I could alert the authorities but so far they have done nothing illegal" I watch Lexi as she nods at Lanteia before turning to me

"It is your sister Miranda, what do you want to do?" At first I frown, it is weird her saying my full name like that, in fact it is a little creepy but I understand, we are in front of a contact and a business one at that, I pause in thought as it is so creepy having to make all the decisions without the help of Lexi.

"Lanteia, we will follow Niket's suggestion. Me and Shepard shall follow in the car and draw their attention, have Niket escort the family to the shuttle give him full access to the families itinerary just to be safe"

"Understood Ms Lawson" Lanteia says and Lexi pushes off the wall and frowns at me

"So the plan is, and correct me if I am wrong, allow the mercs to shoot at us while your sister goes to safety?" Shepard says with almost a sarcastic edge to it and a part of me understands what she is saying and the other is angered that she would question my judgement, this is my sister we are trying to save!

"Eclipse will be under orders to take my sister alive. They won't risk anything that would kill us" Shepard gives a stiff nod, and I cannot help but be a little pissed off at her reaction, she knows I hate it when she does this.

_When she becomes you?_

_No, when she puts up those barriers, because they are so hard to rip down_

"I am ready whenever you are Miranda" Shepard says professionally, I should have guessed she would do this; I guess the Commander knows how to deal better with this situation than having an whole shit storm of emotions from her actual self. But I am surprised that she is still willing to help me, but now it is so much more dangerous as I hadn't planned on Eclipse being there, which is just another factor in my plan which seems almost impossible now, I turn away from Lanteia and Shepard follows me

"Thank you Shepard, I hadn't planned on Eclipse but they haven't planned on you" I say and I turn my head slightly and I can see her smirk as she rolls her eyes

"Who does?" I smile and I shake my head, she is such an arrogant ass sometimes. I don't understand how she does that, she manages to diffuse the tension with one sentence and it seems we are back to normal all over again. I powerwalk ahead and I get in the first available car I can see, Shepard sits herself into the car next to me and I raise my eyebrows, Shepard turns to look at me

"What?"

"I thought you were bringing someone else on this mission" I say and this time it is Shepard that frowns

"Why would I do that? This is a personal mission and is too close to the heart to share it, I am privileged that you are sharing this mission with me, this is your mission, you call the shots, not me" Shepard says softly and just look into her eyes

"Thank you for understanding" Is all I can muster saying to her, she just gets it and without me having to say anything really she just nods and takes her hand in mine and she rubs her thumb against the back of my hand

"I am here for you, as Commander," Shepard says with a hard look on her face, then it softens and I can tell that it is the person beneath the armour Lexi as she leans in close and her lips graze my ear " And girlfriend" and it sends a shiver down my spine and straight to my groin I turn my head and I kiss her softly, enjoying the sensation, the kiss bring comfort and tranquillity to me and I pull away to see Lexi with a goofy grin on her face, I laugh and she shake her head

"You can't just kiss me like that, I wasn't ready!" I smirk and the car begins to rise as I can see Lanteia following a car and I speed after her, I turn my head slightly and say

"I can kiss you whenever I wish, Commander" I say letting my tongue roll over Commander and I can see her shiver and she stares at me and it burns into me, and I cannot help but blush as I know what she is doing with her gaze, when she turns her head abruptly and stares at something, then I see it

"Damn it! Eclipse gunships. The will be dropping troops in the cargo areas" Shepard tenses up and I can see her eyes following the gunships, I follow them and I can see a dozen Eclipse mercs being dropped off, panic begins to rise in me, what if they got to her first?

"Put us down in the cover behind them" Shepard says and I can see her mind whirring as she tried to figure out where the most advantageous places are, I put the car down into a drop and I cannot help but doubt my first assumptions as the mercs notice us

"Let's hope they really do want to take us alive" The mercs open fire on the car but they stop as one merc with tech armour stops them but they damaged our car so badly it comes down into a crash landing,

"Shit" Is all Shepard says and she braces as I try to do the same as I lean back in my seat as the car takes a nose dive, thank god for the braces they put inside this car, Shepard takes my hand and I watch with wide eyes through the windscreen as we hit the ground and we are jolted forward and we skid across the flooring and I can hear the screeching of metal on metal and the car slowly comes to a holt, Shepard springs out of the car and I fumble with the buckles and I climb out and walk round as the Merc Leader meets us halfway, I won't let them know how much I am freaking out so am going to play it cocky

"You're not firing yet, which means you know who I am" As a gunship flies off and I can see Shepard in the corner of my eye looking around.

Shepard's POV

I make a quick head count of the mercs and I can see that the nearest available cover is only a roll away if this turns ugly, and that could happen real fast, but I won't say anything if I don't have to.

"You're not firing yet, which means you know who I am" Miri says and I can tell she is playing it tough and professional, at any other time I would laugh but if you didn't know her you would think she was a cold hearted bitch or way too professional for her own good

"Yeah. They said you would be in the car. You're the bitch that kidnapped the boss' little girl" Oh God why did he have to say that? If I were her I would rip him apart, but then again, what is he on about, the kidnapping? He must be lying, Miri would never do that.

"Kidnapped? This doesn't involve you, so I suggest you take your men and go" Miri exclaims, the Merc Leader leans forward and he begins to try and intimidate her

"You think you have got it all worked out huh? Captain Enyala's is already moving in on the kid, she knows about Niket. He won't be helping you"

Miranda's POV

He didn't just say that?! I cannot lose Niket! He is my only friend from my past and I cannot lose him as well as Oriana, I try to keep my breathing even

"What do you mean about Niket not being able to help us?" Shepard asks for me

"Nothing you need to worry about. Nobody is going to get killed unless you do something stupid," the Merc Captain says, he thinks he has all the power but he doesn't, I won't let him have it all, "So you walk away now and the boss gets his little girl back, everybody is happy" What the bloody hell is he on about?! Oriana would never be happy being at my father's side, even if she hasn't met him, and I know how miserable it can make you

"Everybody is happy apart from my sister… and me" I say Shepard stands more squarely on, waiting for gun shots to be unleashed, I cast my eyes over the left shoulder of the Merc in front of us and I can see the other merc lining up shot and preparing for us to attack, Shepard must have sensed it too as I can see her shoulder tensing under her armour

"I will give you one chance to leave, that's more than most people get" Shepard says, I can feel the threat behind it, it even manages to send goosebumps up my back, but obviously the merc doesn't notice as he narrows his eyes and smirks

"Captain Enyala gave us ordered us to give you one more chance to walk away. But this whole time we've been talking, my men have been lining up shots" My eyes flicker to every one of the mercs and I can see all gunpoint's on Shepard and me, mainly on Shepard, he walks forward until he is near enough nose to nose with Shepard and he is taller than her but it doesn't matter because her stare and stature makes up for it as he looks down and smirks at her height

"When I say the word, we'll unleash hell upon you two, so I suggest you walk away nicely unless you want things to get ugly" I can see Shepard staring at a heavy crate that is currently moving over the head of his mercs, I glance at Shepard and she nods, I draw my pistol and shoot him in the foot as Shepard shoots the loose ties on the crates and it comes down on the mercs heads and with an sickening crunch they are all down

"That works for me" I say as we set up for another attack, the Merc leader begins to hobble back to cover when Shepard lets a whole round go into his back and he falls dead to the ground, Shepard dives into cover and I follow her as a rocket brushes past us and explodes behind us, I pull out of cover and there are at least a dozen of them, damn it! We cannot afford any more delays! I send a warp out at a Vanguard's shields and she stumbles forward, and I empty four bullets into her torso and she falls to the ground, Shepard charges forward and smashes into the Heavy Merc and she lashes out at the closest merc by ramming the butt of her gun into his forehead, and with a crack he falls to the ground, I run round and get in a closer to Shepard as I shoot the merc to her left in the head and his brain bursts on the wall, we don't stop we just race round the corner and I can feel the urgency race through my veins

"Come on, we need to get to Niket" I say and Shepard nods and we race round the corner and there are some Eclipse Mercs there waiting, I dive into cover but Shepard keeps running with her biotics flaring she runs and punches the waiting merc in the face as she crumbles to the floor Shepard turns in time to see an oncoming kick from the other merc and she grabs it with both hands and she grips it with one and with the other she releases but bring her elbow down on her kneecap, the merc screams out in pain and before she can wail to loud Shepard punches her in the side of her ribs and with that crack she clutches her side and her mouth is open as it fills with blood then Shepard shoots her in the head execution style, I feel so cold at the cold bloodedness of that death, but I don't have time to dwell on it, we need to keep moving! We run into the elevator and I go to the controls but my hands are so shaky I can't even press the right buttons, Shepard pushes me to the side slightly and she presses the go switch, She looks at me, but I know she isn't really looking at me, she is concentrating on the mission, but she is scaring me, I think if she had the chance to save someone she cared about then she would stop at nothing to save them, just like she is now, l open my mouth to say something when the elevator door opens and before Shepard walks out I put my hand out in front of her, I can hear a radio, I walk out and I follow the source of the noise, I can see a dead Eclipse merc is sprawled out in a pool of her blood and her radio is blaring out

"Team 4?! Team 4 do you read me?" I pick it up and I inspect it, it is a standard issue and could be easily used to our advantage

"Hang on Shepard have one of their radios, I will see if I can patch us is in and see what we are up against" Shepard begins to turn away from me, but I, owe her an explanation about Oriana, she deserves that much

"Shepard… I think I owe you an explanation, Oriana, is my twin genetically, but my father grew her when I was a teenager," I look down at my feet, I just cannot bring myself to look at Shepard, to see the disbelief in her eyes and the hurt from me not telling her sooner, I would have but I just couldn't bring myself to do it "She was meant to replace me, I couldn't let my father do to her, what he did to me, so I rescued her… She is almost a woman now" I say but it finishes as a whisper, Shepard doesn't step any closer to me, in fact she just stand there and I can feel her gaze on me but she says nothing, all I can feel is the tension growing between us, I try to ignore it but eventually it gets so much, I can barely resist it anymore

"Shepard I-"

"You never did mention her age, but I understand that what your father did to you was wrong so I understand why you had to take your sister, I understand more than ever, I wish I could have saved my sister" Shepard says and I sag slightly in relief, I thought she would be angry or something, I look up at her and her face is cut off emotionally but I know this is just her way of dealing with this, but I know I have hurt her and that she will say something back on board the Normandy

"She is going to be 19 this year, but I guess it didn't seem relevant at the time, I have to protect her there are people that would use her against me so I am protective of her. I am sorry you deserve to know this" I say as I start to regain my composure, when Shepard turns slightly from me

"If Eclipse knows where Oriana is, they will be moving in on her soon, we need to hurry"

"I agree but I am a bit worried about what the merc said," I say as I rub my left arm with my hand "If they have got to Niket somehow, then this is going to be harder than I planned," I say as I turn and begin to walk between the cargo "According to the specs I viewed, we'll need to cut through the cargo processing yard to get to Oriana" Shepard stops us not far ahead

"What can you tell me about the layout of the area?" I smile as Shepard always did like to know where she was going and she always did like knowing what was best for the situation, cautious I would say

"We will be moving through the conveyor systems, there will be a lot of movement , so targets will be hard to pick off so stay sharp, and these cargo transports are carrying hazardous material so be careful at what you shoot at" I say and a smile appears on Shepard's lips

"Let's go find Niket and Oriana" Shepard says as we walk into the elevator and she hits the switch and the elevator takes us down, I sigh and lean on the wall and Shepard checks her pistol and changes the thermal clips, I watch her work and she cleans it with such speed and effiency, that I cannot help but be fascinated, I hear a soft laugh and I draw my eyes to Shepard's and she is watching me, probably laughing at my childishness before she has time to say anything the door opens into another cargo bay and it is noisy with working machinery, a conveyor belt whirs on ahead and I can see mercs on the other side of the conveyor, Shepard ducks down and as soon as we got close enough she was firing her gun into the mercs, they didn't even have time to react as three bullets impaled themselves in a merc, I let off a few shots through the gap, I can hear their gurgles as they drop to the floor dead, we begin to run round but we are stopped by another wave of mercs and Shepard pulls me into cover just as a bullet whizzes past my ear, what is wrong with me? I have never been this disorganized or unfocused, I shake my head as Shepard lets loose a series of powerful shockwaves knocking the mercs into hazardous material which sends out a massive explosion and it deafens me slightly but not enough so I cannot hear over the radio

"This is Enyala! Keep that bitch back! Niket is almost at the transport terminal" No! I have to stop this! Niket has to take them out of here! I rush harder and I run out of cover and shoot everything in sight, the first bullets cap a load of mercs and mechs and I can hear Shepard behind me finishing off the ones I wounded.

"I don't care how many mechs you lose, just stall them damn it!" I smile she is getting desperate now, and I cannot wait to have the chance to put a bullet in her head. We go round another cargo crate when a load more mechs and mercs pour out from it, Shepard unstraps her grenade launcher and fires off to rounds, you can hear the mercs beginning to scramble but they aren't fast enough as it blows them to nothing but ash, Shepard takes point and sprints on ahead as I run after her as we weave in and out of cargo crates shooting at enemies whenever this is a chance

"Divert everyone apart from my guard from Niket, I will handle him and the kid personally" Panic begins to rise in me all over again and anger seeps through me

"Damn it, I will not let her get Oriana!" I say as Shepard charges round the corner, when I hear a yelp from Shepard I get round the corner and I dive into cover just in time, I look to Shepard and she is clutching her forearm as blood trickles through her armour, I look up to her eyes

"Don't worry it is just a flesh wound" Shepard says as she rotates and flexes her right hand, she winces and she switches her gun to her other hand, I stare on in disbelief

"I didn't know you were ampidextrous" I say and she flashes me a quick smile

"Now isn't really the time Miranda" Shepard says as she pokes out from cover and shoots the closest merc and he dies with a yelp, of course she is right, she seems to always be right, I shake my head as my biotics flare and I fire a warp at the closest group and they are ripped to pieces, we charge on into another room. Will they never end?! We take a short cut through the cargo line and there are no more Eclipse mercs here, which means we must be close, I start to feel hopeful again

"Eclipse operatives have attempted to delay you by disabling the elevators, I am overriding their lockdown now" Damn it!

"Can we never catch a break?" Shepard sighs as a group of Eclipse Engineers and Troopers enter through a door, I send a warp right into the middle of them whilst Shepard sends off dozens of strong shockwaves, as they crumble and die Enyala voice comes through the radio

"Niket has reached the terminal, He'll switch the family over to our transport" Wait, what?! Niket wouldn't do that! He is on our side,

"Niket?... That can't be right" I wonder out loud, but Shepard stays silent as we approach the elevator, I don't believe it, it has to be a trick of some kind or something!

"Maybe she knows we are listening in and she is feeding misinformation about Niket making the switch," I say, no that doesn't make any sense! Shepard doesn't say anything all she does is activate the lift which is moving painfully slow, but I feel like I have to share my thoughts "Or maybe it means something else, Damn it won't think elevator go any faster?" I say, I cannot believe this, it is too much, Niket is my only friend from my past, he wouldn't betray me, would he? I ponder this while I shove my Omni Tool into the wall and it speeds up the elevator, I look to Shepard and she rests her hand on my shoulder,

"Everything will be okay" I let out a breath and I relax slightly as she rubs my shoulder

"I just have to make sure she is safe"

"What makes you so sure Niket wouldn't turn on you?" Shepard asks softly

"He could have turned on me when I ran, no doubt my father tried and buy him off, but" I say as I rub my forehead "If he didn't do it then, why would he do it now?"

"I don't know Miri, but the message on the radio does mean something, but I hope it isn't what you're thinking" Shepard says as she takes off her gauntlet and I take out some Medigel from a wall compartment, Shepard takes a deep breath before ripping out the bullet, she lets out a little groan, and then I apply the medigel,

"We wouldn't betray me, we'll be at the transport shuttle in a moment, and we will clear this up" I say to her as focus on the fact that my father can never have Oriana, and he never will, if I have anything to say about it. I feel a hand encircle my closed fist, I look up at Shepard

"Remember, I believe in you, you'll do the right thing" I give her a tight smile as the nerves begin to build

"Thanks Lexi" I say before I look back up at the door

"Oh and Miri?" I look back towards Lexi and her eyes are smouldering

"Hmm?" I say

"I love you" I smile as a bolt of warmth goes through me, and it strengthens me, I know she will be there for me, no matter what decision I make

"I love you too" I say as the door chimer goes off but the door remains closed but we can hear Niket talking to the Asari Transport Officer

"Listen to me; I have authorization to change their booking!" No this cannot be happening! We walk over to Niket slowly

"I am sorry sir, we're under security lockdown. Until the situation in the cargo terminal is resolved, no passengers can be rebooked" The Transport Officer says as Niket paces up and down in front of the Officer, and then I hear her

"This isn't worth my time Niket, I get paid regardless on how the girl gets there" That bitch, I will make her suffer, we don't leave the elevator yet as we need evidence that Niket is working with my father, I need to hear Niket say it

"No! I was told that I could handle it my way. We're not traumatizing the family any more than we-"

Then the door opens and we walk out, Niket looks so much older than I remember him, worry lines are etched onto his face and the once bright sparkle in his eyes is gone, to his right is the bitch of a Captain Enyala and then the Transport Officer, Shepard follows my lead and I walk out in a confident stride, which is the complete opposite to how I feel, my gut has hit the floor with deceit, he betray me! I did nothing wrong, but then again my father did have ways of turning people against me, he would throw some money at them and that would be it. Niket squints at me, before his eyes go wide

"Miri?" Hearing his voice enrages me

"You don't call me that anymore; you lost that right when you gave yourself over to my father"

"This should be fun" Enyala's mutters and anger threatens to consume me, I can feel myself shaking with rage when a dainty hand on my wrist stops me, I look to my left and Shepard is holding my wrist and I start to calm down, when Enyala's draws her gun and I tear my pistol from its holster and Shepard is already standing there and we are back to back in some kind of Mexican stand-off, Niket has his hands up in surrender and the Transport Officer runs off but Enyala lets off a round in her back and she crumbles to the floor.

"Niket. You sold me out" Is all I manage to say as I try my hardest to keep my gun steady and not pull the trigger, Shepard stance shows years of practice and professionalism, she looks calm and focused on Enyala's two handed wepon. It is so hard not to just look away from Niket, the tirade of emotions that come with it is astronomical, hate, confusion, distrust, anger and some others that I cannot name, this is all Niket's fault

"How do you want to handle this Miranda?" I ignore her and I just have to ask Niket, it is burning me up inside not knowing

"Why Niket? You were my friend, you helped me get away from my father" I say, I try to keep my voice strong like it needs to be but it wavers and some of my helplessness leaks through

"Yes because you wanted to leave. That was your choice, but if I had known you had stolen a baby-"

"I didn't steal her, I rescued her!" I shout, he doesn't know what it was like, living with a man constantly trying to make you one better than yourself, pushing you and pushing you until you cannot give no more! I couldn't let her go through that!

"From a life of wealth and happiness? You weren't saving her! You were getting back at your father!" Oh god, Niket what has he done to you?! Just because I was rich doesn't mean I was happy, in fact I was miserable, I was never allowed out, never allowed any friends, I just had to be a dynasty not a daughter!

"How did he turn you?" Shepard asks with a curious tone

"They told me you kidnapped your baby sister all those years ago. They said I could help bring her back peacefully. No trauma to the family," Niket shifts and his forehead is starting to take on a nervous sheen of sweat "I told them that you would never do that. That they could go to hell. Then you finally told me what you had done. I called them back that night"

"Why didn't you call me Niket? We've been through a lot. You could have at least let me explain" I exclaimed, as I am hurting so much right now, he could have told me, he could have asked me why and I would have told him anything and everything. Niket took a step closer to me

"I deserved to know that you'd stolen your sister. I deserved to know you were with Cerberus. But I had to hear it from your father first"

"How much did Miranda's father pay you?" Shepard has this all figured out, and I dread to hear not only how much it cost to by him, but to hear our friendship wash away

"A great deal" Niket says looking at the floor, I don't drop my gun but I point it at him and my mask breaks

"Damn it Niket! You're the only I trusted from that life!" I yell at him and he looks at the floor

"He knew you felt that way, that's why he brought me" Anger rises up within me and I grind my teeth together

"So you just took his money" I say, it wasn't a question it was a bloody statement

"Don't get holy with me Miranda; you were taking his money for years"

"That was different!" I scream at him and I am so tempted to pull my trigger, cut all ties with my past life, it can end right here and I won't care

"If Niket knows about Oriana then you father does too. Relocating her won't work" Shepard states, there has to be another way! Another planet or something! Anything! I feel like screaming but I know it is hopeless

"Miranda's father has no knowledge about Oriana" Niket says and frown, what on earth does he mean?

"I knew you had spy programs on your father's systems, Miri, so I kept it private. I am the only one who knows" then, it all clicks, he is my only loose end, and here I am with a gun, pointing right at him

"Which means that you're my only loose end. This isn't how I wanted it to end. I am going to miss-" I don't have time to finish as Shepard pushes my gun down and out of shooting Niket she holds onto my arm, I frown and face her

"Miri, wait! You don't want to do this!" I wrench my arm from her grip, does she not understand? If I end it here then I my past will never haunt me again.

"This has to end here Shepard. My father will keep trying to find Oriana" Shepard grabs my arm slightly and looks into my eyes

"Maybe Niket can help… talk to your father… say you got here first" Shepard suggests, the anger starts to evaporate and I can see were Shepard is going with this, we both turn to look at Niket and he begins to stumble over his words

"I'll…I'll tell him that you hid her… that I don't know where she is" My heart soars at this revelation

"I never want to see you again Niket-"I begin when Niket goes limp and he falls forward only to reveal that bitch Enyala with her weapon out, she killed Niket! That bitch I am going to tear her apart!  
"Done, now if you don't mind, I have a shipment to deliver" Anger wells up in me and my biotics flare and I lift her up as I begin to crush her, anger boiling in my veins she floats there unable to do anything

"You will die for that bitch!" I scream as I throw a bolt of energy at her that sends her flying back until she collides with a sickening crunch o the metallic wall, I run over to her and I pick her up and I smash the end of my gun into her head over and over again until I hear the crunch of her skull, she has to be dead, I need for her to be dead, poor Niket, I wish I had done something, anything. I drop her dead body and I begin to shake, I stand there not looking at nothing but just replying Niket getting shot, to see if I could have done anything, I feel a pair of arms pull me into a hug

"Miri it is okay, it is all over now, and your sister is safe" Shepard whispers in my ear and we just stand there until I stop shaking but I cannot help but think I could have done more. We walk to the lift in silence; I push all thoughts of Niket away and I focus on seeing Oriana

"There could be more Eclipse Mercs waiting near the shuttle. I want to make sure Oriana and her family get on safely" Shepard nods, the elevator doors open and we walk in

"I cannot believe Niket sold me out, I didn't even see it coming" I say in disbelief as I stand far away from Shepard in the elevator

"Everybody makes mistakes Miri" Lexi says and I turn round slightly to look at her, she could have stopped this

"Why did you stop me from killing him? I could have handled that. But watching him get gun downed by that asari bitch.." I trail off and Lexi moves forward, close enough for her presence to be comforting but not enough for her to be able to touch me

"You still cared for him, even if he betrayed you" Shepard says softly, and I know she is right, why is she always god damned right?!

"Your right, and my father knew it. He used that against me, " I still won't look at Lexi, I am worried of what she thinks about me, but I cannot face her right now "It has always been like this. My father gave me anything I ever wanted, but there was always a hook, an angle for his long term plan" I say and I turn to face her, and it is full respect, listening and interest, I never thought I would have someone who would take the time to listen to me

"I threw away everything he ever gave me when I ran. Except Niket, a weakness on my part." Lexi moves closer to me now and is only at arm's length now

"You still have Oriana"

"My father didn't give her to me, I rescued her" I say in a cold voice

"You have me" Lexi says in a soft voice as she takes my hand in hers, I smile at her, she always knows what to say, and what to do to make me feel better

"Yes you are right, I do have something, thank you" I say as I give her hand a squeeze as the doors open, I scan the area for Eclipse and I let go of Lexi's hand before going to check nearer the shuttles. I practically run there and back and I can find no trace of them, Niket kept to his word,

"No sign of Eclipse. It looks like we are clear" I say as my eyes scan the crowd and there she is,not knowing who I am or what I have been through to make sure she is safe

"And there she's safe… with her family" I feel so hollow, I look at her and they are laughing and interacting in ways I never could or never did, and I feel so empty. I can never talk to her; it would put her at risk, no matter how much I want to, I close my eyes and take a deep breath as all the stress disappears at seeing that my sister is okay

"Come on, let's go" I say in a shaky breath, Lexi frowns and looks at me

"Don't you even want to say hello?" Shepard says and I begin to fluster

"It's not about what I want…It's…It's about what's right for her," I say in a rushed tone "The less she knows about me the better" I say I pause and carry on

"She has got a family, a life. I'll just complicate that for her" Shepard frowns even more and takes her hand in mine

"But you are her sister; don't you think she has a right to know about how much you love her?" I don't know how to respond, I guess it couldn't hurt

"I guess not, I..I will go talk to her then" I turn back Lexi and she just chuckles

"I will be right here, now go!" Lexi shoos me off and I slowly begin walking towards her and she turns slightly and that's when I notice she looks so much like me but with a shorter haircut, nearly everything is the same, I turn back on last time to Lexi stood there reading something off her Omni Tool, she looks up and meets my eyes and she make a shooing motion with her other hand, I smile and turn back. What if she doesn't like me? What if she denies it? What if she doesn't believe me? I finally reach her and she turns around

"Hello Oriana" I say in the calmest tone I can manage

"Hello, sorry I don't know your name" Her accent is completely different to mine, almost like Shepard's but more American, I can tell she recognises me but she is wary, good, that's how you should be

"I am Miranda. I am your sister" I say and her eyebrow rise slightly before scrunching slightly as she looks at me with intent

"Why should I believe you?"

"It is complicated Oriana" She indicates to a bench not too far away and we sit down

"You do look familiar, but I cannot remember from where, but I feel like I should know you" She says and her cobalt eyes flicker over my face, my heart begins to soar

"I just wanted to let you know that I have been looking after you for years, indirectly of course, our father…is a very insistent man, I couldn't let you go through what I went through so I rescued you and now here you are" I say she leans back and I can see in her eyes she is trying to process this new information the I see it that spark she understands

"I kind of remember and that would make sense, you caused us to move so much, but that isn't the only thing you caused is it?" She asks and I shake my head, I look back to her and her eyes are alight with adoration

"You caused that boy Daniel to get kicked in the testicals outside school because he was mean to me! You did all those things!" she exclaims I just smile and nod she takes my hand in hers

"Oh thank you! I always wondered who my guardian angel was and now I have found her, thank you for everything! But now you have got to tell me a little about yourself" Oriana says and I think hard

"Well, I like to play the piano, I am working for a massive organization with some of the best men and women in the galaxy to try and save the galaxy, I also like to have a drink of wine now and again" I say, I mean I cannot tell her much else but she just looks at me with such interest

"Well it is a shame the Commander Shepard is dead, she seems like an amazing person to meet and probably one of best humans out there" Ori says and I cannot help but chuckle

"She is, trust me, she is one of the most amazing people I know" I say as I think about all those times Shepard has saved my ass, then I zone back in and Ori is giving me a weird look

"Are you alright?" I frown

"Yes, why?"

"Well, first of all, Shepard is dead so why are you talking about her in the first person? Secondly you went all dreamy on me so I am guessing you have a special someone?" Ori says wiggling her eyebrows as I am about to reply my Omni tool goes off, it opens up and it is a message from Lexi

_From: Commander Alexandra Shepard_

_To: Miranda Lawson_

_Subject: Time_

_Miri,_

_We have got to go! I am sorry to cut you catch up with your sister short. I know I wouldn't want to be disturbed either so I am sorry, I also didn't want to walk over and drag you back to the ship, I don't need any more weird looks than I already get._

_Lexi._

_P. is hassling me to get you to hurry up, annoying AI….._

I laugh as I look over to her and I can see her looking at me and she is smiling, I know she would never want to cut time with relatives, considering everything, that's when I notice Ori looking over at my Omni Tool

"Is that?" She says and I close the message

"Sorry Ori I have got to go, but I will tell you it has been the greatest day ever to meet you, message me?" I say as I give her a hug, I never thought I would be able to do this and now I can, that thought makes me want to cry and if on cue a tear drops from my eye, why didn't don this sooner? I pull back and Ori has tears on her face too

"It was great being able to finally meet my sister, I love you sis, so be careful" my stomach drops and I pull her back in for a tighter hug

"I love you too, I will try" I say as I release her and she walks me over back to where her family are and then I walk back to Lexi and she takes my hand and with the other she gives me a tissue I take it and I wipe my eyes, I look back to Oriana, but she is staring at Lexi with wide eyes

"No way! This is unreal you and the Commander?!" I laugh and we just start walking away back to the ship

"Wait I have so many questions now, Miri!" She whines and I turn once more

"I will see you around Ori"

**A/N: So there we have it guys… finally Miri's mission, phew and it took me long enough write, I hope it is up to your expectations so thank you for reading and please review, love Bexaday.**


	23. I Will Protect You, No Matter What

**Chapter 23**

**I Will Protect You, No Matter What**

**A/N: So guys, I have just read some amazing inspiring story and I just had to do some more writing whilst listening to Misha B – Do You Think Of Me. But I am sorry that my last chapter wasn't so great, but I wanted to follow it to the dialog, and guess what? I hated it, so you won't have to worry about that for a while, and as for making a ME3 carry on, I don't think it is going to happen. Sorry guys.**

Miranda's POV

It has been three days since we saved my sister

It has been three days since I have talked to Lexi.

I don't know what is up with her, and I cannot find anything in her files, I sigh in frustration as I throw the datapad on the side as I sit down in my chair and I slump forward on the desk. What is wrong with her, I don't understand why she hasn't gone to see me yet, I mean, how can I not see her for God's sake! We are on a ship in the middle of nowhere and there are only so many places you can hide! Every time I hear someone call her, I turn round and I only ever see her retreating form, and it is starting to worry me. I nibble on my lower lip and I tighten my hand into a fist in my hair as I think. It has to be something to do with my mission, she hardly said anything and her face mirrored mine before she came along and got under my skin, I feel ike screaming and tearing my hair out.

"Operative Lawson, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you" Anger courses through me, that barstad thinks her has the right to talk to me after what he has done?! I snarl and I push away from my desk and I storm out of my office only to bump into someone clad in blue armour which means it can only be Garrus. I grit my teeth together

"What where your walking Garrus" I spit out as I look up at him and I can see irritation in his eyes, which made my anger grow into a fury

"On the contrary, you are in my way Ms Lawson" he says in a tight voice, I scoff

"Drop the pleasantries with me, what do you want Garrus?" I say and I see him recoil as my words hit like a whip, he pushes forward until he is so close I am having to crane my head back to look at him

_Remember you're not angry with him but with the Illusive Man, Shepard won't be happy if you hurt Garrus_

_Shepard? Haven't seen her for fucking days! _

"I want to know what you have done to Shepard! She is refusing to see anyone!" Garrus shouts and I just push him away slightly

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know?! I haven't seen her for three days!" I practically scream at him, the anger is making my blood boil and my fists are shaking, Garrus just opens and closes his mouth like a fish

"I don't have time for this" I say as I push past him and I keep storming down towards the elevator and I slam the button for CIC and I sigh as I pace the tiny space of the elevator. Damn it! Can this thing go any slower? I growl and then I hear a smash followed by pinpricks of pain cascading up and down my arm. My eyes go wide and they snap round to my hand. Oh God, why can I not hold in this anger, my fingers look okay but when I go to move them I can see the carpals have snapped in half. Great, Doctor Chakwas is going to kill me, I sigh and I close my eyes and I lean back against the wall as the anger just keeps flowing through me keeping me from feeling the full effect of the break, but all I can think of is the Illusive Man put my sister in danger, worse than that he could have given her to my father, and that in its self is a pain worse than death.

The elevator doors ping and I can hear a gasp which can only belong to that annoying redhead, Kelly Chambers

"Ms Lawson! What happened? Why is there a dent in the elevator wall?" God I cannot deal with her questions right now, I open my eyes and I clutch my wrist and push past Kelly, I don't like the whole I- will- make- you- feel- better- give- me- a- hug, I would prefer to not hug her at all.

"Not now Kelly" I say impatiently as I storm into the Debriefing Room,

"Ms Lawson, you're not going to like Timmy today, he is not up for a friendly chat" I roll my eyes and I just feel myself getting more and more angry

"Well neither am I, patch that barstad through" I pace up and down as I wait for his pathetic form to appear. I stand in the centre and I begin to tap my foot as his form slowly materializes, and for once he isn't smoking and he is staring at me with those creepy robotic eyes. They send shiver down spine but I just ignore it and I open my mouth as the anger wells up inside of me,

"Next time Miranda, do not send Shepard to confront me about your problems, she made quite a spectacle of herself" I frown, I didn't tell Shepard to do anything of the sort

"I didn't tell Shepard anything, I would never ask her to do that, whatever she said was completely her own thoughts, not mine" I say in a clipped tone and his eyes widen, before narrowing

"How dare you talk to me as such-"That's it I have had enough of him, his over dramatic speeches and emotion wrecking missions. I will NOT take that kind of abuse any more

"No, you listen to me!" I yell and he shuts up "You threatened my sister's safety all because of mine and Shepard's relationship, and she has nothing to do with me and Shepard and it is none of your business of what I do in my free time is my own!" I yell back at him, and he leans back and he presses his fingertips together

"I did what I thought was best, I cannot lose you to her, she is just one person and you're a part of Cerberus, which is my company which makes you-"

"Don't you fucking dare say you own me because you do not own me. You never did, I am a person and I am not your tool! And really if that is what you thought was the best decision, then what other fucked up things have you decided?" I say as my tone becomes deadly and I just stare at him and his face is like a storm

"I only ever did what was best for humanity! Don't you dare question my decisions! You-"I laugh at him

"If you think things like Akuze is a good idea? You think that killing all those innocent people was a good idea, then you are more fucked up than I realised"

"We brought back Shepard, and you seem to like her a lot" I narrow my eyes, I cannot deal with him anymore he makes me sick and he smirks and I want to smack it off his face so badly, my fingers on my good hand twitches as I strain to hold myself back before I launch myself at a hologram.

"Yeah I do, she has opened my eyes. But don't you worry," I say as I fold my eyes and I smirk "We will do this mission, but afterwards don't expect to see me again" I say and I can see a flash of fear in his eyes

"Where will you go? You have nowhere to go, people will just use you and dump you out when they lose a good use for you are they lose interest, just like your father and Shepard eventually, you are a tool and you always will be" he sneers. How dare he? Lexi would never do that to me, never. I can just tell she won't. I hover my hand over the button that will cut the transmission

"You're wrong, I am a person, so fuck you" I say as I cut the transmission and I just stand there

"Wow Miranda, you just kicked his ass!" Joker yells and I cannot help but smile, the anger elevated from me, then I wince as the pain seeps into my hand

"Thank you Joker, but somebody had to say something" I say simply as I walk into the elevator and take the ride back down the Observation Deck, it is weird, I have a smile on my face and I just get rid of it,

_It because after all those years of pent up anger and frustration that he caused has been unleashed, and you are free now_

My smile widens and I go to brush back my hair,

"Shit!" I yell as feel a hand on my forearm, blood Kasumi! She de cloaks and I turn to her and she smiles

"Nice work, Miranda but," Kasumi says as her face grows sad "After you visit Chakwas I would suggest visiting Shep, she needs you" before I even have time to reply she disappears down the corridor. What the hell could she mean? What is wrong with Lexi? I finally remember the doors are open and I speed walk out and into the medbay, Chakwas looks up over her datapad, her eyes zero in on my hand and she frowns

"What happened?" She says she puts down her datapad and I sigh as I sit down on a bed

"I punch the elevator wall in a fit of rage" I say as I give her a weak smile and she huffs as she pulls out the medigel

"I think Shepard is having a negative effect on you Miss Lawson" I smile as think of the amount of times Doctor Chakwas has scolded her about getting injured

"I wouldn't be surprised" I say as she begins to apply it and I sigh as the pain disappears and I can see the bones mending, Chakwas wipes her hand on a towel to her left

"Now, give it at least half an hour before you actually pick up a gun now" I nod in thanks and I race out of the elevator and all I can think of is Lexi,

I hope she is okay.

Shepard's POV

I couldn't face seeing Miri, I can just see how happy she was when she got to speak to her sister, and I couldn't help but feel jealous and it annoys the fact she would have passed up the opportunity to talk to her if I hadn't have pushed her! And then I had to go and talk to the Illusive Man and I couldn't help it! I let him get into head and he said the most horrible things about my father, that he was a traitor, he said, he said he arranged the attack on Mindoir. A tear trickles down my face and I hold my legs tighter against my body as I let my body rack with sobs as I huddle in the corner, and then when I thought it couldn't get any worse he sent me a video via email, it was actual footage of Mindoir and all I could see was my mother telling me not to turn around, but to keep running

_(Mindoir during the attack)_

"_Mumma!" I scream out as I can see the slavers beginning to beat her across the face and I just cry as they try and haul me away from Mumma and Dad, I scream, I kick and punch, but I am too weak, and my head is yanked up by a Batarian, his foul breath is pouring through my pours and I try so hard not to be sick_

"_Shut up! You little bitch! Watch!" I try to close my eyes but I can't as they beat my father until he can barely stand, and my heart is breaking with the hopelessness that settles in it,_

"_Dadda!" I yell over and over as I writhe in the iron grasp I am being held in, I try to turn my head, I don't want to see it, but they force me to watch as a Batarian unsheathes his pistol and he raises it to Dadda's head,_

"_NO!" I scream and I can her Mumma sobbing and they just laugh, thank god I hid Rue in the air vents, Dadda turns to us and I lock eyes with him, and I try harder and harder to break free._

"_I love you Lexi, I love you Hannah, I love you Rue, I-" He is cut short as the gun fires and he falls back and I scream so loudly as anger burns through me I fight even more, but they just slap me but a sharp nail catches on my face and it burns as it radiates pain from the bottom of my cheek to my eyebrow, I try to look at my Mumma and she has tears in her eyes to as she sobs, then I hear the noise that makes my gut drop, Rue is screaming, I thought I hid her! I try to turn around to see her, I have to makes sure, but they force me to keep looking forward, then the Batarian brings her forward and he smiles evilly and I see her frightened green eyes staring into mine and I cannot help I fight against them even more, I need to free her, see doesn't deserve this_

"_Lexi, I am scared!" She sobs out and I try and reach her but the Batarian grabs my face and he pulls it back up to mine again_

"_God you're a tough son of a bitch, We are going to have so much fun with your sister, you Shepard's deserve everything you get" I spit in his face and reels back slightly and wipes away my bloodied spit and he brings his boot up to my ribs and I gasp in pain as an audible crack can be heard, I try not to double over but the pain is so great more tears pour down my face_

"_Lexi!" My sister calls out_

"_Don't worry about me Rue" I say in the most stable voice I can muster_

"_My babies, not my babies" My mother says and she lashes out at the guard's around her which distracts them enough for me to jerk out of their grip I try to run away, I see Rue managing to do the same and she runs for me, the adrenaline overpowers the pain_

"_Quick the bitches are escaping!" I run harder and Rue is just in front of me and I need to get her to safety, I have to._

"_Rue come here!" I yell and she drops back to my side as we run through the rubble, we round the corner and they are far behind, I need to get her away from here, then I see it, a hidey hole which leads on away from here, I push her so hard that she falls into it. I stop and look at her_

"_I will be back, I promise" I am about to keep going when she stops me with what she says_

"_I love you Lexi" I smile and more tears threaten to run down my face again_

"_I love you too "I say as I push on as I hear more Batarian's making their way around the corner._

_I never found her again._

_(End of flashback)_

I am shaking and more tears leak from my eyes, he sent me that footage, he knew that would ruin me and it has, worse than my break up with Ashley, I sob even more as all I can see is my Mumma's face and the fact she sacrificed herself for my and Rue and I couldn't even save her, I couldn't even protect Rue. I don't want Miri to see me like this, I try so hard to stay strong and pretend that her mission didn't strike home but it did, and it hit a nerve I thought I had removed a long time ago. I need a drink, and I know where I can get one of those without being bothered

"Joker?" I say softly

"Commander?!" He reply comes with relief and I smile "I thought you had died!" he says and I laugh

"I am still going strong Joker, don't you worry now" I hear his laugh

"What is it you needed Commander?"

"Can you get us to Omega, we are taking a detour for upgrades and a bit of R and R" I say

"Aye aye Commander, but I tell you something you would have been so proud of your girlfriend earlier Ma'am, she kicked Timmy's arse!" I growl at the mention of his name, but then I smile, I love her so much and I am glad she has

"Thanks Joker" I smile as I let more tears run down my face as I think of Rue and how she was a unsuspecting victim of that evil, just like Orianna, and she is alive because Miri could defend hers. I couldn't defend mine; I didn't even get a chance to tell her I loved her one more time, or to hug her. I snap my head up and my door goes green and a flustered looking Miri walks in, her eyes frantically scanning the room, thank god I am sat in the corner on the floor

"Lexi? Are you in here?" She says and I sniffle and her eyes lock onto mine and she rushes over and sits next to me and she pulls me into her lap and I just yean against her and I let her warm body warm my freezing one as I shiver in her grasp and I turn around and I bury my head in her neck and she just holds me tight

"Shhh it is okay, he won't ever bother you again" She coos in my ear and just breathe in her scent, he lied to me, she would never leave me, I trust that she wouldn't

"Don't leave me" I say and it comes out in a shaky breath and I can feel her frown and I lean back and she cups my cheeks and wipes away my tears

"I am not going anywhere" she says it so simply that I cannot help but start crying again and she just holds me as I curl up on her side

"W-what he sent me M-Miri, it was so a-awful, I was reliving it A-gain" I say and she just holds me tight and I just breathe in her scent

"Can I see what he sent you?" She asks and I nod, and she slowly stands up and I grumble at the loss of warmth and I just curl back in on myself, she access the computer and I can hear it all again, and I cover my ears and I scrunch up my eyes, she turns back to me and she scoops me up and rocks me

"Lexi, it's okay, I won't let that ever happen to you again" her voice is thick with tears and we just sit there and it could have been hours, just sat in that embrace. After about an hour, she detaches herself from me and stands up.

Miranda's POV

I stand up and stretch my legs and I look at her tears stained face and her hair all messy, she looks so young, and I cannot believe the Illusive Man sent her that, he knew the damage it would cause

"I never did find her again" Lexi says in a haunted voice and my eyes snap back to her

"Oh Lexi" I say, my heart is breaking, nobody should have to go through that, let alone once but twice, and then to have no one left, is terrible, I extend my hand and I pull her up and she is so close, I can smell her intoxicating scent of wood smoke and cinnamon, she bits her lip making my eyes zone in on her lips, I lift my eyes to hers, and her silver orbs smoulder into mine, a throb goes through me and straight to my core, her hands travel up my body and one rests on my hips whilst the other slowly trails its way into my hair and so pulls my lips to her, and they are so warm, I cannot help but moan as I entwine my fingers in her hair and the other on her lower back, fuck, I love the way she tastes on my lips I nibble her upper lip and she releases the sexiest moan I have yet to hear and it makes me so wet. She deepens the kiss and I press her into the wall as she pulls me tighter against her, I need to feel her closer to me, I need to feel her naked flesh against mine, I moan as she licks my bottom lip, asking for access and I give it to her and her tongue enters my mouth and she moans so loudly that I cannot help but grind against her, I pause waiting for her to stop us but she doesn't and the need for her to touch me is too great, I cannot ignore it anymore. I pull away as the need for air gets to great and she starts to bit at my neck and my eye roll into my head and I moan

"Lexi… I need.. I need" I manage to gasp out as she begins to tug at zipper and the air against my bare flesh causes me to shiver

"What do you need?" She says and I can feel her smile, I can barely concentrate as she grinds on my leg, I moan even louder,

"I need you" I moan out as her hand disappears in my jumpsuit as the zipper comes fully down, her hand glides across my stomach and I bring her head up for another kiss, she switches us round and she shoves me roughly against the opposite wall my hand is tight in her hair as I feel her hand tease the edge of my pants, I cannot help the groan that leaves my throat, I am so wet for her, and I grind against her hand as she rubs my mound through the material.

"Someone is eager, " She moans in my ear "Your so wet" She moans loudly as her hand slips further down and I she can feel how wet I am I moan as she moves her fingers over my clit and lightly touches it

"I am so for you" I rasp out as my hands fiddle with her zipper on her jumper

"Commander we are docking in Omega" The Commander stills and she growls in sexual frustration as her hand slowly makes it way out of my jumpsuit, my God! Just when I thought. I sigh as I try so hard to ignore the deep throbbing within me, Lexi still hasn't moved from in front of me and she kiss my lips once more and she leans back just enough for her to say

"Wear something nice we are going clubbing" Her lips brush mine as she says it and I look into her eyes and I smile.

I can see the promise of more afterwards.

**A/N: Whoa (fanning the air) this was steamy and I know you all want it to happen, but that is going to happen next chapter and it WILL, that's a promise, for anyone who doesn't want to read THAT bit, you won't miss anything overly important. Thanks for reading so please review! Bexaday**


	24. Expectations

**Chapter 24**

**Expectations**

**A/N: So here it is guys! The chapter we have been eagerly awaiting! Hello to all those who have just joined this story and thank you for joining, I still cannot believe how well this story is doing despite the worst grammar and spelling EVER! But thank you all the same. Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, I have had exams this week and in the next few weeks is mocks so bear with me, the chapters shall still be happening. Oh and thanks to cthulu1, who pointed out my spelling mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect**

Shepard's POV

Miri left my room shortly after Joker interrupted and now I am just sat on my bed thinking about how far I let us go this time. I mean, I never thought I would meet someone like her, someone who completes me but is broken herself, I never thought I would ever find the peace with someone. I couldn't even find that with Ashley, and I thought she was the one. But she wasn't, I smile to myself. Miranda is the one. I touch my lips, they are still a bit swollen from our latest make out session, fuck, I let out a groan, and I can still feel her lips on me, her hands all over me. Just thinking about it gets me wet, and I cannot wait for later tonight. A slight shake on my shoulder alerts me and I grab the wrist and twist it and stand up and turn them around and force them on the bed with my knee on their back

"Shep chill out it's me!" Kasumi says and I blink a few times and then I look at the person under me properly, a similar sized person with a hood. Oh shit it is Kasumi! I remove my knee and a flash of guilt goes through me

"Shit K! You can't just sneak up on me like that! I am so sorry!" As I extend my hand and Kasumi takes it and smiles at me

"Well, I wanted to make sure you are alright, but I should have guessed that Miranda fixed that" her smile turns to a smirk and I roll my eyes as I try not to blush, but I am failing badly.

"I guess she did" I mumble as I stand up and I roll back my shoulders and I pull down the zip on my hoodie

"I think she did a little more than that, didn't she?" Kasumi says and I blush harder as I busy myself with fiddling with my zipper, and all I can think of is Miri's fingers when she was pulling down my zipper, God why did Joker have to interrupt us?! I let out a little moan and I hear Kasumi laughing behind me

"God you have got it bad Shep!" I turn back to face her as I take off my hoodie and turn back to Kasumi,

"Shut up, K! I do not!" I say as I busy my hands with the wardrobe door as I slide it open and pick up a towel and I all I can hear is her laughing. I sigh and turn back to her and I can see tears streaming down her face as she clutches her sides

"Oh Shep, you are so funny, just admit it!" I put the towel over my eyes as I murmur

"Fine, I do okay?," I sigh as she stops laughing, I take the towel away from my eyes and look at her as the blush in my cheeks starts to die down "Are you coming with me and Miri tonight? We are going to Afterlife for some R&R"

"Sure, I am not missing out on a chance to see you guys getting it onnn!" Kasumi says before she bursts out laughing and a spike of annoyance goes through me, I drop my towel and I march over to Kasumi's laughing form and I pick her up and begin to drag her arm first out of my room

"Hey! What are you doing?!" She says and I smile

"Taking you out of my room, one, because I need a shower and I don't want you watching. 2 I am trying to get ready for later and you are just making it worse" I look at Kasumi and she is pouting

"Aw Shep, now Miranda is going to have to wait to "evaluate the goods" for herself, she is going to be annoyed at my failure" Kasumi says with a sigh, and a pulse of lust goes straight to my core. Fuck, I can just picture Miri watching me and-

_Whoa! Whoa! Where are your thoughts going!? Come on Lexi keep it together!_

I groan as I stop for a second, and Kasumi just scoffs

"Wow you do have it worse than I thought" I blush so hard it goes to the tips of my ears, and I get behind Kasumi and begin to push her out

"It is time for you to leave K" I say as I push her out into the corridor and she just stands there as I close the door and activate my Omni Tool and change the passcode

"See you in a few hours!" Kasumi shouts as she dissolves into a pile of giggles outside the door, I roll my eyes and I begin to take off my clothes as I enter the shower. The water comes cascading down me and I close my eyes as I relax as the heat massages my aching muscles, I sigh and push my soaking hair back and close my eyes as I lean against the wall.

How could I have fallen for someone so quickly, I mean, I only realised I loved Ashley after Virmire and even then it was me denying the fact I really did love her. I thought me and Ash were going to be together for ever, but then again she always did deny me the simplest of things. The kisses on the cheek, the lingering touch of when she brushed my shoulder. In fact she denied me for such a long time and I don't know why I keep trying? I shake my head as sadness fills my heart. I wish it could have ended differently; I wish it could have been cleaner and not so heart tearing. I know all heart breaks are terrible, but did ours have to be like that? I pick up my shampoo that smells of limes and I wash my hair. I hum happily as I think of Miri and how… protective and loving she is towards me, I smile as I think of how hard she tried to find me after the cave in on Mindoir, I shiver at the name of that place, I used to call that place home but now, now it is my bane and I hate it. I never did tell Miri of what happened down in the cave. I sigh as I wash with my cinnamon body wash.

I step out of the shower and I go straight to my underwear draw, at least Kelly is good for one thing and that is ordering clothing and underwear. I pull out a set of my sexist black underwear which has sexy lace patterns all over it, I grin as cannot wait for tonight. I let out a moan at that thought. My god Miri, you're not even here and can feel your touch all over me,

_You really need to get laid_

_I will, let's hope I don't get too drunk. I want to remember this_

I quickly put them on and I go to my wardrobe and pull out my favourite dress, it is a dark purple colour and it is body hugging and it cuts off about mid-thigh, it has a plunging neckline that just shows the joining of the bra and it is hitched at the waist by some sliver sequin material. In my opinion it was an absolutely beautiful dress, and at the back of it had a slight dip showing the shoulder blades and on the left side it had a slit which allowed some air in the linen dress. That and a pair of black heels and it was a gorgeous match. I smirked; I wonder what Miri's reaction will be.

"Shepard, I am to inform you that we are docking on Omega and that some of the crew are preparing to leave as soon as we dock"

"Thanks EDI, oh could you also alert, Garrus, Thane, Chakwas, Kasumi, Grunt, Jacob, Mordin, Jack and Miranda, that we are going to Afterlife as we have a private tables booked for 1600 hours, but they don't have to attend" I say as I make my way over to another wall compartment and I take out my make up, I smile as I begin to apply the smallest amount of foundation

"Of course Commander, they have been notified and all are available apart from Mordin as he insists he has some research to do" I smile as I carry on applying smoky eyes shadow and black eye liner. God I do miss going out, in fact, the thing I miss the most is dancing, it feels so great just to lose yourself in the beat and to be one with it. I begin to apply my mascara when my door turns green and Kasumi enters, I roll my eyes and turn to face her. Her eyes go wide with shock and I smile

"What is it K?" I say and it seems she has lost the ability to speak for a moment, she just stands there and I raise my eyebrow

"Err" Kasumi says and I laugh at her

"Wow, cat got your tongue?" I tease her and she regains the ability to speak and her brows furrow and she looks at me with such wide eyes I think they may fall out of her head, she raises her hands up

"I couldn't help it! You threw me off guard! You just look so…" Kasumi trails off and I burst out laughing

"Sexy? Attractive? All the usual things I am not?" I tease her and she huffs and raises her hand at me in an obvious gesture

"Ravishing, I would say, if I were into women, you would be top of my list to seduce, Miri is going to have a hard time keeping her hands off you" I smirk and I can feel a blush beginning to creep onto my face

"That's the plan" I say in a seductive tone, Kasumi just laughs and I walk over to the wall cabinet and pick out my heels

"By God Shep, I wouldn't want to miss Miranda's reaction to that" Kasumi says and I just smile, I can see her jaw dropping gaze travelling over me, I shiver as a wave of lust goes straight through me. I bend down to put my heels on and Kasumi wolf whistles

"That's a fine piece of toned ass Shep" I blush as I finish tying my shoes and I stand up and walk over to Kasumi

"Hey, stop admiring what you can't have!" I say as I playfully swat her on the arm

"Damn it" Kasumi says as she snaps her fingers as she smiles at me, I roll my eyes as we walk out and into the Elevator, I hit the button for CIC and the elevator slowly begins to descend

"Commander, most of the crew have left the ship and those who are going to Afterlife have already left" I smile, I guess they wanted to get off of this ship as soon as possible

"Who is still on board apart from Kasumi and myself EDI?" I say as Kasumi checks something on her Omni Tool, wait, I think she is taking a photo of me; I squint at her Omni Tool as I try to decipher what it says

"Operative Lawson is the only crewmember left on board and is awaiting you at the Air Lock"

"Did you just take a photo of me?" I say as my eyebrows shoot into my hairline and Kasumi blushes a little and smirks,

"Oh come on Shep. When else am I going to see you in a dress? And secondly, do you know how much this would sell for?" I gasp and pretend to be shocked

"Is that all you are using me for? To make money?!" I say with a mock horror and Kasumi just laughs and I smile at her and the elevator doors open and we walk out

"Shep, you know you mean more to me than that" Kasumi says and I shoot her a look

"I would hope so, I am your Commander" I say and she snickers, I shake my head before turning to walk out of the elevator and towards the Air Lock and there she is, I try to stop my jaw from hitting the floor, she looks absolutely gorgeous. Miri is wearing a pale blue dress that clings to her in all the right places, it shows a enough cleavage to be classy and enticing, but not enough to make her look like she is willing to dance in your lap.

_You know, she would probably do that, for free too if you ask her._

I shake my head as I keep studying her dress; it has a slit up the side that reveals her sexy legs when she walks. I just stare, when I feel a hand on my shoulder shaking me slightly and then some senses come back to me, I didn't know I had stopped walking.

"Shep, are you going to say something, or are you just going to stare at her?" Kasumi says, I look up at Miri's face and you can see she isn't wearing really heavy make -up, but then again she doesn't need it, her hair looks even more shiny and soft than usual and I cannot wait to have it running threw my fingers.

"Miri…" I say breathlessly and she rakes her eyes up and down my body, and I cannot suppress the heat that surges through me, her eyes slowly rise to mine and they begin to brand themselves into mine,

"Lexi… you look… amazing" Miri says as her eyes travel over me again and I can practically feel myself getting soaked under her gaze, I blush as I try not to stand too awkwardly

"Miri," I say and she ignores me, her eyes too busy focusing on roaming my body "Miri," I say again and I sigh and I shift my weight from foot to foot, "Miri!" I shout and her eyes snap up to mine and I smirk and walk towards her swaying my hips

"Do you see something you like Miri?" I say to her and she blushes until her ears turn red and I stop in front of her and I tilt her head towards me and her eyes burn into mine and her hands go to my shoulders and she pulls me closer to her until I am pressed right against her, she raises her lips to my ear and a surge of lust goes through me.

"I see something I want, but, the question is, am I going to get what I want?" I shiver as she pulls me even closer and her hand trails up and through the middle of my cleavage, I manage to hold in a moan and I press myself against her harder and I kiss her neck and suck the skin until her breath hitches and I carry on trailing kisses from her neck to her ear.

"Well, that depends, how are you going to persuade me?" I whisper and I smile as she leans forward to answer when a clearing of a throat makes me blink a few times. I frown and I turn around and then I remember Kasumi is with us, I blush so furiously I think my head might explode as I back away slightly from Miri

"Wow guys, get a room or something because now CIC is like a sauna with all the sexual tension you are creating" Kasumi says as she waves the air in front of her face. I roll my eyes.

_Is she always this over dramatic?_

_No she is just jealous, or something…_

_That has to be one of the most stupidest-yet-true things you have ever said_

A hand on my arm draws my eyes back to Miri who is giving dagger eyes to Kasumi, I laugh

"Don't worry there will be plenty more time later" I say to her and I wink and she blushes and I take her hand in my and pull he towards the air lock and she mumbles

"Tease" I let out a bark of laughter and turn to her and her cheeks are still slightly red and I place a kiss on her cheek and whisper in her ear

"I know you love it really" I say and my voice goes all husky and she releases a low groan but the air lock hissed to reveal the nosily place which is Omega and stopped Kasumi from hearing it, I turn to Kasumi and she looks at me

"You might want to walk in front, just in case they don't let us in" I roll my eyes and I let go of Mir's hand and I turn to her and her eyes are throwing daggers at Kasumi. I smirk as I take the lead swinging my hips more knowing that Miri will be glued.

So, onward to Afterlife

Miranda's POV

Sometimes I think Kasumi does that on purpose so me and Lexi cannot spend more time together, then again she lost Keji and she mourned for a while after she lost him. I turn back to Lexi retreating form, I don't think that women understands what she does to me! The material hugging her ass so perfectly and I just want to smack it and make it mine.

_Wow someone is horny, and possessive_

_Shut up_

I just walk behind Lexi as Kasumi has cloaked and is probably walking somewhere near us, I scan the crowd of this shit hole of a place and that's when I see it. Another woman is staring at Lexi, and then another man is looking at my girlfriend. Who do they think they are? Staring at MY women like that! I snarl and I walk close to her, they will not see any part of her! I walk right behind her and my eyes focus on anybody who is staring at her, giving them a death glare.

Then I hear the pounding beat as we approach Afterlife, I grimace as I remember all the groping hands of men inside, I wonder how many fingers I will have to break this time; I squint as the red light hurts my eyes as they begin to adjust to it. There are so many people here it is untrue. Men and women everywhere and mainly humans too, there are of course the asari strippers dancing on the tables and Lexi just walks past them all and not even giving them a look, I smile, she only has eyes for me; we begin to head towards the stairs. Then I can sense a probing hand and I grab it and push it back until I hear a snap and a yelp and it quickly retreats, nobody touches me in here. Well, anyone who isn't Lexi. As we go up the stairs, less and less people are here the higher up we go, and then we reach the rest of the crew. We are sat in a massive booth with a bar which is a short walk from here.

"Shepard! It took you fucking long enough!" Jack yells, I am surprised she is here, and then I see that everyone is here, even Chakwas is here and she is drinking what I can only guess to be Service Ice Brandy. I walk over and take a seat and try to look comfortable.

Shepard's POV

Miri looks uncomfortable, then again she never really socialised with the other members of the crew. I will get her a drink. Maybe that will get her to relax a little. I walk over to the bartender and I bounce along with the beat. It has been so long since I have been out, let alone relax.

I sigh as I look up at Jack, she looks so much better now and I am glad she could join us but I think the doc is here just to keep an eye on her, she has gotten very over protective of Jack lately, which is good, considering Jack needs that somebody to look about for her. The bartender looks up and his mandibles twitch

"What can I get you?" he says in the guttural tones of a turian, I peer over the counter and a luminous blue drink catches my eye

"Can I have two of those?" I say as I point at the blue drink and the bartender laughs

"Batarian Ale? I wouldn't advise drinking too much of that unless you want a sore head" I laugh

"Thanks for the advice" I say as I take the drinks over to the table and I sit down next to Miri and I look at her and she is staring off into space, I nudge her with the cold edge of the drink and she jumps and stares at me, I send her a soft smile

"Hey, I got you a drink" I say softly and she looks at the glass in my hand and takes it slowly from my hand, her hand covering mine,

"Thanks" I nod then a voice ruins the calm atmosphere

"Please, Shepard can you just lick her out already? For fucks sake!" Jack says and I turn my head to face her, I go to say something when Garrus interrupts me

"Jack, give it a rest already! We all just want to relax, blow of some steam" I send a grateful to Garrus and then I turn back to Jack and her eyes are just staring at Miri like daggers. Wait? Is she? She can't be. No, I would have noticed, wouldn't I?

"Jack, leave Miri and me alone we are getting some down time to relax, don't ruin the little time we have as a crew" I say and her eyes squint at me

"Yeah but don't get down on the Cheerleader when we are around-" God she just doesn't shut up! I thought she would be civil! Then again I was just kidding myself, it is Jack after all. Fucking bitch.

"Jack, shut up or go somewhere else, because we don't want to hear it" Miri's voice cuts over hers like ice glazing water, Jack's biotics flare and I feel Miri tense up next to me, my hand goes to her arm and I slam my drink down

"Jack, calm down, you promised, remember?" Jack biotics die down and she slouches back in her seat

"Sure Shepard, just keep her the fuck out of my way" Miri strains against my hand and I hold her in place her eyes go to mine and they are burning with rage

"No Miri, don't do anything, you will make it worse" I mumble in her ear and she rips her arm from my grasp, Whoa, I didn't think she was this pissed off. Her eyes lock with mine and they are so angry and cold I flinch

"You don't control me Shepard" and she drains her drink and stands up and walks away and to the bar, I sigh and a bolt of frustration goes through me, I look at Jack and I cannot help but say in a bitter tone

"Thank Jack, a real friend you are" I walk towards the balcony and I take my drink with me as I overlook the club dance floor, I sigh as I crick my neck in an attempt to release the aggravation inside of me, I drain my drink and I activate my Omni Tool and order another one, I can begin to feel the slight buzz of alcohol rushing through my bloodstream, then the drink is brought over by the Turian and I nod at him as I take the drink and I begin to drain it. About halfway through a hand grasps the bottom of my glass

"Whoa slow down Lexi" Chakwas says and I let her take it from my grasp, I sigh and I look up at her, her brown eyes kind and warm. I look away from her

"Lexi what is wrong?" Chakwas says as she strokes my arm in an affectionate gesture,

"Me and Miri, it is rather… tense right now" I say in an indifferent tone as I look at her, she is still angry, I can tell by the way her shoulders are taunt and tense and the way her nails dig into her elbow slightly.

"Why is it so tense? What is happening between you two?" Chakwas says and I turn back to her, and thank god for the red lighting otherwise she would have been able to see my blush

"We haven't…um… you know" I say and Chakwas raises an eyebrow and I blush harder, then her eyes widen in understanding

"Oh, well for now Lexi, just relax, all things work themselves out in the end," I nod and Chakwas pushes me in the direction of the dance floor "Now go and relax! I know you like to dance" I smile at Chakwas and I down the rest of my drink and I descend to the dance floor, it is full of humans all dance, well, gyrating on one another to some clubbing track. And I love it, the mix of bodies pressed against one another, sharing body heat and to be able to express yourself in a mass of people and not for anyone to take notice, the smell of people's scents tinged with sweat. I love all of it. I walk past the asari dancers and straight into the mass of people. I stand still and close my eyes, listening to the beat I slowly begin to dance with it, I can feel the alcohol buzzing all round my system as it begins to numb me and I sway my hips and dance as I look up towards the balcony and I can see Miri's gaze on me as I feel another body dance next to mine. I turn to see some stranger with brown haired trying to dance with me,

_Miri is going to kill you_

_Hey this girl is dancing with ME, not the other way round_

A trickle of sweat begins to pour down my face as I move my whole body in time as it ripple my body and I look up at the balcony and Miri is gone.

Miranda's POV

"Shepard always does this" Garrus says as I watch him look at Lexi briefly. Possessiveness swells within me and I have no idea why. I mean he isn't doing anything wrong. I mean I don't understand why I got so pissed at Lexi for stopping me from ripping Jack in two, if anything I should be thankful she did stop me, because I could have killed her right then.

"What is Shep doing?" Kasumi says and I focus more on their convocation as I lean at the bar,

"She loves to dance, and she is an amazing dancer, but she knows how to make Miranda…. Possessive" Garrus says in a hesitant voice and I cannot help but walk over to the balcony. I have to know what Lexi is doing, and then I see her.

I honestly don't think I have ever been so turned on. Lexi is moving with such poise and elegance it makes me want to moan in lust but it is so sexual and erotic that I cannot help but just watch her. Lexi just moves to the beat and it looks so effortless and it looks like she is a piece of fabric being manipulated to any desired shape and the best thing about it, is she is mine, I smile as I down my third drink as I think of what Lexi promised tonight. Lexi promised sex, and I will get it. I moan slightly at that thought and I can feel my underwear getting damper by the second. I look back down at Lexi and she is looking at me and a bolt of lust travels through me, her eyes cast downwards and she continues to dance, and then I see a women dancing with My girlfriend, not properly but still dancing with her, I grind my teeth together and I storm down the stairs and I find Lexi in the crowd of dancers and I see her sliver eyes lock onto mine and I look at her all over again, ravishing her with my eyes, I moan and I dance towards her and when I reach her I push away the other girl and she grumbles, I turn to Lexi and she is dancing in time with the beat and I lean closer to her until our foreheads are touching and we dancing in time, Lexi smiles at me

"I wondered when you would get down here" I smirked as my hand cups her cheek

"You know me, I never like to disappoint" Lexi's eyes smoulder and she brings her lips to mine, they taste of the drink she ordered and a little bit of Lexi's natural taste of cinnamon, I moan into her mouth. Fuck, she taste so good, Lexi pulls away and I growl and I place a hand behind her head and pull her back to me, she smiles,

"Someone is really horny tonight" Lexi says in her husky tone and it makes me so wet when she talks like that, lust burns through me and I mash her lips to mine and somehow we are still managing to dance in time with the beat. Lexi's teeth nibble my lower lip and I let out a loud moan and Lexi fists her hand in my hair, I lick her lower lip asking for access and she gives it as soon as I do and I plunge my tongue into her mouth and I moan as her taste explodes on my tongue. Fucking hell, she tastes so good. Lexi hand is teasing my nipple through the fabric and I break away just to feel it properly, and by god. It is bloody amazing, lust pulses to my core. Lexi teeth begin to nibble and suck the skin at my neck, I moan even louder and some of the other dancers turn to look at me,

"Miri you need to stay quiet, otherwise we will have to stop, and you don't want to stop do you?" Lexi says and am panting, I find it so hard to answer her, she is distracting me!

"Lexi… I.. I don't want this...t-to stop" I manage to say breathlessly, and she smiles and she stops kissing me all together, I frown and try not to pant too much as her eyes meet mine again

"Get a room!" Kasumi shouts and we both turn to look at her, god, can we not have a few moments to ourselves before someone ruins it? I glare at Kasumi as Lexi just laughs, she takes my hand and I look down at her and she tugs me more into the central part of the dance floor. The beat has changed and it is more slower but more sexual, well it is to me. Lexi begins to dance and I just stand there watching her as she twists her body to the beat. Her eyes focus on me and she gives me a smile that sets my groin on fire all over again,

"Are you going to dance with me? Or are you just going to stare?" I shake my head as I blush and I begin to dance close to her, my body easily falling in time with hers, Lexi moves until her back is facing me and I move behind her until our bodies are pressed together, our hips moving in the same rhythm as they grind on one another and I begin to lose myself in the beat, one of my hands is on Lexi's hip, as Lexi put one hand in her hair and the other on my thigh as she leans back into me, lust pulsing around us, I smile as Lexi keeps grinding on me, then without even thinking one of my hands goes into the slit in her dress and up to her left breast, and I give it a squeeze and Lexi lets loose a sensual moan, I smile

"Do you like that?" I ask as my hand goes under her bra and my thumb begins to tease her nipple, she leans back more on me now and her right hand moves up and down on my thigh

"Yes Miri" Lexi groans out as she grinds harder on me and I moan at our contact, then without warning Lexi moves her hand lower and I can feel disappointment running through me, until I feel it on my skin as her hand goes under my dress and it goes back to its resting place on my upper thigh, fucking hell! What a tease! I need to be closer to her, my hand on her hip presses her harder against me and her hand goes to my inner thigh and higher until she is almost touching my centre, I practically cum right there, and I can feel myself dripping.

"God Miri, I can feel how wet you are from here," Lexi moans as she strokes the highest part of my inner thigh and It takes every effort not to remove my hand and force hers to touch me, "And you're so hot" Lexi moans as I slightly twist her nipple and leans back enough for me to be able to kiss her, her mouth eagerly mashes onto mine and she breaks away enough to say through heavy breaths,

"The ship, my quarters, now" I moan. God; she makes me so horny when she is commanding me around.

"Of course Commander" I say as my voice becomes seductive and my accent becomes more pronounced, I can feel Lexi shiver and she breaks away from me and runs up the stairs, the lust is pounding inside of me, and I can barely wait for the ship. I am not sure I can wait that long.

I hear some laughing and then Lexi runs down the steps and she takes my hand practically drags me out of the club and through the streets of Omega, then it all becomes too much I have to touch her or something, I turn her round with a jerk of my hand, and I mash my lips to hers and she just moans and she gropes at my mound through my dress. Oh my god, fucking hell, shit. It feels so good. I let out an incredibly loud moan, I don't care if other people hear me now, all I want is for her to touch me, she kisses me once more and she pulls away

"Miri, stop tempting me, I… we need to get on the ship first" Lexi says breathlessly and we practically run to the air lock, as we enter decontamination, she turns to me and presses me into the wall and begins to kiss me until I can't breathe, but I don't care. I want this. I need this.

"Thank fuck for that, we finally made it here" Lexi growls as decontamination finishes and she never releases my mouth from hers and we slowly make our way to the elevator her hand is twisted in my hair and the other pressing me against her. I push us towards the elevator as I try to ignore the intense throbbing in my clit as her hands go exploring over me. We stumble into the elevator as the doors open and I press her against the wall of the elevator and I lean in between her legs and I pull up her other leg and put it at my side, fuck, I want her so bad it is untrue. I don't think if she had tried to stop me I would have been able to. Lexi lets out a loud moan and her hand goes through the slit on my dress and cups my breast as her other hand blindly feels for the button to her room. Lexi growls and then she hits it and the elevator slowly begins to ascend. God, can't this thing go any faster? I feel lips on my neck marking me and biting me and I moan when I hear my zipper being slowly unzipped as the cold air hits my back.

"Lexi wait we aren't there yet" I say and she just brings my lips back to hers and she deepens it as our tongues fight for dominance, she tastes so good. Lexi breaks away to breathe

"I bet you taste so good Miri" Lexi whispers in my ear and I can feel my wetness leaking down my thighs, damn it, another pair of underwear ruined.

"Fucking hell Lexi" I moan as the elevator pings open and we stumble out and her door opens. We are almost there, finally. My hand finds the zipper on Lexi's dress and I pull it down and I dig my nails into her newly freed toned flesh, somehow we managed to make it down the stairs and onto her bed. I end up on top and I pull her knee to my side so I sit in between her legs again and she grinds against me. Lust and pleasure throbs through me and I moan out loud.

"EDI, can you lock the door, we don't want to be disturbed, by anyone" Lexi manages to get out before I force her lips back to mine,

"Of course Commander, logging you out" I smile against her lips and I feel the zipper on my dress come completely undone. I sit up and before Lexi can protest I have my dress off and I look at her and her eyes are tracing my body over and over again.

Shepard's POV

Her body is so fucking gorgeous it is unreal; then again she was designed for perfection. Her slightly toned stomach and body, her womanly curves and that pale skin made my mouth water.

"Fucking hell Miri" I mumble as she lies back down on top of me and I flip us over and with one hand I begin to undo her high heels whilst the other I begin to tease her by pulling on her pants slightly, the first shoes comes off and then the next shoe is gone, I smile at her and I pull my dress off, the lust that is throbbing through me is unbelievable, I have never wanted anyone more than now. Miri lets out a guttural moan and she pulls me back up to her,

"Your so sexy Lexi, you make me want to cum by just looking at you" Miri says, and I don't think I have ever been this turned on. I moan and as I undo her bra and throw it somewhere in my room and I kiss down her neck to her breasts where I knead them in my hands before placing one dusty pink nipple in my mouth, and she lets out a moan so loud it fills the entire cabin,

"Yes Lexi, oh god, don't stop" Miri pants and I look up at her and her eyes are dark with lust, I smile and I chew lightly on the nipple and she moans even louder, her hands are tight fists in my blankets as her face contorts with pleasure, I switch nipples but I rub the other nipple with my free hand.

"Fuck… Lexi, oh please… don't fucking stop" I moan around her nipple, her dirty talk is such a fucking turn on, I let the nipple pop out from my mouth and I trail kisses down her chest until I reach her pants and she moans. I look up at her through hooded eyes before spreading her legs wide, I place my hands on her inner thighs and I rub them up and down slowly, and Miri groans in frustration,

"Don't bloody tease me Lexi" I smile before kissing my way up to her centre which is leaking everywhere, I moan as she smells so good, and she smells like fruit and something totally Miri. I just sit there breathing her scent as my hands go to tease her pants as my fingers pull at them lightly,

"Stop fucking around Lexi and just fucking lick me already!" God, does she know what her dirty talk does to me?

"What's the magic word?" I say as I pull down her pants and my mouth begins to water as I look at her puffy pink lips and swollen clit, lust vibrates through me, as I kiss around her clit and she begins to gasp and pant, I smile and look up to her darkening eyes as the burn with lust, as she throws her head back as her hands try to push me closer to her centre as she pushes her hips into my face but I hold her down and she groans.

"Please, fucking please, Lexi, please lick me" She moans and I smile as I run my tongue up and down her slit, gathering her wetness on my tongue and I swallow it and I moan,

"You taste so fucking good Miri" I moan as I lick around her nub and her head thrashes back and forth

"Fucking lick me you bitch!" Miri yells and I place one hard long lick on her nub and she moans so loudly as her fingers entwine in my hair and she pulls me against her, and I lick around and around the nub and she moans louder and louder as one hand twists in my bed sheets.

"Fuck… Lexi don't stop… I am so close" Miri screams as I lick her harder, her taste is so addictive I cannot stop, I remove one of my hands from her around her thigh and I put two fingers inside of her and I moan alongside her, she is so hot and wet, she begins to hump my hand as I continue to lick her clit faster.

"Oh yes, yes Lexi… keep going" I feel around inside of her until I hit a point and her hips jerk as I hit her G-spot, I smile and I curl my fingers upwards and she bucks against me,

"Shit, oh fuck… I am going to cum!" Miri says as I work my hand faster and I tighten my grip on her leg as I lick her so hard and fast, she begins to scream my name and her body spasms

"Lexi! Oh shit, Fucking hell!" Miri says as I keep licking her as I watch her head roll back as she comes down from cloud 9, I unwind my hand from her thigh and I lick my other hand clean of her juices and I moan at the taste and Miri's hand pulls me up on top of her and I smile as her forehead as has a slight sheen of sweat on, and her face is aglow with post orgasm.

"Your turn" Miri says and she flips us over and lust throbs through me and she kisses my mouth and her hand goes to my bra and it slides round and she undoes it. Fuck, that is so hot and her mouth trails down my skin on my neck and onto my breasts, she looks up at me and I can barely keep looking at her, having her so close and knowing she is going to touch me and make me cum, it is almost enough to send me over the edge. My breathing got heavy as I feel Miri's hot breath on my breasts as her hand sends pinpricks of pleasure all over me as she cups my mound and I moan as she rubs me gently,

"Miri…" I moan as her hand slowly makes its way up my abs,

"Lexi your so sexy" Miri says as she drags her nails over my abs, making me shudder and drip with anticipation and it makes it way up to my breasts and she cups one and brings it to her lips, I watch her lips as they take in my puckered brown nipple and suck it, oh god, fuck. I let my head roll back

"Miri… fucking hell… Miri" I moan as she bites it slightly and my body jerks in pleasure, I moan again and I grasp the covers in my fists, she lets it nipple go from her mouth with an audible pop and swaps to the other one, it is like someone putting a lightning bolt through me, and all I can do is moan and try as hard as possible not to put my hand down my pants and finger myself,

"Lexi, I want to make you cum on my tongue" Miri whispers as she licks her way down my abs and she rips down my pants and throws them away, and I spread my legs as my throbbing grows as I watch Miri lick her lips as she lowers herself until all I can see is her black hair. I can feel her hand rubbing up and down from my abs to the joining of my thigh and vagina, why is she doing this? Can she not see I need her to touch me? I growl as I try to force her to touch me as I raise my hips. She looks up at me with a sexy smirk.

"Tut tut Lexi, be patient now" Miri says as she kisses the top of my mound and around it, missing the place I need her to touch most.

"Miri fucking touch my clit already!" I shout at her and I feel her smile against my skin,

"Of course, Commander" Miri says and I feel the wet heat of her tongue entering between my folds, I moan as pleasure courses through me, and then she hits my clit and it takes every fibre of my being not to cum on the spot right then, I wind my fingers in her hair and I ground my pussy on her face and she licks my nub over and over again and I cannot help but just moan as I hold her tighter and tighter as heat begins to rise from my abdomen, I am close and she knows it.

"Miri… don't stop. Please, don't stop" I beg her as it takes every bit of my being not to pull my thighs together, then, I feel Miri's finger enter me, fuck, oh shit. I think I am in heaven, and I am not even cumming yet. Miri curls her finger inside of me and she slowly begins to move it, and it is fucking amazing. Then another finger gets added and I moan even louder,

"I am so close Miri… so fucking close" I moan out and she sucks my nub and her fingers pump harder and harder inside of me, then the spiralling inside begins,

"Miri…fuck… I am cumming!" I scream and she nibbles on my clit and I fall off the edge. I have never experienced anything so intense, it is incredible and my body convulses around her hand. Miri's fingers are still inside of me moving slowly, bringing me back down from my orgasm. I take a deep breath as my muscles feel like jelly. Miri's face appears in my vision and I smile and I bring her lips back down for another passionate kiss, her tongue enters my mouth and I can taste myself on her tongue, and I love it. She pulls away first and lies next to me panting. Neither of us says anything for a while and Miri just strokes my hair as she is lying with her top half propped up

"Well that was definitely worth the wait" I laugh at her and I turn to her and smile as she brings me in for a kiss,

"Definitely"

**A/N: So there we have it! Finally they slept together, I am so sorry it has taken me this long to write it, but I needed to make it perfect for you guys since I have never written any kind of sex scene before. **** So please review and thank you. Bexaday.**


	25. We Finally Got Here, At Last

**Chapter 25**

**We Finally Got Here, At Last**

**A/N: So guys, this is the last chapter of this story, thank you to everyone who ever read this story, reviewed it, corrected my grammar, favourited it. Special thanks to KasumiCain who without her this would have gone a lot differently! Also to Micheal13, blood coloured ink, amyisbad and to the rest of you who have been reading since the beginning and those who joined in along the way****. It has meant so much to me to get such good feedback from everyone, considering this was my first series, and it started out as some rough idea in the back of my planner at school to see how well it has done makes me so happy and maybe the first of many… depending but don't you worry I will keep writing other stories. And Remember Keep the M.E Alive!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect Trilogy **

Shepard's POV

Finally, it happened and I have never felt so happy, I roll over in the bed only to bump into a warm body; I smile as a fuzzy feeling goes through me. Miri is in bed beside me, and she spent the night, and I couldn't be more happy, actually I don't think I have been anymore happy than I am right now nor have I ever been so peaceful. I sigh and I reach my hand out to find Miri's warm body, my hand creeps under the covers and I search for a few minutes and it nudges her lower back and she shifts slightly

"Lexi…" She says breathily and my hand slides up her back and over her side and it goes over her flat stomach and I pull her to me and her warm flesh meets mine and I sigh again as I crack open one eye and it meets her creamy coloured shoulder and I place a soft kiss on it and she shivers slightly and her hand clasps around mine on her stomach and she nuzzles back into me, slotting us together so perfectly. And just like that, I start to feel drowsy again and I close my eye and I just listen to slow steady breathing of the women I love, and her breathing is like a lullaby to me and I drift off into the best sleep in ages.

(Later that morning)

I feel her eyes on me first as they watch me and I take a deep breath and I stretch out, arching my back and clicking my spine and knees, my eyes scrunch up as I do it and I hear her soft laughter as it filters into my ears like a beautiful melody, I open my eyes and I look at her as I relax back down and for the first time it seems in ages I let loose a smile that comes naturally, and then I take a proper look at her and by god, does she look so perfect, her beautiful raven hair is slightly out of placed and her skin has a glow and a gorgeous flush to it. I slowly trail my gaze up her face, I start at her angelic lips which are slightly swollen from last night but angelic still, then to her perfectly sculpted cheekbones then to her cobalt eyes and I just drown in them, fuck, she is so perfect

_God you are so whipped, when did the Commander become such a pussy?_

_I am not a pussy; I am in love, which means you're in love too_

_Shut up_

_You know I am right_

"Hey" I breathe out as her mouth curves into a smile as she moves over to me again until we are touching

"Hey Tiger" She says as her eyes pour out with what can only be love, I frown, wait tiger?

"What's with calling me a tiger?" I say to her and she sits on her side and she says

"Firstly, because you look like a kitten when you stretch," then her hand weaves into my hair and she leans on me more and she is nearly on top of me and she bring her head so close to mine, and a wave of lust goes through me and straight to my core and my breathing gets a little heavier as I stare into her eyes and I cannot look away from them, it is like I am drowning in them "Secondly, I think that is the best way to summaries you in bed" She whispers and her accent becomes thicker, but fucking hell I moan as she forced her lips onto mine and my taste and hers is on her lips, bloody hell, she doesn't know what she does to me, my hands interweave in her hair and I pull her on top of me. I need more of her touching me as I feel myself becoming wet under her heated kisses, she pulls her lips away from mine and I let loose a slight growl and I pull her back down, she cannot leave what she has started. She smiles against my lips and I lick her lips asking for access past her luscious lips and she grants without forcing me to wait and my tongue explodes with our combined tastes, fuck, we both let out a loud moan and one of my hands leaves her hair and travels down her body and to her nipple which is already pebbled and I twist it slightly in my fingers and she leans back and lets out a moan

"Lexi… Jesus Christ" She moans as I trail my kisses down her neck and I push her off me and I flip us over and I straddle her and I suck hard on her pulse point and she moans louder, and I bite it and she jerks underneath me causing tidal waves of lust to pore between my legs,

"Fuck! Lexi, please… please bite me again" Miri groans and I look up into her eyes and her pupils are wide and dilated with lust and hunger

"Jesus won't help you now" I whisper against her skin before going back up to meet her lips once more and I nibble her top lip in my mouth and she groans as her hands go to my thighs and she rakes her nails up and down the toned flesh of my thighs making me break out in goosebumps, I shiver and I let go of her lips to let loose a groan and I bite the skin going down to her right breast and her hips buck underneath me causing her to brush my clit and I let out the loudest moan yet as I can feel my wetness starting to leak out of me, I lick her nipple and her hands twist into the bed covers and she holds them tight as I take it in my mouth,

"P-please… Lexi" Miri whimpers and I lightly chew her nipple in my mouth letting her writhe under me for a few minutes,

"Don't stop, please!" She gasps as her hips' beginning to buck underneath me and it roughly collides with my clit and I gasp letting go of her nipple. I move my leg between hers and I grind my knee into her dripping vagina and she moans as her body gives another jerk, causing her knee jerk into my centre and I just lean back as pleasure begins to roll off of me

"God yes Miri" I moan as I look back at her and her face is contort with pleasure as she picks up the pace and I begin to buck my hips wildly, causing my knee to go faster

"I am so close Lexi" Miri moans and I pick up the pace which makes her buck her hips to grind them against my knee,

"Commander, sorry to disturb you and Ms Lawson but Liara is on the line for you, Joker out." Joker says and I let out a groan as my knee begins to slow down and irritation settles in my gut as I remove my knee from the apex of Miri's legs. Why does this always happen?! Miri lets out a huff from underneath me as she begins to come back down, probably leaving her pulsing with lust due to the near climax because that is exactly how I am feeling,

"I am sorry Miri" I say as I slide off her trying to ignore my own throbbing in my clit as she stands up from the bed and goes into the wardrobe

"Don't worry," She says and I can hear the disappointment in her voice which only makes me more annoyed, it is like we can never take a break from normal ship duties, she comes back out giving me a good full view of her gorgeous body and I rake my eyes up it before meeting her eyes, she smirks and a light blush coats her cheeks "I will be waiting, in the shower after you finish" Oh my god, did she really just say that?! She winks at me and begins to stroll to the shower with two towels in hand and all I can do is gape and try not to go after her as lust begins to pulse around my system again. I let out a low groan and I stare at her perfect bubble butt as she strolls to the door it opens and she turns to face me again

"Don't leave me waiting Commander" Miri says as she disappears into the shower, why does she have to tease me so? I will get her back for this, I swear it. Only then do I remember that I am naked and Liara is on the line, I quickly pick up some sweats and a jumper and I activate the line and I stand waiting for the holo of Liara to appear, I tap my foot. Is it me or is it taking longer than normal? I sigh when she finally materializes to an impatient looking Asari, her eyes widen when they see me

"Lexi! I was wondering when you would answer at all!" Liara exclaims and I blush as I look at her, she has changed again, every time I see her she looks more and more like a woman, or that could be because I don't see her enough. This time she is wearing a simple purple dress which snitches at the waist to show off her hips.

"Well I was… preoccupied with something" I say as my blush grows as I scratch the back of my head whilst looking at the floor, she doesn't say anything and I take a quick look up at her and her eyes are squinting at me, then they go wide with surprise

"Lexi! You slept with her?! By the Goddess Lexi! Do you have no control?!" She exclaims and I frown

"I thought you would be...pleased for me" I say, I don't understand why she is so upset by it? She didn't say that when I slept with Ashley!

"I just… I just don't want you to get hurt again Lexi, Ashley really hurt you and I should have been there for you when it happened" Liara says and she has slight tears in her eyes and a wave of understanding hits me,

"Oh Liara, neither of us could predict that" I said and I wish I could hug her right now, I know she is just being over protective, I send her a sad smile when I flicker of movement catches my eye and I look up and I can see Miri washing in the shower and the pulse of lust goes straight to my core and it renders me speechless, all I can do is stare, then her eyes meet mine and she leans into the direct spray of the shower cascade down her and I watch it as it travels over every part of her, God I want to be in there with her, washing her and-

"Commander Alexandra Shepard!" Lara yells, snapping me out of my trance and my eyes refocus on an angry looking Liara

"What?" I say in confusion and she looks at me with bewilderment and shakes her head

"I have been calling your name for the past 5 minutes Lexi" She deadpans and I try not to look embarrassed, damn it Miri! She always distracts me! I shuffle my feet and I smile as I look at her

"Sorry Liara, I was just distracted, that's all" I say to her and she sighs before folding her arms and smiling

"It is fine, anyway I was just calling to ask how you are, but I can see that all is well, with Miranda in your life, I hope you stay happy Lexi" she says but I am still not really paying attention as Miri is beckoning me from inside of the shower as she washes herself and I can see the soap running off her body

"Me too Liara, me too" I say as I try to focus on Liara instead of Miri who is naked in my shower,

"Right Lexi, I have got to go now so, I will see you round?" Liara says and I nod as my eyes don't even look at her, but I manage to pull them down to say

"Yes you will I have business to take care of on Illium, I will drop round to see you" I say and the holo closes and I rip off my jumper and sweats as lust burns through my soul, engulfing it and causing me to moan at the sudden rush of cold air hits me, I rush into the shower room and I open the door and steam pours out of the shower and I cannot see anything, then suddenly a hand reaches out and grabs my shoulder and drags me into the shower and I stumble in blindly and I see her mass of raven hair and she pushes me into the water and she lets it soak me before pulling me in for a heated kiss, I groan, It feels like I have waited so long to kiss her even though it was about 5 minutes in real time and her body presses hard into me causing me to spasm as her warm body brushes my nipples and centre, my hands go to rest at the nape of her neck as the other goes down her body tracing her side before going round to squeeze her butt. Miri breaks away and moans and I duck my head down and I bite her nipple as I shift her leg between mine and she bucks against my core and it causes me to arch my back and release the nipple in my mouth as I gasp at the sudden contact. Holy Shit, I push my knee hard into her centre causing her to tremble and to arch into me more as we find a pace as pleasure rolls off me and I can feel myself coming round to climax in a few minutes,

"Fuck…Miri, I am so close… so close" I moan to her and she presses harder into me and my legs give out and we fall to the floor with me on top as her knee presses so hard into me that it the pleasure is so great and like nothing I have ever experienced as it sends bolts of pleasure through my body, shit, fuck it is so good

"Miri… I am going to cum!" I yell and I work harder and I can barely hear her as pleasure overwhelms me

"I am cumming Lexi!" She screams and she bucks wildly into me and it sends me over the edge and all I can do is scream out her name as it unleashes from inside of me and I lose all of my senses, fucking hell, oh god, I have never felt something so fucking good before, I can hardly register her screaming too as all I can do is keep my knee moving in between her legs… fuck, slowly the sensation fades and I am breathing heavy and my eyes refocus on Miri who is pretty much in the same state I am in and I smile at her as her eyes slowly come back into focus. Miri was still breathing heavy underneath me and I brought her lips up to mine and it was a sweet kiss and her lips were so soft and tender against my own and it made me want to cry and I break away from her and I stand up slowly as my legs shook as the intensity of my orgasm was still sending little aftershocks through my body, I offered my hand and I pull her back to her feet shakily and I smiled as she took me in her arms

"I love you so much Miri" I say simply and she pulls back to look at me and I can see the tears threatening to fall down her face, I never understood that maybe she will explain it to me one day.

Miranda's POV

"I love you so much Miri" Lexi said so simply that it made me want to cry, a lump formed in my throat and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, she doesn't know how much that means to me. I used to get so confused why my father never said "I am proud of you" or "I love you" well, that was before I found out he only wanted a dynasty, but I guess that is what made me so cold, I never felt like I could belong anywhere with anyone, I felt empty like a shell. I was only there to be used and then dumped, hell I cannot even get pregnant, I am useless,

_No you are not, you have friends, hell you have the great Commander and she is in love with you, I would say you are wanted and needed by people?_

That is so true, Lexi is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and with her I feel wanted, where I feel loved, appreciated and cared for. I feel like I am home.

"I love you too Lexi" I say and she pulls me into a hug tighter than before as the water just cascades over us and we just stand there, I have no idea how long it has been but eventually Lexi pulls away and she picks up the shampoo and her eyes darken with lust which I reignites my own

"Now let's get you washed up" she says and her voice becomes husky and I shiver despite the water temperature and a pulse of lust goes to my core, she gets a bit of her cinnamon body wash and begins to rub it into my skin, she starts on my shoulders but she slowly makes her way down to my breasts which are pebbled and awaiting her touch, go I really need her to touch me right now, I stifle a groan as she begins to massage my breasts and she pushes me lightly into the stream of water until my back hits the wall as her touch becomes so sensual as she trailed her hand from my right nipple to my belly button and then to my centre where she rubs it hard but missing the place on purpose I really wanted her to touch. Fuck, why does she have to tease me? She know I need her to touch me, I groan as I place my hand on hers and I try to force it down my body, eager for her to touch my nub, but she kept her hand in place and I groan,

"Miri, you have to be more patient" Lexi said as her hand finally makes contact with it and the pleasure just rolls through my body. I just stand there and moan as one hand goes into my hair and the other is on Lexi's shoulder with the nails digging in, her hand moves in circles around it and she begins to get faster and faster until I think I can take it no more, I have never been one to come so quickly but I cannot stop myself, her hands just feel so good working my nub

"Lexi… I am so close" I say in a breathy moan and my back arches as my hips jerk forward to try and get he to touch me more, then her hands are gone and I whimper at the loss of contact and then I feel the hot wetness of her tongue enter my folds and my eyes roll back into my head as her tongue glides over my nub over and over again, fucking hell

"Miri… you taste so good" Lexi moans and she buries her head inbetween my legs and the lust is pounding around my entire body and I can feel the familiar coiling in my abdomen,

"Lexi…shit… I am going to cum!" I manage to yell and then her tongue presses so hard into my clit and I fall off the edge, holy shit, fuck. Oh god, my legs give out and Lexi holds me pinned against the wall and I cannot control my body as it racks with spasms. Then the feeling begins to recede slowly and I look down at Lexi and she smiles as she licks her lips clearing it of my juices, I am breathing heavy but I pull her up to me and I lick her lips and I can taste myself and I like my taste, and I plunge my tongue into her mouth and it is too much too soon. Like a sensory overload and I break away and my tongue licks down her neck and I find her pulse and I bite her neck marking her as mine.

Lexi's breath hitches and I spin us around and I squirt some of the body wash on my hands and I rub it over her, not being as careful with her as she wash with me, and I don't think she cares anymore, she wants release and I am going to give it to her, my hand glides between her legs and she moans

"You know what my favourite word to describe you is Lexi?" I whisper in her ear and she trembles as my finger makes its way to her entrance and she lets out a moan of frustration as I leave them just inside of the entrance and fucking hell, I can already feel her walls contracting around the tips of my fingers

"What?" She moans and her lust filled gaze meets mine and my mouth curves slightly and I thrust my fingers in as I say

"Mine" and she arches and she begins to grind her hips on my hand and her face is scrunched up but her eyes are closed as she focus' on my fingers, I begin to move them in and out of her when I can because god, she is so tight, it is like her fingers don't want me to leave, but she is so wet and hot, it is like being inside a volcano, I moan at her tightness as I work my hand faster inside of her and her hips jerk about and I can tell she is so close to cumming

"Miri… shit… Miri… I am so close" She manages to gasp out as she grinds harder on my hand and I curl my fingers inside of her and she bucks at me and she is so close to falling off the edge and then her hand moves around to her front and she plays with her nubs and her eyes roll into the back of her head and she lets out one long moan and her insides squeeze my finger so tight that I think it may break them but it begins to contract more frequently and I begin to slow down and she is breathing hard and her eyes open and the sliver is smouldering into mine and she grabs my arm and pulls me to her and she crashes her lips into mine before breaking away and she says

"We should get out now, we have things to do" She says and I sigh.

"I was having fun Lexi" I say to her, I just want to spend more time with her, it seems that we never get any free time together and with the future uncertain about the Reapers and Collectors, I just want to be with her when the end comes, because I love her and I have never been as happy as I am now and I couldn't go on without her, then I feel her hand on my cheek and it breaks through my musings and my eyes lock onto hers which are still smouldering and her thumb brushes my cheek.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Lexi says softly, wait, I am crying?! I frown and then I just smile at her

"I… I am just so happy that I am with you Lexi" I say and she lets loose a massive smile and she brings my lips down on hers and it is such a sweet kiss, and I can feel the love behind it and it makes more tears leak from my eyes, I close my eyes and I just focus on her, her smell surrounds us and I can feel her touch from her lips and all I can see is her. She understands me so well, she completes me.

"I am too Miri, I am so glad I found you" She whispers and my heart feels like it is going to explode with love for this one women, the water turns off and I walk to the door and pick up our towels

"EDI can you set a course for Illium?" Lexi says and I turn around and hand her a towel as EDI's blue holo appears

"Of course Commander, ETA 1 hour" Lexi nods and she turns to me and she takes the towel and she wraps the towel round her and walks into her room and I begin to follow and I bump into her as she has stopped, why the hell has she stopped, I caress her shoulders as I rub them but she still doesn't say anything nor does she move, I frown and I move infront of her,  
"Lexi, what's wrong?" I say and she moves past me and she strides to her bed and she picks up a note and I see a pile of my clothes underneath it, I frown and Lexi shakes her head as I can see her blushing and she hands me the note

_Dear Shep and Miranda_

_I thought Miranda might be needing these, considering how much you wanted her in the night club so I am presuming her other clothes are in tatters, and yes Shep, I packed the white catsuit just for your benefit._

_Love Kasumi_

I laugh at the note, Oh Kasumi! She always was helpful I look to Lexi who is still blushing, I laugh at her and I put the note down and I engulf her in a hug from behind and she leans back into me

"I could kill her sometimes, I wonder whether she gets some kind of pleasure from embarrassing me" she mutters as her head rolls back into my shoulder and I brush her damp hair away from her cheek and I place a soft kiss on her cheek, she smiles and the blush begins to die down,

"I don't know, I think your cute when you blush" I say softly and her blush comes back with force and I start to laugh, she is so adorable! She stops leaning on me and she walks around her room picking up mine and her dress which we quickly discarded, when that happened I had never wanted something so much as I did right then. I smirk in remembrance and she lies them down on the sofa and she opens the draws and pulls out her underwear and she looks at me and smirks and I cannot take my eyes away from her as she pulls her pants up slowly and then my eyes flicker to hers

"As much as I like you watching me get changed, I think you need to get changed yourself" She says huskily, and I blink, I hadn't realised I had been staring, if anything it is her fault for doing it so sensuously! I turn around and I pick up my underwear, what the hell is Kasumi looking around in my draws anyway?! I blush and I pull on my underwear and I reach back to do the clasp, but I just can't reach it, I scrabble at the clasp for a few seconds when Lexi's hands get there first and I relax as her skin is cool against mine, but it only makes me feel hotter inside,

"Thanks" I say as she does it up and then her fingers linger for an extra second on my skin, then I feel her lips on my shoulder and I shiver as lust starts to pour through me and her lips move up my collarbone and I sigh and I lean back slightly into her

"I have no idea how I am going to keep my hands off you now" She murmurs into my skin and I let out a moan, her lips just feel so good on my skin, I turn around and I kiss her lips, her hands encircle my back and her lips taste so good, better than any drink and sweeter than any chocolate, and just as I nudge my tongue against her lips she pulls away,

"But we really need to get dressed" She says against my lips and I groan as she breaks away and throws her top on covering her muscled body, god, I have no idea how I am going to be able to concentrate on anything now. I step into my catsuit and I zip it up, I sit down on the bed and I pick up one of my boots and smile, Kasumi brought the best pair of boots, she knows me well, I place my foot in it and I look up only to see Lexi just stood there fully dressed in her Cerberus regalia and she is staring at me with her sliver eyes burning with hunger. I smirk as I put on the other boot and I pick up the brush beside that Kasumi brought and run it through my hair quickly

"Now, now Lexi, you can't have everything you want" I say and I stand up and put the brush back down as she takes my hand in hers and he leads us to the elevator

Shepard's POV

I have had the best morning ever and now I have to deal with the rest of my crew, who, are no doubt, hungover from last night, I smirk at the thought of last night, it was one of the best nights of my life and I hope there will be many more like it. I look at Miri, who is stood on the otherside of the elevator and is fiddling with her suit and I smile at her as I feel myself turning more professional, I squeeze her hand and she looks up at me and smiles and squeezes back

"I will come and see you later" I say to her and she smiles at me

"Sure, I cannot wait Lexi" and the doors ping and they open to the Observation deck and I let go of her hand, and it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as I walk out of the elevator before her and I walk straight into Kasumi's room and at first I cannot see her and only when she grasp my arm do I call her name I swear she is trying to give me a heart attack,

"Kasumi, are you trying to sneak up on me?" I say with a grin and she de cloaks infront of me and I see her eyes glinting in the strange lighting of the Normandy, her eyes are fixed on my neck as she leans closer towards me, I don't understand, is there something on my neck? My hand goes up to cover it, Oh shit! I forgot about the lovebite! Damn it Miri!

"Is that a lovebite Shep? My god, Miri is a kinky one!" she smirks and walks away to her sofa

"KASUMI!" I yell at her. God, I cannot have her spreading rumours onboard even if we aren't loyal to the Illusive Man, I cannot have her saying anything to anyone and she laughs before saying

"Chill out Shep! But damn Miranda, I didn't know she had it in her" I can feel a blush on my cheeks as I cover my head in my hands

"Please stop talking about it K" I groan as I remove one of my hands and move my shirt over the lovebite

"Okay, okay Shep, but just don't let me catch you giving her one too, otherwise I might have to film it and put it on the Extranet" Kasmui says with a wink, and I groan, I cannot be dealing with anymore blackmail or people finding out I am alive! God damn it Kasumi!

"You are such a sneaky thief Kasumi, sometimes I wonder if you are filming me in secret" I whisper as the blush begins to die down and I look at her as she smiles as she gets comfortable on the sofa,

"Well I am a thief, I would know that Shep and you wound me with your words" she says with mock hurt and I smile as she beckons me over and I sit opposite to her

"I know I did read it in your file" I say and she quirks her eyebrow and her mouth goes from a smirk to a genuine smile,

"Oh? And what does my file say?" She says wistfully

" A lot of things" I say as I inspect the glass on the table, I wonder what it could be, I pick it up and I shrug as I take a sip of it and thank the gods it is only water,

"And what does Miranda file say? That she is good in bed? Because I am guessing so considering you have an orgasmic glow about you Shep" Kasumi says and the water jumps to the back of my throat as I jerk forward and I cough, she can't just say things like that!

_But she is probably one of the best lays you have ever had_

I blush as I manage to choke out

"Kasumi! You cannot just say things like that!" and she just laughs and she clutches her sides as I blush even more furiously

"Oh God Shep! You are killing me here!" Kasumi gasps out inbetween laughing, and I just drink the water on the table in an attempt to calm down my blush and then her laughter eventually stopped and started to die down, and thank god for that, maybe she won't ask my any questions

"So Shep, how is she in bed then?" I blushed again and I open and close my mouth, I couldn't tell her, I wouldn't even know how to summarise it

_Maybe as the best lay of your entire life?_

"That good huh? Well Shep, I jealous of you, well I would be if I preferred women" I sigh and I rub my hand on my head,

"Well Kasumi I just think you should know that you have been such a good friend to me and-"

"What do you want Shep?" Kasumi says with a knowing sigh, how she could seriously think that I would want her to do something, even though I do want her to come with me on Illium

"Could you come with me on Illium?" I plead and she sighs and smiles

"Yes Shep, anything for a friend" I smile and I stand up and walk out of her room, she will always be there to help me, she is probably one of the best friends I have, and I cannot help but stop at the doorway and I say to her as I lean back to look at her

"Oh and Kasumi?"

"Hm?" She says as she looks at me from the book she has picked up

"Best lay ever" I say to her and I walk out and down the hallway into the Mess Hall and I go straight to the kettle and I boil it as the other crew members go on their way, I make my tea and I lean back on the counter and then I see her. Jack is sat at the table and she is looking at me, I remember how she reacted to me and Miri and even after she promised she still broke it. I have to remain calm and try to bury the anger that is stirring in my gut, I pick up my hot cup of tea and I walk to the tables and I sit down opposite her

"Jack" I say in a neutral voice and she looks up at me

"Shepard I-"she begins

"No, you broke your promise and you almost ruined what me and Miri have, you risked the rest of the crew knowing and most of all, you almost ruined the only leave the crew will probably get in months" I say to her as I stare at her and she fidgets

"Shepard, I can't help it, it makes me so fucking jealous when you two are all lovey dovey together" Jack says as her hands tense around the cup and you can hear it begin to break, my hand reaches out and grabs hers and her grip begins loosen around the cup, I don't understand, what can she possibly mean? She has never said anything about it before,

"You have never said anything about it before, maybe you should have mentioned it to me in private instead of lashing out in public, when, I specifically asked you to be nice and civil towards Miri" I say softly and her eyes fill with misery

"It makes me so fucking jealous when I see you two together… I have only had people betray me and the fact that you… you mean a lot to me Shepard, more than anyone else" Jack mumbles and I release her wrist and I frown, what could she mean I mean, sure I have been there for her, but I never meant for it to come across like that, we will never be more than friends

"Jack, I thought you understood that me and you… we would never happen" I said slowly and Jack's head dropped

"I know, and I cannot believe I allowed myself to get attached to the first person who tries to help me," A bubble of bitter laughter escapes her lips and a rush of sympathy goes through me, oh Jack, I am so sorry "I guess I should have known really, I shouldn't have let myself become attached to you" Jack says softly and her eyes reach out to mine and instinctively my hand goes to hers and I hold it and her eyes flicker to our hands and then my eyes

"Jack, I will always be here for you, but only as your friend" I said and she rips her hand away from my grip and stands up, I follow suit, but I am worried she is going to flip out as her aura screams anger but she looks so calm, I know I shouldn't have just told her like that, but she needs to learn she cannot just get angry all the time because that won't solve her issues and she knows that

"I know Shepard, you always have been" she murmurs and her voice falters slightly and she practically runs away from me, leaving me all alone in the Mess Hall, I sigh as I get to my feet, they slowly drag me into Miri's office and my face becomes an instant smile and the doors open and Miri is sat there reading something off a datapad, she hasn't looked up yet and I slowly make my way towards her desk and when I tap on the sideboard she smiles, and she doesn't look at me, I squint at her, why is she ignoring me? I know why she is trying to ignore me, she is trying to make me jealous that I don't have her attention, or she is just trying to annoy me, I smile as I stand there for a few more minutes and I just stare at her and her cheeks start to go a pale shade of pink, I walk past her slowly letting my hips shimmy from side to side, but still she ignores me, then I get an idea and as I walk past her I rip away the datapad from her hands and her cobalt eyes meet mine as I hold it away from her,

"Hey! Give it back!" She shouts and I laugh as I run to the far side of the room with her hot on my trails and I cannot resist saying  
"Have you lost something?" I taunt and she growls and she tries to outmanoeuvre me but she can't as she tries to grab me round the waist but I duck to the side and go around her, I am too quick for her and I smirk at that thought, eventually I stop on the side of her desk and I hold it behind my back and she stands infront of me with her hands on her hips and a loose strand of dark hair falling on her face,

"Commander I need that datapad" She states and I smirk as she reaches her hand out behind me pressing more of herself onto me as she stands between my legs, but no matter how distracting it may be, I never break her gaze and her lips part slightly as I hold it just out of her reach, lust pulses through me as her lips are only centimetres away from mine,

"What's the magic word?" I whisper and my voice becomes husky as she reaches out with her other hand and she leans more into me and she licks the shell of my ear which sends goosebumps all over my body as well as an arrow of lust into my groin, as she whispers

"Please" I try not to moan as her accent becomes more pronounced and I bring it infront of me and her hands cover mine as I let go of it, her forehead is resting against mine and she is lean completely on me, my breathing is getting heavier as her eyes travel up my face and it takes every bit of will not to make the first move, she removes the little space between us by throwing the datatpad on the chair behind us and she crashes her mouth onto mine and I moaned, it had only been about 20 minutes since I last saw her but I still had missed her like crazy, she grabbed my thighs and pushed me on her desk, forcing me to sit down as her hands tangled in my hair, I break away for some air and she bit my neck in the same place as before and I moaned and my hands entangle in her hair, bringing her closer to me

"Miri" I moaned and she whispered into my ear,

"I have missed you so fucking much Lexi, all I can think about is fucking your brains out" Miri whispered in my ear and a wave of lust made its way down to my clit and all I could do was moan, Jesus Christ this woman had no idea about the power she held over me! I brought her lips back to mine at a slight tug of her hair and I didn't wait and asked for access straight away and she gave it to me as our tongues touched we moaned at the same time as she pressed herself more into me and my other hand became loose and it cupped and squeezed her amazing butt and she let out a moan, I want her so badly right now,

"Commander we are docking in 10 minutes" Joker's voice blared on the intercom and I let out a groan as I stopped kissing her and she whispered on my lips,

"We have 10 minutes" and she went back to kissing me, it has never been so hard to say no before but with her soft plump lips praising mine and the sensations she was causing in my centre it made it so hard to say no, I broke my lips away from her and I lean my forehead against hers

"I have to go and suit up" I say, and she sighs I am as disappointed as her,

"Do you want me to come with you?" Miri says as she looks into my eyes and I smile and nod slightly

"See you up there in 5" I say as I hop off the desk as she moves back and I saunter out of her office, I lean back to look at her and she is staring at me with lust in her eyes,

"Tease" She says and I smirk and wink

"I know you love it" I say to her as I walk out and I take the elevator up to my room, and for once the elevator is quiet, infact the entire Normandy is quiet, I guess everyone is nursing their sore heads from yesterday evening. I smile at that thought just as the doors ping open and I walk out and straight into my room, I pause at the doorway, checking for any signs of intrusion, my eyes cover every surface and I cannot seem to find anything out of the ordinary and I walk straight in and I open up my weaponry and armour cabinet and I suit up in my N7 armour as EDI holo appears as I am adjusting my head information display

"Commander, we have arrived, an asari is awaiting your arrival and has paid for the duration of our stay" I smile, Liara, only she could have done that

"Thank you EDI for informing me" I say and EDI holo disappears

"Logging you out, Shepard" I quickly tie my hair into a loose ponytail slightly to the side of my head and I put on my gauntlets as I leave my room and go into the elevator, I cannot wait to see Liara again. I stand there waiting as I fiddle with my Omni Tool as the doors ping and open to reveal CIC deck and I walk out to the airlock as I see Kasumi leaning against the wall, looking at something on her Omni Tool, I smile and then I look further up and I see Miri stood there facing away from me and my heart begins to swell and I smile as I walk closer to them and Kasumi looks up at me and her eyes glint like cats and she gives me a lopsided smile and she stands off the wall

"Shep, you ready to go?" Kasumi says and I nudge her with my shoulder and she lets out a chuckle and she nudges me back

"Yeah Kasumi, Liara is waiting for us" I say and Miri turns around and she smiles at me and I cannot help but smile back, but I do nothing more, I have to remain as the Commander, I cannot show weakness.

"Commander, Mordin has told me to inform you that we need to dock for longer as the ship has certain updates that can only be done whilst docking" Miri says to me and my eyebrows rise up into my hairline. Well that's a first, but it is good that Mordin is doing this; I want us to have the best fighting chance against the Collectors and Reapers. The airlock opens and I give Miri one last look and her cobalt eyes sizzle into mine as we exit the airlock and I look out into the daytime and I blink a few times and then I can see the massive blue skyscrapers which cover Illium, I always did love this city, whether that be in the daytime or the night time. Then I feel a pair of arms envelop me and they pull me to a person's body tight,

"Oh Lexi! By the Goddess it is so good to see you!" Liara says and I let out a laugh and I relax into her hug

"I have missed you too Li" I say and she pulls back and smiles at me,

"Will you walk with me?" I say to Liara and I turn around and nod at Kasumi and Miri and they begin to follow us as we start walking, my eyes flicker over to Miri and she is staring into Liara's back with what can only be described as protectiveness over me, I smile and her eyes go to mine and she relaxes slightly and I cannot help but wink at her as my heart flutters as I manage to catch her slight blush before I turn back to Liara, who is being awfully quiet as she seems to be trapped in thought, I feel my brow scrunch slightly, I hope she is okay I don't think I will be able to deal with it if she isn't, I will even help if I need to, I snake my hand into hers and she looks down at our hands and back up to my eyes and she smiles, but it doesn't reach her ocean blue eyes

"Li, what's wrong?" I say softly as I bring us to a halt, a blush coats her cheeks and she looks away

"I shouldn't be troubling you Lexi, you have better things to be doing" from me, without even looking at Miri I can feel her anger and possessiveness radiating out of her, then it stops all of a sudden, but I don't look at her, I bring up my other hand and I place it on Liara's chin and I bring her head up to mine

"Li, I am your my closest friend, I want to know what is bothering you" I say and I smile at her and she smiles at me and she squeezes my hand and she moves away from me, I tilt my head as I watch her walk away

"I know Lexi, but I hate to trouble you" She says as she sighs in defeat and I shake my head

"How the hell am I supposed to succeed in a complicated mission, if I cannot even get the basic stuff sorted first? Things like friends and other relationships" I say, I don't understand sometimes how she thinks I would not help her, she is one of my only friends that still treats me the same and that's why I love her so much, she may have lost that innocence, but she is still Liara, but she is growing up so fast, I guess, my death has some part to play in her growing up, I stand next to her as I look at her and the hole in my chest begins to grow again, just like it did when we were on the original Normandy when I lost Kaiden, and I know this feeling, god, I wish I didn't know it so well but I do, and it is guilt, death changes people. My death changed her, hell it changed everyone around me, and that guilt feels like it is going to swallow me up and a tears begin to form in my eyes as I look at Liara's haggard face, I can see the years of sadness and hard work, my god, she suffered more than most and she shouldn't have had to go through that.

Nobody should have to go through it.

Nobody should go through it alone like Liara did.

And it is my entire fault.

Miranda's POV

I can see Lexi slipping through the cracks as me and Kasumi stand there, and at first I felt so jealous that she can be so… free with the Commander, I… we can never be like that as long as I am with Cerberus, even if we are not in contact with the Illusive Man, and I can't be, not in public, but even though I know they are only friends I cannot help but this burst of anger and jealousy goes through me, we have nothing, no history really, not like they do but as Liara goes to move of the balcony and Lexi just stands there, you can practically see her mind working, I stare at her, what is she thinking? What could it be about? And then a hand on my arm makes me look up at Kasumi and she smiles and shakes her head

"What?" I whisper and she looks at me and smirks, I don't understand

"Even your glares at her are sexual, almost as good as that lovebite you gave her" Kasimi whispers and my cheeks flame up, Oh god! Shit! I thought she would have remembered to cover it up, wait, did I remember to cover my mammoth one, my hand goes to my neck and I try to cover it whilst trying to look like I am scratching my neck, and I try to calm down my blush and I can see Kasumi smiling out of the corner of my eye, damn it! I have to keep looking forward, but damn it, I have to say something to Kasumi and I lean towards Kasumi slightly and I try to keep a straight face

"Your just jealous that you will never know how good her lips can make you feel" I say and I look back at her and she has a light blush but she is smiling at me and I just smirking as I remember how good the actually felt and a trickle of lust goes through me,

"Is that some kind of emotion I see? Shep really has changed you for the better, even if that involves her lips" I open my mouth to answer back, I mean; I don't understand what she means, how has Lexi changed me? Then, out of the corner of my eye I see Lexi's face and it is blank and emotionless, which isn't like her at all,

_More like you isn't it?_

_Not anymore_

And she is staring at Liara with no emotion showing on her face and then I know, she doesn't want Liara to know but she does at the same time as her face resembles something of a grimace, and then I look into her eyes and I can see tears forming, and my heart begins to break, I don't understand! Her body is tense which can be the only thing holding back the sobs , I bite my lip, they haven't said anything in awhile, but Lexi is getting paler by the second and before I can stop myself I have walked towards her, she needs me, I know she does and my heart is breaking, I cannot bare to see her like this, I never want to see her like this, my gut clenches as I stroke down her arm and Liara doesn't pay me any attention and Lexi's head snaps up to meet mine and I can see her breaking and falling through the cracks, I blink and I just stare into her eyes and I trail my fingers from her shoulder to her hand and I cover the clenched fist with my hand, and slowly it relaxes and she takes my hand and she takes a deep breath and she turns to face me before her eyes flickering to something behind me, and she pulls me against her and I tilt my head down until her forehead rests on mine and she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and I can feel her relax completely and, slowly I can feel the love well up inside of me as I just watch her for a few moments.

Her eyebrows are so perfectly sculpted and the left one has a scar running through it, shallow and just visible, to most people this would make her slightly less attractive, but to me she is perfect, and then her eyes open and the sliver glows and radiates and she gives me a small smile and she brushes a few loose strands of hair from my face and she rests her hand on my cheek and I sigh as her warmth radiates through me and I cup her cheeks

"I won't let you disappear Lexi, I am here with you" I whisper as I stare into her sliver pools and she smiles and a tear falls down her face,

"I know Miri" she whispers and she brings her lips to mine in a long kiss, nothing fancy to anyone watching but to me, it was everything, it was her love, her sadness, and her lips rested on mine and a sense of love filled me and I pulled away and rested my forehead against hers and she smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. And that's when her eyes go from liquid to solid and she pushes me out of the way and I can hear a round being fired just as I crash into Liara and then I she Lexi clutching at her thigh as a drop of blood oozes from it

"Lexi!" Liara yells and Shepard staggers slightly and then she draws her pistol and she shoots at a moving target and something drops dead, she is alert and her eyes are searching the area and I stand up from Liara and I turn around and I clasp her hand and pull her up and I turn to face Lexi, who is applying medigel. She took the bullet for me, I cannot believe that, a spike of anger goes through me and I walk over to her

"What the blazes do you think you are doing Shepard?" I hiss at her and she stands straight and her eyes dart around and then Kasumi appears to her left, I jump but Shepard doesn't even jump, she must have known that Kasumi was there, not that I even understand how she would have known

"Shep this place is crawling with Mercs, but they cannot be Mercs, because they are too good, they have been trained, and well" Shepard says nothing for awhile, which is worrying and she sighs but never once letting down her guard

"Li, how far away is your office?" Shepard asks turning to look at Liara and she answers straight away

"Not far, I will call ahead to alert Nyxeris that we coming in" Shepard nods and I can see the gears turning in her head, let's hope she hurries with that plan because I can feel this place becoming more and more unsafe by the minute, she hands Liara her pistol and thermal clips

"EDI, I need you to go back into Ilium's orbit, it is too dangerous to be docked right now" Shepard says as she activates her Comms Link

"Of course Commander, we are leaving the docking area now" Shepard deactivates the Comms Link and turns back to us

"Li and Miranda you two will go to the office and contact the Normandy that we need a shuttle evac and me and Kas-" No she always gets hurt when I am not with her, I cannot have her dying on me now, not after everything that has happened and I cut across her

"Shepard, I insist you take me with you" I state simply and her face betrays nothing

"No, I may need Kasumi for stealth" I cannot believe she has said that, she promised to take me with her on every mission, I don't know what I will do if I am not beside her, I have to be there to protect her.

"But Shepard, you may need my biotic abilities or tactical advise" I say trying to prove a point even though it isn't really the point I am trying to prove, she eyes meet mine and I try to tell her I need to go with her, she knows why,

_Please Lexi; please understand that I need to go with you, please._

I beg and I see her eyes become confused and she frowns slightly, but I don't stop pleading, I can't I have to go with her, I hope that it is coming through my eyes, then her eyes lighten and understanding fills them and I relax slightly,

"Okay Miranda, I will take your word on this one," She says before turning back to Liara and Kasumi "Kasumi, keep Liara safe, once you get to the office lock the doors the best you can, do not let anyone in. I know you can protect yourself Liara and I trust you but Kasumi has some… interesting talents that may come in handy if you run into trouble" she says and she looks back to Liara who's eyes are full of determination, and Shepard's mouth settles into a grim line.

Shepard's POV

I remember 2 years ago, before battle she would be petrified and her eyes were so childlike, she should have never had to grow up so quickly

_She would have had to grow up eventually you know_

_Yes I know, but, I wish I had been there to see it_

_You cannot change the past, but you can change the present_

I look back up and Liara is looking at me with slightly misty eyes and a stab of regret and sadness goes through me and I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a squeeze, I have to say something

"I am so sorry Li, I should have never left you on your own" I say but it comes out as a croak and she just gives me a sad smile and she goes to open her mouth again, but I see movement in the corner of my eye and I spin round and I see their armour glinting and I let loose two rounds into the person and they fall down, face down dead and all races of people start running around screaming.

"We need to move, it isn't safe here anymore" Miri says and I nod and then I look up at Liara and Kasumi

"Contact me when your safe" I say and they nod and we spilt and Miri is by my side, her gun is drawn as she walks behind me, my gut twinges with annoyance, she doesn't have to walk behind me, she my equal in more ways than one, I swirl round and grab her arm, and I give it a slight tug and she falls into step beside me as we walk down an alleyway, I stop and I look up at Miri and she nods, and I give her a slight smile as I holster my pistol, my heart is beating so fast and I force myself to relax, this is where the rogue shooter came from, well the one who shot me in the thigh, as if by thought it throbs slightly, and I go touch it and I wince, it was an incendiary round, bastads! I hear a slight shuffle of movement infront of me from a door as it creaks shut, I smile, what amateurs,

_Now Lexi, don't get cocky, remember keep a level head_

With that I put one hand behind my back and I begin to count down as we get closer, 3. 2, god I hope I don't get really badly injured I hope Miri doesn't get hurt either otherwise there will be hell to pay. 1.

The door slams open and 4 people walk out, two Krogans and two humans, shit and the worse bit is that they are all male, how the hell am I supposed to take on 2 adult male Krogans?! I don't let that thought stop me as I raise my fist as the first Krogan comes charging and I bring my fist into the side of its face and it reels and he spits some of its teeth out, but that is nothing compared to my hand, it feels like it is broken, I flex my hand as I bring my foot up and smash it into its stomach and it doubles over and then a surge of biotic power goes through me and to my hands and knees as I grab the Krogans massive head and bring it down onto my knee it screams as its nose breaks on contact and I bring it down again before letting it go and it stumbles backwards and it snarls, shit Krogans are so resilient, I sigh as a bead of sweat forms on my head as I hear Miri's biotics crackle as they smash one of the men into the wall, I stare at that Krogan and I bring my glowing blue fists to my face

"Who hired you?" I say as the same one charge and swings it meaty fist and I duck underneath it and I grab his wrists and I force my elbow through his breaking it and he lets out a blood curling scream and clutches his elbow

"The Shadow Broker squishy human" Who the hell is the Shadow Broker? I frown, but then I hear the sound I never wanted to hear

"Shepard!" Miri screams and I turn around and they are holding her up against the wall and one of the men is strangling her the other is tugging at her zip, anger goes through me like never before, I let out a cry in fury and I release a shockwave that shakes the buildings around us and they drop her as they go flying back and I draw out my pistol, I will kill them, they do not touch her. I let off a round into the first Krogan's head and he reels back, as I turn to the other one a fist collides with my side and I can feel my ribs fracture as I hit the ground, I ignore the pain and I go to stand back up as I roll onto my uninjured side but a foot collides with my stomach and I let out a cry and another foot clouds my vision as it makes contact with my head and my head snaps back, fucking hell that hurt, I let out a whimper as my vision begins to go misty as I fight to stay conscious,

"Do you see Grobrar? They are weak and vulnerable when they are hit a few times" he says and he stamps on my forearm and it brakes and he just keeps pressing down and I let out a scream as I can feel the entire bone snapping and fracturing, my arm feels like it is on fire and I writhe under him and my vision begins to go black, and I sum up all the biotic energy I can get and I send out another shockwave and they stagger back and, I climb to my feet and I feel the medigel in my suit go onto my arm and it numbs it but my head is pounding and I can only see out of one eye as the other one has blood in it make it sting, I can taste blood in my mouth and I spit it out and then I see the Krogan charging and my biotics flare up and I charge through him and I reach my hand out and as I become ethereal I reach through his chest and grab the pulsing organ in his chest and as I finish my charge I stand there and I look down into my fist and it is caked in blood and there is the Krogan's still beating heart, clutched between my now broken fingers. I don't think I will be doing that again, I turn around and the Krogan is sprawled on the ground, I smile, that was so awesome, I look back to the other Krogan and his face is full of fear and it contorts into rage

"You will pay for that petty human!" he yells and I smile as I run and it him and I jump and I cling to him and I use the momentum of the jump to headbutt him and he staggers back and I punch him as hard as possible in the face over and over again , I lock my legs around him holding me in place as he tries to shake me off as his fists pound into my sides making me wince as my ribs fracture under the brutal beating, but I don't stop hitting his face until it is a bloody pulp and all you can see is his eyes, bloodlust runs through me as well as the adrenaline of the fight and I swear this is the only thing that is keeping me going, then I hear the death of the other man that Miri was dealing with and then blood spurts onto my face, ugh, I wipe my eyes only to see the Krogan's eyes roll into his head as he falls to the ground, I manage to jump off and I roll to the ground and I stand back up and Miri is stood there breathing heavy as I look at her face, she has bruising on her cheeks and chin as well as a few cuts as it seeps through her white suit, her eyes go to mine and the fill with worry and my arm begins to burn again, there is no time to stop though, I turn around and I swap my gun over to the other holster as my right hand cannot even hold a gun right now and I unholster it and as I turn towards the door they came from Miri turns me around and she cradles my head in her hands

"I am so sorry, I should have been there Lexi, let me clean up your face" she says, doesn't she understand? There is no time to stop and clean up, we have to get rid of all of the guards so that Li will be safe, because I cannot lose her, and she is like family to me. I take a step back and out of her hands

"There is no time Miri, we have to keep moving" I as in a neutral tone, we have to keep moving, I turn around to keep going

"Lexi, you cannot even see properly, at least clean away the blood so you can see" she say pleadingly and I sigh, I know if she had it her way, she would send me back to the ship on a shuttle, but it is just too dangerous to be waiting around. This is time wasting, but I better let her have her way

"Fine but make it quick" I say and I turn back around and she is already there with a strip of damp cloth and she wipes the away the blood and she rings the cloth out into her hand and she puts the water on my eye and the stinging leaves my eye and she continues to wipe my eye and face,

"Sometimes, Commander you need to look after yourself first, otherwise how are you going to help others?" Miri says, what she says does make sense, but if I cared for my own wellbeing more than more people would have died when Saren and the Geth attacked. I say nothing and then she applies medigel to the cut in my eyebrow to stop the bleeding

"All done, let's go" Miri says as she put the medigel pot inside her boot and I just smile and shake my head as I open my recently healed eye and we enter the building, and it is a small building and dark inside and we walk through the room, and I look every corner and there is no one in here, I see a glint of something metallic on the table and I pick it up and it is a small blade, this could come in handy in another fight, I put it in the top of the back of my boot and I keep looking in this room and Miri moves infront of me and goes through the door and into that room,

"Did you find anything?" I say and she comes back in and gives me two datapads, I look up at her bruised face and it is grim, I frown

"What's wrong?" I say

"Just read the datatpads" she says calmly and I look down and I begin to read it the first has some information on the Shadow Broker, hm, this could be useful, I will give it to Li since after all, she is an Information Broker and the second says something that makes my heart stop

_Grobrar,_

_I have received word from Nyxeris that The Commander and her crew will be docking into Illium by Wednesday, dispose of them, you and your brother should be a match for the Commander, I have sent some scouts and other mercenaries to aid you._

_After you dispose of them, take care of the Asari called Liara, she is found out too much to be let loose, if anybody tries to stop you, whether that is the police or other members of the Commanders' Squad kill them all._

_SB_

My hand clenches around the datatpad, and even though my broken bones scream in protest they are nothing compared to the anger I feel, they will not take Liara away from me, hell, they will not take her life if I have anything to say about it, I let out a growl and I hold onto the datapad and I transfer what it said onto my Omni Tool and I send it to both Kasumi and Liara, I hope they haven't been reached yet, but then again that bitch Nyxeris is her PA! Urgency streaks through me and I toss the datapad down and I put the other in a compartment of my armour after I finish downloading it, incase it becomes damaged,and I tighten my grip around my gun

"Shepard" Miranda begins hesitantly, but now isn't the time for talking, I have to make sure she is safe; I have only felt this urgent when Miri got hurt by Jack's biotics.

"No Miri, we need to get to them now" I say as I storm out of the building only to run into a merc and I slam the butt of my gun into his skull and it cracks and he falls backwards and I search his pockets and I find a radio and thermal clips, I shake my head, why do they make this so easy? I tune my headset into the radio and it crackles to life

"We are making our way into the office now; or agents have alerted us they are inside now"

"Good, make sure to wait for me, I want to kill that pureblood bitch myself" Anger stirs in my gut as it clenches painfully and I grimace and Miri takes my broken fingers and holds them delicately

"Let's go Lexi" she whispers and I nod and my head gives a slight throb and I can feel pain crawling through my veins, the medigel and adrenaline are starting to wear off, I begin to run as the urgency to reach Li is so much, I have to reach her before they do, even if that does seem impossible, I can hear Miri running behind me, even though I don't understand how she can run in high heels, I mean, I can but she runs slightly slower than I do, I smile

_Come on Shepard|! You need to stay focused! Liara and Kasumi's lives are at risk_

_I know, I cannot lose either of them, I have already lost too much_

I focus in as we round the corner and I slow to a stop and I take in a deep breath as I watch them enter the building, they are only minutes away from reaching Liara and Kasumi, if my gut could tighten anymore it just did, I look at Miri who is stood ready and waiting, she saw what I saw and her eyes are determined as she brushes a loose strand hair out of her face, and her cheeks are flushed from running, she is so gorgeous, but now isn't the time for me to be admiring her, it is time for action, I nod at her and we begin to walk to the door slowly incase of any movement, it has been too easy

"I have spotted the Commander, she is walking with another women towards the door, I am going to take the shot" My eyes frantically search the area, how can they see me? I look from person to person and I feel Miri walk closer to me and she takes my gun from my hand and swaps it to her other hand, what the hell is she doing?! She takes my hand, and thank the lord it is the good one, because if she had taken the other one now, I would have screamed

"I can see the shooter, they are being incisive, since I am standing in their line of site, I will take the shot" I smile, she is taking care of me, then I barely register it but she squeezes my hand and she swings round and pulls the trigger of my gun aiming at the shooter and he lets out a little noise as the bullets lodges into his skull and he falls back onto the rooftop, I smile and she hands me back my gun, and her eyes meet mine and she stops us as we have reached the door, but it is locked

"The benefits of being short" I say and she laughs and she gives me a slight push towards the door,

"Now come on Commander, work your magic" Miri says and I arch my eyebrow and I smirk as I look at the locked door and I open up the Hacking Tool and it brings up a messed up circular jigsaw, it works in 8 different rings and they have to be slotted together to give me the combination or picture of the password, I smile. This won't take long, I slide the pieces round and around making them slot and eventually it all slots together as soon as I move this last piece, but I hesitate, what will I find on the other side of this door? I hope they are okay but so far it has been too easy, too simple and surely it is just going to get ugly as soon as I open the door, I look back to Miri, who has been stood on guard

"Be ready I don't know what is on the other side of this door" I warn her and she turns around and brings her gun up,

"Ready, open the door Shepard" she says and I slot it in place and I jump back and pull out my gun and there is a group of mercenaries stood there and they see us and they frantically attempt to unholster their assault rifles.

Shit. We won't be able to shoot them all Miri erects a barrier of biotic energy as they fire at us, I help to hold it up as I reinforce it with my own biotics, and by god, it is so hard to hold up, I look over to Miri who gas a light sheen of sweat on her forehead, she is doing better than I am, as it starts to drain me, and my pains just get worse but I don't let my barrier falter but soon all that effort starts to overwhelm me they stop and they have to reload, I drop my barrier and stagger back and I raise my gun despite how shaky and heavy my arms are and I fire off one bullet when Miri lets out a warp that encompasses them all and they don't even have time to scream as they are made into human confetti, I look over at Miri and she is breathing heavy and eating. Wait eating? I do a double take, no she really is eating, it's an energy bar, I frown slightly, I remember Kaiden saying something about that, something about replacing lost energy, I manage to drag my feet over to her and she offers it to me and I take a bite and it renews my energy. Wow, that's never happened before,

"Good isn't it? Well, good for replacing lost biotic energy" Miri says and she throws the wrapper in the bin beside her and we make our way up the stairs with renewed energy and there are two guards stood there beside the only door left which has to be Li's office, they don't even get time to react as I release two rounds into each of their heads and they slump down leading a bloody trail as they slide down the wall, I look to my left and no surprise, Nyxeris isn't at her desk, I take a deep breath as anger goes through me, how could that bitch betray Li! Li is the kindest person I know and she has only ever been nice to her! Anger burns through my veins and I feel Miri's hand on my shoulder

"Remember Shepard, you have to save Liara and Kasumi" I nod and I summon up a charge and I let it grow stronger and I hear Miri takes a step back as release it as I run into the door and I smash it down, I draw my gun so it is pointing at Nyxeris' head, anger boils through me, Liara is behind her desk tied down with Nyxeris standing infront of her with her gun to her head, no, no! This cannot be happening, Nyxeris' eyes meet mine and she lets out a laugh

"I should have known those guards wouldn't have been enough against the almighty Commander" She says sarcastically and I can feel Miri stood next to me

"Let her go Nyxeris" I say calmly, we are outnumbered at least 3 to 1, but where is Kasumi? I look from Nyxeris and I frown and then I see her sprawled out on the ground, and she isn't moving and my gut drops, no, not Kasumi,

"Why should I? Look at your friend who tried that same tactic, don't worry she isn't dead… yet" Nyxeris says and relief floods through me, my eyes meet Li's and they are frightened, and then I am back in the chamber looking up at Li who is stuck in that massive blue sphere all over again, and she looks even more frightened now then she did then, and my heart begins to seized up, Liara was one of my only weaknesses , she reminds me of Rue so much that I cannot lose her. I steady my hand, as I call out

"Kasumi!" I call out and I hear her groan as she stirs slightly and Nyxeris moves her gun away from Li and fires off a round near Kasumi

"Don't do that again, otherwise your friend dies" she spits out and a plan begins to form in my head, I shift so I am stood as close to Miri as possible and her eyes glance over at me and I tap on her leg using Morse code what going to happen and I see out of the corner of my eye her smile, I just hope it works

"So, what has Liara done that deserves to die Nyxeris?" I say and she gasps and pushes the gun harder into Liara's head and she lets out a whimper and I look into her eyes and they are pleading me to stop asking questions

"Liara! You have surprised me that you haven't told her! Since you don't stop talking about her and you do seem to tell her everything," and then she goes down to eye level and the guards around us are watching her and Miri moves forward slightly until she close to the guards and in line with Liara, I bend down slightly and I pull out the small blade in my boot and I swap hands even though my arm is shaking with pain, but I cannot feel it, the energy bar and adrenaline combination has numbed any pain, Nyxeris turns back to face me

"Well you know that Liara found your dead corpse and gave you to Cerberus, well there was a fight over your body and her little friend, Feron, got captured by the Shadow Broker and she has been digging up information, information that is better kept buried and forgotten and she has become a pest… and pests should be eradicated" Nyxeris said as she takes a step away from Li, and that's when Miri falls over "accidently" knocking over some items and it draws the gaze of everyone within that room, including Nyxeris and my biotics flare and I charge at her, it is now or never and my heart is beating so fast and adrenaline pulses around my body, as I reach her I bring the knife up and I impale her through the chest as hard as possible I force it into her heart her eyes go wide and she frowns and she tries to shoot Li in a last ditch attempt but I take her gun from her weakening clutches and I release a round into her skull and she drops back, I hear two more rounds go off and Miri has killed them both, I erect a barrier around Liara as I release more rounds into the other guards and eventually, they didn't even have time to react as me and Miri kill them one by one, and victory pours through me, we saved them, and they are okay, I guess, everything falls silent, I drop the barrier and I untie the ropes holding Liara and she jumps on me

"Oh by the Goddess Shepard! You saved us, thank you, so much!" she says and she is crying, evening though it pains me when she hugs me, I hug her tighter and I lean back and I wipe her tears off her cheeks and I place a kiss on her left cheek and a blush appears

"That is what family is for" I say and I pull her back in for a hug, and I breathe in her scent, I let her go and I turn round and Kasumi is still sprawled out, I rush over with Liara in tow,

"Liara, do you have any medigel?" I say as I open up Kasumi suit revealing her toned torso, it is covered with bruises and a gaping wound, Chakwas better be ready, I can feel myself getting weary, I cannot even take a full breath now as the effects of the medigel and adrenaline start to wear off, I need to get Kasumi safe first,

"Yes, here you go Lexi" Liara says as I take it and I unscrew the lid, she just needs enough that we can get her to the ship, I stat applying it to her bruises and she groans

"Kas, hold on, please, hold on" I say and the bruises begin to fade, I look up at Miri and she is working on her legs, I hope she is okay too. I put down the medigel and I must apologise later to Kas for this, I place my hands on her sides as I feel to see if there are any broken bones, a few broken ribs, but I don't know the extent of the injury, she lets out a yelp and her eyes fly open and they fall on me

"Jeesh you have cold hands, or maybe I am in heaven" she murmurs and I laugh, even in this state she is making jokes, my breath is coming very short now and my head is beginning to throb and the my arm is burning and my sides are screaming in pain, I am losing too much blood, I look down at my suit, my blood is starting to leak out of it

"Not yet Kas, not for awhile I hope" I say as I gasp as the pain begins to get too much and I feel really faint, but I have to fight it, I feel Miri's hand on my shoulder

"Are you okay? Oh God, the medigel and adrenaline are starting to wear off " Miri says but I cannot even see that well, I sit back on my butt as I try not to be sick

"Lexi your pale! What happened" Liara exclaims and I smile weakly, every movement is getting sluggish, Miri does up Kas's shirt and I see her hands

"Hand to Hand with 2 Krogans" Miri says and I laugh but the pain is crippling and I let out a low moan

"Liara, pick up Kasumi, did you call for that evac shuttle?" she says coolly and I am guessing she nods

"Good, EDI, send the shuttle outside this building, the Commander and Kasumi are injured badly, tell Chakwas and Mordin to be ready" I somehow force myself to stand and Miri arm winds round my back and side causing my body to spasm slightly and Miri tightens her grip on shoulder

"Of course Ms Lawson, but the casualties will be-"

"I don't care god damn it! Get me that damn shuttle!" she yells and I don't hear the rest as it blurs in and out of focus and my head rolls, I cannot control it, and that's when I just throw up, I cannot help it but it doesn't help me breathe, and even with my vision I can tell it is pink, which means it is blood

"God, this bad, Lexi stay with me, EDI where is that damn shuttle?!" She yells as she drags me out of the office and she takes me down the steps and she digs her hand into my ribs and I let out a scream and my vision clears and becomes sharp

"I am so sorry Lexi, but you have to stay awake, please, for me stay awake, don't leave me" she whispers the last bit and I force my head to look at her and I can just about make out her eyes and I force myself to say as we reach the lasts step and we begin to walk out of the building, and the darkness is so strong now and I am tired of fighting, I force my lips to say

"I love you" and my eyes roll back into my head and the last thing I hear is her scream

Miranda's POV

"No!" I scream as she becomes completely limp and I place her down on the ground, I grasp her shoulders and tears fill my eyes making them bleary, this cannot be happening after everything, no, I won't believe it, I pick up her wrist and I take off her gauntlet on her good hand and I drastically feel for her pulse, there is nothing, I cannot feel anything, my gut drops, no please god no! Then I feel it, it is so faint, but it is there, tears stream down my face and I cup her face, it is got a massive bloodstain on it and it is riddled with cuts and bruises, but it is my girlfriends face, and I love this face, I stroke her cheeks with my thumbs and I kiss her lips, I can taste her blood on them but it doesn't matter, but I just have to, there is no response but they are warm and alive, she shifts slightly and I break away and she lets out a moan

"Miri" she screams in pain and her eyes flutter open and I don't think I have ever seen her in so much pain then right now, my tears fall down my face and I clutch her hand,

"Don't let her go Miranda, please don't" Kasumi murmurs and I turn around and Liara's face is streaked with tears. And her eyes meet mine, they are family, they only have each other left and they need each other, now I understand, then I hear the shuttle and it lands and I pick her up, I have never been so strong as to pick her up in her full armour, but she needs me to do this and I will, I carry her into the shuttle jostling her wounds and she has tears running down her face, I never wanted to hurt her, but it is the only way to keep her awake and my heart twists, she is in so much pain, and there is nothing I can do about it and that makes me so angry inside, I place her down and Liara stumbles through with a half conscious Kasumi and she props her up and the shuttle takes off as I sit down and I rest Lexi's head in my lap, I stroke her hair as she lets out moans of pain and I just sit there cooing

"Lexi, hold on for my baby… remember you have got a very important job to be doing" I half choke out and her eyes flutter open and they are so dark that they might be grey and they are dulling by the minute

"I have?" Lexi whispers and I nod and tears splash onto her face

"Yes with the Reapers and Collectors, you have to defeat them" I sob, I cannot look away from her eyes

"But I am so tired of fighting Miri, so tired" Lexi says and my gut drops out, no she cannot leave me now, not when we are so close

"I know it is tiring,, but you have to keep awake, think of all the people you will be saving," I say trying not to let my voice tremble and I bend down and I place a kiss on her forhead "So don't let me lose you" I choke out and I pull back and now her eyes are fully open but they are still grey but not so dull

"For the Galaxy and for you" Lexi says and her eyes roll but they come back into focus and they she is sick again and it is bright red and sticky and it can only be blood, and her breathing is short and she is gasping, and then we dock and the doors open and I pick her up and she screams again, and those screams will be forever on my soul, there is so much pain behind it, and it is killing me inside, I carry her though to the medbay with Liara carrying Kasumi behind me, and the doors open and Chakwas is there waiting for us, her eyes go wide as she Lexi's face, I can feel sweat forming on my brow, I place her on a table and Chakwas looks at Lexi's pale face

"What happened?" I begin to take off her armour starting with her boots and they come off easily next are calves and they hiss as they come off and Lexi lets out a slight moan and Chakwas puts a line into her veins and she injects adrenaline into her heart and Lexi gasps and her eyes open

"Hand to Hand with two fully grown male Krogans" I say, I should have been there to stop it happening so badly, but I didn't know how bad it was, Chakwas doesn't say anything as purple bruises cover her calves and I open the seal on the thighs and she tenses as I take them both off

"I am so sorry Lexi" I say with tears in my eyes and I stroke her cheek as I look down to see the bullet wound, and it was incendiary ammo, it must have been agony, the area is all red and hot to touch, why didn't she say anything?! She needs to take care of herself too! I look into Lexi's eyes as I rest my hands on the seals on the midsection, she nods and I flip them and she spasms and she screams so loud and I hold her down with one arm as Chakwas undoes the other side and we pull away the top half and I have never felt so queasy in my entire profession, her torso is covered in black bruises and her ribs are sticking out at odd angles, Chakwas gasps and I try to ignore it as I open the seals on her right arm and she cries out

"Fuck!" I grimace as I cannot remove the bottom half of the gauntlet as her arm has sharp points of bones coming out of arm, other parts haven't broken the skin but nearly have

"Good God" Chakwas says. I don't know how to feel, I feel sick and numb and somehow I am still functioning

"She has been sick twice, and it has been blood" Mordin pops up and he looks at me

"Kasumi is okay, nothing serious, she just needs rest" I nod, I am relieved at least Kasumi is okay, I sigh, Chakwas turns to Mordin

"I am going to need your help, Shepard condition is almost critical," What?! I didn't think it was that bad! Chakwas turns to me "Miranda you can stay if you want, but you need to rest and freshen up, I will alert you if her condition changes, I nod and I walk towards the door and a hand grabs my wrist lightly and I turn around and I am met with Liara's face

"Can I stay? At least until she is better? Liara asks and I nod and I cannot face staying in my quarters, if I cannot be with Lexi, then I can be in her room, I press the button for her quarters and Liara follows me, obviously she has questions, the elevator closes and me and Liara stand there in silence and the door pings open and we go into Lexi's room and I breathe in deep and I can smell her everywhere in this room, my heart breaks slightly and I sit down on the coach and Liara sits opposite me, she doesn't say anything at first and I stand up and I get a drink of water as a dull ache settles in my head and I drink the water and I find some of the headache tablets I prescribed Lexi when she told me she was getting headaches. I take two and the ache immediately leaves

"You know, I don't think I have ever seen you more human or emotional when we were in the shuttle" Liara says simply and I don't say anything, I was unprofessional, but I don't care anymore all that matters is her and her safety, and I couldn't lose her,

"You love her so much don't you?" Liara says but she knows the answer, and I blush and I look up at her and I smile, I can still see us this morning on the bed as I watched her wake up, I have never felt so happy other than that moment.

"Yes I do, more than anything "I say and I clasp my hands as sit back down crossing my legs and I look into her sea blue eyes and she smiles

"She has humanized you, and you have given her everything that nobody else ever could" I frown, I don't understand, I guess, it makes sense about the humanizing, I was cold and heartless in every aspect of my life before I met her and now I look at life with a new passion and happiness, but I have given her nothing really,

"What have I given her?" I say looking into her eyes

"You have given her constant love, true love and companionship, something she has never had, not properly or both of them" Liara says and she smiles and I blush,

"I never thought that she would ever love me, the way I love her" I say and Liara frowns and she sits up

"How could she not? She has needed someone like you for so long, she has been so lonely, even with Ashley she was lonely and they were not right for one another," but she doesn't know what I did to Lexi before we got together "And, don't think I don't know what you did to her, she told me" Liara says her voice becoming defensive.

"I didn't mean for it to be like that it-"I try to explain, but how can you to someone, it hurt that she put Ashley over me and she hurt me because she led me on and then rejected me,

"I know what you were trying to do, but I will tell you something, I haven't seen you and Lexi interact with one another for very long, but you two, there is something special, the way you do not have to say anything and you only have to touch her to calm her shows great love and trust, something only seen in a soulmate bond that Asari have" Liara says and, I just sit there dumbstruck, what can you say to something like that? I mean I know we are close and I know her, I know when she is angry because she shakes and her eyes burn a molten sliver, oh when she wakes up she clicks her back and feet like a cat, and then a hand on mine alerts me and brings me back from my mind wandering

"Sorry, I was daydreaming" I say and she smiles

"Don't ever let her go, and if you hurt her, you will have me to answer to" Liara says and I smile, sisters will be sisters right? Even if they aren't through blood, with that Liara stands up

"You can stay in Kasumi's quarters for now, EDI will show you the way" I say and she nods and smiles before walking out, and I stand up and stretch and I throw my catsuit to the floor and I wince as it tears of scabs that had begun forming, and I take off my high heels and underwear and I throw myself into the shower and the hot water cascades down my body, removing dried blood and dirt from my body, and that's when I let the tears fall as the reality sinks in, I might lose her, I cannot lose her, I don't want to, she said she would never leave me. I sink to the floor of the shower and lean against the wall and the tears just keep falling down my face.

I have no idea how long I sat there for but all I knew was that it was time I was getting out, I walked out and I picked up the pot of medigel on the side and I rubbed it into my cuts and bruises and I sighed as they heal, but it didn't nothing to ease the worry and damage in my heart. This room was so empty without her, I put on some sweats and a tank top , god even these smelt of her, I breathed in deep as I held them to my nose and then I put them on and I crawled into her bed, I shuffled onto her pillow and I breathed in deep and her smell comforted me. Maybe it isn't as bad as I think it is I just hope that she will be okay, I miss her so much and I have never felt so alone in her bed. I roll back over to my side and I grab her pillow and I hug it and I breathe in her scent from the human sized pillow, it was a poor substitute for her, nothing to could replace her.

I wish she was beside me.

_Next morning_

Next morning I woke up and I smiled and I reached my arm out and the other side of the bed was cold, then I remember, I sigh as I roll over and I sit up, I think I need to write a report, maybe it will take my mind off… everything, I get up and I open her wardrobe and I find one of my catsuits in there, I quirk an eyebrow, what is this doing in Lexi's wardrobe? I take it out and it has a tag on it, I turn over the tag and it has one letter on it

_K_

I smile and shake my head, this must have been before she got injured, wait, when else did she have time to put this in Lexi's room? Oh god no, not yesterday morning, I blush, they only time could have been really early yesterday or, whilst we were in the shower… Oh god I want to go crawl up and die, I cannot be dealing with this, I blush as I put it on and I strap up my high heels and I go into the elevator and into my office, I can't face Lexi, not now, It isn't the fact that I cannot it's just I might get in Chakwas's way

_Now you're making up excuses, just go and see her_

_I will… later_

I shake my head as I try to clear my head as I begin to write up another report on Lexi's mental condition, at least this will take a few hours.

Shepard's POV

Ugh, I scrunch up my eyes before stretching out and I open my eyes and Chakwas is stood next to me and she smiled

"Welcome back Commander" She says and I look up at her and she looks so tired, then I remember the fight, I almost died trying to protect Li, but it doesn't matter because she survived, I smile, and then it disappears, where is Miri? She carried me onto the shuttle, she made sure I stayed awake, I look down at my body, I am wearing nothing apart from my underwear and I can see a few new scars and some light bruising, but that's it,

"Thanks Doc, you patched me up real good" I say and I sit up and she hands me a pot of medigel and I open the lid and I put my fingers in it and the bruising goes and I sigh and I apply it to my arm and ribs,

"Well next time don't get into a fight with two Krogans" Chakwas scolds me and I laugh and she smiles, I look over and Kasumi is still there and she isn't moving and my heart stops, what happened to her? Then Chakwas turns and sees me looking at Kasumi and she turns back around

"She is still asleep, the sleeping drugs actually work on her" Chakwas says and she sits down and I laugh, I haven't felt this good in awhile and I give a gasp of mock horror

"Doctor Chakwas, I am sorry for being different, but you said you loved me being different, now I know it is all a lie" I say as I pick up the clothes on the side and I begin to put them on

"Of course it was a lie, you are a pain in the rear, Alexandra, you better remember that next time you get injured" Chakwas says with a smile on her face as I am putting on the last boot and I stand up

"I will Doctor Chakwas, don't you worry" I say and I smile and she waves at me

"That's the hardest bit, not worrying about you, now go find Miranda, I am sure you are dying to see her" I laugh, that's too ironic since the first time we met, I was technically dead, I smirk at this, and then I have to ask

"Doc, one last question, how long was I out?" She looks at her watch for a moment before looking at me

"About a Day and a half, which is good considering the extent of your injuries" Chakwas says and I nod and walk towards the door, I won't disturb Kasumi, she deserves her rest after what she went through to protect Liara, I wonder where Liara is, I finally admitted to her that I feel like she is like my sister but I don't remember much else, and then I feel a pair of arms encircle me

"Lexi! I am so happy to see you!" Li says and she pulls back and there are tears running down her face and she pulls me back in for a tight hug,

"I happy to see you too Li" I say as I hug her as well, I smile as tuck myself under her chin

"I was so worried you were going to die again and it just broke me-"Liara began and my heart broke, how she could ever think I would give up that easy ad leave her like that?

"Liara, I would never abandon you ever again, the first time had no choice and by god I wish it could have been different, you shouldn't have had to grow up so quickly" I say and I hold her tighter and I can feel her tears soaking into my t shirt

"I wish so too, but Lexi, I had to grow up eventually and-"I cut her off as I pull back and I cup her cheek and she looks down at me

"Yes, eventually, but not when your 108 Li, you were the only family I had and I was forced away from you, just like my family was, I never wanted to put anyone through that, but yet I put you through it. You are my sister Li, you know nearly everything about me and you have helped me so much and I abandoned you, I never wanted that" I say and more tears fall down her face and one tear falls down mine,

"But you are here now, and I can see you and hold you again, and that's all I ever wanted, and you gave me that, you gave me a family, friends, social skills, and understanding" Liara says and she pulls me back into a hug and I smile as I wipe away my tear, then I pull back and I wipe away her tears

"Now, Li, you know I am here for you right? Call me anytime, if you need anything, ANYTHING. Contact me, it doesn't matter what time of the day it is, or where I am, I will come as fast as possible" I say stroking her cheeks and another tear falls down her cheek

"Do you understand Li?" she nods and I then I remember, I picked up that datapad I activate my Omni Tool as I step away from her

"I found this Li; I thought it would be helpful for your hunt with the Shadow Broker" I say as I transfer the data to her Omni Tool and she smiles at me

"Thank you Lexi, this… everything you have done means so much to me" I nod and smile

"I must be leaving now, I am needed back on Illium" Li says and a surge of sadness goes through me

"I will see you round Li, be careful" I say as I bring her into one more hug and I release her and she walks away, I turn around and I walk towards Miri's office and my heart is pounding, it feels like everytime I enter this office it is the first time, I walk towards the door and it opens and Miri looks up at me and her eyes go wide and she practically jumps off her chair and runs into me and she pulls me in for a hug and I tuck myself under her chin and sigh, this is where I belong, she is my home, she tightens he grip around me and love wells up inside of me

"Lexi, I missed you so much," Miri says as she releases me and she cups my cheeks roughly and my eyes lock with hers and hers are watery and tears fall down her face

"Don't you ever do that to me again! I cannot lose you" She says and my hands go to her face and I trace her face with my hands and she takes a deep breath and relaxes and my hands glide over her cheeks and she closes her eyes and I run my fingers over her eyelids and then I trace her nose, she leans into my hands and the I trace her plump lips and her eyes open

"You won't ever have to lose me, I am yours" I say and tears clog my throat and my eyes, I never realised how close I was to never seeing her again, and I have no idea how much pain I put her through, her lips come down on mine and I moan and she pulls me into her, her kisses are full of need and the fear of loss, I cannot help but return her kiss, my hands twist into her hair and she deepens the kiss and walks into the side wall of her office, and I nibble on her top lip and she begins to shake and I can taste our tears mingling with our natural combined taste, her hands grope me as one hand goes up my shirt and a spike of lust goes through me. Then she breaks away from the kiss and she pulls away, I don't understand, I stand there looking at her leaning on the wall looking away from me, what have I done? What's wrong? She takes my hand and she leads me into her room and she sits down on her bed and her forehead is scrunched up in thought, I lean against the wall separating the office and her room and I stand opposite to her, and I let her talk, she looks up at me as she holds her hands in her lap

"I have been thinking, I never really understood when mothers, husbands, wives would be so anxious to see their person come back from the war, but now I understand" she says and my heart breaks, it has been so long since I have seen her like this

"But I am here now" I say and I reach my hand and I stroke her face but she looks down at her hands

"Yes you are but, I never realised how easy it was to lose you, all it takes is a well-placed shot or the right manoeuvre and your gone," she says and she pauses "And I don't know how I am going to deal with that if it happens" she whispers the last bit and she looks up at me and there are tears falling down her face, and my heart breaks and I remove my hand

"But I am still here Miri, and I am not going anywhere without you" I say, but I don't move from the wall, she needs her space to think, she stands up and looks out into space for a few minutes,

"That's not the point Lexi!" she shouts in aggravation and she rubs her forehead

"The point is that what if I lose you? There will nothing I can do, I will not be able to deal with it, for example yesterday, I almost lost you and I have never felt so alone and the…the sadness that came with it…. Knowing the possibility you… you could…could have… died" Miri whispers and I walk towards her, she needs to know I am not going anywhere, I take her hand and I pull her to me and she just melts into me and she just sobs, I have never heard her sob before but it was the most heart wrenching thing in the world, I never want to hear my girlfriend cry ever again,

"You will never lose me, I cannot promise you that I won't die, but a piece of me will be with you forever in your heart, and I will be waiting for you Miri, remember that" I choke out and she pulls back, and she says and her eyes grow dilated with fear

"What if only one of us survives? What then?" I sigh, and then a bolt of sadness goes through me, I don't even want to think of that right now,

"I don't know, but we will find each other again, in another life and maybe then we can be happy if we cannot in this one," I say and I smile at her "But if we both survive, what happens next for us Miri? What if we destroy the Collectors and that's it, no more massive crisis, what do you want to happen next?" I say and she smiles and she kisses me softly and so tenderly that I tremble, and then she releases my lips

"I want to find somewhere secluded and homely place to live and I want to spend that with you Lexi, and maybe be married and have a dog and a cat, or maybe even a child?" Miri says and my heart swells with love and a massive smile break out onto my face, I bring her in for another kiss and I break away

"I want that too Miri, you don't even know how much I want that, maybe we can have all three?" I say as my hands stroke her face and her eyes glow such a brilliant blue and a smile crosses her face.

"Why not? A child, our child… that shall be interesting" Miri says, I quirk an eyebrow, how can we even have children? I mean surely not biologically anyway, but adopted

"Why… what do you know that I don't?" I whisper, her skin is a beautiful alabaster colour and it is flawless as it illuminated from space, her eyes glow such a entrancing blue and I want to fall deeper and deeper into them,

"All kinds of things are possible when you put your mind and knowledge to it" Miri says and I laugh and I bring her in for another kiss and I smile and I lick her lips before pulling away

"I love you so much Miri" I say as I stroke her cheek and she smiles and she cups my hand on her cheek

"I love you too Lexi, you have no idea how long I have been waiting to hear those words" Miri says and I rest my forehead against hers, I cannot wait for my future with her to begin

"You don't have to wait anymore" I say as I bring her in for another kiss, I have never felt so complete in my entire life, I have never felt so happy, I have never felt so love than I do right now. The best bit about it is that I know she loves me too.

**A/N: So guys there you have it, it is over and thank you to you all for reading so please review this story for the last time, it means a lot to hear your thoughts on this entire story and this chapter. -Bexaday**

**R.I.P. Grandad 26/12/12- the man who taught me that all things may not turn out the way you want them to, but to be happy for everyday you live and everyday you have lived, be thankful for it.**


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